IHSTS - Ep. 10 - Ships, Friendships & All the F*cking Expectations

Ten episodes in, and we're celebrating with one of Megan's oldest friends — her former intern turned 17-year ride-or-die. Today's conversation is deeply personal and wildly relatable: female friendships. Why are they so hard? Why do they fall apart? And what does it actually take to make one last?Megan and guest Carissa dig into the power dynamics that shape how women are taught to "be nice" instead of honest, why unspoken expectations quietly destroy friendships, and what it really means to show up — not just for the parties, but for all the messy, hard, non-Instagrammable stuff. Plus: Enneagram 2s and 8s in the wild, reciprocity as a litmus test, transactional vs. relational, and why trying to be everyone's friend might be the thing keeping you from your actual people.Whether you've lost a friendship you didn't see coming, stayed too long in one that wasn't working, or have a person who has seen every version of you — this one is for you.Key Timestamps[00:00] Intro: 10 Episodes In — New Logo, New Mugs, Same Chaos[14:19] Welcome & Apologies to Barbie (and Bonnie)[32:46] Meet Carissa: 17 Years, One File Cabinet Incident[39:35] Why Female Friendships Are Hard[41:34] Enneagram 2s & 8s: When Opposites Actually Work[43:02] Power Dynamics: From Intern to BFF[46:43] Access & Effort — Why Friendships Fade[47:52] Expectations: The Hidden Friendship Killer[54:00] Transactional vs. Relational Friendships[58:30] Multiple Versions of Yourself, Same Core Person[01:01:43] "I Got It Wrong" & Masking in Friendships[01:10:50] Red Flags in Hindsight[01:17:44] Reciprocity Test: Are They Asking About You?[01:24:32] Takeaways: Show Up, Be Yourself, Accept the ShiftStandout Quotes"If I'm actively trying to be this way or mask and do X, Y, Z — it's never going to work. It's going to be the worst.""If you only want to show up to somebody's parties, you're not friends. You also have to wallow with them.""You get what you put in. You have to actively choose to be a part of what you want to be a part of."Therapist's Toolkit3 Friendship Checkup Questions:1. Are my expectations spoken out loud, or am I waiting for the other person to just know?2. Is this friendship relational — or has it become transactional without me noticing?3. Am I showing up as myself, or am I masking to keep this person comfortable?ResourcesEnneagram InstitutePsychology Today — Adult Friendships ResearchLevel Up LeadersCrisis Support988 - Suicide Prevention LifelineText HOME to 741741 - Crisis Text LineFind a Therapist: Psychology Today | SAMHSA Treatment LocatorVerify Credentials: Check your state's professional licensing board websiteConnect With UsHave a topic you want us to cover? Questions about friendships or other mental health topics? We'd love to hear from you!* Submit topic ideas: [email protected]* Follow us: * Instagram: @ihavesh_ttosay * TikTok: IHaveSh_tToSay * YouTube: www.youtube.com/@ihavesh_ttosay* Rate & Review: Help others find the podcast by leaving a reviewCreditsPodcast Host: Megan Campbell, LCPC, ATR-BCPodcast Guest: Carissa Tonner Podcast Executive Producer: Brian T PrairiePodcast Operations Manager: MacKenzie CloyNew episodes drop every two weeks on Tuesday mornings at 5 am. Subscribe so you never miss an episode!Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you're in crisis or need personalized support, please contact a licensed mental health professional.