Caroline Strawson: Trauma, Your Nervous System, and Court

The hearing ends, you get home, and your body will not come down. Days later you are still braced for something. Caroline Strawson says the nervous system is not reacting to the hearing so much as to what the hearing touched, which is usually a much older belief about not being good enough, not being important, or not being heard.Caroline Strawson is a trauma therapist and coach based in the UK who specialises in healing after narcissistic abuse, and she hosts a podcast on trauma recovery. She also trains other practitioners as trauma-informed coaches, and her work draws on internal family systems, somatic experiencing, EMDR, brainspotting, breath work and positive psychology rather than talk therapy on its own. She came to all of it after her own marriage to a covert narcissist ended, and after finding that describing what happened week after week seemed to be wiring it in rather than working it out.In this episode, Caroline and Lisa start with the physical cost. The traffic-light model of the nervous system, and where a family court case puts you on it. Why freeze looks like exhaustion but has a high-alert charge running underneath. The chronic conditions Caroline sees turn up in this population, and the three she believes her own body produced during her marriage and divorce. Why calm can register as more dangerous than conflict once a body has adapted to a cycle of highs and crashes, and why a steady partner afterward can feel boring rather than safe.They then get into what you can do with it. Why the impulse to fix the whole family court system while your own case is still live is part of the same response, and what it costs you. How your regulation affects whether a judge or an evaluator finds you credible, and why an attorney on the other side will work to provoke exactly the reaction that undermines you. The tools Caroline uses with clients: ice-cold water as a pause point, bilateral tapping, a protective figure held in mind, clothes laid out the day before, and rehearsing the questions she is dreading until each one has an answer. She closes on pacing, on taking healing one hour at a time when a whole day is too much, and on post-traumatic growth.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy a long case leaves you exhausted and wired at the same time, and what freeze actually isThe chronic conditions that show up when a nervous system stays in a trauma response for yearsTrauma bonding: why calm can feel more frightening than conflict, and why steady partners can feel boringWhy the urge to fix the family court system mid-case is part of the trauma responseHow your regulation affects whether a judge or evaluator finds you credibleIn-the-room resets: ice-cold water, bilateral tapping, and a protective figure you hold in mindHow to prep the days before a hearing so nothing is being decided on the morningWhat to do afterward so one bad hearing does not follow you around for a month⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Caroline's background, and why talking therapy wasn't enough 3:00 The constant sense of dread, and the nervous system traffic lights 5:00 What years in a trauma response do to your health 9:00 Trauma bonding, and getting addicted to the struggle 14:00 Why the urge to fix the court system mid-case backfires 18:00 Why a dysregulated parent loses the room 21:00 Ice water, the brain in your hand, and getting back online 24:00 Protective figures, court boots, and the mind movie 28:00 One hour at a time, and post-traumatic growth 32:00 IFS, somatic work, EMDR, and brainspottingKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Caroline Strawson: https://carolinestrawson.com/ 🔗 Caroline's trauma recovery and narcissistic abuse podcast: https://carolinestrawson.com/trauma-recovery-and-narcissistic-abuse-podcast/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.