How to Network With Confidence (with Amy Siegfried)

Stand in the doorway of a networking event with a thousand strangers inside, and tell me your palms don't sweat. Mine do. So do my guest Amy Siegfried's, and she's spent more than 20 years teaching people how to network with confidence anyway. Amy calls herself a recovering "awkward kid" who tried to buy the right shoes to fit in and it never worked, until she stopped performing and started being honest about what she didn't know: no friends in a new country, a scared dad back home, zero clue where the grocery store was. Turns out vulnerability, not polish, is what actually makes people want to talk to you. Amy has built her career around exactly that: corporate networking on a national stage, living and working abroad, starting two companies, and becoming, by her own account and mine, a genuine master of small talk. We talk about why "just start" beats waiting until you feel ready, why networking works better as a relationship than a transaction, and the one question ("what do you do?") she tells everyone to retire for good. You'll walk away with Amy's go-to icebreaker for any room, the game she plays with herself at giant networking events so walking in doesn't feel like walking the plank, and a boundaries lesson about her own calendar that changed how much of herself she gives away. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-4WXNRNcrg In this episode Why "just start" (a LinkedIn comment, a DM, a simple question) beats waiting until you feel confident enough to network The reframe that turns networking from a transactional ask into a two-way relationship Amy's go-to icebreaker to replace "what do you do," and why it opens better conversations How to walk into a room of strangers without wanting to bolt, including the game Amy plays with herself at 1,000-person events Why comparing yourself to "the popular ones" in the room is the wrong move, and what actually draws people in The boundary Amy put on her own calendar early in her career, and why "someone else's boundaries are not your boundaries" Timestamps (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet networking expert Amy Siegfried (01:54) The awkward kid who became a "master of small talk" (02:56) Moving to Singapore, starting over, and how vulnerability built her first friendships (05:09) An MBA at Notre Dame during COVID, and the classmates who said she made the biggest impact on them (07:05) Finding the courage to be yourself when vulnerability freaks you out (07:08) Why "just start" beats waiting to feel ready (12:24) Networking versus comparison: focusing on the other person instead of your own insecurities (17:04) The two-way street: why networking isn't a transaction (19:44) The "popular kid" theory: why comfort with yourself, not achievement, draws people in (25:07) What to do when you're standing in the doorway of a room of a thousand strangers (27:41) The one question to ask instead of "what do you do" (31:54) The boundaries Amy has learned: "me time," and why someone else's boundaries aren't yours About Amy Siegfried Amy Siegfried has spent more than 20 years effectively engaging with millions of people to build confidence, foster connections, and facilitate meaningful collaborations, from corporate networking on a national stage, to living and working abroad, to starting two successful companies. She has also worked as an adjunct professor, teaching students how to build genuine connections instead of hiding behind a text message. Learn more at Amy's website, or connect with her on LinkedIn. Favorite quotes "The answer is no, unless you ask." —Amy Siegfried "It's not a network, it's not a business card exchange. It's a relationship building opportunity." —Amy Siegfried "Everyone is good at something. Everyone has something to offer." —Amy Siegfried Resources mentioned NetworkOfChampions.com: Amy's list of 45 conversation starters, categorized for icebreakers and follow-ups, built to replace "what do you do?" AmyBSiegfried.com: Amy's website Amy Siegfried on LinkedIn Related episodes Curiosity: The Bridge to Connection: pairs with Amy's advice to ask better questions instead of leading with "what do you do" The Art of True Connection in a Lonely World: expands on the vulnerability-builds-connection theme Amy lives out through her own story Why Successful Entrepreneurs Set Boundaries: a natural follow-up to Amy's "me time" boundary and the line between generosity and burnout Subscribe & connect If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show. Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here. Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz