Welcome back to Fresh Matters, where we discuss matters of freshness. I'm the grossier here with Kat from Metro. Kat, your produce is impeccable. We have high standards. We... Meat is custom cut on site to my very delight. Yep, it's important that we... And the baked goods? More like baked grates. Fresh in store every day. So at Metro you would say fresh. Matters? It does! Find fresh meals and deals at Metro!
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Jaron's Outpost is a bustling city located in the nation of Goldcrest. A nation that nobody cared about until the king was slain by a bunch of adventurers. Unfortunately, adventurers did what adventurers do, and they didn't think of the consequences of killing a powerful tyrant, and they promptly left the citizens of Goldcrest to figure it out for themselves. For now, Jaron's Outpost is a melting pot of religions, criminals, politics, and paranoia, with everyone keeping everyone else in check. But all that's about to change. Welcome to the enhanced edition of Jaron's Outpost.
Damien Eaton turns to face you three. Do you think this is over? I am worth a thousand of your armies. We're going to forget the little army all around you because, fuck, they do not care about fighting this dragon. So, your little cleric buddy, Pierce? Yep. Rooted to the ground in fear. Cannot move. Clara? Charges up next to you. I've got your back. Yeah, Clara. Evelyn. Come on, Evelyn. You got this.
Evelyn shakes her head, holding her sword tight, says, I'm ready to die. I'm sad I'm not still full of souls. It's what a great moment to be like, I slit my own throat. There's only so many games we can end with you doing that. How many games end with your suicide? Ah, too fucking many. It's always the right thing to do. Piss, you act first. I would like to cast Confusion on it. It's my last go of Confusion for the day and I doubt it'll work. It doesn't.
you are not even able to overcome the creature's spell resistance. Some creatures, like dragons, are so powerfully charged magically that when a spell attempts to affect them, it's just so much weaker than their natural magic. It just has a chance to not affect them. That's what happens here. You can move if you want. Whatever. I'll move behind the cleric.
He's not in this combat. You can move behind Clara or Evelyn. I'll do that then. I'll move behind Clara. Then it is Clara and Evelyn's turn. Clara casts some of her last magic. All of you feel bolstered. You get bonuses to attack and damage. Sweet. Evelyn, screaming, charges forward. The eaten dragon tries to chomp at her. It grabs her, lifts her up, and tosses her into the air. You can faintly hear from Evelyn.
She comes down on the dragon with her sword. That looks kind of amazing. That looks like this good mixture of dangerous and crazy. Like all religious zealots are. Is she on it now? She's on its back, slowly sliding down with her sword embedded in. That's awesome. All right. I drink my resist energy acid potion, and I've got that energy acid cloak thing. Pull out silver steel and just run at the fucking dragon. Silver steel is white hot in your hands. Let's do this shit. I run, I run, and I just jump at its gaping mouth.
You reach the base of the dragon and begin trying to climb up. So as you climb up, you pass Evelyn on her way down. High five. What's up, Ev? She smiles. What the fuck are they doing? Climb the dragon. The dragon rolls over with you on it. It bites at you. Great. But it can't, like... It can't get its massive roar at you. Two of its claws slash at you. It rends you apart with its claws. Then two of its wings wrap around and bang, bang, slam into you. Then its tail...
Fucking hell. Is it also hurting itself? Nah, it's like, it's not the same thing. Okay. He took all of its attacks. Fuck. Two claws. Two wings. One of them. Oh, shit. A critical hit. It's all right.
It's impossible to tell which blow is which. It's just like a hailstorm, but instead of water droplets, pain. You take 30 points of damage, and when... At first you thought that the air had just left your lungs, but now you notice that the air will not return to your lungs. I've got a punctured lung. No, you've got a crushed trachea. What does that mean? I can't breathe. Can't breathe. Shit. What do I lose every turn? You don't lose anything. You just slowly suffocate. What's your constitution? Oh, pretty good. You got 12 rounds before you start suffocating. All right. But the first time you fail, unconscious. Then the next round, no save.
Dead. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Unconscious. Dead. That's 12 rounds away, though. Like that. Those 12 rounds will pass like the blink of a cat's eye. What if I get a cat's mouth? Leo. Can I look around to see if there's anything I can grab from the fallen commanders? That'd be, like, too long. Well, then I'm going to try and run and sneak attack somehow while it's distracted. Sneak attack with a dagger.
The dragon's head slams into the dirt where you were about the moment before. You're on the right side of it. You can sneak attack. With both daggers of venom and thundering. And I'm going to use the venom. Just go nuts. Anything I can. Your venom attack misses, but your thundering attack hits.
What's good against ass? What I need right now is a little bit of concentrated full moon. That I can just... Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Guess what? Now I'm... I hate that voice. Can we make this fight just take another 33 days, please? You deal 20 points of damage. Most damage anyone's dealt so far? Yeah. So your second blow stabs deep into a muscle. The muscle makes one of its legs jerk and it hits itself with its own floor. Stop hitting yourself, dickhead. Piss. So inspire courage. Will that get the people out of the fear trance?
