How to Act as the Family CEO with Mary Oves

Do you need to take a more active role in your finances? Today we’re joined by Mary Oves, a freelance writer, English professor, and widow. When her husband died, she set about creating a new life for herself. Over the past four years, Mary has opened up on her blog about the hard lessons she’s learned. Despite being an introvert, Mary openly shares her life experiences on her blog, including tips for dressing as a fifty-something widow and what it’s like to travel alone. Her dialogue bridges the gap between the grief of being a widow and the joy of reinvention. During this episode, Mary shares everything she’s learned about finances, budgeting, and managing her income since becoming a widow. On this episode of the Live. Love. Engage. podcast: Why Mary says she always knew her husband would die early. What prompted Mary to participate in financial activities more. Why Mary emphasizes the importance of a substantial emergency fund. The financial lessons she has learned by force (rather than interest). How women can take a more active role in their finances. Why the CEO of the household needs to be tough. Mary’s top tips for budgeting and how she’s managing her finances now. What Mary’s eyes were opened to once she became a widow. How conversations have changed since Mary’s husband passed. Why it’s important to look at your bills and charges closely. Mary’s journey with her financial advisor and what she changed. What Mary wishes she had done differently looking back. The importance of creating a will with your family. The money obstacle Mary is still working to overcome. Why understanding your money mindset is important. Connect with Mary Website: https://www.chrysaliscollective.org/ Quick Links: Join the Live. Love. Engage. Community Intuitive Business Coaching The Live. Love. Engage. Book Support the Podcast with BuyMeACoffee.com Enjoying what you're hearing on Live. Love. Engage.? Subscribe on Goodpods or your favorite podcast platform, and click here to leave a 5 STAR Review. You can also watch the conversation on YouTube. TRANSCRIPT You're listening to the live love engage podcast on today's show, we'll be talking about women money and becoming your family’s CEO. Stay tuned. I am Gloria Grace Rand, founder of the L.O.V.E. method and author of the number one, Amazon Best seller live love, engage - how to stop doubting yourself and start being yourself in this podcast, we share practical advice from a spiritual perspective on how to live fully love, deeply and engage authentically so you can create a life and business with more impact, influence, and income. Welcome to live. Love. Engage. Namaste and welcome. Welcome. I am so glad to be with you for another edition of live love, engage, and I am delighted to welcome Mary Oves to the show. And I'm going to tell you all about her in just a second, but I just want to just, you know, say, Hey, glad to have you here, Mary. Thanks. I'm so happy to be. Well, I'm really curious to hear what you have to say, about the subject we're going to be talking about. So, which has to do with, well, finances. We'll, we'll, we'll start with that, but let me tell you a little bit about who Mary is and why I wanted to have her on the show. she is a college. The English professor I can speak today, a freelance journalist of thirty-five years, and she's also been a widow since 2017. And when her husband died, Mary said about making a new life for herself and has spent the past four years regaling readers of her lifestyle blog about online dating, single travel. Dressing for your widowed fifties and menopausal hot flashes among other things. And with her unique brand of humor, she has bridged the gap between the grief of widowhood and the joys of reinvention. And I also forgot to mention that she's also a mom. She has three, I guess mostly grown sons, I think. but I wanted to start off today talking about, as I mentioned, finances, so. most married couples., it seems like the husband is usually in charge of finances. I know in my case I pay the bills, but my husband kind of does the investing side of things. So I was wondering if that was the case for you and, you know, fan, how did you manage then having to now of course, take full responsibility after your husband passed when. My husband was alive. He was a dialysis patient for his entire life. when he proposed to me, I remember he said to me that night, I'm not going to live to be an old man. So if you're going into this with me, you have to go into it, knowing that we've always known that. and you know, he died, you know, at 54 that's young, you know, when we're young, that doesn't sound. When you're now we know it's very young, so he would try throughout our marriage to get me to participate. I was a full-time teacher raising three little kids, you know, I have this much energy and that much energy for anything other