How to Overcome Your Fear and Venture Forth Into Your Life

Don’t forget to tip! I appreciate you all!I remember sitting in my room in Lima, Peru and having all the young girls who were living in the same hostel come and knock on the door to invite me out.“Walter, Walter, come on! Let's go to the beach!”They were all delightful and beautiful and full of energy. For some reason, I was afraid. Maybe I was mostly afraid that they'd see me for what I was and be repulsed.It took everything I had to rouse myself and go with them. But I managed because I realized staying in that room meant death. Maybe not physical death, but emotional death. The death of the unseized moment.So, I went with them. We went down to the beach. We took a taxi. I don't think people understand how much anxiety is brought on by every little aspect of life when you're going through some things.I was going through some things.I was going through a lot of things.I hid my struggles as I smiled and made small talk and tried to be gentle around the girls. But I felt the storm within me, and I didn't want the girls to get caught up in the driving winds and pounding rain.They didn't deserve that.I had to keep it in. I couldn't let the raging torment out.When you feel insecure about your position in the world, the best thing to do is try to place an emphasis on simply being polite.Open doors.Close doors.Don't slam the doors.Don't try to make crude jokes.It's better to just be silent than it is to offend. It's better to be thought of as boring than it is to be thought of as rude. I remember doing that when I didn't trust myself to speak. This was early in the reprogramming phase. It was like remodeling a house. You strip the walls down to the studs and it looks like a horror show.You have to take out all the rot before you can even hope to create a place you want to live.We all piled into the taxi together, pressed against each other like siblings on a family trip. The wind came through the open window. The girls were excited and speaking rapidly. I could tell they liked having me along. I served a purpose. That pacified me.I remembered being in college and hiding in my dorm room. I was like a creature in a burrow surrounded by darkness and roots.My roommate dropped out so I had the space to myself. I don't know if that was for the better. Probably not because I had nobody to pressure me to leave.“Come on, let's go to the cafeteria! Let's go to the library! Let's go anywhere where there is sun and fresh air and people and light! Most of all light!”Instead I stewed in my own thoughts. I read. There's a fear you develop. The energy to confront the challenges of the world, or even minor irritations, just seeps out of you.I imagined scenarios of petty annoyance, like going to an information desk and having the person be unable to give you an answer. Or presenting a ticket or coupon only to have it denied. Nobody cares. Everybody wants to be an obstacle rather than an aid.That's how it feels sometimes.I didn't even eat in the cafeteria. Instead, I went to the little campus bodega that had a barely edible sandwich. I barely ate.I was so crippled by anxiety that I couldn't eat. I got thin and weak. People reach over and steal your fries without asking like they're trying to rob you of nutrition. They look at you as they chew on your food cruel and indifferent.Survival of the fittest. You can see the contempt in their eyes.We arrived at the beach. The girls spilled out of the car like a blooming dandelion surrendering its seeds to the wind. They pulled me along. Did they know I needed the encouragement? What motivated them?They weren't from America. They were from all over Europe. They spoke French and Spanish and German and Italian. I realized I didn't need to worry about saying something offensive because they couldn't really understand me anyway.So I smiled at them, and I think they saw only the part that was trying to be gentle and kind.The essential part.The true part.One went to join a Capoeira group. It's the Brazilian fighting dance. The members of the group joined a circle and took turns performing in the middle. Some were quite talented, they did athletic flips and kicks that were extremely impressive. They caught air like surfers getting launched off a wave. The girl from our group was a novice, but I envied her willingness to join.They accepted her and applauded her.When they were done, everyone in the group shook hands. They kissed the girl from our group on the cheek. They stood in a line waiting to get their kiss like kids waiting at the mall to talk to Santa.The red sun hung over the blue waves. The ocean whispered in the background.The time passed in quiet company. Then we took a taxi and went home. Outside the hostel, the group formed another circle. This time it was me getting the kisses on my cheek. The girls smiled at me, so close and so far away. But I felt renewed as I went back to my room.The walls and darkness and roots were all the same, but now I had a seed of light to illuminate my dreams. The next time the knock on the door came to invite me to leave, it was easier.The years went by. I went from being the person who was inside hiding to the person knocking at the door, drawing other people out. I've done that a lot. I've brought people out into the light to show them that they're welcome.I've been on both sides. I remember being an a uncertain person in the presence of somebody charismatic and confident who took me under their wing to insist I experience some fun. I thought, “Why are they making this effort? What's in it for them? Why are they doing this?”When I became the confident and charismatic person, I discovered the answer.I do it because I don't want to go back into that room either. I need them all to come out into the light. Our mutual participation increases the pool of joy that we can all share. Community replenishes itself like a happiness horn of plenty. I get something from their joy and their satisfaction reinforces my own.It's like talking to a child that doesn't know something basic, like how to change a bicycle tire. That information simply isn't in their head. If you're a person who knows, you have to pass that knowledge on. You don't charge anything for the sharing. Giving is its own reward.I wanted the shy and introverted people along because I genuinely enjoyed their company. I didn't want them stewing in darkness, contemplating all the awful things that were never likely to happen. It's our obligation to teach each other, it's our obligation to rouse each other. We have to encourage one another to venture into the light.We have to leave our cramped cells behind, go out into the world, and experience all the joys and wonders of life together.Because the reality is that you can't get a full experience by hiding out in your comfort zone. You have to put your fear aside and venture forth into diverse new realms. Take the hand of the person knocking at the door. When you’ve grown into your strength, become the person who knocks.You all make this newsletter happen! Thanks for your sponsorship! I have payment tiers starting at as little as twenty dollars a year.Upgrade at 30% offUpgrade at 40% offUpgrade at 50% offUpgrade at 60% offI'm so happy you're here, and I'm looking forward to sharing more thoughts with you tomorrow.My CoSchedule referral linkHere’s my referral link to my preferred headline analyzer tool. 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