So angry. Excuse me, Adam, for making you look up rules. It's like the first time we've made Adam actually have to look up rules. It's good. Usually we're like, we do a dance to impress him. You failed. Okay. Is he impressed? No. He should be. It was a real good dance. Let me just roll. It wasn't. I'll go up to them and I will start playing. We're fighting a dragon. What needs to get got? The cleric remains in his.
state of fear torpor garbage goggles also remains in his state of fear torpor well that's right uh and and i guess your move action is just move towards them yep that's your turn sorry hey look that's life clara gets big like real big that's good she expands in size she gets that fiery halo the light coming out of her eyes and now and she charges she grabs the dragon by its neck and punches it once i just remember it doesn't have her morning star ah yes she deals Five damage. Pick up a weapon, you see? My turn almost? It's Evelyn's. Evelyn gets to the bottom of the dragon, tears her sword out, takes a couple steps back, and then swings as hard as she can. She sends the sword sailing into one of the dragon's eyes. Got it. Evelyn deals 48 points of damage. All right, so Clara's, like, punching the face. She's big enough to, like, hold its head, yeah?
Not really. She grabbed it, but, like, her hand did not fit around its neck. It's still bigger than her. Oh, no, that's fair. She's big enough for her to, like, kind of grapple with its head. Up yet, yeah. Hold its head steady. That's the Clara. And now I'm going to... Don't climb into this bitch's mouth. Clara grabs its lower jaw and wrenches it open. You leap into the dragon's mouth. It swallows you whole. Am I in its belly? Or in its neck? Slowly being swallowed. Good. As this is happening, tree token. Grow a tree out of dragon's neck. It was a mighty oak, not a pissy little pine tree.
You take 11 points of damage in the first round. That's all right. So does the dragon. But the dragon doesn't die. You don't die. Two hit points, breaks its throat open, and you're safe. Eight hit points, it kills you. Hang on. So I'm either going to kill the dragon and live, or I'm going to kill the dragon and die. Yeah, pretty much. I'm pretty happy with those options. Okay. I might just sit down. Can you pass these to Handsome Complex? Oh, fuck no. I don't want to have to do stuff. Like, all of them? All of them. Just on the table. Yeah. What do I need less then?
You need less than eight. You have a very small chance of living here. Yeah, it's tiny. I've actually got to roll all ones. No, if three of them are twos and one of them's a one. If I roll a six, I'm fucked. Yes. I'm going to die. Yes. The dragon's neck begins to bulge as if a tree, a tree that is 60 foot high with a 40 foot diameter is bulging out of it. Leaves are sticking out of the dragon's mouth. Its eyes are just... The dragon's neck explodes in all directions. Its head...
hits the ground. Its body hits the ground. In its place, a giant blood-red tree stands, slowly sliding off the top of the tree with bits and pieces of, at first you assume the dragon, but then you notice that's Periwinkle's arm. That's one of Periwinkle's feet. That's Periwinkle's, not head, but face. Every zombie that hasn't already been killed drops like a marionette with its strings cut. So no chances.
That being healed. Clara turns around, starts vomiting. Evelyn grabs her and drags her to the gore, which she has been covered in, which you, Leo, have been covered in. Pierce, you're fine. Is my shadow back? No. Why would it be back? I don't know. I am so satisfied. Clara and Evelyn begin collecting your bits, and Clara turns around and says, if we're fast enough, I can maybe save him. All right, what needs to be done?
We need to get all these bits. Don't forget my dick. It's average. It's not my drink business. A rousing cheer begins to go up among everyone here. Periwinkle, periwinkle, periwinkle. Man, this is so touchy.
Your bits are collected. A stretcher is brought out. They're put onto the stretcher and a tarp is thrown over them for decency and dignity's sake. And people fight to be a pallbearer. You're led away with Clara still like... I don't know any of this. You're somewhere else entirely.
Underneath a red tree in a white void. Yeah, a gentle-looking fair maiden sits next to you. She's lying down, but feeding a sugar cube to a white horse. And you see a sword at her side. You'd be the... I died, didn't I? She nods. You're communing with Lady Willow. Yeah. Would you like to go back, she says?
Is that an option? Your friends wish you to come back. Well, if that's an option, I'll take it. She nods. All right. Would you like to stay here for now? Yeah, I'll rest until I get dragged back, I suppose. Why am I so calm? Feel free to sleep. She turns back to the horse. Okay, I'll just finally rest. I can rest.
My watch is over. It isn't, but all right. For now. You close your eyes. While Periwinkle naps in the afterlife, his remains are brought back to the small chapel in Whitefort, the place where the sabres were. Clara is displeased by this, but goes along with it. She casts a spell over the remains. We have to wait a day. I can bring them back. It will cost a lot, though. Like what? Like money-wise? No, no. I will require a great sacrifice from someone. Evelyn stands before the...
She's growing on me. Evelyn stands before the stone slab, takes a knee, draws a sword and lays it before her. She says, take whatever you need. What do you need from us? Clara says, what sacrifice I require is something dear. I don't know what will be taken, but it will have a heavy toll on you, Evelyn. Evelyn nods and says, I'm ready. Clara says, well, you can get up. I need to do it tomorrow. It would be easier if it was spread out.
