Handling Triggers and Fetishes with Erin Snow

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Erin Snow answers participant questions about fetishes and triggers – what they are, where they come from, and what they really mean about a person's sexuality and the likelihood of successful recovery. She also offers resources and actions betrayed partners can employ to empower themselves while they offer support to their addicted partner.    TAKEAWAYS: [:56] My husband's fantasy about my sister underlines his addiction to non-consenting victims. [4:00] All humans fantasize. That doesn't make all behaviors acceptable.  [8:00] Do fetishes get more intense from watching porn?  [10:01] Can we incorporate healthy fetishes into our sex life?  [12:47] Is my fetish a sex addiction?  [15:13] What happened in my childhood that led to my fetish?  [20:20] My husband is defensive about watching teen porn. How can I keep myself and our children safe? [26:29] I think my partner is protecting his addiction, he says I'm crazy. How can I protect myself?  [32:10] I'm going crazy waiting for my partner's disclosure. What can I do to empower myself in this process? [38:25] My partner is watching barely-legal porn. What does his fantasy say about our reality?  [45:13] What actions reduce intimacy? My partner doesn't recognize all of the ways that I'm trying to connect with her. [50:13] My partner has been lying about his recovery group. How can I reset clear boundaries?  [52:02] My partner never follows through with his safety plan and is relapsing again. I think I'm done, but where do I go from here?  [57:10] My partner's CSAT causally diagnosed me in their session. Now what?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "Fetishes are not going anywhere. It's part of your arousal template."  "Fetishes are neither good nor bad. It's just a question of whether you can incorporate it into your sex life."  "Knowing the fantasty and the why behind it is not going to solve the problem."  "For most of us, recovery is literally learning a new language."  "Fantasy life and reality are two very different things that shouldn't be compared at all."  "We are not going to judge you for staying or for going. But that decision has to be yours."