and welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life. I'm Jesse, that's Wilder, and we finally risen from our own sleep to deliver to you yet another Guide to Life. We're back! Now I want you to go ahead and do me a favor.
I want you to guess what's new about my desk. Oh, okay. Uh... I'll give you a hint.
Go on. I got a plan. Okay, so sort of that's the whole thing then. What kind of plan did you get?
Of Japanese Peace Lily. Nice. And how's it going? Is it making you feel peaceful?
I've had it for a few months now. Gustav is his name. He is alive. He is...
He has his ups and downs. He does have his ups and downs. I thought he would be better outside. Turns out, like me, he does not like the sun.
Nice. Yeah, cool. You guys have that in common. Like fun, like fun.
Yeah, we like to stay indoors with the shades drawn. That's fair. So, Gustav and I are a good match. And that's...
Okay, I'll just keep you guys posted on his moods. Funny. Antics he gets into. Well, and that's...
I mean, that is a beautiful segue into today's topic. Yes? It is. So, today, we wanted to keep it sort of cutting edge, sort of right on the finger on the pull.
We always do. We wanted to talk about something very relevant to everyone. So, obviously, today, we are talking about interior design. We are talking about the top hits for designing your interior from two experts, who are being quite honest.
We both just moved. So, we're both sort of in that mindset. And we're masters. We're masters of the craft.
It's a lifestyle for us. It's not just a hobby. It's who we are. Can I tell you one of my many credentials as an interior designer?
And this is a 100% true story. Go on. This crazy woman who I occasionally do work for once was in my apartment. And she said, oh, wow, I love your apartment.
Who decorated it? Oh, no. I thought that we had hired someone. I was like, oh, I'm going to get so much power.
I dang near most into flames when she said that. It was incredible. But let me ask you this, who did decorate it? Me.
And my roommate, partner, Chelsea. But me, also. Here's the other thing. Do you think it was a compliment or is it kind of an insult?
Because she kind of was like, oh, was it a burn? Couldn't have been you guys. Couldn't have been. Maybe it was pure sarcasm.
Maybe she fucking hated the place. Oh, it was like a big dunk. Oh, yeah. Who decorated this place?
Who did? You know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes. My whole life I have lived in places.
Oh, OK. So you've been in the world. Yeah, and I've also been to other places. Yep.
Yep, yep, yep, cool. I've seen interior design. I know what both of those words mean. And you and I, as you mentioned, we both just moved.
So we've had the chance to dabble in our own interior design. So it's pretty fresh. And I will say, I mean, to speak to your point a little bit here, right? It's kind of like interior design, kind of like art.
If you think about it, everything is art, right? Now it's not going to, not everyone's art is going to job with everyone else. Every interior is designed in some way. Who's to say what's good and what's bad?
We are to say. It's us. It's us. That's what we'll be doing today.
I have an idea for this rubric. It's been a while. I kind of want to go room to room as the categories. What do you think about that?
I don't know how else we'll do it. Well, there's some things like plants like you said. That's going to be an every room situation. Let's start where I am now.
Bedroom. Actually, I don't want to start where I am now because we sort of did an entire episode on where I am now because I was going to say the office space. But we did a working from home episode. Yeah.
I think we did a working from home episode. Like we've done 400 fucking episodes and I can't possibly remember which one. Yeah. One of the 18 episodes we've got.
It's been a long time. To be honest, whatever we recorded during pandemic time is out of my brain. Yeah. It's not it's not canon is what you have to understand in the just a while.
It's like Tokyo drift. Yeah, exactly. It's not it doesn't fit into the greater first of all the the guide to life universe, but also the multiverse the Jesse Wabu multiverse talking frozen talking the articles we've written talking backwards, starting to act. Yeah.
What is that? What is our what is our shared universe? The Wabu universe. Come on now.
No, no, because then I'm not getting in there at all. It's got to be the McWabu verse. The McWabu verse. It sounds like the worst milkshake at McDonald's.
