43: Healing Through Conflict: A Guide to Self-Reflection and Repair

Conflict often triggers something deeper than the disagreement itself—fear, shame, rumination, or an old wound around abandonment. In this episode of Trauma Unbound, host Jesse Deal explores why conflict feels so unsafe for so many of us, and what it actually takes to repair a relationship instead of avoiding the discomfort. Jesse shares how structured space—like agreeing to reconnect within 8 to 24 hours during a disagreement—can reduce rumination and help both people stay regulated. He then walks through a short parts work exercise rooted in early-life mirroring: externalizing inner parts like anger or the inner critic using chairs, stuffed animals, or note cards, then approaching that part with calm, curiosity, and no judgment to understand what it's protecting. Using a real example, Jesse shows how anger often isn't the root issue—it's a protector, guarding against a deeper fear of abandonment. He offers a simple, repeatable practice for building this skill in daily life, and talks about why doing this work with support—through community or coaching—tends to go further than doing it alone. This episode touches on childhood and relational trauma. If you find yourself activated while listening, it's okay to pause and take care of yourself first. Topics covered: - Why conflict triggers fear and abandonment wounds - Using structured space and agreements to reduce rumination - A parts work exercise using mirroring and externalization - How to dialogue with an activated part like anger - Building a regular practice for nervous system regulation - Why support—not isolation—helps this work stick Trauma coaching and contact info available in the show notes. If this episode resonates, I'd love to hear from you.Email me:  [email protected]:  https://www.traumaunboundcoaching.comIG:  @traumaunboundYouTube https://www.youtube.com/@traumaunbound