I Can't Seem to Get Into a Rhythm

Historically, I’ve been a pretty consistent morning routine person. After the usual (brush my teeth, skin routine, coffee, making the bed), I would sit down on my couch and pull out my bullet journal, normal journal, and two books. First, I would list out all my to-do’s in my bullet journal and then assign tasks to the hour blocks. Then, I would free write in my journal until it feels complete - usually 15 minutes. The last thing, is I would read from two books. Usually an abolition non fiction book and then a fiction book. In the past year or so, it’s been two non fiction liberation books.This is a tangent, but I used to SPEED read through books. When I was in high school, I was obsessed with books that taught about being efficient and developing healthy habits. During that time, I learned techniques that helped with studying and test taking. One of the techniques was speed reading. That ended up really helping me speed read through boring text books, but I started applying them to enjoyment reads too. It didn’t help that I wanted to read all the books as fast as I can, because it was a personal challenge for me to have read so many books in such a small window of time. Even after college, I was rushing through books.Tiffany’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.As I started learning about how colonialism and capitalism has infiltrated so f*****g much, I saw that my obsession with efficiency was harmful to myself. Who am I trying to impress by rushing through all these books? It’s not very enjoyable to speed read through books and it definitely doesn’t give any space to embody the lessons that I’m learning. So in 2013 or so I started shifting the way I would read.In 2013, I started savoring books. And of course, I also started really enjoying poetry. You can’t rush reading poetry! That would feel so silly.Over the past decade, it’s been an intention of mine to value embodying and digesting my books more than speeding through many books. For the past couple months, I’ve been slowly reading Practicing New Worlds by Andrea J Ritchie and We Do this ‘Til We Free Us by Mariam Kaba. And I mean SLOWLY. Many days it’s 2 pages per sitting. I love it! I love simmering on nuggets of wisdom.Something that has stuck with me all the years since I was a student is that I always will have a pencil in my hand as I read non fiction. I will underline and mark the book up. One of my favorite things to do after I finish a book is to do a sweep through the book from the top to the bottom revisiting every mark and underline. Sometimes that will take days! I don’t want a juicy sentence to be lost or not internalized.Almost done with my tangent, but I’m looking at my next reads and I’m so excited!! Next on the list is Let This Radicalize You by Mariame Kaba + Kelly Hayes and Saving Our Own Lives by Shira Hassan. I’m almost done with my two books - so it’s going to happen soon!Ok back to my morning routine, so after my reading, I would do some body movement. Usually I would do 7 min movement routine from the calm app.Recently in the few weeks, I’ve been waking up at 9am, which is late for me. Since it’s later, I hit the ground running. I’m making coffee and then sitting down at my laptop to do work. And then I look up, and it’s noon. I haven’t eaten - so I make myself the quickest lunch/breakfast. I do a couple more things, and then my afternoon slump hits me. So I have an iced coffee, get lost in my phone replying to 1000 signal messages and IG DM’s. I’m addressing my personal emails. I’m so tired - I close my eyes. And then it’s dinner time! The day is over and I somehow go to bed at MIDNIGHT. And that’s a day with zero outside of the home plans or social interaction. Most days, I have meetings, hangouts, direct action, community gatherings, and errands to run. On top of grieving and witnessing multiple genocides.It doesn’t feel great.Today I did the dishes finally. YAY! I was supposed to call my mom, but time got away from me. I’ve been meaning to do that for…I’m embarrassed to even say. Too long. Things feel off, but I’ve been in such worse condition in the past few months that it doesn’t feel that bad. Not feeling that bad is honestly a win for me in the past 6 months.Tomorrow! I will call my mom and do a full morning routine.One more thing - I feel like I’m doing two full time jobs while only having a very part time paying job. WHILE neglecting my own businesses. Oh well. It’s an unprecedented time, and I fully accept that everything is weird if not straight up horrifying. I’m thankful that I can almost make ends meet. (Be a paying subscriber if you would like to support me :))What does Liberatory Imagination spark in me today?Time and space to savor. To soak up. To digest. To indulge. All of those sensations indicate that I am not in survival mode. I think about all my local and global neighbors who are in literal survival mode. And I pray for liberation for Sudan, Congo, Palestine, Chicago - for us ALL. My liberatory imagination sees a reality where savoring and going slow can be enjoyed by EVERYONE. What an honor to spend the rest of my life pursuing liberation - I know my ancestors would be proud of me.(Below is a photo of my failed attempt of capturing the solar eclipse today.)Tiffany’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to LIBERATORY IMAGINATION at tiffanywongart.substack.com/subscribe