No, first of all, we're saying Wabuniverse because that we need that McWabu universe. How about just the McGrath Wabu universe? Okay. They hate it.
That sounds like a virus itself. It's too many. And it's a bad is a horrible mouth field. Maybe the job universe.
Okay. The job universe. I thought we were going to come in rusty, but hell no, maybe we're mid season four right now. Job universe, put it in the books.
Let's get to what we're doing. Let's start with living room then boy. Are we talking about living room, which is also a dining room or is living room like coffee table TV type of area? So here's my thought.
Because this is a great point. Because my mom has like a dining room area and a living room area and some people have like a TV room and then like a city. You know what I hate? You know what I hate?
A dining room. Here's stuffy in there, baby. Exactly. I want to let's be where the people are.
Like Ariel said. No, I agree with that fully. And I got to be honest with you, those people, those dining room people, they're not listening. Yeah, off to the dining room.
Yeah, they're in their fucking library reading. Oh, I can read. The butlers here to serve us in the dining room. Yeah, cool.
So there's fucking tables that seats like 75 people. Get over yourself. Well, here's the problem. Here's the problem.
It depends on what you're doing, right? Yeah. Because if you're having people over for dinner, you're not going to all cram onto the three person couch and stare at the TV. If it's just you and maybe someone else and you're even dinner, then that's allowed.
So what is your solution? Because right now we're nine, almost ten minutes in and we've got not a goddamn thing. I guess one of my solution is dining room. No, here's what I like.
Here, let me give you a tip from the interior design master. All right. Okay, go on then. What I've done in two separate apartments now is I use the kitchen table as a way to divide the living room quote and the kitchen.
It sort of serves as our dining area and also separate it. We want to have that two separate spaces. I don't want to be cooking in my living room. You know what I'm saying?
Well, you wouldn't be cooking in your living room. Correct. I have a living chef and so I'm not cooking anywhere. Like in the old apartment that we live in together in Paris, may God rest her soul.
Which just means is on Paris. Yes. Not in the city of Paris on Paris. Yes.
We did not live together in Paris at any point in the job universe. Yeah, we had that summer in Paris that we never speak of. There was that counter that divided the kitchen in the living area. What I'm saying is to do that with a table.
Do you know what I'm saying? Can you picture that? I can picture it. I'm just going to put I almost just want to put a did we come up with an opposite of bonus points?
Oh, yeah, we did. But I don't ask me what they're called because I whatever a studio apartment is is just the worst altogether, I think. Because then you're cooking in your living room and you're sleeping. You're doing everything in the same room.
Yeah. I'm surprised you even got a separate bathroom in them ships. One big room. Very bad.
I live in a studio where the bathroom had one of those sliding doors. Oh my God. Oh my God. And like no locks.
And you know the fucking never locks. It never locks and the layout of it is as soon as you slid that door open toilet. So if you were on the toy D, you could just leave out that little crack right into the kitchen area. Yeah.
Yeah. You could spy on people. I think full house. I got another one.
Very pretty good. Aikia furniture. Can we agree to that? Yeah.
I think that like he like and that's coming from someone who has much aikia furniture in their house. But like you just you hit there is a high floor with aikia, which is the beauty. But damn that ceiling kind of low a little bit sometimes, huh? It is.
Somebody can't look surprised you though. We just got an entertainment center from there. That's like a almost like a teal. It's like a painted unit.
Yeah. Yeah. It's like a nice cool cool. See, super colorful.
Not my shit. Let's talk about that. That's that's in full house, I guess. Yeah.
What are you doing with? I think colorful. Very pretty good. Why?
What's your very quiet? My fucking power just went out. Oh. Oh, it's back.
Mine did that yesterday. Like did you guys also have like a crazy storm? It's August in Los Angeles. No storms here.
So if you think colorful is very pretty good, what is your palette? What is your color palette? Well, I mean, I guess this is really just this goes into personal preference here. Like I'm more of like a minimalist design lover.
