it's not the thing, it's your relationship to the thing: rewiring your brain

i think it's called meta-cognition when you observe your internal relationships to external things... the relationship between self and object, rather than the object itself. i'm not denying the realities of oppressive systems and real harm, more like how you might be able to navigate them from a more empowered place so you can be hot & have fun in a way that makes sense to you!!! ~~ as always, please share your thoughts!00:00 - intro03:17 - it’s not the thing itself, it’s your relationship to the thing04:18 - being hot & having fun04:34 - connotative vs denotative interpretation05:40 - how you perceive reality is specific to you06:27 - adjust and redefine06:51 - your identity is dynamic07:10 - superficial change vs spiritual growth07:32 - your personality is the sum of your habits08:01 - performative slay08:25 - radical acceptance09:03 - optimising for FUN and EFFECTIVENESS09:24 - doing a mental audit09:48 - avoid defaulting to binary mental traps10:09 - redefining your relationship to money11:56 - redefining your relationship to love12:53 - suspend your moral framework of unmet expectations = bad14:37 - appreciating life beyond just what you can perceive15:18 - redefining your relationship to power15:41 - sidenote: virtuous suffering16:28 - SPEAK TO THE MANAGER WITHIN17:08 - the willingness to seek and create win-win dynamics18:31 - diffuse your awareness and observe before assuming you have to double down on a position19:32 - changing your relationship to beauty22:39 diversify your sources of validation22:51 - the skills to look hot vs cultivate self-respect are different23:23 - notice and manage your human desire for silver bullet solutions23:57 - embrace the process of trial and error to accumulate experience24:26 - the fear of flop/failure is often worse than the flop itself24:59 - the most sustainable and rewarding growth takes time and usually isnt glamorous25:30 - redefining your relationship to your emotions26:21 - associating discomfort with growth rather than failure26:32 - redefining your relationship with your identity/identity markers27:06 oppositional identity, “counterwill” and oppositional defiant disorder28:05 - people will love & hate you whether you enjoy your life or not so focus on figuring out how to enjoy it28:43 - redefining your relationship to restreferences:patriarchy and power: how socialisation underpins abusive behaviourPsychological drivers of gender disparities in leadership pathswhat underlies a teen oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis books (affiliate links)The Tao of Physics by Fritijof CapraThe Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peckall about love by bell hooksThe Beauty Myth by Naomi WolfWays of Seeing by John Berger