I wish you had a happier life...

We’re going into Mother’s Day weekend here in the United States. I wrote this poem about a year after my mother died. It’s been seven years now. We had a very - complex - relationship. Sometimes I still find myself searching, longing, wishing…for a deeper connection with her. Whether or not we have children, we all came from mothers. And regardless of the nature of the relationship, I think we can all probably agree that it is complicated. Happy Mother’s Day wherever in the world you may be. It’s Mother’s Day.I’m so grateful for my life, my son, my P.My friends who nurtured and supported me.I’ve made it this far. Thankful.And yet.There’s a longing.For what?I don’t know.I will pause.Stop striving.Stop planning.And wait. And listen.For the next step.I went and pulled out your photos.So young and vulnerable -a baby with a baby.So solemn.I wish you had a happier life.I wish I could have understood you.I wish I was more acceptingand curious and unafraid.I wish I saw you as you were,not as the Mother I never had.What wonders and magic did youhave within youthat I didn’t notice or see?What would you have told meif I had been more patientor asked some fun questions?Who were you?I wish I could have known you.What would it have been likeif I could have seen youwithout the filter of my pain?What would you have been likeif you knew that someoneaccepted and loved you unconditionally?Or had given you kindness and supportas a young woman?Thank you for bringing me into the world.For giving me life.For everything you’ve taught me.I understand now that you are a part of me.You are in me.I hope you are at peace.Perhaps even happy.Or maybe you’ll be able to feel it through me.I love you. Get full access to Aiming4Joy at marypaliath.substack.com/subscribe