See, but that to me is the interior design marks of a coward. Yeah. But that's no good. I think that's very pretty good.
I think if you can use color, because remember we're talking the ultimate, right? We're talking like big money shit. Yeah. You know what the problem is?
That is just so far beyond my comprehension. Right. Because you're in one of the more. I think this is where, is this what Pinterest is for?
I've always wondered to myself, what is Pinterest for? Yeah. I think I do think this a big, a big hitter on Pinterest. And you have to understand that it was born in me because of orange chair.
I always had a color to build around. Well, yeah. Orange chair. Bonus points.
Gotta be, gotta be bonus points. Yeah, but is orange chair fashion? Yeah, man, because this is what happened, right? This is how my, this is my interior design origin story.
I had that orange chair for those of you who don't know, I found an orange chair in a hallway in that studio apartment that I lived in and it was delectably comfortable and. It's a little comfortable chair I've ever sat in. Yes. And there's a barn LA has two of them outside the bathroom.
Makes no fucking sense. Yeah. But there, it's so money. It's so good.
And then I was like, well, this is my most important piece of furniture that I'll ever own. So let me build around it. Yes. Okay.
Let's, let's go with some, some things we, facially are very not quite lit. Cause I think we're, we're too busy trying to like crack the code of what's the best and we need to start with what we know. I'll give you one fucking patio furniture. Yeah.
Somebody who's like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we just got this camp chair in here. Yeah, that's, that's for camping. Take that away. Yeah.
Patio furniture living room. No, let's make patio category. What goes on the patio? Nope.
Nope. Nope. I already thought about this interior design, bro. Okay.
Good point. It was honestly the first thing I was thinking about this episode before we started recording and the very first thing I was like, Oh, what kind of cool ass backyard we haven't and then realized that that that's not it. Okay. Cool.
Very not quite lit. Lavalamp. Yeah. Lavalamp.
I got another one. And this might be full house as well. Oh boy. Yeah.
Yeah. That feels like maybe kitchen specific or like dining. No, it might be in like the in the sitting room. You know what I mean?
Sitting. There's like four chairs that are facing each other and there's a little table in the middle of the plant. I know what you're talking about. Yeah.
Fake fruit is a toss. Get fake fruit all the way out of my fucking life. What a nightmare. Another full house one tapestries hanging on the wall tapestry and flags.
Get out of here. I don't need it. Yeah. And that you know that is tough because in college I did think that was the dopest dopest dopest smoked.
Yeah. This is so cool. That was cool. Like Tibetan flat.
We had that shit on our ceiling. Yeah. I'm not sure if I'm going to get off that I know that I did in college in high school. You were swimming through fake fruit in my dorm baby.
I had that shit in every drawer. Yeah. Get them in the toilet bowl. Imagine if you opened a bunch of drawers in someone's kitchen in every single one of them.
It's full of fake fruit. You're looking for like a bottle opener. Just fucking wax bananas. I almost want to say very pretty good but I can't even make a case for it.
Unframed posters. Very pretty good bro. That's worse than that's worse than very not quite lit. You talk about like thumbtacked.
You talk about like thumbtacked poster. That's the worst thing that there is. I know it. I know it.
I think thousands of dollars on picture frames. Yes. Okay. I think the poster thing is kind of bedroom specific.
Obviously not in college but we really can't base everything on college because it's flawless in college. Honestly that could be a whole other episode is college dorm because that's some nonsense. Our college was our college furniture was basically based on shit we found in the street. Yes.
Correct. Song Craigslist. Like we and also like literal trash that we thought was cool. Right.
That's how it works. We found a fucking outside of a Safeway one night. There was a you know like some Pepsi displays that are like half your height. And then you put like bottles of Pepsi.
It was that but it was R2 D2. So it's like obviously we're going to just take this home and we filled it with bottle caps for two years. Like that is the most college shit. And we thought it was the coolest thing we've ever done.