Over a few of us? No, I don't have... I've used too much magic today. I'm casting a low-level spell to preserve the corpse and allow me to cast the spell I require to want. I think what Leo meant is, like, the sacrifice. Could you spread that out over temple people and make it not as bad? No. I'm not offering myself. I'm just clarifying. No, the sacrifice must be painful for someone. Yeah, right. I don't know what will be taken. It could be something as, well, mundane, perhaps, I should say, as your sight, or something as complex as your childhood.
Whoa. Imagine that. Just take your childhood away. What do you remember? Oh, just dumb 20. I was 20 and then it's now. It could be a great many different things. What? Evelyn nods and says, I'm ready for this. Evelyn, you barely know the man. I swore an oath. I'm his friend. I'm going to go to the keep. As you, like, try to move away, Evelyn's still gazing at Leo, puts her hand down and stops you. You're going nowhere. All right. You wait right here. I'll get me Shadowback eventually, tell you what. Mm-hmm.
Why'd you even come back with us, she says? I don't know. That was where the crowd was going. I think you would have. I'm trying to leave now, but she won't let me. Don't you have mixed messages? No, Adam is asking, why'd you even go with us? I probably wouldn't have, to be honest. All right, well. Cool, I'm at the keep. All right, you begin the long search for your shadows. That's your soul. You already got that. Also, you are not doing soul searching. That's not the pierce way. If you find your shadow, you will have come out of this missing really only an eye and a lung. I'm back to square one. It's pretty good. It's good. Sure, square one. Greg Piss hit par, and that's all he needs. You're going to put your shadow back on.
No, I'll figure out a way. Just do the Peter Pan, like, throw it to the ankles. Oh, fuck, I don't even want to consider that. Okay, so are you going to, like, talk her down or stare her down? Because Evelyn, like, is not backing down. I'll talk her down and be like, Evelyn, you swore an oath, but this town needs you more than it probably needs me. Perhaps I misjudged you, little one. Most people do. She gets up. A day passes. In that time, peace.
In among the looting of the castle, which goggles largely supervises. So looting is in... Well, stuff is stolen, but... Acquiring for the town. Procuring. A lot of it will find its way back to the town guard or people who need it. Cool. You find in the dungeons where the other shadows were kept... No, the people were kept. You find your shadow. Right. It's chained to a wall. Right. It looks up at you. Oi. This is a fucking to-do we found ourselves in. It shrugs. If I pop you out, do you know how to get back on me? It shrugs. Fuck. Well, I'll crack you out and we'll throw you out at the pub, yeah? Thumbs up. I like now that...
Great piss shadow can act independently of great piss. I'll crack it out. It takes a while, but eventually your shadow is free. Sick. Well, it walks on the floor next to you or on walls as it needs. We'll head to the pub and figure out what next move is. The next day, Leo, Pierce, and everyone else in and around Jan's Outpost wakes to a new day, a new dawn, just as battle reconvenes somewhere far, far away. A different battle. O'Rourke, you're in an army larger than you have ever seen.
Maybe a hundred million deep. You didn't know that there were that many people, period. A hundred million is a number you can barely comprehend. You're shoulder to shoulder and you can hear the distant sounds of combat. Everyone standing among you looks to be some man or lady of nobility. They're all knights or paladins or clerics or... Yeah, I feel out of place here. I'm just a brawler from the streets. Men of honour and great fortitude. I've got honour. I don't have a title. He's got salt, but you're not a soldier. You're scared, disorientated.
You don't know what's happening. And then you hear a gentle but firm voice calling out. Not just to you, but to everyone. But you feel it resonating within your very being. Have heart! Keep fighting! Push! Push! You turn around, and larger than life, far larger than you could imagine, is Lady Willow. Oh, definitely dead. You've seen interpretations of her in and among her paladins back in Jaren's outpost.
The pictures simply don't do her justice. She's a knight astride a white pegasus, wielding a lance, and you can see that she is ready for combat. She swoops down, and a massive outstretched claw, perhaps of a dragon or some other foul beast, tries to swat at her. You have a brief moment of panic or fear despite yourself, but she deftly dodges the blow and continues onwards. You're in the fight. The good fight. It's like, is this purgatory? This is your afterlife.
So I spent my whole life fighting. I died fighting and get to spend eternity fighting. Bring it on. This is like all of Periwinkle's Christmases came at once. Slowly, everything begins to speed up around you and you realize everything had been moving in almost slow motion. But now the fight continues in earnest and you are among it. You remember perhaps some snippets of conversation, things that you'd heard from Chief Priestess Clara and also from the Saber's Commander Evelyn Plain. Yeah.
That Lady Willow is locked in combat for all of eternity with her opposite, a god by the name of Lord Oakflesh. He sounds like a fun guy. It's a sick name, though. They fight for the souls of all those who have died in combat, good and evil. That sounds like a cause that I could absolutely get behind. I get to punch things forever, and it's a noble punching. As you fight, you see the souls passing across the battlefield. You struggle to try and capture as many as possible, to send them on their way to heaven, and your opposites do that for hell.
Am I still in B armor? You're in B armor. Is it like, oh, that's amazing. So I can pop those gauntlets with no repercussions because I'm dead. No.
