Haunted House

Oh, okay, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Chessing Wilder's Guide to Life. I'm Jesse, that's wilder. We're here to guide your life. How you doing?

Oh, you know, just getting in the mood for the season, baby. It's one of my favorite seasons for so many reasons. Oh, it's the reason for the season. What season are you talking about, Robert?

I'm talking about scary season, baby. How you been getting ready? I'm saying scary season because that's what everyone likes to call it. But for me, it's soupy season.

That's the real love that I got. Tell them. So I just been reeling soup, dude. I just slamming it.

I love that. Here's what I do. I get one bowl of soup for my meal, right? Yup.

Then I get a straw. Goes right into the soup, slurping up with a straw. But what do my fingers do in you ask? Great question.

10 small bowls of soup. And if I got a finger in each one. Why are you? Just to feel completely connected to the soup.

I portion it out into 10 little tea cups, like espresso cups. Yeah, that's pretty cool, bro. I've been getting, maybe this is a little too real for folks. But when you go to a restaurant, particularly a chain restaurant, like say in Olive Garden, I don't.

That's where you're mistaken. If you order yourself a bowl of the zoopa-scona, which is a decent soup. Where that soup comes from is a huge bag. That they put into a pot and warm up.

But it is at one point in the bag. Yeah, no shit. Break your tongue out of Olive Garden. I go to the restaurant supply store, and I cut out the middleman, the middle garden.

And I just buy that bag of soup right off the shelf. I put it into my camel back. And that way, when I'm hiking around, when I'm walking, when I'm running my errands, I can always just put a little spatcho. Oh, a little miseau, little chile.

So you've got it sectioned off? I mixed them. Oh, mixed? You have a bunch of different soups mixed.

Yeah. Oh, that's no good. You've got to respect the soup, baby. You can't combine them all.

What do you think? All right. Let's pretend like mixing soups. When you fucking put all your food in a blender when you eat.

Let's pretend that mixing soups isn't a war crime, right? OK, what soups would you mix? What are the two? There's got to be at least one combo that we haven't unlocked as a species.

And I think me and you've got to put this to the works right now. Yeah, yeah. I'm into this. I'm into this.

Don't worry. We'll get to the episode. You all sit quietly until we figure out this important soup discussion. It is important.

I think what I want to do off the bat. I want to get something thin with something thick, right? That's going to be the best. I don't need to.

I don't need to know. Oh, you like it really thick, don't you? You nasty boy. I fear.

Here's what I fear with that is a separation, like water and oil. I can't have a chowder with a layer of chicken noodle on top. That's going to make me feel. You're mixing it up.

You're going to give it a stir. But if you mix water and oil, they still find a way to make fish. I'm not suggesting you pour fucking oil into your soup. I'm suggesting you combine two soup.

I want to go with something creamy, like, for example, like a clam chow, right? And I want something thin and spicy. What's thin and spicy? Oh my god.

Besides this dick. You did it. You did it in one. What we got?

A little a chowder. In fact, I'm not going to say clam chowder. I'm going to go corn chowder. Yeah, love it.

One of my favorite soups. And you mix it with a pazole. A little spicy. There he is.

Like a fork. Holy shit. We got we figured that out incredibly quickly. Poiseau like chowder.

Look at. Oh my god. I for real. Right.

We're while we're going to see each other for the first time a couple of months. You might have to throw down onto some Poiseau like chowder. I might have to whip up a little Poiseau like chowder. Yeah, bro.

Just like Mama used to make. Just like Mama used to make. Oh shit. I can't find a fly.

I think we're going to have to skip the hominy because I don't see hominy in the chowder fucking go-in-hand of hand. That's a little too mushy on mushy. That's fair. And I'll cut some of the a chowder in general.

But especially corn chowder, very rich soup. You're going to get a roux. You're going to get lots of butter in there. If I'm mixing pork fat, I don't also mean it.

I'm good. But about a veggie poiseau like baby. So it's like we get the radish and the cabbage there. Oh.

Just that red red. That red red. Yeah. Oh man.

Because I used to dump back when. Think about the fact that I used to regularly eat clam chowder at the dining center. That's unbelievable. I would die.

But I'd douse it in a chaluili. You know what I mean? I love a spicy chowder. Right.

No, saying that's exactly what you said chowder. And then spice it was like that's a. Okay. What's next?

Bing bongs. Throw it at us. Oh, it's like a new podcast. Just solving everyone's problems.

Yeah. You can't stop. Soup. Okay.

It's just you. Holy shit. But okay. Here's the thing.

There is more good things about octobie than just soups. I guess. I'm not the biggest Halloween guy. I don't like to dress up.

But I do like, unfortunately, I mean it used to be a sort of little treat in watch scary movies. Right? That was like a. It's the eternal rock we're pushing up a hill.

I do enjoy sitting around watching the scary, spooky stuff. Yeah. Agreed. I mean, it's good.

I did it last night. It's good. What'd you fire up last night? Adams family.

Not scary. But in the spirit. I actually, I recently, actually I might say somebody. I'm going to say Will Skoville.

In front of the pod. A true delight of a person. I was just on his podcast. I think it's pronounced cathode, ray mission or cathode.

Oh, how about I pronounce the podcast you're on? No, I don't. I don't. I don't know what that is.

Hey gang, if you want me on your podcast, I promise I'll learn to say it. He pointed out that one of his favorite things in these scary movies is the Halloween-ness of a town in the movie, which is I didn't realize I love so much until he pointed it out. So, like, pocus pocus, for example, is a great one of like, the leaves are blowing around. Everyone's got their decorations.