And that's like another like collecting trash. Which I feel like is a thing where it's like people collect. Yeah. Exit signs right.
Like what you see like a street sign or an exit sign you're like a fucking license plate. I mean noise. I say this as someone who does did find a mannequin outside of a dumpster and did move it to New York and then back to the Bay Area and still has it in their house. And also Catherine and I found her face in a tree.
And she found a pore a shattered porcelain cat head in a tree and then brought it home. Which she still has. I think can I give you something and this is absolutely biased. I think full body mannequin are very pretty good.
Okay. Yeah. I mean I don't accept this because I don't think there's a situation in the universe where you walk into someone else's home and you see a full body mannequin and you respond with anything less than discussed. Well no that's not true.
You're only thinking of our precious daughter. Yes we see other precious guiding light. Paris. So the only reason I can defend this at all is because we did have a friend in Brooklyn who was a mannequin because she used it to design clothes and it did look kind of cool but her apartment was at school.
That's cool. Yeah that okay I guess but like let me tell you something. I'm a little afraid of mannequin. Okay and it's fair and that's fair.
They fucking creep me out on. Alright I'm gonna put it very not quite lit but I want everyone to know that in my heart. There are exceptions okay. It's very quite lit but yes I get it I get it.
What do we think about and this applies to like rich people like in mansions but like when we think about a vehicle inside like a motorcycle or a car. Inside what like not the garage. You're talking about like in the like as like a display. You know like imagine like a like a rich person's day ass billionaire.
I think that sucks. Yeah agree. Okay. Oh and let me just hit you with I've been to a billionaire's house.
I while there's a drive into Dan Bilzerian's house. Okay. Let me hit you with a couple of Dan Bilzerian's interior design choices. All very not quite lit.
Number one. Men with AR 15 standing everywhere. Men what? Men holding AR 15 standing at all spots.
Sure. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
Sure. You're talking about the way. There's a cool like old musket above the fireplace. Yeah.
All right. All right fine. The one time guns are going to get very pretty good for me. Yeah.
What else did that freak out have two kitchens. Yeah. That's not that's very pretty good though. My point with rich people is I feel like their house is always very either one sterile.
So everything has got that like chic like minimalist like everything is marble or God is fuck where there's just like chandeliers and shit everywhere. And I don't really want any of that. Although chandelier is kind of tight. Might be a bonus point.
What do you think about that? I don't like a chandelier at all. I think you've ever seen a movie. Oh, it's true.
It will first show fall on you. Let me tell you what I'm trying to get in here. Pop this on very quite lit. Bar cart loaded ass.
Good looking bar cart. Is that living room or kitchen do you think? I get oh and then you roll it out from the kitchen to serve drinks to your guests. Yeah, baby.
Rich Jeff. Friend of the pot. Shout out to rich Jeff. Has a house for me to give us like a fucking like a crystal decanter.
And we just put some fucking fine ass whiskey in it and poured out of it. How about how tight is that shit? It's a little don Draper for my taste. It looks so much.
Yeah, but you're thinking about in the office. I'm talking about home. Oh, another power outage. Eat my tits.
Got you. That AC is working overtime. Oh my god. While we finally get to AC of the power game and say on unbelievable.
But either way we agree bar cart. Very. White lit. I got to tell you very not quite lit.
This is not so much design, but it is a little bit. And this goes along with the whole like college fucking morons. A bunch of cups from like like events you went to like a bunch of sports. Like oh yeah, we went to an A's game.
So we're just drinking out of this cup that our Pepsi came in cups. Very not quite lit. Glasses commemorative glasses. Mm-hmm.
Okay. Gustav is staring me down and he's like what about plants? Yeah, full house plants is a one. That's a very quite lit for sure.
I'm not a big. Fake plants? Very pretty good. Oh, yeah.
Sometimes they fool me. I kind of I'm an iron one because there's like a little spot that I kind of want to put like a tall guy in. You know what I mean? I'm just going to put a category here called bonus room and that could be your office.