I was about to ask Adam, like, so they're fighting and they're sending them, what? Ghosts can die. Oh, sorry, ghosts can die. So if I die again, do I go to another fight? No, then it's gone. There's nothing after this. I just felt so empty inside. So hang on, he's fighting. In the afterlife, it's basically just a second chance. It's not like the end, it's just like, basically an extra go. So he's fighting the opposite army and it's like, if you die in that fight, if you re-die again, you go as a ghost and you're like, well, I hope my side wins.
Yes, okay, although the fight is harder to kill me. I guess now that I'm dead. Yes, but they're also stronger So I can't hang on hang on you just took that real blaze excuse me another figure dominates in this fight this figure has no army to speak off but from just Their presence and their appearance, you can tell they are also a god. Is this oak flesh? No, it's a dwarven knight in heavyset armor. His armor carries no insignia of allegiance or anything like that. And you get this powerful, it's hard to describe what neutrality feels like. I've seen future armor, I know what neutrality is. But he strides through the fight and you see him adjudicating over it.
Okay, so this is a heaven. I'm currently in a cosmic battle for the souls of the world between a warlord, warrior, princess, queen, god, woman. Yes. A guy whose name is Lord Oakflesh, which is like the devil if he was also a warlord, being adjudicated by a fair but malevolent dwarf. Not malevolent. Okay. Just a fair. Strict but fair. Strict but fair. So like your grade four teacher version of dwarf. Yes. All right. A high school principal. A PE teacher. No, no, no. My PE teachers were just shit. Oh. So. Yes. Yes. So they're the...
Hopefully. Okay, now I'm... All right, so you've got your gym teacher versus, what, your lit teacher and your principals adjudicating, is it? Yeah, yeah, bring it on, bring it on. You're fighting across some hell-blasted landscape, but as the fight continues, you realise you're moving from plane to plane. Sometimes you're underwater and the fight becomes three-dimensional, like a... You know how the ants will collect with each other? Yeah, yeah. That, but a war. We become like a whole person? Like a Voltron. Like a Voltron? Not like a Voltron. Well, like a Power Ranger, yeah? Like a Voltron. Not like a Voltron. Like ants building one sort of figure to take out more ants of another figure.
No, no. When ants fall in the water, they all collect together because they can form the vault. I'm an antron. So I'm an antron? Am I in hell? Goodbye. I mean, sometimes you are fighting in hell, so yeah. Have I made any friends? You fight Saturday in among them. Yay! Saturday, Saturday, Saturday. You and Saturday, like, clasp arms as all the comrades. It's a shame I have to see you here, but at least we're here together. We have fought well. We have died well. Let us fight well again. And hopefully we will die well again too. He laughs. Hopefully not. Did you know? That's the end. You only got one extra chance.
So I'm just fighting for days over different lands. Is there any rest? In Among the Combat, you learn that once a year or once a cosmic or a year based on the material world, Sir Blakewood, the Dwarven Knight, will call for a temporary truce and for but one day you may relax. So then I can go home? Like Halloween it? Like ghost periwinkle? No. You're a ghost. You don't know how to return to the material world. A thousand years pass for you in the time it takes for you two to wake up.
A thousand years and you had one evening I spent a drink I might have spent it worrying, maybe waking up every moment and going to Clara. What's going to happen? It's going to be cool. O'Rourke's body has been taken and interred at Fort White. I want to ask a lot of questions. If a grade school would ask the questions of a priest, it'd be like, so what happened? Who are you asking, Clara or... She's the one that said she would be performing the ritual. Yes. So what's going to happen? You said you're like... To bring someone back from the dead, a price must be paid and it will be terrible. While I am sworn under the human pantheon, I will have to petition Lady Willow for O'Rourke's soul back. I do not know if she will require something or if she will ask you to proffer something. Okay, and what happens to the city of...
If it doesn't work, if O'Rourke's gone, who's... Well, O'Rourke named no clear successor, so I couldn't... So are we just going to be back to square one? Back to square one minus Damien Eaton. Square one's all right. How would you like a king with a very big cock? That would inspire the people. They will sing songs of my cock and leadership. I wouldn't say square one. Look at what we've accomplished. The gnomes, they've been evacuated and are safe. Their weapon is gone. Damien Eaton has been slain.
The blood cult is gone. There's a really big pretty tree just in the middle of a... That's true, there's a pretty tree, but the... The people aren't afraid of the dark anymore. That's true. That's not square one. That's good. She puts a hand on your... She kneels down. She has to put a hand on your shoulder. She kneels down, puts a hand on your shoulder and says, a thousand men live and die and wonder if they changed the world at any point. You don't have to worry that. Neither do I, but I'm still fighting, so I don't know. I just hope we don't fail. You see a long road ahead of us. I see the same road, but I see a long road behind us.
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our families? Freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is a thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Welcome back to Fresh Matters, where we discuss matters of freshness. I'm the grossier here with Kat from Metro. Kat, your produce is impeccable. We have high standards. Meat is custom cut on site to my very delight. Yep, it's important that we... And the baked goods? More like baked grates. Fresh in store every day. So at Metro you would say fresh. Matters? It does! Find fresh meals and deals at Metro! We've come this far. I kind of nod and be like, okay. And have a sneaky smoke.
