I Was Afraid I’d Mess Up. But I Kept Playing Anyway

I walked onto the stage without my sheet music and had to walk back to get it. Then I played until I finished.My first violin recital didn’t go the way I expected. So for my second, I was nervous going in. What if I mess up? What if I forget?I had to coach myself through it. The goal wasn’t to be perfect. It was to keep playing, regardless of what happened in the middle.This week’s essay and podcast episode are about what it actually feels like to perform when you're terrified of messing up.If you prefer to read, you can find the essay here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com