Hello, hello, good ladies and gentlemen welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life I'm Jesse that's Wilder, and this is our program Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life There's something missing from this intro. What is it? I need some zip and some pip bro, you guys split the dip No last time I tried to pip and you you zagged on me and you were you fucking hate it on it So I just tried to go straight and arrow this time around split the dip for me. What you got?
Bro, you've not split the difference have you you've gone so far against what I've said that's the difference that's the direct Middle British you know the number one rule here never British What are we doing today tell them you fucker well look where I live they've decided that all bets are off the panties over Mmm, the masks are burning in the streets Restaurants and bars are at a hundred percent capacity a hundred and fifteen I hear is over now according to Whoever decided that so you might be thinking maybe it's a good time to travel Oh, maybe do some more traveling and if you travel you might take an airplane I refer you to our episode airplanes, but where are you going to stay an Airbnb? That's a good idea. You know what a worse idea is hotel wait stop. I want to stop you there Go on if you if you have the meat I do want to say all okay obviously obviously capitalism is bad Everyone who's money is bad all the rich people suck shit But area B is not better from the standpoint of like it is a bad business that drives up housing prices in areas and correct is and takes advantage of It's like accelerates gentrification here be an evil is fun Yeah, it sucks, but I do use it all the time because I'm bad But they're in neighborhoods and hotels really are exactly so a hotel while you're giving money to you know Your hiltons and your your the embassies which I assume is their name of the embassy sweet fame Let's pop location there real quick and like sometimes like cool fucking boutique hotels are in the middle of a neighborhood And that is the choices of the choice.
Yeah, when I was in perry gai old perry. Oh fancy boy As I mentioned last time I stayed in a boutique hotel in a neighborhood and it was pretty fucking choice. Yeah neighborhood I'll give a three we're talking we're talking hotels by the way that wasn't clear I don't know we sort of pretty sure I said it yeah, but you yeah But then I started talking about Airbnb and we got into the weeds a little bit I want to add another category to pick it back off of something you said maybe it's not a maybe it's not a category But vibe slash aesthetic would you say okay? I'm gonna boutique it a to what do you like about a boutique?
Because I often I have stated a few boutique hotels the thing about a boutique hotel is that when I've stated them or they're they're often pretty pricey and While they are Fun and and like kind of kitschy sometimes they often have like fewer amenities in smaller rooms because you're really paying for the fact that like oh Yeah, but look the it's hard wood in here. It's not some cheap carpet I think though that certain boutique hotels kind of focus their amenities in one category Right like some I've been to one that was like oh, this is one where all the food here is really dank Mmm one where it's like oh, this is the one where all the employees are really unfriendly So okay, well for vibe I'll put boutique is a three, but I think a lot of what you find in a boutique hotel can be kind of shitty So but we'll get to that When it when it comes yeah, should we talk about is is circumstances under which you might be in a hotel a category? Oh interesting Yeah, I think so because sometimes it's better than not than other Circumstances yeah, do you want to hit me? You just spent a lot of time in hotels and a lot of unexpected time in the same hotels sure I would say when it's not Well, it was special winter snowstorm.
Yeah a road trip is a fun time But yeah, the icepocalypse is a bad one. I'll tell you what if you were okay I'm not somebody who travels around the fucking country to work obviously but business trip I have semi-dabbled in in terms of like press trips that I've done Yes, and it is pretty fucking dope to be in a hotel room that you have not paid my guy It's it's incredibly powerful and like such power because you can disrespect that room so much more than you ever would have wanted to yes And the room itself could suck and the hotel could suck in the location could suck but the fact that you are You're just there free of charge. Oh, baby And you know what else is tight about that is if you're not paying for that room you got sort of a little get out of jail Free card in terms of ordering room service. Oh, I didn't buy the hotel right.
Yes. Yes. It's gonna be terrible Yeah, let's get it who cares a six pack of beers for $40 please yeah, I didn't pay for this room I might not even drink these beers. I'm gonna shit.
I'm gonna pour them out the window onto the poor people outside the For this hotel wait, you're you couldn't afford the hotel you understand you didn't pay for no But I could I chose to let someone else pay this okay I'm gonna put activities as a thing and then ordering room service to I think that's a manatees is that different than activities? I think it's different and we'll talk about that But activities ordering room service is that the bet I love ordering room service. I think it's fucking radical The problem though with room service it sucks a lot of times. It is not good tasting Yeah, most of the time I would say I would say like 80 which they 80% about the time 80 at least and it's Expensive as fuck so I do think room service is it too?
Yeah, and you know I don't want to make an argument That's gonna knock it down to a one-on accident But the other thing that kind of sucks about rooms are I don't like like sitting in my bed eating chicken tenter It's like it doesn't make me feel good I would say or if they just have that that desk that faces the wall so my options are eat my chicken tendies in bed or like stare at the wall Like a maniac look I've solved how to eat rooms are some bed towel bro lay out a towel no no no I you are not understand. I don't super care that it's like gonna get crumbs or whatever I just not sleep in a bed with crumbs or chicken tendi sauce. Oh, what's that in the mind? I've rolled over into some fucking honey mustard.
