i still feel bad about saying w n. why would i insult a community that i more so align with. that is going to be debated , but i do. but i did not mean to insult everyone like that because i didnt mean it like that. i think i use the n word because

i still feel bad about saying w n.   why would i insult a community that i more so align with.  that is going to be debated , but i do.  but i did not mean to insult everyone like that because i didnt mean it like that.   i think i use the n word because it is the worst insult i can think of. so pretty much i call everyone the n word    in mental illness  there is more to this story but i dont really want to add it. but i realized, no one probably cares or will be able to fill in the missing information, so if i would like to tell you something, i will need to tell you specifically. because other people will not be able to fill in the gaps.i started using the n word against everyone after i quit my job in 2024   i did that because i have been monitored  24/7  for many years. so i decided that if they are going to monitor me every minute, each time they catch me, they are going to hear me calling them the n word. does that make sense? some of you may not understand.  also during that, biden and harris were in office. so i knew that if i said the n word in their direction, that harris  would not be able to tolerate the phrase.  and that is why i started to assume she was going to work up an operation to get me back for calling them the n word.   which is probably why i had a guilty conscience that one day and thought i overheard someone say the n word under their breath.   but  the reality is,  they may not have said anything.  around the same time, i may have been dealing with worse mental struggle because i had quit.    that is real. but i mean, i guess i will talk about the n word for you.  as far as i know, i dont have any proven african ancestry.  growing up i was not told anything like that, then i met my father at the age of 19 and he said in passing that he could have an african ancestor from way way back. i asked him to explain what he meant but he didnt have much to say that it just could be. then he showed me family pictures but there were no family members with african ancestry. that is my account of the situation.   i only met my father a couple of days in life as an adult.  he was semi present when i was a child i think until the age of like 4 or 5 then i did not meet him until i was 19 and only met him a total of a few days as an adult.  i havent seen him since.  he did not look like someone with african ancestry to me.  his friends and family members do not look like they have african ancestry.  so, that is all i can tell you. but anyway, i was calling everyone the n word starting in 2024.  mostly because i was bitter that they jacked up my job so much that i quit.  most people are not able to use the n word.   even i was not able to use the n word.  but because of this situation, i started to use it. i have a feeling that harris could use this point as a wedge against me in a run for 2028.  so i thought i dont want to be a wedge again.  so i am telling you more of the story. for the record though, no one calls me the n word in real life.  i feel as though that  could be proven because i mistakenly thought i heard something like that for the first time in 2025.   hear someone use that word against you for the first time.   chances are, that is not what the person said but it was a guilty conscience.  but because i described it on here, i kind of immortalized it.   even though, it has never happened in real life.