Yeah. Let's keep the decorations a little toned down. I was taking a stroll the other day and saw this house that was just fucking absolutely rev-rampent with dead babies hanging from trees. Some of them in Ziploc bags.

That's, yeah, that's a game. It just relaxes about it a little bit. Yeah. Dang, not real babies obviously, but no any dang babies from their necks.

Yeah, I don't get the like, I want to actually make people scared or shocked. Like go wild with fun scaling tins. Don't give me dead babies. Because there's a lot of, we have some Halloween decorations outside our house.

There's a lot in our neighborhood. And I really appreciate walking around the hood, checking out these little fake tombs. I've never done a Halloween decoration my life. Oh my god, it was a time dude.

You put cobwebs up in your fucking trees. Yeah, brother. How many hours does that take you? I put some cobwebs around our Biden Kamala Harris sign, which is indicative of my feeling sort of of the whole thing.

Yeah, that's fair. I'm in an apartment for the first time. So I can't really, I'm not going to be the fucking bozo who degrades my door. Yeah, that's, see, we're in reverse situations.

And I don't have like a window that faces the street or anything. But we're here for another reason, not just talk about scary movies, not just to fix all the world's suit problems. Why don't you tell them what today's topic is, Wilder? Haunted house.

Now, do you mean like a fun one you would visit during Halloween season where you're not? No, and you made a mistake calling that fun. Those are awful. Those suck my nard.

Agreed, agreed. Oh my god, never been to a good one in my life. We're talking about that. Like to go to haunted houses.

Get a life grow up, bro. Yeah, agree. So obviously we're not talking about that because there's no haunted house scary or the fucking actual house haunted by the Googler inspector. And I am, I'm going to pull back the curtain a little bit for the beloved listeners.

And that curtain, you pull it back. And that's spooky skeleton. What else is there? Well, I'll tell you what else.

It's a little fact about this episode. Wilder and I actually already recorded this episode about haunted houses. We recorded it about nine months ago. Not during spooky season, almost certainly.

I don't think it was very Halloween. Now this was like one of the second or third episode we ever recorded. Yes. And we really struggled with it.

But then at the end, we were like, I think that ended up OK. And then what happened? Was it audio? No, no.

Not only did we think it ended OK, it was a banger, if I remember correctly. And then something went wrong. Audio was it? Yeah, it was a situation where one of our audios just fully didn't work, which is cool.

And then we figured that that was a wa telling us that we should just wait until actual spooky season to record this episode. And since it's been more than almost a year, I forgot every day and thing we said. Yeah, truly we, I mean, sometimes I'll listen to an episode. The day it comes out and we recorded it like six days prior.

And I don't remember half of the shit in there. So there's no way. Well, you have the gift and the privilege of not having every single less solitary word we've ever said burned into your brain. Right.

Yeah, you get the editing privileges and what an honor it must be. So here, as someone who doesn't remember the last time recorded, I just want to clear something up. Is very quite lit, like very scary? Yeah.

OK. I think we got what we're doing is we're designing the best haunted house. This fucking scary is haunted. The best.

Not the best as in like you want to be there. No, no, it was haunted. You wouldn't want to be there. I'm not talking about like Casper's house.

Let's toss. OK. OK, Casper. Right.

That's exactly what I was going for. Casper's fucking toss. What do we have to have? So I feel like what about like owner?

Right. Yeah, Casper's honestly. Why don't we just start off like, what kind of, have you seen a lot of haunted house movies? Like what's a haunted house movie?

Well, we're both. The first one that comes to mind is the Daniel Radcliffe one, the woman in black, which I saw a long time ago. And I was under the influence of a copious amount of stanky dank and I can barely remember a thing that happened in it. I remember liking it.

That's tough because that movie does kind of rip. Yeah. Yeah. Dan Radcliffe, make good choices these days.

He do. Yeah. I mean, I don't think he's ever made a bad one. I mean, he, he, he, he, he, he, he choice Harry Potter.

and that one worked out OK for him. And then he just been flying high ever since. Yeah, I suppose you could argue Harry Potter was a good choice. Yeah.

Now let me ask you this. Is the house haunted? Oh boy. Or is it like the resident?

You know what I mean? No, dude. Yes, the house is haunted. What do you mean?

No, no, no, no. Is it like, is it the house itself that is the evil entity? Or is it occupied by ghoulish spirits? Right.

I think that that goes, I think that that goes back and forth. Because it's like, let's say Casper, for example. Casper is the villain of the movie Casper, I assume. Have you not seen Casper?

I saw it when it came out. I remember Bill Pullman gets knocked down television. I was going to say, only thing that happens is worth the shit that Pullman dies. And then he comes back a lot.

So it's not like the house is evil. But I feel like, isn't it sometimes the house itself is evil? Yeah. So I would say that the key example of that is like an ambival horror.

It was built on. I haven't seen it. Here we go again. Cool.

It was built on burial grounds. And so like that. So I was recently writing something for the internet, which I do for my job. Yeah, right.

And sometimes it's horseshit that I don't pick. One of them was a kind of a round up of spooky places that you can haunt a destination for you to rent. And one of them was a hotel in Salem that was built on the area where they used to do all the hangings of them witches. You've.

So that seems like a good place to not build a hotel. And also a scary burial ground, I suppose, of sorts. I think like a previous. I mean, that's, yeah.

So burial ground. So we can just put burial ground in very quite lit to me and not specify like native American burial ground. Because which burial ground is different. I feel like the deal with haunted right is, I mean, we are designing our own.

