How to Know a Breakup Is Coming (Part 2)

A perfect evening, a goodbye kiss in the morning, and then nothing. Ever again. In Part 2 I go further into hot-and-cold behavior, ghosting after intimacy and how we end things. I share a story from my own life about vanishing after a perfect night, and what that silence does to the person left holding the phone. I talk about why hot-and-cold destroys trust, keeping your heart open when it hurts, what women need to feel secure, why being willing to risk the relationship is attractive, why you should stop spending time with people who aren't accountable, why "I don't want to hurt them" is usually a story the ghoster tells themselves, why one sentence is kinder than months of silence, and two philosophies of endings: men often want to savor, women often want to sever. In this episode Hot and cold destroys trust. Inconsistency is a pattern, not a mood. You owe them a sentence. Even a short ending is kinder than silence. Silence masks their pain. It isn't about your worth. Stop investing in the unaccountable. Spend time with people who show up. Savor or sever. Knowing the difference helps you end things well. Chapters 0:07Hot One Minute, Gone the Next 1:45Why Hot and Cold Destroys Trust 2:47Ghosting After Intimacy 3:47Keep Your Heart Open 5:07What Women Need to Feel Secure 5:46Risk the Relationship 7:41Stop Spending Time With Unaccountable People 8:12A Perfect Night, Then Nothing 11:29You Owe Them a Sentence 12:20What Silence Does 16:14Why We'd Rather Vanish 17:20This Happens to Everyone 19:16Their Silence Masks Their Pain 23:11Savor vs. Sever 25:22Say What's True Listen nextGhosting, Blocking and Curving: Why People Vanish→ Read the transcript 0:07of how to know when your partner is on the way out of the relationship. When I was much younger, I grew up thinking that women and girls were the more open of the two sexes. I believe that they communicated their feelings more, their emotions more. They knew what they felt. I thought they knew what they wanted. They were certain about it. When they wanted love, they pursued it. And if they needed more love, they'd ask for it. That was my projection. And I assume men were these sort of shut down, walled up, unable to communicate, oafs who sat in silence. I don't know where I got these stereotypes from, but they've always sat with me, and I've always been shocked and amazed when I find out that at least the men I know and surround myself with are able to communicate what they're feeling, what they need, what they want, what they're going through, what's happening for them. And the women are all over the board, up and down too in their heads, too shy, unable to communicate, not sure what they want. One day they want one thing, the next day they want the next. Their mind changes hour to hour, minute to minute. It makes it really hard for a man to want to commit to something like that. Women are often worried about a man's commitment and a man's fidelity for the most part. It's like when we're in, we're in. It's not really all that complicated. But if a w