I resent christianity

My resentment towards Christianity has reared its familiar head once again.I just started season 3 of Blowback the podcast (recommended by my friend Emma) about the Korean War, and wow. Just when you think you’ve heard the worst of imperialism, it never ceases to shock me what humans are capable of. Last month I listened to season 2 about Cuba, and it was very educational, eye opening, and disturbing. It is a great podcast that gets into the details of what happened from an anti-imperialist/colonial and leftist POV.liberatory imagining is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.For context, I grew up in a conservative evangelical christian household. Everything was about Jesus, and I found solace in the faith growing up. When I felt so alone at home, I prayed and felt God’s presence. I basically never felt lost or purposeless, because it was clear what my life was for: pleasing God and spreading the gospel. It’s soooo great to have certainty about so much - like what happens after you die, what life is about, who God is, how the world was created, what the cause of evil was. I almost envy the past me that had all the confidence and peace.In my 20’s I majorly deconstructed my faith, and eventually left it behind me all together. Connection to God/Spirit/universe is still very much important to me, but I’m done with the religious piece.Back to the podcast, so far (I’ve only listened to the first two episodes) they are setting up the context to the Korean War, and the following was part of that context.“Filipinos with whom the Americans had once fought against Spain, again, not totally unlike the Cubans, were now being slaughtered by United States troops. The historian Ken de Beauvoir wrote a book, Agents of Apocalypse, about how the Philippines developed the highest mortality rate on the planet at the time of this war. Here's a key excerpt.He writes, ‘It appears that the American war contributed directly and indirectly to the loss of more than a million persons from a base population of about seven million.’”“Here's an account of McKinley speaking before a Methodist congregation in 1899. Now, McKinley begins by telling his audience that he, quote, didn't know what to do with the islands, and he prayed to God for guidance. McKinley concluded, quote, that there was nothing left for us, the Americans, to do, but to take them all, to take all the Philippines, and to educate the Filipinos, and uplift and civilize and Christianize them, and by God's grace, do the very best we could by them as our fellow men for whom Christ also died.”From Blowback: S3 Episode 2 - “The Uninvited”Knowing how South Korea is like now (a majority Christian state) - it sends chills down my spine.Christianity/Catholicism and colonization are long time buds.And it’s honestly such a shame. Don’t get me wrong, there are fucked up things in the Bible (I can totally write another post about that), but I still believe that the core of the faith is beautiful. Jesus teaches about how it’s about loving our neighbors, feeding the poor, uplifting the ostracized, and subverting the power structure. Love it.BUT…power hungry people used the text and twisted the meaning to whatever they want. The christian church likes to teach that it’s important to decipher the holy text contextually, and that some people like pastors have the authority and training to do it well. Each individual can do it themselves, of course, but they should use resources like study bibles (that were translated and interpreted by people with a very particular angle) and teachers/pastors (who have a very particular angle.)So you have a large number of people who were told were nothing without God & the faith PLUS spiritual leaders with authority PLUS imperialism and colonial systems of power…we got ourselves a brilliant strategy for the empire.Christianity is the perfect tool to wipe out indigenous wisdom, culture, art, language, connection with the land, and the indigenous people themselves. I think about the indigenous people here on Turtle Island, and how they were choked out of resources and food. The only way they could get food, is if they went to churches and christian schools, abided by their rules of dress/language/religion/etc. Per usual, indigenous families were separated and white families adopted the poor brown children.The thing about religion, is that it disguises itself as soft, because it’s about God and faith. It’s not about the government or politics! LOL. The church is always political.I’m not even going to get into evangelicalism and right wing politics here in the US of A. I’m also not going to get into missionaries or mission trips. *gag*There are so many reasons I loathe Christianity, but why I feel resentful is how it has infiltrated my lineage. Christianity is only 2 generations old: my grandparents and my parents. For both sides, it’s the same reason. They were in Hong Kong during the colonial Britain era. They went to catholic schools and christian churches. My paternal grandmother was a dynamic christian teacher and missionary all the way into her old age.When my parents immigrated to the states in the 80’s they found a Chinese community church. Some of my fondest memories and most fundamental moments were created there. My mom was a choir director and my dad was a deacon and bible teacher. So much good food and community. In many ways, I feel lucky to have been brought up in that environment surrounded by Chinese folks. I get it…joining a church is a really great way to be plugged into a community. But at what price?To state the obvious, the patriarchy, homophobia, transphobia, racism, abuse, dishonesty, etc…is not worth it.One thing I know for sure, is that this lifetime is meant to purge Christianity from my lineage. Whether I have kids or not, it stops with me. That is the healing that I know I am meant for.I’ve been talking alot about the similarities and differences of Christianity and Islam with jenin j , and it has sparked a deeper love of the faith I want to protect. I do believe in God and how this lifetime is about resisting oppression and engaging in class war. A life lesson I’m learning is how to let go of things that I’m not meant to know. It’s ok that some things are a mystery! There is enough that we do know.That’s a little crumb of my religious trauma!What does Liberatory Imagination spark in me today?Deep deep healing. Healing that radiates before me and back behind me defying time and space. It sparks in me a relationship with spirit and faith that actually supports all of us. I can’t wait to see the day when we don’t elevate people as higher and when we don’t diminish people was less than. Celebrating and uplifting people has a different vibration from celebritizing. We need to heal.Watch the video recording of this substack on Spotify!How to support me (thank you in advance):Currently, I’m in between jobs and would appreciate any support you can afford.* Be a paid subscriber. All my posts are accessible for everyone, and it would mean so much to me on my path of figuring out how to sustain myself under capitalism.* Buy me a cup of coffee. Every bit counts! You can venmo me at @tiffanywongart with note “coffee from substack!”liberatory imagining is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to LIBERATORY IMAGINATION at tiffanywongart.substack.com/subscribe