Getting unmotivated sons moving

Maggie Dent talks with Kathryn about how to "unstick" unmotivated sons. She is the mother of four boys, a former teacher and counsellor who has become one of Australia's foremost parenting experts - and self described "boy champion". Her latest book is called From Boys to Men, and she is also the host of the ABC podcast Parental as Anything. She is about to run a webinar series based on her book From Boys to Men. Anyone with teenage sons knows that getting them to move off the couch can be akin to trying to move a mountain. Maggie Dent talks with Kathryn about how to "unstick" unmotivated sons. She is the mother of four boys, a former teacher and counsellor who has become one of Australia's foremost parenting experts - and self-described "boy champion". Her latest book is called From Boys to Men, and she is also the host of the ABC podcast Parental as Anything. She is about to run a webinar series based on her book. Listen to the full interview with Maggie Dent Dent says boys tend to need external experiences with which they give themselves self-worth. "A lot of the things they start looking at, particularly on the teen journey, is what's in it for them, and will this make them look good. So, of course, they can have problems in school in that area because they think, why would I need to learn that, that's not going to make my life better. "But when we get out the other end and we're talking about the transition from school when they're 17 and 18, we would have thought they're fine now, but that brain is still a really long way from completing." She says it's important to realise that boys aren't trying to be unreasonable or lazy, there are internal forces at play. "Motivation is having an internal drive rather than an external one and I'm a bit worried that today's children have been given stickers, certificates, and prizes hoping to motivate them, but that's external - that's one of the challenges we have for today's generation. "The three main things, and this will explain why our boys are so motivated when it comes to gaming, are control, competence, and connection. In other words, they need to have some control or autonomy over whatever they're doing." For instance, we can't force a boy to get off the couch, one needs to find ways to do that. "The second is that we've got to find something he's good at that makes him feel good about himself... they can get drowned in the negative bias around being 18 and being a boy particularly… Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details