I Stopped Running From My Feelings—And Everything Changed

For most of my life, I believed I had to be strong.✔ I had to keep pushing through ✔ I had to stay productive ✔ I had to prove my worthIf I could work harder, if I could just be more chill, if I could just figure it all out, then maybe—just maybe—I’d finally feel better.But no matter what I did, I always ended up in the same place—stuck, drained, replaying old hurts on a loop in my head.And then, one day, I broke.Not in a graceful, controlled way. Not in a this is my healing era way.I hit a wall.I was depleted of all energyI was frazzled.I was ready to try something new and scary.And so, for the first time, I did something I had spent 15 years avoiding.It was the homework from my coach. Tomorrow, I want you to sit in your feelings for 10 minutes she said. I remember being shocked and saying, ’10 MINUTES?!’. She said yes…and no tv, no magazine, no book. Nothing. Just you sitting there and feeling what comes up.So I always did what Maia suggested because this woman knew her stuff and she cared about me.I knew she had my best interests at heart so I did what she asked me to do.I let myself fall apart.I ugly cried on the couch in my living room. Sitting there leaning up against the arm, looking outside at the beautiful pond in my backyard. I allowed every repressed emotion hit me like a wave. It sucked.Why am I doing this? God this is a lot to deal with. I’m gonna need therapy today for sure.I didn’t journal my feelings into a notebook.I didn’t meditate them away.I didn’t even know about these things back then.I sat there, eating a bag of cheese doodles and drinking an orange soda, and finally, I let myself feel. Even though Maia said nothing w/you I was sure she didn’t mean no to my favorite snack and drink.And for the first time, I realized:I had spent decades running from sitting with myself.Running from my anxietyRunning from my exhaustion.Running from the broken version of me..But here’s the thing about emotions:They don’t disappear just because you ignore them.They sit there, buried under your productivity, busyness, and ability to hold it all together.They live in your chest, stomach, and body—until one day, you feel like you might internally combust if someone looks at you the wrong way.That day, I finally stopped treating my emotions like problems to fix.Instead, I let them speak.✨ The tightness in my chest? My body begging me to slow down.✨ The exhaustion? Not just from life—but from holding up the mask.✨ The anxiety? Not an enemy—but a sign I had been ignoring myself for too long.And when I finally stopped fighting myself?Everything shifted.✔ I learned how to catch myself people-pleasing before it drained me.✔ I stopped ignoring what my body was trying to tell me.✔ I realized I wasn’t broken—I was burnt out from proving myself.Here’s what I know now:✨ You don’t have to keep running.✨ You don’t have to earn your way to peace.✨ You don’t have to fix yourself to be worthy of feeling good.Feeling good isn’t something you achieve.It’s something you allow.And that’s exactly what I help others do.With or without cheese doodles and orange soda (your choice).If this resonates, stay tuned. I’ll share more soon for those ready to stop waiting and start feeling better.💬 Have you ever felt like you were running from yourself? Tell me in the comments. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit susanshier.substack.com/subscribe