IHSTS - Ep. 13 - Stop Telling Me You're F*cking Fine

What happens when the therapist becomes the client? Megan sits down with Katie and Jay Fillmore — married almost eight years and co-hosts of the podcast Pinkpill Rx — for a couple's-eye view of what it's actually like to sit on the other side of the couch. They get into somatic therapy and Internal Family Systems, how Jay went from "what is this witchcraft" to a full IFS convert, how chronic pain sometimes lives in the body and not just the diagnosis, and how patriarchy screws over men's emotional lives too. Plus: AOL Instant Messenger usernames, teased episodes on cults and divorce, and why "fine" might be the most disconnected word in the English language.Key Timestamps[00:00] Cold Open[00:45] Meet Katie & Jay Fillmore (Pinkpill Rx)[04:14] Fun Question: Your First IM Username[08:10] Setting the Stage: Life on the Other Side of the Couch[09:02] Katie's Origin Story: Divorce, Deconstruction & Finding Therapy[11:21] The Confrontation That Changed Everything[12:49] Discovering Somatic Therapy & IFS[13:54] Getting Diagnosed: ADHD and Autism[15:02] How Do You Know When Therapy Is "Enough"?[19:15] Jay's Conversion: "What Is This Witchcraft?"[21:15] Why Men Get Disconnected From Their Bodies[24:58] Patriarchy Hurts Men Too[28:39] Making Room for Men on the Couch[32:11] Richard Schwartz, IFS & the Local Connection[34:14] Jay's Story: Chronic Pain and the Body Keeping Score[36:23] Pain vs. Suffering: The Story We Tell[44:17] Therapy Is Art, Not Just Science[45:09] Psychiatrist vs. Psychologist vs. Counselor, Explained[52:25] What to Look for in a TherapistStandout Quotes"Fine is the quickest way to disconnect your head from your body.""Suffering is the story. Pain is the physical sensation.""Patriarchy isn't a gender. It's harmful to both men and women, and we both perpetuate it and don't even realize it.""Any therapist that doesn't think they're changed by their clients is delusional."Therapist's Toolkit3 Questions for Where You're At in Therapy:Have I hit a wall with my therapist — and is that my wall or theirs?When something hurts, am I responding to the physical sensation, or to the story I've attached to it?Have I actually told my therapist what I need (silence, being called out, someone who gets how my brain works) instead of hoping they'll guess?ResourcesPinkpill Rx on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/lk/podcast/pinkpill-rx/id1777720717 | @pinkpill_podcast (Instagram): https://www.instagram.com/pinkpill_podcast/IFS Institute: https://ifs-institute.com/ — Richard Schwartz & Internal Family SystemsFull Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn: https://jonkabat-zinn.com/book/full-catastrophe-livingusing-the-wisdom-of-your-body-and-mind-to-face-stress-pain-and-illness-second-edition-revised-and-updated/Brené Brown: https://brenebrown.com/ — on shame and vulnerabilityCrisis Support988 - Suicide & Crisis LifelineText HOME to 741741 - Crisis Text LineFind a Therapist:Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us | Rise & Thrive Wellness: https://riseandthrivewellness.net/Connect📧 [email protected]📱 @ihavesh_ttosay (Instagram) | IHaveSh_tToSay (TikTok)Host: Megan Campbell, LCPC, ATR-BCGuests: Katie & Jay Fillmore (Pinkpill Rx)Producer: Brian T PrairieOperations Manager: MacKenzie Cloy  New episodes every two weeks on Tuesdays