But not trying to hide it this time. Out in the open. Proud. Because it's a relaxing one. That's character development. I was just about to say. We did it! This campaign began with the character assertion, can a man smoke for comfort in public? And I feel like we've answered that. D&D's for nerds. Proudly advocating comfort smoking. This is the first smoke that I've had where someone isn't actively trying to kill me. And fuck, is it a good one? Oh man, that is good. Big up for you, Leo.
All right, so would you like to go to Castle White? All right, yeah, we'll head to Castle White. What are you doing, Pierce? Would you like to come? There's going to be like a big ceremony. Everyone knows what's happening in the city. Everyone knows what's happened and what's happening.
You actually, you know, maybe after festivities you go from tavern to tavern and you hear a lot of people telling a lot of tales about what happened. There's a, like, the last fight a lot of people were there for. So everyone knows that O'Rourke saved the city. Everyone's cheersing to his name. But in the lead up to that, a lot of the events that you were kind of heavily involved in, there's a lot of people being like, oh yeah, and then this happened in the vault and you're like, no, they locked me in the vault. After you tried to betray him. Am I painted as a hero or a villain by the people, Adam? People say about you what they've always said about you. Nothing's changed for you. Oh, that's fine then.
That's what I was looking for. You're actually a head. Yeah, if anything. Do you have any debts? No. No, I'm clean. I don't know if killing all the people who you owe money counts as coming out. No debts. Exactly. Kill the head of the quiet knives. They're not going to come back for that. Not at all. So I know the resurrection ceremony is planned. Yes. Tomorrow evening. Oh, well, I might swing by if it's on the way. What feels like the entire town has turned out for this. The streets are lined with people. It's so thick that just normal business has to shut down past 6pm.
Everyone, or like, there's a lot of people, I should say, with candles, lit candles, approaching Fort White. They stop at the falls to the fort. They don't actually go in. You could try to get in, though, if you wanted to. Hmm. Nah.
I'm good. You maybe, though, see if you don't wait outside. Yeah. Well, I'm assuming that I'll find out one way or the other. I feel like by the end we weren't out, like, you know. It's not the kind of thing where we came out of it like, we did it, we're besties for us. We fought alongside one another in an uneasy alliance. Yeah. I did try to kill you when you were where I thought. Frankly, I'm happy to just wait and see. But you didn't kill him. No, true. I feel like that's something that Greg Pierce basically should have said. No. That's a classic Greg Pierce thing. That's true. Maybe I'll go inside.
We were best of friends. Oh, I didn't see what's happening. I'll have a sticky bake. All right. As you're approaching, you see a procession. The procession has Chief Priestess Clara. It has Leo in it, Gragia. A rock's kids. Sweat buttons and sweat rock. Yes. Maybe Grook Grook as well. Oh, she's good. Ian would be there, I assume. Yeah, all of the... Except for the days that are with you, the entire week is there. Poor Grook Grook. No Grook Grook should, you know, watch your son die before she does. Well, to be honest, for half-walks, it's pretty common. Grook Grook and Gragia are both wearing black shawls and...
and drapes, and you can hear soft weeping from... Oh, man. Are they just, like, walking amongst the crowd? No, people are partying to allow them through. I'll just part. I don't want to join them. They're bringing a coffin with them. Little family, like, they're in my honour as well? I was made part of the procession. Okay, nothing. Probably not. There's a bunch of members of the town out, though. Like, anyone that you knew has turned up for this ceremony. I'd nod my head to Leo as he passes, but I won't join the procession.
You probably weren't invited, to be honest. I wasn't invited, and also, like, I just don't want to be on display. All right, cool. They get to the... Yeah, you get your shadows, though. Yeah, yeah. My shadow's here, plus that's a bit weird if I join in. My shadow joins behind you. Your shadow skulks behind you. Because it's a 3D thing now, it tries to remain hidden. That's probably a good thing. Which isn't that hard for it. It's night. Oh, that's true. So with the whole day, basically. So what's happened during the whole day? There's celebrations throughout the city, but no one you knew was celebrating, because no one you knew didn't also feel distraught at a rock's passing. Yeah, I think everyone I know is kind of gone. My death was badass, all right?
So then I spend this sort of day, maybe I drop by Gragio and see the kids. And maybe it's kind of like a tour around. Tour around Jaren's Outpost. Go back to Little TeagleEye, seeing how fucked up it is. Oh man, it's all destruction. It's not even bittersweet, it's all just bitter. Post-World War II is what I would describe Little TeagleEye as. Can I get a coffee somewhere?
Yeah, no, no one's serving coffee. Damn. Couldn't have some half-orc coffee in my place, but you left, so. Half-orc coffee is just beer. And? It's like a beer with ground-up caffeine, and not, like, actually ground-up, just crushed beans in the hands of an orc. You gotta do it by hand. Otherwise, it's not orcish coffee. Yeah, this is good. Yeah, I'll, um, go around the Jaron's outpost, like, to kind of, like, yeah, see how it's all going, and maybe go to the docks and be like, yeah, a potential one plus two. The docks are still kind of an issue, because the orcish tribe hasn't properly been expelled yet. Ah, I thought we got them. Ah, then I don't go near the docks. They've been broken, but they're still, well, it's...