Yeah, I mean I just don't spill on my bed is my solution to that But I respect the capable of that I respect the tala thing but no for me. It's more of a mental thing It's it's like I can't just be yeah, there is no word pleasant in the room to eat it unless no they don't have pattios do they? In a long room service, I'm gonna I this is also a two I've ever ordered like a fucking uber to a hotel sure or not uber. I'm sorry not uber.
I'm an idiot like grub hub or seamless or something Oh, yeah, that's a nightmare I think it's a two because you get better food than you would with room service and it honestly might come faster You have to go down. Oh my god. It's the word and then they'll call and they're like bro Just like activities going down to the lobby. Mm-hmm.
No, that's sometimes it too I think I was about to counter you cuz sometimes I feel like a big shot going down I do like a little bit of an adventure. We're feeling a big shot dude just going down me like oh we need some towels and For some yeah, something you don't even need you're just looking around. Yeah Just cool about going on the lobby the later in the night the less you have to give a fuck what you're wearing Yeah, baby. There's a soaking wet in my baby Yeah, wait, no, I was around my arms there is some diminishing returns on that I recently the most recent time I've stayed in a hotel We stayed at the intercontinental in San Francisco kind of a bougie hotel because Kobe prices were so cheap And they had all the such distant stuff whatever I don't need to explain myself to you people and we like I'm at a nice hotel, baby I'm at a fucking nice hotel I do not want to go down to do my little lobby trip my little midnight lobby trip and see somebody standing in the lobby shoeless With like a tank top on I cannot but I mean it depends on the hotel right like I wouldn't be flopping around in my water shoes That's a one for vibe I know that's not we're talking about but bro.
Can you imagine seeing someone wearing water shoes? Oh so? Motherfucks are not hit by Hurricane Harbor, but I know where you're going with this like it's if you're at the like Disneyland Hotel It's a little bit more beautiful to walk around in your fucking garbage clothes and then order someone to do something for you Oh god, I just can't I need it. Hey, bro.
What's the nicest hotel you've ever stated? I mean that one I just said was pretty stank a Lincoln Yeah, intercontinental pretty stank a Lincoln nice the intercontinental in San Francisco the intercontinental it wasn't over there But it has top of the mark which is tight a rooftop bar which you know oh Big chitching is that an amenity or an activity? I think that's an amenity and like I mean while we're here good food I know it's obvious, but like sometimes hotels got dank food. Okay.
I like good food I also like a unique bar or food experience so like bro hotel bar we talked about this with ash but like fuck me I love a hotel bar. Yeah, I absolutely love the assortment creatures and critters that you got down there Yeah, it is the best time to play the what what are you up to game when staring at strangers like you see like a mom and her kids and you're like hmm Hmm, and you know what else I love when the hotel bar got like some bullshit going on karaoke night bingo night Let's slide through that. Yes, please. I don't like that.
You like that. You like a a hotel sponsored bingo night Absolutely. I mean not bingo. Maybe Triv maybe karaoke.
I'm giving that a two. That sounds like I'm back in the dorms And the RAs like alright, all these strangers come together. We're gonna do trivia. Yeah I got some very not quite list that I just I just gonna fire off the top of my head because I live them all recently Okay power is is a very quite lit amenity.
I would say having power. Yeah, I'm gonna put that as a very not quite lit no power Yeah, no running water right like the Kobe time specific You don't have to write this one but like no one wearing masks in the middle of the pandemic is not such a hot one I'll give you one that is definitely a two and should be a one But in Kobe time should be a three in regular time overall It's a two we were stranded in the hotel as you know and we had no food the hotel and we had little snack comes And those were gone pretty quickly so I wandered down there one night and I was like, you know Wandering to the dark like a fucking zombie movie in a hotel. I was like hey dog a big dog Where's all the Doritos and he's like they're all gone, but that guy this was a sweet Hotel so there was like a little kitchen mm-hmm So that the guy in a lot is like that dude over there made pork tenderloin and beans and tortillas you want some Interest and it was a pandemic so obviously I was like yes, absolutely. I will have a lot of that I walked over there and I had strangers food brought back up to the room.
That was very quite lit to me so activity you strangers You're trying to tell me that that is a two and Any circumstance for like two days with like bags of Doritos and Kit cats But but that is you named the only fucking situation where it will ever be anything other than grotesque to just like walk into a hotel lobby And have someone be like somebody fix them them foods up and be like yeah, okay It was just sitting like there was the guy there. He served me That's not better. That's so gross. Is there any other circumstance that you say yes to that?
