Human Body

Hey, guys, I'm Celine Fans. Welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life. I'm Jesse, that's Wilder. We here to guide your life.

Daytime vibes. It's Saturday, extra power. Weekend vibes, daytime vibes. What's on our docket today?

Dude, body. This is the body episode. People will call it and go, hey, did you hear the body? Dude, they finally did body.

Ew. What do you have in mind? Okay, first category, dude, skull. What?

Yeah, let's start it off, dude. Your eyeballs, I think they're for me. I think you need them, brother. No, bro, no.

Well, hold on, what are we doing here? I think there's room for improvement on eyeballs. Okay, all right, okay. So standard eyeball, dude.

I think it's very pretty good for eyeballs because they're so, so very exposed and sensitive. You could take someone out so easy with, like there's nothing protecting my eyes, bro. Mine, try to poke me, can't do it. He's got that fucking four eyes on, you could smell it on him.

But you, I could come up to you, the double. That's a devastating maneuver unless you can hit him. Can you imagine being fast enough, dude? I think I would fucking.

It means you would. That's like samurai training to be able to. You have been anticipating that maneuver. Like you have to live in your brain.

Every interaction as though someone might come for you with the double fingers. There is a nonzero chance someone is gonna fucking three stuges you and you have to. Bro, okay, Rudy Gobeir is come up to you and you know his fingers are twitching, you know what he's trying to do. Your hand not gonna cover it, I think.

You gotta get the double on a basketball player. It sounds like what you're about to explain is eyelids. You need some of the protection, or eyes we have them, brother. But eyelids are too soft, bro.

Well, I suspect, I don't wanna get ahead of it. I don't wanna put the cart before the horse here. I suspect that will be a theme for a lot of the categories here. Yeah, so how about you better?

It was metal. Yeah, to me, to me, to me, to me. I'm gonna say bonus point is being made of sort of like a premium alloy. Yeah, for sure.

What about, dude, what about people got that? You ever see one of them people with the two color eyes, dude? Like that's cool. Like a blue and I like.

Yeah, that's cool. That means they're immune to the zombie virus. Sometimes people got specially benign. I think special, special eye color is a three.

Yeah, whatever. That makes sense. Yeah. What do you got?

Stupid ass brown eyes over there? You fucking nerds. Good to me. Your mouth.

Your mouth. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's pretty good.

I think mouth is, I kinda hate it, dude. I hate the mouth, dude. Especially when you learn, especially when they tell you like, you know, most of the taste comes from smell. And it's like, oh my god, then what is this thing doing?

Yeah, I mean, you can't, I don't wanna eat through my nose, though, bro. I still need the mouth. I need it to go in the mouth. Yeah, I'm not shoving fucking awesome.

I think it's very pretty good is for mouth. Okay, I think, okay, I think let's do one better. It can't hurt inside my mouth that easily. But can we, stop it or not?

Stop it or not, it hurt. We're not building a fucking condom, dude. Jesus. That's how you measure the effectiveness.

I'd like to break it down even further, dude. Let's start with tongue. It's bad. I hate it probably.

It's really bad, right? And I'm sure you know, because you've seen a television program, they're big and long once you get them out of there. And dude, they kinda, a lot of people say that most of your tooth, if you got tooth problems, it's because you're not brushing your tongue. That's the real issue.

So tongue is a one. Where are we putting teeth, dude? Because I've gotta tell you, my personal experience, negative thousand. I wish them to be gone out of my mouth.

You wish them gone? You need something in their place. I need them for chomping, yes. But I hate mine.

You'd rather have dentures? If I could get veneers, dude, I'd love it. And I don't even want them to look like how celebrities have veneers and they have horse mouth. I want veneers that look exactly like my teeth, my current teeth.

There's gonna be a lot of twos. How about this, dude? You took the dog to the vet and he has two extra teeth. Can I tell you this?

Extra. They wrote, Archie has two extra teeth. Exclamation point on his little report. Didn't say another word about it, did they?

Extra. Bonus. And there's no more teeth. Bonus.

Bonus parts. I don't know. I don't know. That doesn't seem like a cross the board.

This point does it. No. I don't know. I think that when it comes to the body, the normal amount is best.

I don't know, dude. You don't want to be gourd, dude. Fucking four arms or whatever. Oh, you don't want to be so much shit?

No, I don't want four arms. I'm good. It'd be three. Three.

Where's the third? Middle of the chest. Top of your head. Look at a damn doctor's suscrator.

Yeah. Straight out is bad. Okay. You were gonna, I think straight out is not bad.