Tell me what you think about this. Is it a 1, 2, or 3 that the spirits cannot lead? Isn't that whole? Doesn't that the deal?

No, haunted means? Oh, you got. Yeah. I mean, that's almost not even for debate.

But then it's not a haunted house. You just got to go. It's not in the haunted world, baby. I don't like that.

Yeah, that's good. You're talking about the film Ghostbusters. Yes, they thank you. Ghostbusters in my haunted house.

Probably not. Very not quite lit. There's nothing that's not haunted at that point. Well, OK.

I'm going to go ocky a pinced then for one. And I'm going to say Ghostbusters one. Yeah. And then a category maybe just like items inside.

You know what I mean? Sure. We got to talk spooky artifacts. Yeah.

Items and artifacts. I don't like dolls, dude. I don't like them dolls. Oh, yeah.

I don't need an attic for the dolls. Yeah. I'm more a spook than an attic because I never had an attic and I did have a basement in my life. You know, basement.

What? It was a condo in the bare was a basement on the parking garage level. I mean, you could go upstairs. My other deal with basement is that I think a spooky is you have to usually walk downstairs.

And the stairs usually have like a space underneath them. And like all I can picture is like stairs, wooden stairs where somebody or something could grab your ankle through the stairs. You know, how about this? Let me make the case for attics.

Less space means you have to walk down the stairs. And then you have to walk down the stairs. And then you have to walk down the stairs. And then you have to walk down the stairs.

Well, how about this? Let me make the case for attics. Less space means less space to get away. Okay, true.

You know what I mean? If attic you're creeping around and all of a sudden there's a haunted, you know, rattle or whatever, right behind you? Where are you going to go? Okay.

So it's haunted rattle. Toss that in very not quite let. I don't like that. Yeah, that one's bad.

Items are like a rattle is bad. And like, so we put dolls for very pretty good because I hate them but they are scary enough. I'm going to put, I'm going to say zones in the house. Oh, zones.

I think attic and basement are we calling them very quietly. I think that they're like kind of definitively spooky, yes? Yeah. Well, I think there's some competition there.

Oh, yeah. I think that a room or wing or zone? The forbidden room. That is forepowed.

Yes, that has like all the furniture is covered in sheets. Bless it. That is a scary place to be. Hey gang, if you're ever staying in a Victorian mansion and someone says don't go in that room, I got a fucking good idea for you.

Maybe don't. Yeah. How about for ghosts? I got a very quiet lit for you.

Okay. I'm trying to figure how to say this. A specific ghost. Like, whoa.

By what? A fucking termite. That's bullshit because that's a lot of TV shows. Oh, there's a presence in here.

Oh, a presence. I got a presence. Tossed very not quite a presence. So boring, dude.

The presence is nothing. There's a fucking presence in here probably. Building, how about this, Marvira, not quite lit? New?

You think our old apartment on parastry is haunted from all the millions of critters that we slept? Yeah, haunted by a bunch of fruit flies. That we killed one night systematically? Yeah, and drunkenly also.

I still feel very not quite lit. I put a new for building. It's not if it was built in the last 10 years, it's just nothing to me. It's just nothing to me.

It's not scary. Good luck getting a ten-year-old building haunted dude. Oh my god You beefed it if you did, huh? How about for occupants?

Where do we put scooby in the gang? That's probably very not quite lit, huh? Yeah, I don't think that they live in the house though. They go you know what I like go on I like a hired assistance with a With what's up with that?

What's up with the butler? You know what I mean? We're talking about there's again I can't get enough of butlers any folks that work at the estate They know I'm the gardener for 25 years. Oh my god the gardener or the Winston's even moved into this home I got a good item for you go on Journal where you think that's high or you think it's medium I like it.

I like I like to help you piece the mystery together hold your hand a little bit don't you think? You need to have your hand held you're talking about reading bro reading is so boring. Okay, that is true That is true reading is very boring. Well, maybe like a I mean would you prefer like a film reel?

That's that sucks, dude. You gotta set up a little projector. No, I like okay I actually I like that more because the projector's already set up you get down to the basement and you're like whoa You're the problem with the youth these days is this a projector? What's this and you just oh my god?

You don't know how to do that and it makes the noise you don't know how to do that. I figured out wait Is it one button? I'm saying it's set up, baby Okay, that is you want to talk about hand holding the fucking set up and the reels there for you all right come on Baby real projector is going medium. I like to put journal there if you want.

Yeah, I want journal there too What's so what's that what's a very quite lit item an artifact? So I think it's a little cliche, but I does hit just right. I don't know if we're gonna say it's very quite lit But a music box is pretty powerful to me. Oh my god to me so boring.

I see a million times. Okay, so with two or three two one It's honestly it's a one for me now. It's not even a little wow not even a little scary How about this one? I got another one and you know where I'm getting this because we're both watching the same scary thing at the same time right now But you know what is very scary and it's always scared me my entire life wrote mirrors are a nightmare What you would yeah, but let me let me get more specific medicine cabinet mirror Oh, you know you adjust it always when you close it up There's a there's a goal behind you know I've had a lot of medicine cabbens in my life and I've never even had one that could do that thing where it's only open like five degrees Just enough where I could see myself, but not what's behind me get the fuck out of here everyone that's in a haunt I have one in my bathroom.

No she prefers creepers. Yeah medicine cabinet mirror. It's a no-go for me, bro That is too scary. Oh, I got a scary one too um photos of yourself Ew, you know what I mean?