Yeah, I'll give you a circumstance. I'm in a hotel I'm drunk as fuck there's a guy sitting there going I made a bunch of pork tenderloin you want some you dude What's wrong with you bro? Yeah Mmm give me that home good pork tenderloin with a metal no I do love a hotel And this is one this might be stupid to put as a free but for me it is a vending machine bro I love a little trip to the vending machine. Yeah, especially if it's not a fancy hotel It's a fancy hotel like I need my filet mignon.
I need my lost her vending machine in the fancy hotel Oh interesting and a menu is it yeah? It rolls around to like midnight and I'm like oh three musketeers That sounds good I'll tell you what's a what's a two and it's it's honestly practically is better than a vending machine But I just don't like it as much you're gonna go to a hotel and in the lobby They have like a little wall of snacks that you can buy at the counter. Yeah, they've got those I don't love that That's where we were eating Yeah, that was your little right the strangers pork tenderloin But I don't think that's as fun as a because then I also have to interact with someone I just want to cruise down to the vending machine and like do my biz I don't want to be like tell those those things are getting better now They got like ice cream and like little Marie calendars pop pies. Yeah, but then but so then that's it right is that then you're taking away now?
I'm elevated price-wise from a vending machine, but I'm not actually getting something I won't like if I just want to read those I just want to read those But then if I go down there and you tempt me with a fucking spider-man ice cream or something It's now I'm gonna bring my ship back to my room. I don't mean we're here and we're spending money Okay, well, I guess I'll put it. I just don't like this. I also don't like how it looks it looks like I walked into a convenience store I want to be feel like I'm rich and powerful a lot of the hotels we stayed in along the trip had Tallboys of Bud Light seltzer which you know I was getting nasty with wait I'm gonna put wall of snackums in a two because well you ever been to a hotel and I think this only happens in like vacation towns But you're gonna do a hotel that just has a full like convenience store in the lobby.
Yeah, it's tight Yeah, that is what I want you go in there and like it's just a full-ass I mean you can get like sunblock and snacks and beer. There's a 7-eleven hotel You know I'm done to stay in that I'll be getting my eggy cell all day night Aky-cell oh I have another uh oh no, I guess that's a work trip But I do want to give a quick shout out to have you ever been to a hotel for a like work or business convention Um no that is a little bit litty because in hotels that are having conventions But staying there got to be so fucking choice you get nasty and then you just walk right up. Yes boy Also, it's kind of fun seeing the same people, you know like you notice some of the same people like oh yeah I saw you at that session at two o'clock. I see now you've wrapped your shirt around your head cuz you're shit-faced drunk That's pretty fun.
I like that type of shit. You know I'm saying I think cast of characters got to be a category, right? I'm sick cast in Korea. I love like a fucking like a hospitality professional You know what I mean just someone who's like just gonna get you whatever you fucking need.
Yes, of course, sir I'm so sorry to hear that sir. I'll make sure that we send a fresh one on yes, sir Yes, yes, yes, yes, have you ever in your life tried to upgrade your room upon arrival? Baby have I done it? Yes, of course.
I'm afraid I can't they I mean they tempted me. I will say I didn't call that shot I feel like I never get up sold they probably look at my peasant clothes and I like this guy Yeah, dude They saw me they saw me come in with my my dog and the keys to my 2008 Corolla and they said this guy he wants a sweet Guess what we did it was in fucking credible. How did you koozie tub in it? Maybe baby had several rooms hotel room with rooms in it like I could close the door to the living room that is the fucking business I don't know what about that rooms are on category.
I think so I think vibe and aesthetic I got a two and it is The Las Vegas You hate Vegas even more than I do and you're the only person on earth that does tell me why Las Vegas is a two though Cuz I do love that vibe. I like to gamble. It's very fun. The hotels in Vegas are wacky brother.
They are so wacky, right? You're a bit excalibur. Whoo. Oh, yeah, why do you name the lame-o-is-one very cool?
I know that's what's check fucking cracks me up. So, but why isn't it why isn't it a three then? I mean they also smell like garbage and people in there are nasty. It's just an all-around two Here's an obvious one gross hotels are a yeah Can you give me some details?
So tell that feel unclean motel by really though sometimes motels are litty as a titty Yeah, I won't give motels a I'm gonna give motels a two but unclean. Yeah, I got one that goes with Vegas kind of as vibrisitic But like I went to a hotel in the last like four years Maybe that had smoking room still and they put me in a fucking smoking room dude It was gross. I had to go down to take a little jot down to the lobby and say excuse me. No, thank you Hey, different fucking room, bro.
What are you kidding? Hotels that are like the Madonna in that like every room is themed. I love I think that that's tight as fuck Yeah, fucking shout the hell out to Hicksville Pines in Idlewild. That shit is the greatest.