Kind of like... It's like the Quiet Knight situation. Yeah. They've lost their leader. They're a bundle of ship. They still exist. I don't want to see the horrors of Jaren's outpost and be like, we need a leader. Fuck, this place is still fucked. The docks are still largely a no-go zone, but they're a no-go zone because people are just like, best not. Not because they're like, orcs might attack us. Okay. The orcs do look properly crippled. I'm going to be saying a little silent goodbye to good old meat pie. Write a letter to Flip Sham. Write several letters to Flip Sham. Scrunch them all up. Realize I can't say anything good because I'm bad with words and just don't. And then head to the procession. Cool. Okay.
At the gates of Fort White, you're met by pilot and commander Plain and a bunch of her higher commanders. She nods dutifully to Clara, who nods dutifully back, and the procession passes by. They step aside so that the procession can pass them by, but Plain stops you, Leo. She kneels down, looks you eye to eye, and says, Last chance. I could take your place. You could. She'd be a much better fighter in the 2,000-year battle I'm currently still in. I'm amazing at fighting, all right? Just because I'm small.
You fuck. Actually, you weren't really the only one to survive that gun attack. Yeah. Look, yeah, you could, but if things fuck up, this town needs a leader, and you're in a better position than anyone else here. What happens if Arrok doesn't come back, and the person that goes and offers that dies, gets maimed, loses their mind, anything? What happens then when you are no longer leading the Sabres? Plain.
I remember when you first came here and we discussed with O'Rourke about converting. Super happy about that, wasn't I? And you told me that I was presenting you with a lose-lose situation. Yes. Do you remember that? Yes. He pats you once again on the shoulder, gets up and turns around and walks away. There. In Fort White, there is a small chapel. As you progress through towards the chapel, people start breaking off because there's only so many people who can fit in the chapel itself. It goes from friends and associates to friends to close friends to basically just family and people who need to be there when you get to the chapel itself.
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is handpicked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Piss. That's why piss isn't in the chat. Piss didn't make it past the fort wall. I watched the procession go by. You can try to stay with them if you want. I'll stay with them until I can't anymore. You get within the walls of Fort White, where a bunch of the town guard that didn't really know O'Rourke, but just members of the town guard are. As you approach the doors to the fort itself, a paladin holds up a gauntlet at hand and says, that's far enough. Understood. Well, I'll find out, right, though, while I'm here. An announcement will be made. All right. Can I go back into the crowd and start taking odds?
Greg pissed till the very end. What side do you take? All right. Well, I know Leo's doing a swap, right? Do I? I don't know. I don't think you actually have had a chance to discuss it. No, yeah. You went and got your shadow back, I think. Yeah, I did. Right. He's a high level cleric. Can I take both bets? That is the definition of always bet on pits, is betting both. I bet both. Surely I'll be net zero.
Different odds. Do you not know how odds work? You're going to give the wrong odds. Wow. You are not a statistician, nor are you a cleric. You do not know what are fair odds for this. That's why you're so much dead is because you're a terrible gambler. Because of luck, you just suck at it. Truly, Greg Piss, you are reverting to square one. You will finish this campaign in the exact same position that you started it, and thus the cycle of piss continues. It's an aurora-bora piss. For an hour, Clara is...
moving about the chapel, splashing holy water on the floor. She burns a fig leaf over a rock's body, and you hear her the entire time muttering under her breath. You try to catch what she's saying, and you get snippets of a prayer. It sounds like a chant. Lady Willow, fair is fair. Bring our beloved back to us.
Lady Willow, fair and strong, return our champion once more. Lines like that over and over again. Finally, at the end of the hour, after she's burnt the fig leaf, splashed holy water around, she's maybe, like, gathered, collected some of O'Rourke's personal items and laid them about him. And then she places a hand over O'Rourke's eyes and over O'Rourke's heart, and she begins to name deeds that he did in life. She says where he was born, where he grew up, when he joined the town guard, when he married, when his first child was born, when his second child was born.
Just any deeds that she can conjure forth. And she's probably... We did this in the docks. We did this. And then, yeah, put a tree in a dragon's mouth. Clara gives a bit of a stylized stint to it as well. It sounds a bit rose-tinted to you, Leo. Fair enough. It is nonetheless touching. You can tell that it comes from a place of love from Clara and a place of love, deep love, and understanding from O'Rourke's family. Clara makes eye contact with you, Leo. Leo, step forward. Kneel before the altar, please. Kneel before the altar. Lady Willow, Periwinkle O'Rourke was taken before his time.
We offer this sacrifice. Please, bring him back to us. Leo, everything goes dark. You're in a blank, empty void. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Slowly, the world begins to materialize around you. You get these weird smells, you can hear these strange things, and it's like looking through translucent glass. Everything is just splotches of color at first, like a painting, almost. Slowly, your vision begins to focus in, and you slowly understand what's happening. You are in the middle of a fight.
are one of the biggest fights you have ever seen. There must be a hundred million bodies just crammed together in this one battlefield. Welcome to my world, Shadow. And I'm so little. I know, you're just going to get stopped. Oh, my God. Oh.