What about dude? What about like a tail, but it's a hand, but it's an arm, you know? So it's down on your butt. It comes out here.

It's like a monkey situation. Yeah, ideally our hands are feet are also hands. I think that sucks for us. Yeah, I guess it does suck for us.

Like I wish I had the dexterity to grab something with my foot. Yeah, you want to be a monkey man. Yeah. You're a big monkey man.

So what are we doing? We're bottom part. No, no, we're pasty, but you said something. Oh, you said nose, dude.

It's fun. I think it's got to be a two. A little standard nose. Yeah, and like, not well, I'm going back to the protection thing, but like it's exposed.

That thing is easy to break. Also, I got to say, nose might be a one for me. Nose always the first one that shows sign of sickness, runny nose, stuffy nose. Fucking all my sinus, like a sinus headache.

It's all, it's like kind of a little fickle bitch. A little bit I do. I don't know. How would I accept a strap these boys to my eyes?

Yeah. First of all, you look like Voldemort and then you have to wear goggles. Like swim goggles. Yeah, athletic.

Like basketball player glasses. That would be fucking sweet. No, dude. That would suck it.

It would be sweet. You could do it. Nothing stopping you. You don't have to not have a nose.

I think I'm going to talk about this. Okay, I think. I think. Sound holes.

Your ears. I kind of like them. I think they're really, really don't need them. People, what?

I certainly don't need all this. Give me a little nostril size. You know what I mean? In the sides of your head.

Just the size of an nostril. And it's flat. Why does that have to be a whole fucking thing? You're like ideal person right now.

It sounds fucking gross, dude. No nose. There's a robot. No ears.

Fucking metal teeth. Metal eyelids. I'm creating the perfect human being. Oh, wait.

We forgot a big one for skull, dude. And that's brain. Brain of three. You do need it.

And it's good. And it's easy. You know, I like that it's locked in there. Yeah, it's yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Well, well, hit it. It's not that hidden because people know where it is. Maybe we could.

Uncomplicate it a bit though because there aren't a billion parts of it or whatever. There's a million neurons. It's like the one thing humans got better than animals. I'm going to science chat with Jesse Wilder.

Yeah, yeah. This was not an episode where we needed to go. I think it's like a billion neurons. Yeah, we got like fucking synapses in there.

What dude? I think we could scale it down a little bit. That's your fucking idiot. What are you making?

A smooth brain. Fucking earless noseless monster. A little monstrosity. We were fucking 10 minutes in and you've invented a zombie.

And you're like, this is the beat before. I'm creating the perfect utopia. Oh, yuck. You like the shape and stuff?

Of the brain? Yeah. I wish it was like a love it, dude. I wish it was just a grid.

You know what I mean? Simple. And it could be a bigger grid if you want a million little boxes. But it's like, how?

I'd like it to be more clearly laid out. You want to be like cubic? I don't understand what shape you want. It's a Rubik's cube.

Oh my god. What? Your brain probably is a fucking human. Sounds like.

But then if you'd had that, you would need a fucking square head dude. And now you're. I have a square head. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. I'm going to go through the first thing I'm going to do is move on to Torso. Torso. Shit.

Nipples dude. There are two. What do you think? Maybe it's a two boobies of three.

Yeah. Fine. Oh, yeah. Wait.

Something we can talk about. But for skull and torso dude, hair. Skull, obviously it's very quite late. I need my hair.

Oh, here's good. Here's I like hair. Torso hair, dude. I got noodles on it.

I'm loaded with it. It's very pretty good. You need to manage it. Not some I do particular rib cage.

A little to expose for me. Yeah. I'm going to do this one. I'm going to go through it.

Torso not too many wackos shapes because you're fucking clavicle and you're ribs. It's like it should be flat. No, I know, I know, I know. But in this situation I feel like you should agree.

No. It's not flat. You're doing the wrong word. I'm like a singular dude.

You want to. This is how a child draws a person is how you want the perfect person. It's like a tube flat block. Like a cube is him.

Looking person. I think rib cage is a tube cause I do think it looks cool. It's not protective. I know your number one thing is I don't know being a cyborg.

of cyborg for protection. I'd get ribcage like nothing hits. The skeleton is scary because of the skull and because of the ribcage. How about this?

Is guts, we could do this for torso or we could do guts. What about all your guts in a little ball on the inside of you? What are they all over the place for? Okay, but okay.

Keep them all together. No, no, let me hit you. That's a security issue. Cause that was one shot.