Have you been to the Madonna? I've not been no what's oh wait I didn't answer so I have a couple of my fanciest hotels, but and I've said like one or two, but what you didn't say yours What's the fanciest one you stayed up? It was so fucking tight in I mentioned I'm very well traveled in my travels to Sevilla Spain this hotel that I stayed in I can't remember the name of it unfortunately, but it was all connected by these like incredibly tight underground caverns Okay, obviously that's it's sick and in one of those underground caverns was a spa. Oh spa amenity.
Yeah, mama I was my first time at a spa. Holy shit, dude. Those are good I can see that what the buzz is about yeah, they ain't lying about them, huh? Then shit's are tight as fuck turns out everyone's right to be so fucking horny for a spa Wow that was good stuff steam room and like The really really hard jets in the pool.
Oh cool Here's what I want to get pull a two because the floor is very low incredibly high ceiling incredibly low floor Yeah, I got no I got no problem with that the other thing is you get them nasty fucking freakos walking through soaking the damn lobby with their Wet tutsies. I don't have any problem with putting a pool of two And like little children in there. Oh, but you know what pool is a very quiet lit if it's open 24 hours I don't know that ever existed in a place. I've gone to yeah But like what if we're just on the perfect hotel 24 hour pool, please and thank you.
Yeah Bro, how about this though pool is a two pool bar big three for me gods? But it's also full of like where do you find a pool bar spring break places? No, not necessarily come with that So no, no, no, I'll tell you I'll give you cuz you're right about spring break places But the other one any like tropical like family vacay spot always got pool bars And that's just like dad's like getting hammered on Miller lights and mom's drinking like fucking you know, like Pina coladas Like I've been to Hawaii a couple times about resorts. Yeah, that's I'm I'm tickling into resort a little bit I'm three right for five.
I Think it's maybe a two just cuz you get like a bunch of dirty little grimo kids that you're not gonna get it like a boutique Or a Madonna in I did slide through club med when I was in like sixth grade big dog Yeah, honestly, I had so much fucking fun as a sixth grader I cannot even imagine how much fun that would have as an adult right now for sure and Is just oh, you know what I don't I think this is an activity and I I simply Brother I cannot get enough of it's a three activity for me. They'll it to the room To the room is such power. That's we gotta redo the power of source of power episode put that a one They'll it to the room put it on my fucking tab my dude Jesus Christ Someone else's drinking the hotel bar put it on my tab. Oh It's like other money and then you check out and you're like well, this was $600 more than If we're talking resort life, I do love I do kind of like when a resort has like a Tennis I do like to like get a little like some hoops or a tennis like a little game, you know, yeah, is that is that two or That three I just where is it we mean where is it?
Well? I'm this is like a big fucking hotel. Yeah, it's a three. I'm thinking of again I'm thinking of resort where it's like, you know, like two huge buildings in between it is like a pool I love that shit.
I love that shit multiple pools is a three. Yeah, okay cool. I met they had a trapeze. Okay, that's very What do you mean?
I love that is that a tomb for you is looking on tear me away from that trapeze, bro I was a regular ring-ling brother. I could not stop okay I like your spirit. I'll give you a three for trapeze that can't be as well. She should talk a trapeze like the world Biggest nerd I don't honestly I couldn't I wouldn't know a trapeze if I saw it You know what I think of when I hear the word trapeze what?
Damn bro, don't get me started on to save accelerant. I tell you a difference in hotel these days as opposed to hotels pre-pandy Mm-hmm now they figured out that they don't have to do Not room service, but like house cleaning services anymore every hotel now says if you want us to come in and clean your room Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great that yeah. I want you to clean my room. Oh, you're a fucking little freak boy I don't care basically I would I like you to ideally do I just want them to come in and change the sheets and make my bed and change the towels You don't have to deal with anything on the desk or like vacuum or anything like that Mmm.
Give me a freshly made bed and a chocolate mint you fucking morons. Where's my chocolate mint gone? Where's it gone? Yeah, the mint is gone for sure.
I do not want to have to be why my own Andes I don't even like Andes mints, but I do love when they're on my paler fuck. They're so good. I got one for location It's fucking I've never even stayed at one, but I have to imagine it sucks airport hotel. Yeah, I mean that sounds like horrible That sounds like this is a work trip and you will only be doing work, sir Like your work is refusing to book you anything other than the fucking LAX mariot boo that sucks It takes too long to get into the city and your only food options are like fucking teaching high Fridays Yeah, that's super so I think I every time I go to an airport I'm just like con what a bunch of miserable drones in there right now I'm sure where we stayed in that powerless hotel was a fucking it was not an airport hotel But it might as well have been because it was surrounded by all the chains and it was like near like across the street from other hotels By the way when we were sitting there with our power out the hotel across the way did have power Oh got you we were sitting in like some Hilton and that was like the mariot.