Sometimes you wake up and like someone took a picture of you during the night You a ghost got a camera? Yeah, I left your polaroid or you left your polaroid around and ghosts cannot get their hands off the polaroids They love them. Okay photo of you. Yeah, I do that one's a good one Let me take your music box.

I'm gonna get it out of a one for you You're gonna leave it there, but I'm gonna help you get the idea of it out of there go on children's belongings Yeah, I think it's you is it to yeah because it does it is sort of a Classic and effective one, but in board of it brother. I get it. I get it What about and like murder weapon obviously to me so boring a one murder weapon. Yeah, I mean yeah, like a bloody knife Yeah, that's not good.

Fuck if I saw bloody knife. I would eat it. Okay. That's a little I care about that Pop it in the blender items garbage disposal a two I think garbage disposal is very scary fuck Yeah, every time someone reaches into a garbage disposal in a movie It almost never does anything but fuck me if my sphincter is in an airlock door and how about how about you ever?

I'm just thinking about like what if you're in the kitchen on the other side of the kitchen and Fucking shit starts. Yeah, I don't like it I would crap a whole pair of pants my whole pair of pants be crapped on the spot. I might put a garbage disposal three What do we think about that? It's not so much haunted.

It's just like I'm not afraid of that for for super natural reasons I'm saying reason you're not afraid of the doll. I mean oh, I don't know the doll got spirits inside of it All right, okay All right, I guess a garbage disposal is more of a means to an end whereas a doll can be like a real focal point I feel like garbage disposal feels more like a thriller right if I'm in a house and I'm starting to think it's haunted Okay, all right pop it in three. It sucks I don't want to imagine how much piss would come out of your piss hole if you were sitting on your couch watching a TV and your garbage disposal If you want to get real with it if a music box turned on right now, I would shark my pants Obviously, but I still going in what do we think about like ghost antics? You know what I mean?

Sometimes it's like get on with it dude. You're doing antics right now. Okay. Give me some antics What are you saying?

Oh you threw a can across the room get to it? You want to kill me? Oh, you don't like the you don't like the floor Play you don't like the four-play the fucking ghost for play dude I think the four-play is a little essential because you love the four-play No, I don't love it, but like all four play it serves a purpose and the purpose is that to me if they started look This is the thing right is when you're thinking about haunted house One of the first things you got to think is why the fuck don't you just leave the house because that's yeah the place the four-play Let's it build up where you can build up this slow tolerance to like well It's just gonna be the occasional can fly across the room I mean that sucks, but I'll do it if it starts date night one where you're being like stalked through the halls I that's it. I'm not staying in that house.

I need a little foreplay So that's why no foreplay is very quite lit because it's the scariest one you go to sleep night one All of a sudden your coverage start rattling and shaking and things are going fucking haywire on the TV's all staticy I'd be like oh, this is so haunted in here by that sounds like a bad haunted house because then you've now unlocked it and you're like alright Well see you fucking up you fucked it up. Yeah, but you know what happens. I'm walking out the front door those little tire stops Come up. You know the ones we can only drive over it front ways.

Oh, yeah, and they stop you writing your tracks Stop me write my tracks like fucking house of wax You see that movie no way. I'm gonna put four-play in a two I think four-play serves a purpose. I don't find disagree with you, but I do think that it's necessary The movie 13 ghosts with Tony Shalub no way a dramatic or a reactor if there ever was one always a comedy. It sounds like comedy It sounds like a comedy.

No, no, no, it's a horror movie baby Yikes if memory serves that movie is very quite lit. However, it came out in what got to be like 2000 or 2001 So it's not probably actually stars. It stars famous horror actors Tony Shalub and Matthew Lillard Oh, I mean however that the deal with with 13 ghosts is like a high-tech house. It's like smart house.

Oh fuck dude I have seen that flick that's no It there's cuz there's a whole like weird like clock in the middle sort of right like this weird Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like the I like smart house ghost house I can't disagree with you anymore you like the fucking do fee clock works shit. What are these goolis? I'm adapted to the 21st century baby and they're good. They're fucking mad programmers No, I hate that because it's trying to explain ghost shit You know where it's like why are the ghosts here?

Oh, it's to serve the clock I I What's what else is there other than burial ground like family murdered in the house is a classic? What do we think of that is that too? Yeah? Yeah?

Yeah? Here's my thing is there's the whole idea like ghosts being like fucking leftover Business or whatever the fuck would they say no nobody says that I just blew right by it because unfinished business leftover business What an idiot unfinished business. That's a medium to me too. I don't care about your business I just want to ghost to be fucking ghosty.

So what's your ideal ghost then like what's his what's his motivation? I I swear okay, this is actually one of my problems with ghosties. You don't want a motivation My only problem with ghost movies and ghost ghosts in general really is feels a little like a dog chasing their tail What they don't do when they catch me what you gonna ghost me turn me into a ghost? I'm not quite sure every other horror beast has like a clear motivation to me ghosty usually just trying to get attention right or if Ghosty gonna harm you it's by it's by driving you mad.

Oh, that's scary to me, dude Okay, yeah, yeah, so so what is that that's the ghost itself right? It just wants to drive you the ghost motivation that's I think to me can we agree the scariest thing it goes could do make you go crazy? Yeah, fuck yeah, hell yeah, so go so ghosts drive you mad. That's that's like the big Let me give you another very quite lit for for building I guess.