It's like, oh, I got both your lungs. I got your tummy. I got your fucking nerve. You got little backup balls all over the other spaces so that when you lose one, deploy the second one.

And then if you run low, you go to the doctor inject yourself with a little backup organ ball. I'll put organ ball. I got your dick back. Deployed organ ball.

Just organs like the balls in minority report. Just rolling down a little cricket balls. No, dude, that's not it. My dad just texted a bunch of people in a group chat.

Oh no. To quiz them on what kind of water he's drinking. Oh no. What would I be?

Let these people on the internet. Who is it? It's you and who? Kate got ripped into this one.

Oh, fuck. My cousin, Jack, and a number I don't know. Great. No, list every water.

Come on. Do you want the people want to know? Tell them. Or do they already answer?

A natural. He answered it. Oh my god. Fucking didn't even give me time, dude.

What did he say? Do you want to know? Tell me, of course. He said, where's the water I'm drinking from?

First of all, because you know, he's got to switch it up a little bit. A natural spring in the Carpathian mountains of volcano in Hawaii, a glacier in Iceland. Oh, he said you want more of a choice? Yeah, a deep water well on the South Pacific island or San Bernardino.

What was the answer? The answer was, A, aqua, carpatica from, this sucks. Dude, I'm going to do this. Where is he?

It was A, the Carpathian mountains? Am I saying that right? I don't know. I thought that was like the beagle, the Carpathian, is the bad guy from Ghostbusters II.

So that's not right. It's mountain range in Eastern and Central Europe. That's just in the Czech Republic to Romania. OK, OK, OK.

But why did he text that? Is that like a normal thing? I don't know. He starts so many different threads with so many different people.

And they're all variations of the same group of people, but it's like one person off. And they're fucking like 14 was different threads, bro. What is he says? Does that have a hobby?

What does he do? No. Is he at home doing this? Or is he like, oh, I'm taking this?

Parents, bro. What are they for? That's so good. A multiple choice question in a group thread.

It's like a nuclear bomb. What are you doing? The Riddler. Oh, man, that's so funny.

Damn, I'm really, god, I'm doing crying from a super rich off. Can you give him my number? Come to look me in every one. I'll say next quiz, McGraff wants to get in on this.

Just add me. Don't ask. Just add me to the thread. And I'm going to get in there, dude.

What do you think has to happen to your brain to think that I play? Somebody wants. Yeah, that's a demerit. I don't know how to do this.

Oh, dude, brains are not a three because they go bad. They don't fly up. They're not shelf stable, dude. Yeah, that's true.

I will. I'll drop that down. You're for a good time, not a long time, the brain. Yeah.

Yeah. As soon as you know, your brain is telling you to start multiple group texts with a multiple choice question. Apervow, nothing. He does it all the time.

I think all the guts can be a two. I don't know that we need to talk about him. What if it was just one gut? No, dude.

I'm telling you that's a huge issue. If you were going to get shot in the heart, you're dead. Maybe we can take some pressure off the heart, eh? Oh, heart's doing too much.

I agree. I can't be dying because something fucks with one part of me. Brain and heart need backup. I agree.

It's like that I do. It's like, how come our body doesn't have a second one or a stronger one? Like I like to upgrade the sides. Yeah.

You wouldn't go drive it. You wouldn't take a road trip without a spare tire, would you? No. You shouldn't be living without a spare heart in your back pocket.

Yeah. That's true. I just keep one on ice. And I put in the trunk and I care with me.

Oh, yeah. Too much pressure on the guts. I still think there are two because we need them for everything. If we are going to improve all the guts, we should they should be smaller so we could get them out without invasive surgery.

Yes. I'm through a bogus draw. I think that our idea of a rib wall versus cage is like a boomist draw. I think the rib wall solves some of these issues though.

You know, like even if we got all the organ roller, like they are now, if we get that wall instead of the cage and it's like, lock it up, dude. Build that wall, as I always say. Yeah. You love to put up walls.

What else is going on your torso? That's pretty much it. I think this is whack. This is your asking for it with this honking bone.

The clap. Yeah, you're just asking for it. It's connected to your shoulders. Did I ever tell the story about how Mike the bike blasted his clapicle in the first inning of our slow pitch softball league that just fell into third base, not sliding or anything.

That is a perfect example of why this one can eat it. And maybe bone is too many. Clap is a one. Clap is a one.

I know this is too much of a combat thing for me. Extremely. Oh, are you in combat, Wilder? Like a lot or like none.

