Lisa Lightner: Special Needs Kids and High-Conflict Co-Parenting

One sentence in your custody order does a lot of work in this episode: who holds educational decision-making rights for your child. When that sentence is vague, a disabled child's whole education can turn into one more thing to fight over, and the school is not going to settle it for you.Lisa Lightner has been a special education advocate since 2011 and runs A Day In Our Shoes, a site with hundreds of articles on IEPs, along with a podcast called Don't IEP Alone. She started where many of her clients start, as the mother of a disabled child navigating her first IEP, and built a business out of what she learned. She and Lisa Johnson work through the parts of special-needs parenting that get harder, not easier, once the parents are no longer together.They begin with the situation Been There Got Out hears constantly: a child gets a diagnosis, and the other parent simply refuses to accept it. Lisa's answer is to stop expecting the school to fix a parenting dispute and instead get educational decision-making spelled out in the order itself. From there she covers the notice loophole (a school only has to invite the parent at the address on file), why most schools act on one signature, and what an IEP actually is: an Individualized Education Program backed by the 1975 IDEA law and the right to a free and appropriate public education.The back half moves past childhood. Support for a disabled child does not end at 18: IEP eligibility can run to 21, insurance to 26, and disabled adults can apply for SSI. Lisa lays out guardianship versus supported decision-making, why guardianship removes a person's autonomy and should not be entered lightly, and the detail that stops many parents cold, that you cannot will guardianship to another child. She closes on how to vet a child psychologist honestly in a system short on providers.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy "who has educational decision-making rights" belongs in your custody order or parenting plan, not left to the schoolWhat an IEP actually is, and the 1975 federal law (IDEA) and free-appropriate-education right behind itWhat to do when your co-parent refuses to accept your child's diagnosisThe notice loophole: a school only has to invite the parent at the address on file, unless you tell them otherwiseWhy most schools accept one parent's signature, and how joint decision-making changes thatPlanning past 18: staying in school to 21, insurance to 26, and applying for SSI as a disabled adultGuardianship versus supported decision-making, and why you cannot simply pass guardianship to a siblingHow to vet a child psychologist the way you'd vet an attorney: ask how they'd build rapport with a child like yours⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 From IEP mom to special education advocate 3:00 What an IEP is, and the IDEA law behind it 5:00 Would your child qualify? Requesting an evaluation, and FAPE 7:00 When your co-parent won't accept the diagnosis 10:00 New partners at the IEP meeting, and who you can't uninvite 13:00 Getting educational decision-making into the parenting plan 15:00 One signature, and the meeting-invitation loophole 17:00 Travel and autism: social stories, rehearsing, and role-play 21:00 Support past 18: school to 21, insurance to 26, and SSI 23:00 Guardianship versus supported decision-making 31:00 Favoritism, finding a child psychologist, and the provider shortageKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 A Day In Our Shoes — Lisa Lightner's IEP resource site: https://adayinourshoes.com 🔗 Don't IEP Alone podcast + IEP toolkit: https://adayinourshoes.orgAbout Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.