Being You and Free

“What are you shining the most light on?” my meditation teacher asked. I knew exactly what I was focusing on. And it was exhausting. This episode is about a life circumstance I didn’t choose and the stories I’ve been weaving around it. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

My therapist once told me I'm not as difficult as I think I am. That stayed with me. For a long time I wondered if I was expecting too much. Almost guilty for expressing what I want.But I've realized that knowing what you need isn't being difficult. It's being self-aware.Isn't that the whole purpose of adulthood? To keep discovering more about ourselves, what works for us and what doesn't. Listen to it in my latest episode. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

I recently found out I have to leave the house we’ve called home for the past six years.Since then, every corner of the house has started reminding me of the life we built here.Plucking lemons from the backyard for my morning tea. Hearing the voices of school kids behind the fence. Waving goodbye to my son as he leaves for school each day.Endings are never easy. Especially when we have to say goodbye before we’re ready.Maybe part of life is learning how to end things well. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

None of us is taught how to have difficult conversations, so people do what feels most comfortable to them. We ghost, we get busy, we make excuses. And we move on carrying a little guilt, a little regret, knowing we could've handled things better.What if incompatibility isn't a failure but just a fact of life?In my latest episode I discuss why we struggle to tell friends and partners that things aren't working. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

In this episode, I reflect on something I read in How to See Yourself as You Really Are by the Dalai Lama that stayed with me long after I finished reading it.It made me think about why people struggle to connect with those who have different beliefs, and how understanding another person’s faith or philosophy can sometimes feel threatening to our own identity.Does learning about other people’s beliefs and respecting them make us any lesser?If you prefer to read, you can do so here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

I walked onto the stage without my sheet music and had to walk back to get it. Then I played until I finished.My first violin recital didn’t go the way I expected. So for my second, I was nervous going in. What if I mess up? What if I forget?I had to coach myself through it. The goal wasn’t to be perfect. It was to keep playing, regardless of what happened in the middle.This week’s essay and podcast episode are about what it actually feels like to perform when you're terrified of messing up.If you prefer to read, you can find the essay here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

How we respond under pressure, who we reach for, and how much we rely on others often comes down to how supported we felt as children.Some people move through the world feeling more secure. Others have to learn to build that over time.I didn’t fully understand this until one night at the airport, trying to pick up my son. I couldn’t find the gate, and I kept calling my husband. No response.And then I realized something. I wasn’t calling for directions. I was calling to feel okay.If you prefer to read, you can find the essay here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

I thought I knew Trevor Noah’s story. I didn’t.When I read Born a Crime, what stayed with me most wasn’t apartheid or even his survival skills.It was his mother.A woman who wasn’t afraid to break rules to give him a better life. She exposed him to books, sent him to better schools, and made sure he knew there was more to life than what he saw around him.And yet, this fierce, fearless woman couldn’t protect herself.It made me pause and think about my own son—and whether I’m doing enough to shape the man he’ll become.This is a reflection on the bond between a mother and a son, and how she shaped him into the man he is.If you prefer to read, you can find the essay here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

We choose our homes based on schools, safety, and square footage.But we rarely ask: what kind of life can I live here?In this episode, I share what I learned the hard way.When I moved from Chicago to California, I lost two sources of community I didn’t even realize I was depending on. The friendships I had built at work and the ones that formed naturally in my neighborhood. Only when I lost both did I realize how much I had relied on these built-in environments for support.Accidental friendships, the ones that happen because your environment makes them easy, turned out to be key to my happiness. And they don’t happen everywhere.In this episode, I talk about what I’ve learned about the kind of home and environment that supports the life you want to live.If you prefer to read instead, you can do so here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

Inside a luxury store in India, I caught myself asking a simple question:Is this who I’m becoming?I don’t want my growth to be about owning things. I want it to be about unlocking parts of me I haven’t yet discovered.In this episode, I reflect on that moment and what it revealed about what I’m actually drawn to, and the kind of life I want to grow into.If you prefer to read instead, you can do so here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

Every Saturday morning, after a full week of creating, I feel completely empty.This week, I’m making sense of that feeling and why it might be an essential part of the rhythm, not a problem to fix.If you prefer to read, you can find the full piece here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

We don’t like to admit when we feel envious. It can feel uncomfortable, even a little embarrassing.But what if envy is trying to show us something?In this episode, I explore how paying attention to who we envy and what exactly we envy about them can help us better understand the kind of life we actually want.If you prefer to read, you can find the essay here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

I’ve spent a lot of time understanding myself—why I react the way I do, what triggers me, what I should do differently.And yet, in intense moments, none of that seems to matter.In this episode, I explore why awareness alone isn’t enough to change how we react in the moment.If you prefer to read, you can find the essay here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

I went to San Francisco for two days to escape mom mode and borrow some of the city’s energy.What I didn’t expect was to go around the world without ever boarding a plane.During those two days, I had deep conversations with an Afghan pediatric surgeon driving Uber so he could be present for his kids, a San Francisco native who misses New York’s diversity, and a Brazilian parent who sent me off with the warmest goodbye.I found stillness by the Golden Gate, warmth in a plate of delicious Mexican food, and the human connection I had been craving.Sometimes what we need to heal is simply to be among life.If you prefer to read, you can find the essay here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

I finally played the song right and there was no celebration.In this week’s episode, I talk about what it’s like to learn the violin as an adult after spending most of my career in the corporate world. When you come from the land of rewards and pay raises, quiet progress can be hard to grapple with.But what if the rewards aren’t the point, but something larger?If you prefer to read, you can find the written essay here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

Educated left a deep impression on me. So much stayed with me after reading it, about how one person’s beliefs can shape an entire family, dictating how they live, what they wear, and what they eat.Tara Westover’s memoir, Educated, is an extraordinary story of walking away from the beliefs you inherited and finding peace in your new self.If you prefer to read, you can find the written essay here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

There was a time when I woke up every morning feeling like something had gone wrong. Even on vacation, I couldn’t fully disconnect from work.It took leaving corporate to realize how much my nervous system had adapted to always being on, and how my identity had become tied to my job title.In this episode, I reflect on my own experience, what I see happening to others, and what I’m learning about participating in work without letting it consume who we are.If you prefer to read, you can find the written essay here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

Are you more like your mother or your father? In this episode, I explore how growing up between two very different ways of being shaped me and how we get to carry parts of our parents forward while becoming ourselves.If you prefer reading, you can find the written essay on Being You and Free. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

We’re not given a rulebook for life. Most of us learn what really matters through our mistakes, strained relationships, and poor choices.I’ve been one of them.I built my compass the hard way, through consequences that forced me to figure out who I wanted to become. The values that guide me now aren’t the ones I inherited. They’re the ones formed in my hardest moments.If you prefer reading, you can find the written essay on Being You and Free. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

In this reflection, I explore what it looks like when we coast through life versus take ownership of our story. We accept invitations we don’t want. We say yes to relationships that drain us. We take jobs that don’t fit. We're choosing, we just don't see it that way.If you prefer reading, you can find the written essay here on Being You and Free. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com

I was driving when I noticed a bumper sticker on the car ahead of me. It read: “Heavily Meditated.”In this week’s episode, I reflect on how easily we attach ourselves to a single identity, whether it’s a job, a passion, or even a spiritual practice. Over time, those labels can start to feel like the whole story of who we are.But what if our lives aren’t meant to be defined by just one role, but by many seasons and identities?If you prefer to read, you can find the written essay here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit beingyouandfree.substack.com