It was like a mariot commercial I have some I have some I want to dig into rooms a little bit because I think we could say a lot and I just want to get lost in it for a second Yeah, let me fire one that's fresh on my head from this other this bad trip We went to we made it to San Antonio where the hotel did have power but had a fucking Makes me so mad at saying it a sliding bathroom door. Oh, yeah, that's it Are you out of your fucking minds? Why would anyone want that and we've we you and I both have stayed with our respective partners in in a hotel with a sliding bathroom door And I would say both I mean a relatively young stage in our relationships It was the first time we had ever spent that much time together. We had not lived together prior to the strip Yeah, and so now I'm blowing Duke cheese in fucking earshot.
I Got it. I have to you. I have a cheese go to jail for Duke cheese. I hated that Fucking subscriber we have is gone now I keep trying to get wilder to do an episode on public restrooms and he won't do it because he's afraid You're talking to you guys in a hotel episode.
What's the fucking public restroom episode gonna be like? You know what else was stupid about our sliding bathroom door was the hotel was the floor was like not even so it would slide open Oh my god Yeah, I can't I can't if you're putting a fucking sliding door anything get away from me go to hell honestly You like a desk in there? I got a desk, bro. I got a desk.
Oh, you gotta have a desk What are you fucking supposed to be signing all my memorandums? I'm like yeah writing letters home from the war. What are you doing at the desk? I got to have a desk.
I'm giving desk a two. It seems useless to me safe I need a desk a safe. What are you putting in the safe travel with a bag of diamonds on me at all times? Oh my god, I'm not even I can't even I'm putting all of all of this dumb shit all of wavoos dumb shit an iron board in there I know I knew you were gonna say ironing board what about that dumb little iron board?
Which is I know what about the dumb little rack they put in the closet to put your luggage on? That's like a little hammock for your luggage. You know talking about I don't know but bro. Have you ever?
It depends on how long I'm staying, but I do find a little Have you ever stayed in a place long enough to consider unpacked? Yeah, I mean if I'm I have yeah I don't mind it I will unpack my button-down shirts or a suit if that's the type of trip I'm on just to make sure they say crisp But like I would rather search through my bag for clean clothes for six hours than put my shirts into like the drawers No, I don't mind a drawer. I kind of like it to move into the dang hotel It's also just a guarantee that I forget stuff. I already forget stuff also I guess this is an amenity and this obviously a three But or I'm gonna put in the rooms actually a view for of I want to view with my room I it kind of sucks when you get I mean doesn't suck that bad But it is a little annoying when you get like a sick room and you're all excited and you look out the window It's like the parking lot and like the roof and you can see like the air conditioner I'll even accept like a view of the pool is kind of nice, you know also Like thick walls obviously yeah, I'm gonna put thin walls a very knock away because I think thick walls are a fucking expectation Yeah, I gotta I gotta three for you.
I love a couch in my hotel room You know I'm talking about brother. Yeah, the problem with a couch is when are you sitting on it? I mean whenever the fuck I want what do you mean? I guess my thing is when I'm in a hotel except for my very recent experience I don't spend time in the hotel.
Well, I think like here's a good example. You're on a work trip, right? You already you already did you're getting freaky nasty You got a little too drunk on the bosses dime now you're back and it's midnight and oh you got a grumbling in your tummy You order some room service your chicken tenders get there. It's nearly 1 a.m.
I don't want to eat them in my bed Why would you think your bed when you have a couch there because let me tell you why eating a bed is the dream? Yeah, you love eating bed. What the fuck watching TV while you eat in bed It's the dream I don't allow that in my home because as I told you I'm gonna roll over in the middle of the night I'm gonna have a nose full of honey mustard. Jesus Christ.
I love eating bed at a hotel I'm not my fucking problem I just don't like the way it makes me feel I like to hide food in the hotel room in the bed I like to hide a chicken tender under the mattress and experts and define you dude I'll put a pack at a catch up in the pillows. Oh my god, you thought I was gross with Duke cheese bro. You're a psychopath I'll put couches of two dirty little ship breath. You can put it as a three I just don't need it.
Yeah, but what do you need? I don't need a jacuzzi tub, but like it's a divide It's a tub. Oh, you already said that I popped it in there when you were looking. I couldn't I mean the basics Give me some sick water pressure.
I love a and above your head shower. What are those called? Oh, yeah I think they call that a waterfall waterfall shower. Yeah, those are tight.
Oh, bro I got I got one better when we when we upgraded our room with the intercontinental it had a fucking shower with multiple Shower heads. I had it coming from all angles, baby. Oh, that's a little that's a little too freaky for me Not from the faint of heart. I agree Oh my god is incredible, baby It's just it's just a lot again.
What do you mean? What do you need to eat in the bed for stupid? Like we don't need any of this shit. You like a bidet in your hotel room I was actually gonna say you want to talk about to advance.
