How to Win an Argument and Avoid a Fight
from The Curious Counselor Hosted by Alan Pennington
Unfortunately many of us either don't know how to handle a disagreement or even if we do, we fall into old patterns of being pushy, yelling, crying or whatever worked when we were like 5 years old (it's funny but not). In this episode, I want to remind you of the power of compassionte listening (good for talking to adults and children). When you care more about what the person you are talking to wants than what you want, when you work to understand their perspective and search to see if their is a good solution that would make you both happy, talking about hard things isn't as hard. It's more about loving each other well than getting a specific result anyway. The steps I suggest are: Channel kindness and compassion to the other person. Listen carefull. Repeat what you heard. Clarify any areas of confusion with compassionate questions. Validate the other persons feelings (I know this discussion hasn't gone well in the past and I can sense you are frustrated/angry or whatever and I just appreciate your being here). Look for solutions that satisfy both parties Kind words, compassionate thoughts, and curiosity really are the key to happiness and applies equally to life in general as well as to solving hard problems. Blessings on all of us as we try to get along better with each other, especially those we love the most and remember, winning doesn't mean convincing the other person of what you want, it means finishing the discussion in a way both people feel safe, heard and respected.
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