There's a book It's called house of leaves it is it's about someone going crazy And by the end of the thing the words are all written in insane ways across the page and it makes you feel like you're going crazy Yes, but deal with that book is it's about this house that's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside Oh sure there's like a room that they go into and people get lost for like years because they can't get out of this completely pitch black Room, okay, give me that for very quite lit just right how's it leaves? Yeah, how's it leaves? That sounds tight. I'm always down for the the house is Like the house itself Or whatever yeah, no, I get it highly recommend yeah Yeah, if you want some good for spooky season It is about nine billion pages long and the text is very small so you'll finish it by next Halloween But if you feel up to it, I would recommend it right I there's a there's an episode of a there's a great episode of X files That is a very similar deal where they're like going into rooms And it's like they enter the library and they go to the door and it's they're back in the library and they try to turn around that Doors walled over that shit.

I do like a lot because it's then you've you've made it so there's no rules I don't the house does not know how to follow rules. Don't make me say it again Yeah, rules are fucking stupid. Yeah, they're wackus fuck you got to get rid of them. No rules, baby Just right rules shot.

Okay, so Ghostbusters. Where do we put the like surviving member of X family? Cuz I feel like that's pretty common is like oh the Winchester's were murdered here 35 years ago and this is the last Winchester It's the great is the surviving member like the butler or whatever no no I mean like more like lineage wise where it's like oh I just got I've realized that I got I inherited this house from my great great uncle and it's it's me I'm the last right Winchester and now I'm okay in this house. I'm gonna live in it and then it's like oh fuck It's now I'm in this haunted house.

Do you know I'm saying I feel like that's pretty common? Yeah, I'm bored of it. I don't feel anything to it. Okay.

We're just talking about specifically a house What not like a place or a compound? Is midsummer can that count is what I'm asking? No, I don't think so. I think that you can I think it's not supernatural that movie No, not really.

Yeah, that's nothing. I like what you're going but that's nothing now Here's what I here's what I'd like to pause it though because you brought up midsummer Let's turn that a little bit and talk about hereditary that house not haunted But there's the occupants are haunted kind of haunted it becomes haunted. I think the house So it's sort of a philosophical question is a house haunted if I'm haunted oh I'm haunted is my house haunted. Yeah, that hereditary flick is so fucking good already asked her.

Yeah, hell of a picture maker What's a good of a ghostbuster? I love it when it's like a kid. Yeah kid buster Kidbuster is always a good time for me kids as far as owners and occupants also very quite lit scary, right? It's just a done deal.

It's scary if there's kids Oh, you're talking about the ghosts the ghosties themselves. No, I'm talking about the owner because I'm looking at owner Occupants and all we have is works at or for the estate But I think that kids being there in the home is scary Well, we're talking specifically about these freakass kids on on blind manner Well, I'm just talking about in general like kids scare me because the thing with kids is it's gonna go one of two ways Right either the kids are very vulnerable to the ghosts and that's gonna scare me to a certain extent because they're the easiest one if I'm a ghost I'm looking at a kid like nice that kid is mine And then the other way is that the kid is in cahoots with the ghost being a little freak shit And also kids are we seeing ghosts what who gives kids the fucking right to see ghosts? It's because you see their imaginations are so I'm putting kids at three kids fucking scared of shit out of me with that shit It's pretty tight that I never had to deal with like the paranormal when I was a child Yeah, some people just do have spooky ghost stories of their life. How about the hauntee?

Is that a category? So I think that kind of goes I think depending on what you're talking about that's either gonna be your ghostbuster or your owner slash occupant So like in woman in black, I guess he's the occupant. I know I think he's the ghostbuster I think the ghostbuster to me is not there to bust the ghost though. Is he no, but the way I'm interpreting ghostbuster is it's the person who is The outsider in the situation.

Okay, so they're unrelated to the building. They're unrelated to the ghost They're unrelated to the owners and occupants. They are there as the third party I see how about a how about a ghost that possesses folks that's better to me than throwing cans of the wall So is that a possession a possession ghost is that it too? I mean, can you see anything wrong with it?

I would give it a three pretty fucking spooky. That's hereditary. Yeah, right. That's what I was kind of thinking.

Oh, bro What's the deal with demons? Oh, oh, I don't know demons or hauntings. Are they wouldn't that's literally hereditary, right? It's a demon situation.

What's a demon? Oh, no, we can't get into it. I gotta do it demon Versus ghosts you see oh no First thing that came up is how we gboards work. Oh item item wegboard pretty high up there I just like don't never ever buy it if it's moving on its own I guess you really have no choice but like fucking honest I'll be that I'll never believe in a million years that wegboard moved on its own when you're playing it normally We call that a one can you believe what we as a people by?

Weg is just cashing those checks. It's not a game. It's nothing It's trash we buy it and they make it knowing that we're gonna just do it on our own and pretend like it's real It's like we're working for them. What a fucking con that they're running and we're fine with it We just accept it.

Yeah genius. We on wegies part. Yeah, wegie wherever he is yeah, John wegie. Good job.

Yeah, walla wegie Oh my god new costume idea. Yeah. Oh boy Yeah, but he's got the wegie board on his stomach Yeah, you're just all you have to do is kind of like dress up like a little glass or just walla wegie costume And then you just hold a wegboard and you're good. Yeah, all the wegie baby So bingo that's tight delete that from the episode so that nobody steals it.

That's ours. Yeah, so I tell you what about wegboard one Which I'm fine with wegboard kid does kind of sucks though I might change my to watch the mic flan again. Wegie prequel but yeah I just it's just a I don't know how to spell wegie. Oh I j a I don't know you ever seen the conjuring flexne same Google I think that all ghosts related to religion and shit.