That's a two to me bidet is a lot of pressure I think here's the problem with a bidet sometimes you get just it's like a little like hose tap handle, right? Mm-hmm, it's okay, but I do not need one of these fucking Japanese like electronic toilets with a keypad It's too much makes it unappealing to sit on I'm not gonna use it. I think almost ever It's my fucking stupid dad has like one of these electronic toilet attachments I know dad lab has one to both of our dumb fuck dads I'm fucking dad's bro toilet attachment and you know that's like you know That's not easy to set up you have to run a water line to it to shoot the water up your asshole So like shocked my dad was capable of that. Oh, I'm sure he probably hired some like even nothing for cast and crew Okay, cast and crew hospitality professional.
Obviously is a one. That's really great. I'm not even there who's not supposed to be there Please and thank you what's what you mean? Do you are you hanging out in the lobby bar to spark the fact that you're not at this hotel you can excuse yourself?
Oh, yes Uninvited yes, no everyone in the hotel should have a room. I'll give you a two. I kind of like a borderline mean Bougie like a fancy pants. Yeah, like the world's oldest British bellhop right like Jeffrey from Fresh Prince like a like he's so above you But he still lives to serve you you know I'm talking about me and fancy employee is a stupid stupid way to write something I liked his you know, it's a three I love to see somebody get some dickhead not me get owned by the staff Oh, you know where it's like they're causing a big fit and then you hear the person at the desk be like well The fact of the matter is you you know your TV's broken you owe $700.
So we're not gonna give you a credit card back or whatever the book Casting crew bro, you ever been in a hotel like in the movies when like oh you hear who's in the suite? It's coldplay. Okay? Yeah, that's kind of I don't know that I've ever actually experienced that have you no, but there it's happens in movies all the time So it must be real.
Yeah, and you think that's a three. I think so I like the like I'm not gonna go to coldplay's room of course right but I would like to have I'd like to spread that rumor Oh rumors. Where does rumors go? What are you talking about hotel rumors?
Yeah, lore emerder War you're about 1408 now you're talking about my brother 1408 an incredibly bad vibe haunted is a two Yes Okay, I'm putting 1408 specifically as a one oh bro. I'll give font today to People love haunted hotels. They fucking freak their bean over. I think about the over the hotel I wrote something for the internet about a haunted hotel.
Oh one of them's haunted by a horse I think you almost have definitely talked about this on the podcast I think about bro imagine you talk ghost horse in your hotel. Yeah, yeah shit my britches Location I think we could we agree that like Tropical Island Resort. That's a three right no matter what. I don't even like the beach and that's a fucking three Yeah, I think a very pretty good for a location is downtown.
It feels like downtown when you go to a hotel That's in quote downtown. It's a very good for sure. Yeah, it's never even as convenient as you think it's going to be You know some cities do have that like in New Orleans There are some like hotels on Bourbon Street I think if you want to go to Bourbon Street in New Orleans You're a big fucking moron, but if that is your scene like it exists, okay? I feel like there's must be more about the room that we are Miss Oh wait an activity it's similar to going to take a trip down to the lobby You ever give them a ring you ever give them staff a buzz on your little phone?
Love it you get the special button what do you have to say to hey? We need some more towels and you know the rumor hey, hey I'm going down there to look at their look in the eyes when I order them around I'll tell you what I did last time I ordered some grub hub and then I gave him a buzz instead I've got some food coming I'll be down to pick it up in about 15 just to give him the heads up that sucks You gotta give him a heads up give him a bump You ever get the employees just to give you a little hush hush a little here's something don't tell my boss What she's like a little oopsies. I found a I found these trip coupons for the bar Oh, I don't know I got that must be yours. Why would they do why would they give this to you because you're nice to them?
No, no, no, that's not happening anywhere. Mm-hmm. Shut the hell up get a little friendly with the front desk staff You've been here for a couple days you say oh boy I could wet my whistle right about now and they say well don't look now here comes two free beers on the house Wow Look at you fancy fancy boy. Mm-hmm.
I what do you think of because we only have a little bit for circumstances? I think like wedding is a circumstance and that feels to me like a three Yeah, I've actually never stayed in a hotel with a wedding block. We'll be doing that in like a month's time Yeah, and my first time doing that yeah, that that's obviously very good for all the reasons You expect to be very good girl hanging out and partying together and then you get to go back Oh late checkout is a good amenity. Oh, yeah Come on well, how about one I hate yeah by one no problem Oh my god, sometimes you ever get to a place where like cuz I feel like standard industry is like 11 You ever see a place like check out to 930 and you're like oh fuck my acid is 930 Talk about in the morning, bro.
We haven't even spoken of the morning. Yes breakfast Hello, okay, I was gonna say continental breakfast at two right no continental breakfast is a one as far as I'm concerned You don't like those nasty bagels and I fuck you continental breakfast the waffle machine dude that I was a lot of ashes episode, but like I need that that brunch. I need that omelet station even though it sucks Yeah, but that's that's sometimes part of the continent Are you thinking continental is just like packaged pastries and cereal and shit? Yes, correct Continental is like the nasty bullshit, okay So I'm gonna say then like serve yourself breakfast station as a to yeah, and then like restaurant Yeah, which we have I've been to some hotels one of them You're gonna press right where the ceiling for the breakfast at the hotel is pretty high like I've been to some buffets that were very quite lit I love a breakfast buffet hotel because you have your room right there.