It could be man cave. It's awesome. Hold on. I've been to a very elegant man cave though.
Oh no. It has to be very pretty good because usually I don't like the classic man cave where it's like here's the big compute couch and the video games. So what made this a man cave rather than like an entertainment room or like a game room? Like what about a man cave?
It was off property. It was in the backyard. It's a pool house. You know what I mean?
What color do you want your walls to be? I'm good with white bud. I don't need. I'm good with white.
Well I think not give me that nasty yellow P white out of my face. Yeah, actually I'm going to put non-white walls in very not quite lit unless you can't give me a reason not to. So like I said with like the orange chair, right? It's like I had this piece where it's like cool.
I can build everything. Oh, please. It's sort of around it. A very interesting piece.
The orange chair. I got interesting pieces, bro. This is very like Brooklyn hipster of me and I don't care. I do like a fucking fancy wallpaper.
What do you think about that? I like him in a bar. I don't want him in the home. Oh, brother.
Let me tell you something I hate in the kitchen. And most people I talk to seem to like this and I cannot fathom why. I hate black and white like linoleum kitchen floor. Ooh, I like it.
What do people like that shit for? I like it. I think it's a very retro. No one agrees with me.
Oh, I hate it. That shit looks like ass. I think it's kind of retro. Is it real tile or linoleum?
I don't know. It's the color scheme most of all that I don't like. Can we say very quite lit, hardwood floors, very not quite lit carpet? I've recently learned.
I think I like carpet in the bedroom. Interesting. I've gone from all carpet to hardwood and everywhere else except for my bedroom, I'm wild about it. Obviously, I don't want carpet in the bathroom.
That'd be absurd. But I kind of miss. I like the squishy when I get out of bed. I got a big rug and that solved it.
Yeah, I was going to say you get a rug. We haven't talked about bathroom or bedroom at all. Yeah, bathroom. Okay, let's go bathroom.
All right, got to have art in the bathroom. Got to have art in the bathroom. Or like not art, but like post something got to be hanging up on the wall of bathroom. Yeah, I'll give you a very not quite little bathroom.
All your stupid fucking shit all over the place. I feel like bathroom, the only place where everyone's like, oh, I'm actually great about the bathroom. I like my bathroom. You know what's on my sink?
A cup? A little cup for my toothbrush? On the other side? Not just the hand soap, baby.
I got it in a nice wood dispenser. There you go. Yeah. And then I got the medicine cabinet all organized.
I keep a tidy bathroom. I love that. Unfortunately, I live with a girl who has maybe seven to eight thousand different products that she puts on throughout the day, I guess. I don't know.
I don't really see it happen. Little tubes and elixers or potions and whatnot. Sure. Nothing I can do about that.
There's not enough space in the world. I'm not a counter which I don't love. I get another one for you. Why are you mirror so dirty everyone?
Everyone's bathroom mirror covered in fucking up. Yeah, because when you get a clean it. I know this is not good for privacy reasons, but I like the glass like that like shower door. No, I over a curtain.
Yes. Shower curtain can get tossed. We agree with that. I think some of them are cool designs on some.
That's bathroom art, baby. Yeah. Okay. The problem with shower curtain is I feel like it has a ceiling.
You can really get so elegant with shower curtain. Weird maintenance where like they're going to get sometimes you just got to get a new one. Yucky. You can also change up that design.
They're pretty good. I like a tiled shower. Also, I get one of those showers where the water is directly above your head. Yeah.
We're talking function now. Not so much design, but yes, which is incredible. It's sort of design though because it's good looking. Can I?
Yeah. All right. I'll give you that. Like a waterfall type shower heads.
Let me give you a one that I really like. The bathroom is a place to me where color is a playground. Yes. I will have a pink tile.
You can have fucking mint green. I like to give a shit. That's all like that to me. Do you like a stack of toilet books?