It's I don't I don't super care about it I know the demons kind of ties into that just like pagan shit all that it's just not it's nothing to me I don't care about it. We think about that now. I'm gonna give it a one I don't care about god ghosts. I'm care about the Holy Ghost the Holy Ghost would be such a lame-ass haunting I'm looking next is that god is god the Holy Ghost or is that a different one bro?

You are asking the wrong guy The Holy Ghost was Santa Santa not a good ghost. He's not a ghost. He's a saint I thought he was just like an eternal ghost like figure like he's does he doesn't age right what? Well, he's not a ghost obviously, but he doesn't die does he live forever Bro, how what's Santa's life expectancy?

I would I would I think you're stupid for even saying that Santa's a ghost But I do I do wonder what his species is. I think that's a legitimate question What is his race and class as far as his genealogy goes? I would like to know Santa as far as ghost go. I'm putting other one not scary Santa.

Sorry owner slash occupant. What do you think about a pet? That's one's a little spooky. Oh, yeah That just bummed me out dude.

What kind of haunted pet you thinking like a dog dog don't get dogs. No. Oh, Ghostbusters dogs very quite lit Yeah, great. I'm talking about you get into this house And they're like you're and you're first you fucking first things first you meet the spooky butler right and the butlers like hope You're so anything or whatever the fuck the butlers does you're doing you're walking around and you're like what is this?

And you pull off a sheet off of something a big bird in there Oh, I'm not I can't think of any haunted birds But I can tell you it sounds like a fucking nightmare because living birds are also a nightmare No, listen, bro. I'm not talking about the birds being hunted. I'm talking about them in the same way that like well Then it's just any well doesn't matter any sort of birds to me. I hate them.

Okay birds They're so scary. So I guess we give them a three if you want because they're the scariest creatures that live on this earth to me Are birds and do you know what's crazy about a bird many times fuck birds? Yeah, well the scariest creature That's wrong because you've seen a horse and you know what a horse look like ooh horses big scary to me So when I was researching my thing, there's also the something Belmont hotel in Montana haunted by a ghost horse And honestly, I think I tell you I think ghost horse less scary than real horse. What do you think about that?

Yeah, well In my face Oh, yeah, you'll just calmly walk up to a ghost. It's not gonna stop me to death like the real horse How do you know it's not gonna stop but you know what the problem with ghost horse is you know who's riding it? Nobody good. That's what I'll say.

Yeah, it's true the rider of the ghost horse is bad if they ride it Oh boy if the ghost is riding a horse we agree. It's a three. Yeah, this is like isn't that what's his name? The fuck of the four horse one of the apocalypse is what we're describing right now.

Dude. You're doing more like that's like Santa Not everything is a ghost. Do you know that does Santa have a horse Santa has reindeer, bro? Famously, he doesn't ride the reindeer.

Well, he's sorry. I mean it should I think we should cut out the middleman with this fucking sleigh and And get Santa's ass up on top of Rudolph and we'll see how he does. We're off not strong enough That's why they need all ten them fuckers Well, they could do it like you know how when you carry some royalty through the poverty stricken streets in like a fantasy movie They all hold that little tent. Okay.

Yeah, that's what they should do You pop a little tent like that and Santa rides around it seems inefficient for Santa's job though, huh? No, it's better. He gets to relax and comfort He doesn't have to fucking drive the sleigh and you think that they know the route by now, huh? Well, they only do it once a year, bro Do you think that we've talked about Santa too much on this Halloween episode?

Well, he showed up in Halloween town that one time for items We put skellingtons like a fresh bones. So fucking boring about to fall asleep. It's a little boring I don't think I would even be afraid by bones. I'm like, you let these bones here whose bones are these damn I'm trying to do some research for this horrible joke goes about to make god damn it Just do it.

It's too late unless you're talking about dr. Temperance bones Brennan from the hit show bones cool, then I don't care about bones god, dude It's crazy that someone's last name could be bones and it's not even the most interesting name they have temperance You see ten prints like the Hold on the character bones obviously I've never seen a minute of this program bones first of all bones is a girl Yeah, I knew that I did know that I thought bones was I thought that there's a guy on the cover that show now Bones his name is temperance Brennan. I have never heard a worse name Where are we putting temperance Brennan bones away where she fucking belongs? Let's go to some of the classics rattling chains anything nothing Right?

Yeah, but like chains are the scary like why are there chains in there? What about like the shed? Okay, shed is a zone that's building shed very scary because that's where all the chainsaws are Can I give you a um can I give you a visit and I want you to follow me here going? I want to give you a big medium is a is an on-site graveyard a little on the nose It's a little on the nose and I just think if I'm there, you know what I'm not gonna go It's the graveyard even if I don't think the place is haunted.

There's no way I'm getting close to that I just like the minute I think this place is haunted I go huh? Okay, maybe it's haunted and then another thing that happens and I'm like, you know what it is haunted I will fucking talk to you later and I'm out of there Yeah, I'm not gonna go to the shed I'm not gonna go to the graveyard or the attic and try to dig up information about who You don't own it. I'm out of there. I'm gonna call the Ghostbusters or Scooby-doo-doo.

Okay. Wait, actually I put for ghostbusters I put dogs as very quite lit but scoob as very not quite lit. Yeah, that's fair You can get scoob the fuck out of my face. Okay cool So I think that sometimes there's a good motivation to stay in the house kind of but I agree So I mean we've been talking about a lot but I'll do a hill house They're motivation for and this isn't a spoiler because it's like episode one shit But their motivation is that like they bought the house and they don't have any more money.