There's no damn this hotel I stayed in Edmonton. I think it was a matrix hotel It's not related to the film the matrix doubt it they had one of the things for the buffet stations was fresh fucking soft boiled eggs Okay, like still runny yoke I like that fresh juices, please. Mm-hmm. There is nothing finer than the breakfast situation basically everywhere I've ever been in Hawaii it is everybody got pog juice everybody got nana or pancakes or fucking report in rum into their pog juice big time Big time big time.
I mean they're just breakfast cocktails there. It's fucking island time, baby. It's it is time as a bonus point divine I would say getting removed from the hotels and one oh yeah, I think I asked for sure you ever like can't find your watch or something And you're like god where the fuck is it did somebody and then you you regretfully immediately think that staff stole it and you're always wrong on the reverse of that Stealing things from the room is very quite lit to me towels pens. They're mine now Stationary absolutely.
Oh, I have a one Which is like happens sometimes as a circumstance of being on a work trip when you have to do some work out of the hotel room fucking balls Yeah, but you know what you're doing that work, bro You're gonna say in bed and I don't like it no what your desk your special little desk top bar dumb dumb. Oh right sure I don't know sometimes a rooftop bar too swanky to be bringing a goddamn I would say location very not quite lit Bates motel, okay, sure. I feel like a vibe, huh? But since we have 1408 in the vibe aesthetic, but yeah Bates motel Obviously very bad if we're just gonna do that then what's the hotel from that from that other John Q sec hotel flick?
What's Identity identity that feels like about it. Oh, you want to talk about identity? Yeah, you love identity. What's up with Q sec loving I mean throw on the over the hotel while we're on the topic Pinch maze.
What do we think about that for a hotel? I don't love it. I'll be honest with you It's absolutely unnecessary hedge maze is in general or one. Yeah, I think that's an amenity in some bad best you get murder by Jack Nicholson I'm a medity imagine on the pamphlet.
We have a pool. We have 24 hour room service. We have a large hedge maze Oh, you know what a two old people? Oh my god.
What is that cast of Groot? No, no I'm gonna push back on that. I kind of like to see an old and old people getting loose a little bit They don't get loose and if they do it's unpleasant for everyone No, no, no check this if I'm at the if I'm down at the pool bar I would rather some old folks than like who I want no old bartender. Oh you want the old bartender?
Okay? Yeah, I'm gonna give you old bartender in beverage veteran, but I'm getting old Jesus Christ I put an old folks at a attitude. I just think there's so much worse, you know teens teens Oh my god to say it. Yeah, teens obviously one in all respects working there staying there teens are out I don't like I do not like a dorm and it makes me uncomfortable Okay, so I have something for that too, but I might as worse I think but we could talk about it because I think dorm is a two, but I guess I don't really need it It is kind of nice when you go to a door but for bathroom attendant.
I don't want yeah, okay bathroom attendant I was gonna say and also You ever ever go to a place that has a fucking elevator attendant. Oh my god. Yeah, I don't need a tendon Yeah, it turns out are bad. Hey, I got something that seems like a dove But we haven't really talked about it.
I feel like I you know media big lame stream media will tell you that every goddamn hotel room Chock a block full of mini bars shit. I would say that mini bars in about 10% of the hotels. I visit would you agree that? No, I see them pretty often do you like on your on your travels through the great cold south How many of the hotel rooms had minibars?
A lot of them really I feel like I get an empty fridge a lot They're not always in the fridge sometimes or on top of on top of something There's like a can of cringles and like a freaking oh my god. No, that sucks You're talking about a little basket. Yeah, that has like a four dollar bottle of water and some pinkies in it I don't that sucks. I want a proper mini bar Yeah, but like I don't need the mini bar ever because I'm going in a good hotel I'm going down to the bar one time I went to a place which this is the smartest thing hotels should do this every single hotel She does have a little free advice for you and this is this is something This is tied to something else an activity regardless of whether it is with a bonus guest or otherwise I think we both agree Let's just you know say what needs to be said having sex in a hotel room is very quite lit.
Yes Adult time is what we'll call that now I stayed at a hotel one time where the the mini bar had like four things It was a bottle of water like a kind bar and then lube and condoms and I just think like that is a nightmare Yeah, but but genius to me. It's true. It's very virgin America. Yes, correct.