A shadow passes over you. You look up and see a beautiful woman in armor astride a white pegasus. She glances down at you and you feel you can tell that she is singling you out specifically. She says nothing but continues flying across the battlefield and dives down. You hear her clatter among troops. All right. I got my daggers with me here? You draw your daggers. Cool. Can I start, like, making a beeline towards her? Sure. You rally. A bunch of troops move with you. They rally towards Lady Willow. All right. O'Rourke.
You feel a tugging at your... Oh, shit. Somewhere just above your solar plexus. You feel this strong, powerful tugging. Do I have an opportunity to turn to Saturday and be like... Do you feel this? Saturday says, what? Excuse me? You've kind of got this vague idea that you can hear Clara's voice. Chief Priestess Clara. She's calling out to you. You can go to her if you want.
Saturday, I think I have to go. Saturday turns to you, but his eyes don't focus on you. They focus straight through you. You are slowly, you realize, becoming translucent and transparent to your own ghost senses. And you imagine that Saturday actually can't see you because he calls out, Oroch, Oroch. His voice becomes distant. Clara's become stronger. Very bad. Your chest feels awful. You feel like you've been wrung out and then stretched out. You come back. You're alive. Your heart beats for the first time.
in what feels like forever. Centric. Thousands of years. Thousands of years. I don't know. I believe this is the last time my heart beat. Time felt strange as a ghost. It feels stranger now that you have the memories as a human. Orc, I should say. You're in the chapel. You come back just in time to see the crushing damage that was dealt to you by being trapped in a dragon's throat when a great oak tree appeared. That is just completely healing over as you come back. I've had worse. Clara's standing there. Your family are all around you. Gragia breaks down next to you. You hear Grook Grook, like, quietly crying, but...
She's happy? Well, yeah, happy tears, but to see her crying is, like, kind of a big deal, which is why she has the shawl over her mouth. Yeah, not fair. I don't look at Grak Grak because it's disrespectful to look at you Grak Grak when she's having emotions. Grakia doesn't care. She throws back her shawl and grabs you. She's sobbing into your shoulder. I love you, too. Just got crushed by a dragon. Still be crushed. Still be crushed. Love you, though. Love you. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I love you so much. You hear her in between sobs whisper into your ear, harden up. Not look fair.
I don't think I just died or anything, but to be honest, that's effect criticism. I should be taking this much better. Buttons and sweat rock call out almost in unison. Daddy! Oh, there's my girls! They also crush, you know... Nothing better than a family crush. Yeah. To stand up, I guess. The small chapel... Look around. The small chapel is filled with everyone who is close to you. Leo is standing near the altar, swaying slightly. His eyes are closed, and you can see wisps of smoke coming out of his mouth. Smoke monster.
It was lost. Is this the true purgatory, like the island? Leo collapses. Make me up. Clara, who was... She cradles Leo, but you can't... She obscures him, so you can't see. I try to move my family. What happened? Why am I back? The last thing I remember was like, wait, did we win? Slowly, what happened is explained to you. After Damien Eaton was slain, the town guard, with some assistance from the white sabers, were able to bring Jaron's outpost kind of to a... Just a little bit more... Organised chaos. Yes, organised chaos. The organised chaos that Jaron's outpost has thrived on. The blood cult has been all but wiped out, with a lot of the high-ranking members captured and naming names.
I know what happened vis-a-vis my resurrection. Yeah, what's going on there? Why is Leo smoking? Why am I in a battle? What's all that about? Clara picked up Leo's form and moved over to Commander Plain, and they're both looking him over, whispering to themselves. They're kind of in a corner of the room. No one's really paying them any mind. Excuse me, friends and family. I need to find out what happened to him. And I go over to those two. What's going on? How am I back? She comes with. Okay, fair enough. Just dragging them. Two kids on your legs. Maybe buttons and sweat rack also as well. Like one on each leg. Yeah, yeah.
Daddy go again. It was more of a militia. I figured my family were going to follow me everywhere. Goggles on one arm. They know, they understand. What happened? How am I back?
Why is Leo on the floor? Plane steps around Clara, and with none of Clara's characteristic tact, says a sacrifice needed to be made. You remember waking up, I assume, under the command of Lady Willow? I fought that fight for 5,000 years. Well, Leo, I think, took your place. Oh, he's an idiot. He's going to die. You know you can die when you're dead? I learned that when I got over there. You can die twice. Again, I'm not that incompetent a fighter. Rest in peace. So many slights, I just feel them. Clara.
Clara puts a hand on you, a steadying hand, and says, Leo's body has remained behind, but Lady Willow has put a presence in it. Uh, he's possessed? Plane shakes her head. Not exactly. I've seen this before. He's what's sometimes referred to as a revenant, an undead creature brought to exact justice in the world. I could get behind that. I like things that like justice. Plane slowly sets Leo down, and Leo's eyes are open now. They're blindingly white, and slowly smoke waths out of his mouth. Cool. He stands up under his own power. He gets yourself a damn Terminator, sir. Leo? Leo doesn't respond.
