IHSTS - Ep. 03 - Feedback Will F*ck You Up

Giving feedback, getting feedback, and figuring out which feedback actually matters — that’s what we’re unpacking today. After a week of rage texting producer Brian, Megan digs into one of the most misunderstood dynamics in any relationship: feedback. Spoiler: most of us are getting it constantly, but rarely actually receiving it.Megan and Brian break down why the best feedback is a question, not a command. Why giving feedback is a privilege. Why your opinion of someone is sometimes just... none of your business. And why knowing yourself is the only real filter that keeps you from spinning forever in a feedback loop.Whether you’re a people pleaser who feels everything personally, someone who gives feedback freely and wonders why nobody takes it, or you’re just trying to figure out which voices in your life actually deserve a seat at your table — this episode is for you.Key Timestamps[00:26] Intro: What Brought This Up (rage texts and real life)[01:55] Feedback Isn’t Just Words — It’s Avoidance, Silence, Body Language[05:15] Is This Feedback Even Yours to Give?[07:06] Best Feedback = Questions, Not Commands[08:59] Getting vs. Receiving: Two Very Different Things[10:02] Why Giving Feedback Is a Privilege[11:07] Compliments Count — And They’re Hard to Receive[14:42] Plants Grow, Humans Develop[16:32] Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation[18:51] The Invitation Framework[22:11] Change Happens in Loops, Not Leaps[25:53] Phenomenology & Shared Reality (It Gets Meta)[30:10] Knowing Yourself Is the Only Real Filter[32:44] Takeaways: Figure Out What Feedback You Actually WantStandout Quotes“Getting feedback and receiving feedback are two very different things. If I’m receiving it, there’s a space I’m taking it in — the package is being delivered and I’m opening it.”“It is a privilege to give someone feedback. It’s a privilege to share your opinion.”“If you don’t know yourself, anyone and everyone will speak into who you are.”“Plants grow. Humans develop.”Therapist’s Toolkit3 Feedback Questions:Am I getting this feedback, or am I receiving it — what’s the difference for me right now?Is this feedback mine to give, and does the other person actually want it?Am I in an echo chamber, or am I being genuinely challenged?ResourcesLevel Up Leaders⁠Enneagram Institute⁠⁠Gottman — Stonewalling & Communication⁠Crisis Support988 - Suicide Prevention LifelineText HOME to 741741 - Crisis Text LineFind a Therapist:⁠Psychology Today⁠ |⁠ SAMHSA Treatment Locator⁠Verify Credentials:Check your state's professional licensing board websiteConnect With UsHave a topic you want us to cover? Questions about boundaries or other mental health topics? We'd love to hear from you!Submit topic ideas: ⁠[email protected]⁠Follow us: instagram: ⁠@ihavesh_ttosay ⁠   Tiktoc:⁠ IHaveSh_tToSay⁠YouTube: ⁠www.youtube.com/@ihavesh_ttosay⁠Rate & Review: Help others find the podcast by leaving a reviewCreditsPodcast Host: Megan Campbell, LCPC, ATR-BCPodcast Executive Producer: Brian T PrairiePodcast Operations Manager: MacKenzie CloyNew episodes drop every two weeks on Tuesday mornings at 5 am. Subscribe so you never miss an episode!Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you're in crisis or need personalized support, please contact a licensed mental health professional.