I'm always in combat, bro. OK, cool. Always be fighting. I just think that we should have backup guts.

Yeah, fine. Backup guts. I mean, there's like owners and stuff, but like I don't know what I mean, we have in the fridge in us already in us. We have extra.

Yeah, I mean, we do have that with what? Kidneys. We have two kidneys, right? We got two of them.

And you only kind of need one. That's where we barely need that shit. We only have a spare thing. We don't need what the fuck is that?

You don't ask me to fuck Disney appendix, dude. I think it's like, oh, isn't the whole thing is the appendix doesn't do anything other than like explode sometimes and kill you. Yeah, why don't we take those out of birth? Yeah, I don't disagree.

Immediately operate on an infant. I'll do it. I think that is probably it for torso. Oh, belly button, dude.

I think that one I can do without. I don't know that I don't like them. If ever we're going to talk about flat, just make a flat thing in. I don't need it.

All right, let's go down to fucking genitals, bro. OK, lower half is what he wants. Just put them all at two. All the known zone area.

All the bones zone area. No, no zone is it two for all the right reasons. Your health is seems like I never hurt that before, but that seems like that one hurts. Yeah.

Yeah, it's both your weights on it when you sit, when you walk. Yeah, you're hip and whatnot. All that zone. Yeah, that's what that's what the old's complain about.

I wonder what happens to our hip. Just probably just sick of doing his job, dude, which I don't blame him. It works sucks. I know.

So I think pelvis is probably one. OK, then we got legs. Look at the booty, dude. I think the booty is pretty money.

I like a booty as a three. And functionally, it's good. Yeah, that's the thing I like. That's for sure.

Good to look at. Good to use. Maybe the MVP. I remember one episode I talked about like we have like our favorite pick of the episode.

King of the Mountain. The King of the Mountain. Booty might be King of the Mountain. Yeah, sure.

Oh, for torso, we're talking about abs, dude. I hate them because I can't. I don't know. Yeah, I can have those.

OK, so I have some stuff. OK, limbs, dude. Let's talk about limbs. I love fingers.

I love them, dude. I wish I had 20 more. Can we even let's first of all, we know first of all, first of all, we know that fingers and toes are not limbs. Shut the fuck up.

We're just going to put them in the limb. Yes, part. It's from it's from the it's part down. Yeah, shoulder to fingertip.

And yeah, come on. I love fingers. Yeah, I wish I had them everywhere. Can I that's so gross?

It's not saying gross shit like that. Let me ask you a question. Give me a finger ranking right now. Obviously, thunken is a three.

Got to be a three. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. Yeah.

What? Yeah, I mean, it's kind of I think it's more like the six man of the year because like you can't do it without him. He's not doing anything. He's not doing anything really on his own all the time.

He's just such a part of the scene. Bro, you're going to play a video game? Do you want to lie that? You're protected.

I heard I know that your game's like this. No, you don't. You're protected. You're texting your phone using your thumb.

Yeah, OK. OK, fine. You're going to thumbs up, dude. All right.

The only are anyone not threes? I don't think he. Could I do without it? I would rather lose the ring finger than the pinky.

Interesting. Why? This one, first of all, I could barely do anything within on its own. That's true.

It's hard. It's hard to. But I got a ring. I have a ring online.

So that's one thumb. Middle pointer pinky ring. OK, I'm going to say thumb and middle are both threes. I agree with you there.

I press buttons in my car or what not with my middle because it's the longest. Yeah, you. That's like a dad. And there's so much faster than if I was like a dad.

Like a classic. Oh, like a four sure. Or longer type of man. Yeah.

Siri test. Put together a random creature. Siri put numbers in. Anyone in my phone will be fine.

Can you do that? Hey, Siri, do you know, choice pick six numbers? It does. By the time this releases, they'll be a new operating system update for Apple announced.

And I assume that'll be feature number one is sort of a let Siri take the wheel. What about the tozies? Do you have any huge tozy preference? I think big toe is the worst.

Oh, I barely got toes. It's like. What? I got Fred Flintstone.

He broke little nubs sticking. It's like a steak with some jelly beans coming out of it. Fucking yuck. It sucks.

I don't know what to do with these. Great for walking and gripping. You to the ground as I walk to propel myself forward in every step. But like, are you walking around here?

Not so much anymore. We've discussed this in the past. I love it barefoot personally, but I am a prolific toaster. I smash them motherfucks up so hard.

And I just can't be doing it anymore. This is why the big toe is a nemesis of mine. It's like, it feels like you're only designed to get your ass kicked. But it's like the thumb.

