I Found My Guidance in the Negative Spaces Caused by the Destruction of Decency

I remember being so lonely. I was forced to grow up in a conservative community. I had a cruel, patriarchal father who could never be wrong and who must always be obeyed.A consequence of having to deal with him was that I had to keep things hidden. I learned to lie both deliberately and through omission. Secrecy became survival.I knew that if I showed him anything I cared about he’d mock it at best, and destroy it at worst. I had to hide my feelings from him. From our very first days together he imposed upon me a need to learn how to deceive.White supremacists laugh at the idea of boundaries in others, but they have their own set of boundaries. I have come to call them “bizarro” boundaries. They’ve established a false perimeter which they claim is natural reality, but which in truth is an artificial perversion.It’s a cage and we are their prisoners.Their viewpoint is so weak and toxic that the only way they can keep it alive is by removing all others.Instead of being born into a healthy, natural plane, we’re subjected to a collection of random, jagged edges that fall away into an abyss. White supremacists try to remove all evidence of compassion or love or decency from our perception. We live in a censored reality. But even a child who was raised in that environment can still deduce the existence of love and compassion from the negative space that’s left when all the good things in life are removed.Look to the evidence of the negative space that’s left behind.Even a burned book leaves ash. It also leaves a space on a shelf where a good story should be. If you sit and contemplate that space, you might come close to inventing an approximation of the story that was lost.That was my life.I grew up on this unnatural plane within the bizarro boundaries imposed on me by white supremacy. When you’re born into something like that, it takes a long exposure to true freedom and decency before you even think to question your conditioning.That’s what white supremacists depend on. They assume you’ll never develop the strength or the curiosity to ask for anything more. Many people don’t.But I always entertained flights of imagination. I wanted more. So I went to the chasms at the end of the acceptable space, and I took a leap of faith. It was preferable for me to die trying to achieve something better than to submit to the misery of a broken world.Imagine my surprise when the step I made in desperation landed upon something solid. It wasn’t a chasm at all. It was a bridge. I was able to go to another land, a place where love and peace and acceptance was possible.I’ve been reflecting on what provoked me to make this journey. Ultimately, the answer is very simple. It was a quest for love. I longed for love. Once I realized that, I recognized the answer has been staring us in the face this whole time. I read all the dystopian books. We, 1984, even films like THX-1138 or V for Vendetta, it’s always love that compels a character to give up on the routine he’s been indoctrinated to endure.I’ll say that again.We are indoctrinated to endure a routine. We do not want this routine. We don’t want to get up to the sound of a shrieking alarm. We don’t want to work in a colorless cubicle. We don’t want to make a stressful commute. We don’t want to chase after the empty wealth we’ll never attain which they promise will make us happy.We don’t want…We don’t want…We don’t want any of that.What we do want is to be loved. We want to lay next to somebody who provides us comfort as we recline on a green field with yellow flowers and contemplate the clouds and the passage of time. That’s what people want. We want to share harmony and love and affection and mutual respect.We want somebody who will reach out a hand to us when we are about to fall. White supremacists don’t have that. They must always be obeyed. They can never be wrong. They establish their bizarro boundaries because within them they can feel safe. They believe in binary, on/off, left/right, man/woman. All those oversimplifications are lies.It’s only by venturing out beyond their artificial wall of danger that you can experience life at all. They’re fortified in a cesspool of hatred and misery. Yet when you escape them they cry even as they rage because they insist you’ve condemned them to be lonely.It’s their choice, not yours.I lived within the bizarro boundaries of white supremacists until I was about 26 years old. I did what I was supposed to do. I was a dutiful son. But there were scraps of evidence even within their controlled world that suggested the existence of something beyond.I read about great romances in books. I read about men meeting women and finding the strength to shake off their cruel routine.Then I met women in real life and there was no going back.I was willing to throw away everything that had been promised to me from within the bizarro boundaries of white supremacy to embrace real love… if only for a day.All it takes is one precious day.Once you’ve seen the truth, it cannot be unseen.Once you see the chasm is nothing but a lie painted at your feet. Once you see you can run right over it and discover a better place to live and be. Once you meet your people, you look back along the long, terrible road you traveled and you wondered why you weren’t compelled to make the journey immediately.Then you remember the chains.You also feel a certain amount of sadness for those that never overcame their fear. You feel sadness for those that were compelled to stay.But you also feel rage.Rage because you know they are telling lies to children that will only end in the destruction and torment of innocence. This is what I remember when deceitful forces try to shush me into silence.“See it their way.”I’ve done more than see it. I’ve lived it. I had it imposed on me. I was born to it. For 26 years it tormented me. Nobody helped me escape except for the scraps of paper I found among the ashes where the books about love and diversity were supposed to be.If you want to “see it their way,” then listen to me.Their way is corrupt. Their way is a defilement of reality. Their way is cruelty. Their way is lies and torture and abuse and enforced conformity.Take the leap of faith the other way. Break through the bizarro boundaries but don’t do it to learn, do it to lead. There must be an exodus from the cruel viewpoint of white supremacy. We must be stewards of nature, not defilers of the branches that don’t align with our false sense of morality or superiority. It’s time to put aside our ego and embrace our integrity.There are children who only know about love and decency through their observations of the negative spaces where those things have been stripped away.I was one of those children.There are more.Love will lead the way.But we must find the courage to support the resistance and lend assistance for the sake of all humanity.You all make this newsletter happen! Thanks for your sponsorship! 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