Yeah, and it's a whole family You can't be like oh, yeah, we're gonna leave now like and be homeless. Oh, I got a spooky thing for ghosts Yeah, it's the flamming and special when they just stand in there in the background staring at you doing nothing. Yeah, I Guess we're putting ghosts standing still I think it's scary. Oh, yeah ghost standing still Yeah, no, I agree if there's a ghost pursuing me I know I know to turn and run if I'm in a hallway and at the end of the hallway ghost standing still thank you get fucked I'll tell you what we so lame is a ghost in a full sprint like chugging its arms.

Yeah, okay, you saying bolt come right It's doing high knees. Oh my god sprinting ghost What have you walked out of the hallway and you look down in the hallway your eyes follow down the red carpet until it reaches the feet of a Sprinter ghost getting ready doing his stretches It's stretchy gets in the fucking four point. Yeah, that sucks I'll tell you what else ghost with a any vehicle kind of a lame-o huh if your ghost got a bike It's not a horse. Yeah, what kind of you're thinking a ghost rider is that the ghost you're thinking of right now?

It's not but honestly, yes like ghost got a bike ghost got a motorcycle ghost got roller blades Fucked ghost on roller blades. I'll just make a sharp turn that should go down Just throw a fucking big stick in their way. Yeah later bozo. Oh my god a ghost having a walk even is so lame.

Oh my god Old ladies. It's a scary ghost. I know that it's overdone, but it's a scary I like it when they get naked Sometimes the More these days, huh? The old ghosts are getting naked stop that love a ghost hit like in the vivish And they're all old and naked and I don't love that at all.

Yeah, I wasn't really ghost wasn't it was with bitches, but I do But they're the what's the def I don't know no ghost hits no good you which is ever haunt What a witch what is a witch want you? They usually want to get younger and steal your what your organs? Yeah, I feel like witches which is offer you sort of a dark deal. Oh my god very not quite let ghost row is black Philip I do not need that haunted ass boat.

Yeah, I mean that kind of goes with the religious aspect I just don't give a shit about I don't need like it follows pretty spooky ghost, but I don't think that that's haunted Yeah, yeah, he's kind of just a this is just a regular go. That's a monster almost It's not even really a ghost is it I don't know that's a lot of naked old people too enough with the naked old people you guys I'm but but but it is scary. Yeah, well, but but it makes me feel mean for thinking it's scary. Okay.

I know we're talking haunted houses But other things can be haunted. What about a haunted school? What I don't know what that means. I mean, you know what it means, but I don't well I mean technically Hogwarts haunted it does have those ghosts there.

Oh my god So get those ghosts on my fucking face nearly head. Oh, yeah All of the Hogwarts ghosts are very not quite little is there something worse than one because that's moaning Myrtle Yeah, yeah, but it's the absolute fucking pits More zones, okay, because we have we have kind of the the the dull ones kitchen. Let's just honestly work on medium It's a medium. That's one of the most shit's gonna go flying.

Yeah kitchen cut you gotta go down and it's got my big spooky I just nothing scary that garbage suppose of me. Holy's moly. Yeah living room got the TV, which is it does it? But that's it huh kind of one trick that's scary to me I don't want that's the last place I want to go start trying to go to sleep.

Oh bedroom Yeah, I drew big scary get that shit out of my bedroom I'm trying to take it out. Oh, you want to talk about items and artifacts that are scary and it's not it's self scary But it feels like a an indication of scariest to come I want a four-post bet Yeah, but I mean one I was last time you saw a war movie with a four-post bet well I'm like I don't know about this place and I go into my room when I'm asleep, but it's a big four-post bed It's like well, I'm a dead man. This is it for me. Well, yeah I feel like at that point the whole house really probably got a vibe to it.

Yeah, it's true Yes, I guess you sort of figure it out right. Oh, I got a zone for you speaking of fucking blind man Or how about like nothing good ever happen in a lake. Yeah, water body of water That's another one kind of like graveyard where it's like you know, I'm just like I'm not fucking going over there, baby Well, okay, what if it's at the beach? You got no choice.

Oh, you think you think I've been talking to a haunted house at the beach? Are you kidding me wanted Beach House like is it just a kind of a party? It's a chilascos. Yeah, it's very very chill We were talking about like why they stay that Radcliffe like a lady in black the reason he stays I think this is that movie is because like the road sometimes physical reasons, you know, like I think Yeah, what's a period piece flooded?

Yeah, I like times. It's like oh, you're in the middle of nowhere and the car is broken Okay, so we got kitchen. We got body of water. We think about the ghost was really nice the whole time It just wanted to tell you something.

Oh, bro, you're talking about Casper and that was the first thing we mentioned He's not talking about at the end. It's like he just wanted to tell his mom. He loved him. Oh, that's so whack Yeah, I don't care about that.

I like that mean scary villainous. I do want that. Yeah, I do want to go to be there I mean yeah mean dude bathroom I think that might be very quite lit as far as scary zones. You have the bathtub scary the medicine cabinet mirror scary Yeah, oh bathtub nothing ever happened about the bathtub.

How about Contortionist ghosts that seems to be popular these days. Oh like folding in on themselves. Oh very scary to me Yeah, crawling across the walls and the kid in the ceiling. Oh my god, you're eating your dinner They're under the table you fucking hell.