I don't want to encourage people to stay on the toilet for too long, but I do like the look of it. No, I don't like it because. You know what's very not quite lit? The magazine basket next to it.
Oh my God. Magazine basket bad. I think books on the toilet is also bad to be on. It's fine.
All those books for me are on my coffee table. Right. I'm not and like no one's looking at them including me because I'm on my phone. Like all the rest of the chemistry.
Yeah. You know what goes on the back of the toilet? Maybe a nice smelling plant. Yeah.
Agreed. Yeah. Hide your pooper re-dudes. What are you doing?
I'll tell you what you can't have that's not hidden. It's a match on the back of the toilet. I'll accept it like a nice matchbox. Not in like some fucking 7-Eleven.
I like it. And then I think matches know good. However, it's just like a little much. Right.
It's like a this is here just in case you take a nasty shit. What you do your big big sinful poop. I don't think we like we all know what happens in there. Oh, another power out of it.
Mother fuck in. Is this did happen again? Yeah. Just happen again.
Ideal for the living room to me is a couch and a chair. Yes. Or maybe just multiple like seating apparatus. I got something for kind of kitchen and bathroom, but I'm going to lean it into kitchen harder.
The only thing I think to call it is like the gentrification remodel kitchen where basically a landlord does a quote remodel so they can charge like $500 a month and all they do is go and buy those like corny like future-y looking cabinets. Let me tell you what's not quite lit and which is occurring in my kitchen in this place I live now. When your fridge just barely clears the other side of the counter when you open the door. Okay.
Yeah. I mean not so much design thing as a bad-ass function, but yeah. You know what I don't like in the bathroom? The exterior sink.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I hate it.
Those are like the little one, the point five bathrooms like the poop closets. Yeah. You can at least put a sink in there guys. No.
Yeah. And I've been in those poop closets that have sinks. Yeah. And I've also been in full bathrooms that have those shitty little exterior sinks.
That's like a big thing I feel like in the mirror. Yeah. The mirror sink is fucking stupid. Yeah.
Oh, you know what else I hate? Jack and Jill doors into a bathroom. Oh my God. And they're always sliding doors and you know you're going to get caught.
What the fuck is a Jack and Jill door? It's like when there's a door from each direction into a bathroom. Oh, yeah. You know like two bedrooms for sure.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We're not even touch bedroom.
So I want to fly off a couple for you. Now I would love to talk about this because I'm struggling to make my bedroom cozy. And I know what I need and it's too big and I can't afford it. Okay.
Which is a big reading nook. Big chair. Oh, you want to be chair. Yeah.
I'll put that in very quite lit. I think a big comfy chair for reading. I think that's tight. The problem is what am I going to buy a fucking chair right now?
I can read in my bedroom. I know it. We are both cursed and blessed with kind of a small bedroom. So there's not I there's not a lot of space.
I wish it wasn't this big. Big chair though if you can fit it is tight to have a big ass chair in there. Very not quite lit to me is bed frames with like a banister for poster. Yeah, that's kind of fun.
Like I don't want to my home but I would like that in like an air. Right. Correct. Which is not what we're designing.
We had you know we're designing. I think it's got to be very pretty good. Okay. All right.
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Right, right. You live in the back of someone's house. I think the interior design is you have to accept where you're at. Correct.
Yes. You have to build around what you're given. Living room, something that neither of us fucks with, but we have a good friend who does. I think very quite lit.
If you're into it, a fish tank. What do you think about that? Yeah. Yeah.
Very good. It's very, very good. Okay. Fair.
I mean the person that we know that does it is very into it and does a very good job with it. Yeah. It's also like a pick fucking fish tank in the room. You know what I mean?
Right. No, it's true. Imagine if that fell. Yeah.
I mean, I'm not going to put in full house that I'm incredibly guilty of and I think it's very not quite lit, unfortunately. Toys. Toys around the house. Yeah, that's a very not quite lit.
Okay, but here's the thing. I include Legos in that. Now, does that bump it to two? Is that very pretty good?