than work and kids. So I usually would just, you know, kind of blow him off and maybe tomorrow, and he's like, you're going to have to do. Stuff and yeah, well maybe tomorrow and, well, this is where the insurance is and it almost got to a point where. It became, it became a point of dissension. It really started bothering him that I wasn't, participating more, in, in those activities. but again, as you know, our marriage went through, I became less and less interested. So, you know, fast forward to 2017. And now here I am with a rental house insurance mortgage. Investments policies, tuition, student loans. You know, I was pretty much, you know, thrown into the, into the deep part of the ocean, you know, without a paddle. So my, my answer to you is it has been a very oftentimes scary, but mostly liberating, experience just. The things. I mean, I'm when I'm reading, I'm reading about, you know, reading, finance books. I have, you know, I'm always having zoom meetings with my financial advisor and I'm always on the phone. It's a learning process. It's not something that comes naturally to me, I'm more of the nurturer, but you know, and my twins are 23. They do their own thing now. And my other son's going to be 20, but I'll tell you. What I've learned that the person I am now as opposed to on October 22nd, 2013, 2017, I'm not sure he didn't propose to me now. I mean that me now it's just a completely different person. I don't mean that in a, you know, in a, in a disrespectful way, but I've learned so much over the last four years about money and investing. And, I finally got a grip on. That's good. Well, that brings me to my next question is, you know, as you, as a special, you know, as, as a teacher, you know, when you're learning something, you sometimes can make mistakes. So what, could you share maybe, you know, one or one or two and maybe one of the big mistakes you may be made while you were trying to learn this and then, and then what you learned, you know, from. Absolutely. I think I've made so many mistakes. I'm trying to figure out which one to share. Oh boy, how many mistakes I've made? I'll share one with you because it's hitting me right now. All right. And everything's working out, but when they, when they tell you to keep an emergency fund, all right. Of this amount of time, and I did, I had it. I, it wasn't big enough. So now my son's tuition, my son is all almost as a full ride to his school, but my son's tuition was due last week and I didn't have it. I have it in a 401k. But now here's the kicker. As you know, now I have to take it. Luckily it doesn't affect his scholarships and you do not get, if you take it out, if you take money out of your 401k for tuition, you do not pay a penalty, but you still get taxed. I never understood any of this tax. What 10%? What does that mean? I mean, why can't I use that 401k? It's mine now I get it because I was forced to get it. I had to call my financial advisor and go through that with him. And he says, if you put it back in 60 days, you know, you won't get that 10% tax on it. I'll tell you when they, you know, for women or widows. I think mostly widows, but, when they tell you to keep that, you know, three months worth of, of an emergency fund, that's what that's for. That's the kind of thing that's for, because I had to take that, that kills me. I took that out of my 401k, but I have high hopes. I can replace it in 60 days, but if I can't now I'm paying this tax. So that is one probably big mistake that I made. I never put two and two together. Now I'm paying $2,000 to use my own money. Right. Yep. Exactly. Oh, I could regale you with so many mistakes, but that's the most recent what I just made, but I'll tell ya. I learned, and I will never make that mistake again. Never. Well, that's, that's good. A good lesson. And it, it is challenging trying to understand all of these things. So, what you, you talk about, one of the things you, you, you talk about is that, We're essentially becoming like, our own CEO, the CEO of our family. So, how can women do that and really take a more active role in, in their finances? What, what, what would you, what would you recommend them to do? Well, I think there's two schools of thought. I think I'm, you know, on one hand, if you're single, that's. That's easier investing for yourself. You're doing this for yourself, but when we're talking about, and again, my sons are not little children. I mean, they have their own portfolios, and their vest, they invest their own money. They're really good already. What, what I think right now I'm doing is trying to make them understand, which was a lesson. My late husband tried to teach me so many times. We really can't do that now. I never understood that, but I want this now, why can't I have this now? Like I walk on that person, like, I want it now, why can't I have it now? He said, well, we can't do that now....