"I Don't Want To Be Like My Father" How to Stop Abusing Your Partner

People who have grown up with domestic violence may not know how to have a healthy relationship. As much as they may have hated the way their mother or father was treated, children who witnessed abuse may not have the tools to break the cycle of violence in their own relationships. In this episode, Juli Harpell-Elam discusses how she works with men, women, and teenagers who have used abuse to encourage accountability and behavior change. She explores the roots of abusive behavior, accountability, emotional regulation, and what real change actually looks like. This episode offers insight for people recognizing unhealthy behaviors in themselves, while also emphasizing that survivors are never responsible for someone else’s change. It discusses: How childhood exposure to domestic violence impacts adult relationshipsWhy anger is often connected to fear, shame, or vulnerabilityEmotional regulation skills to prevent escalationWhy accountability is necessary for healing and healthier relationshipsResources for people seeking help to stop abusive behaviorsCONTENT: (0:00) Introduction(1:17) Recognizing Abuse(2:50) Awareness vs. Intent(4:17) Signs of Control(7:24) After Hurting Your Partner(10:07) Shame & Accountability(12:25) Escalation Warning Signs(14:48) Emotional Regulation Skills(15:47) Using Healthy Time-Outs(17:39) Building Support Systems(19:33) Emotional Abuse Patterns(22:31) Beliefs Behind Abuse(25:24) Why People Use Control(26:14) Anger & Vulnerability(29:31) The Cost of Abuse(33:20) Silent Treatment & Phone Checking(36:17) Getting Help to Change(40:39) Fear of Judgment(42:05) Breaking the Silence(43:33) Is Change Lifelong?(49:22) Accountability & Survivor Safety(54:00) About JBWS and Resources Resources:JBWS' services: ⁠⁠JBWS.org/services ⁠⁠General resources: ⁠⁠ jbws.org/resources⁠⁠Helpline for people using abuse: 877-898-3411 or https://acallforchangehelpline.org/ If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 97.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠If you don’t live or work predominately inMorris County or Passaic County in New Jersey, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit ⁠⁠thehotline.org ⁠⁠