Oh, yeah I feel like um when it transforms into someone it like tricks you like a go ship shout out to go Okay, I was wondering if you were gonna get to go ship. I'm always talking about go ship go ship as far as building goes Go ship is a one. I would say come on dog. You don't even know go ship in the shining Both I think of the same thing where they think they're talking like a young hot so but turns out to be yeah, it's a really yeah Oh god damn dude.

I didn't really think about the shining. That's a classic not a haunted house haunted house because it's a hotel Well, we talked about drives you mad. That's the deal there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh hedge maze it's scary to me dude.

I don't want to get lost a fucking hedge maze when there's a spirit running around geez Louise dog It's another like why are you fucking in this plate? Why did you go? I don't think that's what we're doing here though, but I'm saying like it's a little less scary to me because it's such a no-no-so You should not go into the hedge maze for sure that's scary because I got to take a shit at some point I must yeah, and if the house is haunted several times a day, right fat fucking chance you're gonna get me into a hedge maze I'll sort of jump off of the roof of that house that go into a hedge maze. Yeah, that's it's it's very avoidable I would say if you if you want to go to hedge maze I hate to tell you you deserve to die you've met you've greeted your fate And I follow a hedge maze just at any time in your life You took you took a maze which is the least boring activity to do in real life and then you just made it big Don't have any bad origin stories.

Yeah, I just were so tough. Well just like random spirit Yeah, I was gonna say it has have a connection to the house It's bad if it's like well how do they go stand up here? Oh, you just it's where you decided to go It's like oh, that's pretty unsatisfying isn't it what about like curse Does anyone ever there's like a witch or a gypsy that ever curses a house interesting? I mean there could be what do we think about that?

That sounds medium to me. I'm afraid of the house more than I'm afraid of the ghost Like that's what I think is the scariest one the house is okay. I like that a cursed house. What's monster house?

Is that what that is I don't know dog the only problem with cursed house is that I feel like what ends up happening is so wonky where It's like it becomes like final destination almost where it's like oh and then you got crunched in the garbage disposal or whatever It's like well, I wasn't that I mean that's lame. Oh, I want to see a spooky ghost I don't want to see like a door about the grudge hand ripping right out the back of your skull Oh, how do you wait? You say the grudge hand? I mean that's a grudge is the grudge the grudge in general very fucking quite spooky, huh?

Yeah, yeah, ringo ringo in the grudge. I think ringo medium. What about a well, it's so another avoidable I'm gonna use the well, but here's the thing is well might be something you have to use I mean there could be a point when it's like oh, oh Well, you don't need to use the well you don't even water when you're trying to escape from a ghost Okay, yeah, sure. I mean unless you can think of a time when it was actually scary.

It's another really overdone one Draw rings children draw that's still an item. Yeah, I think drawings is is a little medium to me Oh, you know what I'm scared of yeah, I bob a duck. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we'll just put that in there I think that's a very quite late ghost is a freakin bob a duck dude.

Yeah Bob did pretty scary What do we do with the paranormal activity that whole genre of ghosts where they really never show themselves and they mostly just Like the first two right I get like I don't know that I've actually seen one in its entirety But you know what I'm saying like they don't show that no that's possession, baby. She go crazy and she gets obsessed Okay, well, I gotta tell you a lot of foreplay in that one. Oh my god. It's all foreplay That's why I don't like those movies about but just to ring on to that footage I think footage kind of scary.

Yeah, I mean just like bro. What years it dude. I seen it all I seen the found footage I seen it all I'm like found footage I'm saying like you're like oh, let's go check the tape and then something spooky going on Yeah, I'm like what was that and then they pause it and then there's like a face yeah is a face or better It's better I mean the paranormal activity one of the best example to me like when she's standing by the babies crib for like four straight hours just staring at the Baby, I got a scary one. What the fuck is this movie called?

I think it's called Lake Mungo. Have you seen this movie? That's what sounds fake. Okay, so it's this Australian horror movie very good And it's it's like a mock you memory and it's got one trick that it does over and over again and goddamn it It got me every time it's a slow zoom in on a photo because it's like documentary style You know how it would zoom in on a photo right?

It's a slow zoom in on a photo and there's always like something spooky in the background It got me every damn time I'm telling you fired up like mungo. Okay, so what do you want me to put photo with spooky background? Yes go on a three or two. Yeah, and then just Australian people in general like no come on Any just like honorable mentions for spirits and spooks and ghouls that you love so I it's tough because oh bro anything from Rocky Horror Picture Show toss it Is that ghost is there ghosts in that I've never seen that or I am seen it in since like high school I don't think I've ever seen poltergeist either singing ghosts in general like they are like in fucking haunted mansion Which I also watched recently like for the only two two in ghosts.

We have his four-player ghost horse Is the house from Big Mouth haunted house absolutely has a ghost in the attic for sure ghost of Duke Ellington. I do love him though It's pretty good. I think that's another yeah the second time we brought up the ghost of Duke Ellington Yeah, I mean he's kind of a friendly ghost, but it's good because he's got jokes too, which is nice. So wait So what do we think about funny ghosts dude?

Oh? I mean like it's gotta be a two because it's the opposite of what we want, but it sounds like a fucking delight Yeah funny ghosts about a roast ghost. You know what I mean? He pops into fucking roaster ass damn roast ghosts.

It's a pretty good one That's another good What if we put funny ghosts as a bonus point? Okay sure that sounds better to me. Yeah that feels better to me Someone argue that Casper is a funny ghost and I would argue shut up well if my definition is not a funny ghost is friendly ghost His brothers are kind of funny. What are they what are they I literally think one of them is named stinky Yeah, stinky smelly and spoopy.