You need it. I guess. Pinky toe is the most useless. Yeah.

My pinky toe doesn't grow in makeup. Do you call it pinky toe? It's gotta be. What else do you call it?

This little thing. I don't know. You call it thumb toe? No big toe.

It's pinky toe. It's pinky toe. And then there's that's it. There's no one.

No, middle finger toe. No, the toes. The toe. I'm a ring toe.

Oh, that sounds like a disease you would get. What about the arms, dude? We got for arms bicep. I kind of it doesn't do.

I think it's fine. Huh? You can show it off. You can not show it off.

I got my tattoos on there. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. The arm.

It's nice and long. It would be better if it was longer. But it's not bad. Not bad at all.

I'm pretty good with this. I like the way it bends. I could turn it all the way. And I can get all the directions.

This is crazy. The elbow stays. And then this turns. This is some good shit dude.

This is some. This is some. And is it fragile? Maybe a little bit.

But to be honest. Not as bad as it should be. I feel like. And the arm often is you're getting at her and it's your own fault.

It's like, Oh, you have to break your arm. Just be. Just be. Go.

Yes, go now. Go ahead. Don't worry about it. Six.

No. Four. Three. Three.

Three. Three. Three. Three.

Three. Five. Three. Three.

Three. Three. Three. Three.

Three. to live with just one. Arms I feel like I can, especially if it's my dominant arm I have left, I could really still swing it. The legs, oh I only got one, that's a tough scene.

Yeah, you have to have aid to walk without walking. It's too important. Sometimes you jump up in the air, who knows? You might snap that thing in half on the way down.

The thing that talks about legs legs is that sometimes it feels like it's the inverse of what we're talking about the arm, where like when you heard it usually it's your fault. Legs sometimes you're just like you're getting out of bed and then all of a sudden like oh what's that? My hamstring just bolt. How did that happen?

Oh my god dude, all of a sudden. Knees dude, knees. Demerits falling asleep. Your body parts falling asleep.

Are you, excuse me? You are not off the clock. I'm not off the clock. We take breaks together.

We don't we don't do this like you don't just get to just not work while I'm awake. Is that a fucking joke? Yeah, Jesus Christ. And knee, dude there's too much too much like you got literally too much weight on your legs because it's everything.

Your knees so much to go wrong. Your legs, your ankles. Okay I think I think then we have room for one more. Third leg seems like a good idea.

Just like what is it doing with tripod style, tricycle style. Two in the back, one in the front. I hate that. You do one and then the other two swings.

Sucks. That's hell. That's like the thing from War of the Worlds. I don't like that.

Condition. I have condition like a status condition. So I'm gonna put falling asleep. Obviously like we're susceptible to sickness and disease which is some bullshit obviously.

Here's one though that's solid and that is the body reacts to three goes an alcohol. It's like it does for the most part body knows what to do with those and when it doesn't it's still body kind of wild because it's does its own thing. Yeah you put the right ones in there. Some body.

Oh, it's not me. I have the wheel. This guy the wheel in there. More power.

Yes. So I think obviously that one. Okay here's my king of the mountain body thing. I don't know where this goes.

He'll heal self healing. Yeah I think that's a condition. Skin is sick as hell. Skin is.

You could do whatever you want to it basically and it doesn't care. Skin is about this. Are you kidding? I have a thing and then just gonna grow back and slice and it's gonna grow back together.

And it knows that skin got damaged stupid. It knows where to put the stuff right like we have eyebrows. How come it's not here in the middle of my forehead because skin knows that is crazy. You don't need that.

You don't need that. How come I'm here on my tooth? Speak for yourself. Sure.

Yeah. I got two hairs. No it's skin is very sick and the largest organ in the body as well. Mm-hmm on the body not in the body though.

Some of it's underpass. You can tap to it which is cool. We can't really tap to any of the other parts. Yeah dude it's customizable.

It's the only one that's customizable. Well ear and nose you get the piercing. Oh ear and nose are custom. I guess everything on the outside.

That's skin though. Yeah I don't know the cartilage is interesting. cartilage. You want cartilage dude because it's like you can't.

It's like the fun version. It's like bones bones. It's just bones. Goof it up.

You know what I mean? It's so funny dude. I kind of like cartilage is okay. It's so funny.

And no one knows what it is. You know there's no. Anyone says they know what it is. They're lying dude.

Science has yet to figure out what cartilage is. Oh dude you know what I'm talking about dude? It keeps us going doesn't it. It's the fuel I suppose.