growing up, repressed anger, clown consciousness, intentions for the new year

This episode comes to you on the heals of the New Year. The month of December has always felt to me, intense ⎯ heavily saturated by reflection of both past and present, with the lingering question : where am I going from here? As I review what has been moving within me this past month, I feel the fullness of the whole year, like the swell of a wave inviting me to catch its descend. I meet this intensity, humbly, and remind myself I can do hard things. I remind myself I can relax into the weight of my body and let my exhale guide my landing. Mostly, I’ve been learning how to grow up. The denouement of this year has felt like an accelerated maturation. This is largely what I speak about in this episode : I surmise that what we call the “healing journey” might really just be the process of growing up. (And no, just because you are an “adult” doesn’t mean you’ve fully grown up!) Real maturity is the ability to remain present within activated and intense moments. It is when we no longer have to rely on habitual defense mechanisms and can hold sensation within the body while remaining lucid in our response. It’s in our maturity we learn how to be responsible (able to respond) to what life throws at us with conscious awareness and choice. In this episode I share with you my recent experiences of repressed anger rising to the surface and the ways I am learning how to be with, hold, and express emotions that have been long exiled within me. What a journey this is! I hope you’ll roll with me here as I speak about “clown consciousness” ⎯ as strange as it might sound ⎯ the wisdom of the clown, I believe, holds medicine for all of us. It provides a kind of whimsical eureka by inviting us to question in the way we inhabit the roles we play in life. The clown offers the possibility that we can change our story at any time. And what a relief this is…especially if we’ve become very serious about the roles we play. Perhaps there’s more room to be ourselves than we thought. Thank you for being here with me. I release public episodes once a month and subscriber episodes approximately 1x per week. I invite you to engage with me and I welcome new friends and community members! I am only a few clicks away and I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment, share this episode, and become a paid subscriber! Here are some other ways we can connect : Creative Diaries NewsletterMy WebsiteSomatic Therapy This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lilliankemanis.substack.com/subscribe