Internal Working Models: The Quiet Rules We Learn About Self, Others, and the World

MEDIA LINKSWebsite: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/HostsAli McGarelAdam W. FominayaOVERVIEW OF BIG IDEASAli and Adam unpack the “internal working model” as a mental blueprint: the mostly-implicit rulebook we carry about who we are, what other people are like, and what the world tends to do to us.They emphasize generalization. A painful early event rarely stays “one-to-one” (not just “chihuahuas are dangerous”), but expands into broader assumptions (“dogs are dangerous,” “animals can’t be trusted,” “the world is unsafe”).They highlight a clinical nuance: the same childhood context can yield divergent lessons. Two siblings can walk out of the same house with different narratives because the organism is always constructing meaning, not merely recording events.A practical triad becomes the organizing frame: how I see myself, how I see others, how I see the world. The episode shows how one early motif (e.g., “I’m helpless” or “I’m a burden”) can shape adulthood across medical situations, home repairs, and intimate relationships—either through clinging dependence or rigid self-reliance.They also point to “competing beliefs” and split paths: “I’m a burden” can coexist with “I must take care of everyone else,” producing the familiar pattern of over-giving and under-receiving.Finally, they bring it into the therapy room: many “confusing” behaviors make sense once you locate the old organizing principle that once protected the person. The question becomes: did it work then, and is it helping now?BREAKDOWN OF SEGMENTSOpening and Delve reminders (services, consultation, and sharing the show).Defining internal working models and why they’re bigger than single-event triggers.Generalization in action: the chihuahua example expands into world-level beliefs.Self-beliefs: childhood illness as a seed for “helpless/dependent” or “burden,” then traced through adult stressors (health, household tasks, attachment needs).Other-beliefs: the scraped-knee vignette (“people aren’t responsive”) and how it becomes mistrust, refusal of help, or even feeling insulted by care.World-beliefs: “the world is unfair/dangerous,” illustrated through guarded reactions to billing and assumptions about how businesses operate.Closing reflections on stillness: why silence is hard, and how waiting in the uncomfortable middle can sometimes let the situation clarify rather than forcing a rushed, anxiety-driven decision.AI RECOMMENDED REFERENCES (APA)Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.Bowlby, J. (1969/1982). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment (2nd ed.). Basic Books.Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology, 28(5), 759–775.Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide. Guilford Press.