Cool. Leo is gone. This vessel is filled with Lady Willow's presence, Plane says. It is an undead creature that will seek out and destroy evil where it exists. I'm going to deputise this remnant. I still am commander of the town guard, I'm pretty sure. Leo's body opens its mouth and it says in a thousand different languages at once. That's upsetting. Cool. Thank you, O'Rourke. I will do justice. Okay, but...
Is there a shade of grey justice? I will do justice. Good. Yeah, good, good, good, good, good, good. Clara? Yeah, yeah. Clara shrugs. She seems a bit, like, perturbed at the situation. Clara continues. I believe this might not necessarily be the end of Leo, though. Meaning? One day a year, there will be a break from the fighting, and perhaps Lady Willow will allow Leo's soul to return to his body. I like those odds. Do we know what day that would be? Can we work that out? I need to thank him. It's the same day every year. I want to sit down and thank him for bringing me back. Why did he bring me back? Why did Leo? Why did all of you?
Clara says, we need you. The town needs you. Leo knew that as well. Jaren's outpost needs a solid leader, and you are the best person to fill the job. Not right. What do I do now? Lead.
An announcement needs to be made that your resurrection was successful. I can do that. There's a balcony here. You can wander out onto the balcony. The town has turned up to see this. I want to turn to Gragia here, because I imagine that Periwinkle's good at leading people into battle and stuff, but terrible at public speaking. I'm a little bit nervous. What do I do? As all kings often are. Gragia says, be yourself. I won't punch anybody, though. Just be honest, she says.
All right, I go out onto the balcony. Fuck. But also good. And applause ripples outwards through all of Jaren's outposts. People are cheering, waving, throwing their hats into the air in celebration. Candles are being waved. You notice that a lot of people have candles. It's a small fire going on across the town. You can see the lines of candles stretching off in all the different streets away from you. Every street is lit up as if it were daytime.
Piss is alive? You probably don't hear Piss. It's just like a meeting on different voices. Grab your wanders out next to you and holds up both of her hands for silence. Eventually the crowd dies down and you can be heard. Uh, hi. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Periwinkle. Oh boy. Everyone knows who you are. Oh, yeah. Thanks for coming out here today.
This town has been through a lot. More than it should have gone through. But if you'll let me, I want to help us get this town back to, you know, being the place that we could be proud of. I bled for this city. I'm sure some of you out here have bled for this city. And it deserves our, you know, it deserves our love and respect. Tell them we'll fight well. We're going to fight well. Or we're going to die trying.
The crowd erupts into applause. The plane steps out on your other side, puts a hand on your shoulder and says, what are your orders? Orders? How would you like us to proceed? We need to fix the damaged areas. How bad? I assumed that the fight was catastrophic. He walked with you back off the balcony. People are still applauding. You can hear it inside. It's deafening. Yeah, we need to rebuild the city and...
A member of the town guard has taken out like a little clay scribe thing and is taking down those... I guess I'm now the commander of the town? What am I? Well, traditionally, the commander of the town watch has been referred to as the commander of the town watch, but you're also the governor. El Presidente. Goggle says, what do you want to be called? Periwinkle O'Rourke's fine for me. All right, you're the first periwinkle. Lord, king, baron.
Periwinkle's just fine. Describe, like, looks at Goggles, Goggles nudges him and says, write it down. All right, so I want... The fine periwinkle. Who's with me? Well, plain Clara, everyone's with me. Everyone's with me. All right, so we need to basically... Leo's wandering behind you.
So Leo will be my deputy because I can keep tabs on him and I want to know when he comes back and we can do justice. Goggles, you and Ian are now the two highest-ranking members of the town guard. This is captains. One of you will be to lead the city restoration project. The other one will be to ensure that those stinking shorefoots stand trial for their crimes against this city. And my family. And your family. Plain can lead the judiciary. Plain nods. Clara, you can be part of the city restoration project. I know you care about this city and you want to see it rebuilt and the people protected. Thank you. I do love this city. I think that's it. I think we just need to get to work. It's going to be a long, long journey back, but we'll get there.
Greg Pierce, it becomes quickly apparent as people come to you with their little ticket stubs that for some reason you gave a lot different odds than you frankly remember giving and now you're in a lot of problems. I'm at the front of the guardhouse, like the wall, yeah? The Fort White. How high is the wall? Air to be 20 feet. Do you reckon if I got a boost from my shadow, I could get awful? No, probably not. Oh, you could fry. Yeah, all right. Let's give that a go. Give me a boost. This is your fault. What did you do? Your shadow, as he gives you a shove up, you whisper back, what did you do? Your shadow just shrugs. You managed to climb onto the other side of the... Can I hoist my shadow up with my hand? Oh, your shadow just walks through. On the other side, there's a bunch of paladins from the white sabers here, but none of them pay you too much money. I put my hands in my pockets and so I'm going to be like, let's get nasty.
you escape for now and with that for the first time in a long long time jaron's outpost is at peace thank you for listening to the enhanced edition of jaron's outpost all editing and sound design by sean allen Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is handpicked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is handpicked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.