We know what you're doing in here pay us for it Basically, you know, what's kind of nice in the room. You ever get a room with that premium cable. Yeah, that's cool HBO or whatever Yeah, I love that. I mean, I know that you're just in there watching ridiculousness the only show you fucking watch He does ridiculousness, but if I get in there like you know, they've got like fucking showtime and HBO I'm flipping around seeing what's what yeah, I mean what we did is we just brought our fucking fire sticks and we had everything We needed with us right right I understand that's not normally how people travel I was a time when Hotel TVs had were specially like fixed with things covering all their ports so that you could not plug in like a fire stick As shit is that unbelievable and it's not there making money I guess I think that the idea which I Lid in rooms is being a big narc about the fucking HDMI ports Yeah, it sucked and I remember this because it was a situation where like I was a kid and I was going on vacation to someplace I didn't want to go and you're trying to play some fucking Mario Kart or whatever yeah, exactly and they were like knob Rev um but I have another bad activity for you one Paying for a movie in a hotel room.
You ever do that even ever considered it for a second? No, I have never and I will never right yeah It sounds why if you're out there doing that hit us up and just explain yourself please like truly Who is it for when it's like you can oh through the Hilton services? You can purchase many new releases now give 899 to like someone in the next room and say like go get something nice for yourself Oh You know what I this is a two I think Yeah, and I feel like I don't see him as much anymore But never like every hotel room used to have the door that led to the next room over So that has to be a two because I can understand a circumstance where that would be fun right like if you and your squad right right actually I did we did that on a family vacation once and it was kind of fun I mean it's so very convenient so that you don't have to like leave the room going to the hallway bring your key knock on the neighbor's door Hey, we're gonna be down in the pool. We're gonna leave an hour correct It's nice to just like come bust through the door Kramer style Yes, but yes, otherwise, it's too spooky for me to like be able to just be Two inches of wood away from the people in the room next to me.
It's a past fucking Nathan for you We're handcuffed together in separate rooms. Yes. Yes. I got another very quite lit for rooms for you King-sized bed, baby Obviously, I'll accept nothing less.
Oh, I hate when I get in a room and it's and you know when you book But like it's two twins or like it's a double and it's like I'm in a hotel room How dare you how dare you insult me? Can we put kitchen at it too? I don't fucking want it to agreed and also I need central air I do not need that big nasty vents underneath the window. Oh, yes.
Yes. Yes They love that fucking thing, huh? It never works or it works too powerfully and you got somebody in the room Who's like I like to keep it at a cool 61? That's me blow an ice all over the place That's funny because that's also me so our wackasses are just living in the ice globe.
Yeah, I love my icicle chamber Mm-hmm. I feel like we pretty much crushed this we actually we did and I feel like you say that at the end of every episode I think well, but I think I say it directly in those exact words, but what can I say? I'm too busy crushing I think we did have a very good well, so he's not you I think that's it for me So I'll sit silently until you're done talking. Oh, yeah, you could just be quiet and I'd like to have the I like the room If you leave do you mind leaving?
Yeah? His horseshoes on he's a full horse Well, no now that I'm on the spot of course I can't think of a single goddamn thing, but this is great We did a very good hotel chains just to shout out now I feel like chain hotels kind of sucks shit, you know throughout this trip Marriott came through over and over again and Hilton was garbage So okay, there you go. That's an endorsement. I mean I think that even though I talked shit about it like booty Coattails are objectively more fun just because they get you cool looking in the beds are Yeah, but I just feel like a lot of cool plants in them sometimes I stated the What is it?
What's the fancy LA one that's also in New York the strand? No standard standard? And that one had a lot of cool amenities. There was like that in addition to the rooftop bar There's like a ping pong bar at that place.
Oh, that place is fucking tight. Yeah, that's sick But the room it's the room itself is one just fine like the room The fucking the bed was like basically on a it was on a frame But the frame was like four inches from the ground so it was like almost like with a mattress on the floor And it's like I cannot believe I put paid several hundreds of dollars to sleep in a bed that is worse than mine But yeah, I'm gonna give it that's a quick bonus point ping pong bar. Oh, I thought of a one water bed dog Oh, yeah, that's to hell another thing that is a three amenity I think just because it's so fucking tight that the standard has is a fucking roof pool, baby Yeah, I ain't going on it, but it's cool as hell. All right, we got to get the hell out of here Yeah, I'm done with this now But this was tight and hotels you know you take a lot of flack in this generation of ours because of Airbnb and because Airbnb Nine times out of ten is way sicker, but there is something Quite fucking tasty about going to a hotel.
I think we could all agree. It's the truth shout out to Seattle and bend the P&W Seattle like coming in very strong and so is Ben out of bed You know who else fucking Minneapolis? Oh, it's Prince. It's the ghost of Prince the ghost of Prince all due respect All love out to many and Prince shout to baton music shut down Fay art.
They're both great you should you know here are shout outs to them and You know shout out to everyone out there getting the vaccine everyone out there playing it safe still everyone out there Fucking getting back to life. That's tight as hell. I'm so goddamn happy for all of us. It's a fact.
All right Well, I guess we're done