Bombas Nose Cozy Winter Footwear, inside and out. Inside, warm merino wool, soft sheepskin shirling. Outside, fluffy sherpa and smooth suede. Inside, layers and layers of luxe cushioning. Outside, sturdy soles and grippy bottoms. Bombas Lippers and Juice, a cozy way to stay in or step out. Visit bombas.ca slash music and use code music for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot C-A slash music. One purchased equals one donated, always.
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butcher's custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Jaren's Outpost is a bustling city located in the nation of Goldcrest. A nation that nobody cared about until the king was slain by a bunch of adventurers. Unfortunately, adventurers did what adventurers do, and they didn't think of the consequences of killing a powerful tyrant, and they promptly left the citizens at Goldcrest to figure it out for themselves. For now, Jaren's Outpost is a melting pot of religions, criminals, politics, and paranoia, with everyone keeping everyone else in check. But all that's about to change. Welcome to the Enhanced Edition of Jaren's Outpost.
You look over the edge, you see a lot of bodies and nothing else. You can't spot Gragia, you can't spot Periwinkle, and you can't spot Pop-Up Shorefoot. Flip Sham picks you up and starts carrying you down the stairs. You fall unconscious. Piss. Yes. Still in the sewers. All right. You never get your way back to the Blood Cult hideout. The door is still there. It's probably been left open, actually. They wouldn't have closed it on their way out. Good. Anyway, I'll walk into the Blood Cult sanctuary. I'll keep my broken bottle at the ready, just in case anybody's been left around and I'm searching for my soul. The place looks clear. Oh, that's nice. Gosh, I hope my soul's here. That'd be nice.
You get down into a storage place, a place where you might keep wine, but instead you see racks and racks and racks of that same container with white liquid inside all of them. Surely I feel a connection to my own soul. Maybe. Perhaps I'm pious, man. Start cracking them open. And what? Drinking them.
Eventually I get my own. Drinking souls. Adam has taken off his glasses. Smash. Smash. You gave me no choice, Adam. I gotta drink souls. You smash the first one. And as soon as there's a gap in a container, the liquidy type thing inside becomes a gas and escapes now. Can you try again? Yeah, sure. If you're quick enough, perhaps you could put your lips around the opening. I'll give another go, though. Sure. All right. And drink souls.
After a solid hour of trying to drink souls, you have broken literally every container and have not felt a connection with any of the ones that you drank. You feel ill as well, I should say. I'm assuming they'll pass like anything else. Like, you felt ill when you lost your soul. You felt ill when you lost your shadow. I feel like Greg Fisk has basically been walking around with food poisoning this whole time. You've got symptoms from the rat find. You're missing teeth as well. Yeah, I know. And a lung. And a deny. You can't find your soul.
Perhaps they brought it with them. Right. Wow. I've cleared out every soul in the place. Mm-hmm. Right? And there's nothing else really in the Blood Cult worth looking at. I'll give a search while I'm there. Why not? Maybe you can overturn some interesting equipment. Yeah, sure. Why not give it a loot? It's empty. No one's coming. If you find more health potions, I might scream. So I suppose that means that... What's his face? Ralph Maroney has my soul. That means I've just got to get to him. I killed Shane, so... That's pretty good. Today's largely been a win. Yeah, I'd say. Only Greg Pierce would call what happened to you today largely a win. Hey, after what happened to me and Leo, this is definitely a win.
You find 400 gold pieces. Sure, I pocket it. Whatever. An obsidian statue of a hunting dog that you think is worth maybe 500 gold pieces. Sure, chuck it in my bladder bag. Well, maybe he can get you a bag in exchange for your earlobe. I'm not kidding. I'm actually not kidding. And a wand of cure moderate wound with 10 charges in it. Fuck. Oh, man. I'm not kidding. Can I still hear the riot? No, you're probably too... Oh, actually, yeah, you can. Which is very surprising because you're far from where that was happening.
I guess I'll surface that, if there's nothing else of worth in here. You surface, and it's night. The first thing you notice is there's fires all over the city. Why? You think this little riot might have spiraled a bit? My bad. Breakfast kills a lot of people tonight. Ralph Moroni was chasing me, right? Yeah. I might just start very casually making my way back towards the gnomish warehouse and just check bodies, looking for Ralph. Just seeing if my soul's around. There's, like, looting, rioting going on. It's very dangerous to head back towards there. You can if you want, but you might be involved in something. You know what? I might just lay low around the entrance to the Blood Cult, actually.
All right. If they're going to come back, whatever. I'll deal with them. There's going to be no one here as many. Yeah, I'll just chill. I'll take a breather. You know what? I deserve a breather. I had a day. I light up a cigarette. I probably don't have a cigarette. Don't light a cigarette. You've only got one lung. That's true. You have been, though. Yeah, I've been smoking. That's all right. No such thing as cancer in D&D. As you're walking back, the sewer grate pops up, slides open, and out comes a halfling with a shock of red hair. He looks at you. You look at him. I know you. Shorefoot? Right? You're one of the Shorefoots?
Yeah. Yeah, right. He starts climbing out. You're Greg Pierce, aren't you? That I am, yeah, yeah. He helps up. You know what Papa Shawfoot looks like. Son of a bitch. Like four of them climb out of the sewers. Things are looking not terrific for you there, fellas. Well, we had a bit of a trouble at our warehouse. Oh, right. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Absolutely not. Papa Shawfoot gives you like a sly look out of the corner of his eye where he's like, maybe he doesn't believe you, but he doesn't question it. I'll be like, Shawfoot, I've been doing what any pious man's been doing and I've been searching for myself.
I had time to remember it in your business. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Great fist found God. So, you're in a bad way. What's the skinny? Give us a date. No. All right, well, fair enough. Well, if you're looking for an odd job, though, I got a job I need doing. Oh, yeah, looking for an odd job, absolutely. You're only good at killing people. I can do it. Plus, I'll pull out my obsidian statue of a dog. You can have this. Consider it a gift. You take the obsidian statue.
You know what? Fucking thank you. It's all right. It's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me today. Yeah, well, happy to work for you, man. Fuck, you know, I'm a good inside man. I work with the Little O's a bit, work with the Quiet Knives a bit, you know, with the Guard, a bit of this, a bit of Eaton, so if you want me... You're the fucking slut, aren't you? In many ways, yeah. It's funny you should say that, because one of the people I want killed is with the Little Foots. Oh, yeah, yeah, the Little O's. Another one's with the Town Guard, actually. Oh, right, right. Can I guess their names? I'm a bit psychic, mate. Go on, then. Right, it's one of them... Let me just... It's one of them's name, Leo Shadow. And the other one...
You think you can do it? Yeah, no, yeah. I was just having a bit of fun. What do you want for it? Well, there's a couple things I need. Me soul. Who's got your soul? Could have been anyone. Oh, right, right, right. I know what you're talking about. Me shadow. Right, that's Eden. He's grabbed that one. Plus, I got a whole heap of debt. You fucking cunts. Eden's a bit out of our way, but we'll give you the soul for Leo, and we'll buy back your debt for the town god. You got yourself a deal, friend.
Shake his hand. Spits in his hand, you spin yours, you shake hands. Do you mind if I come back to your arm? Not in a great way. Sure thing. Yeah, fucking hero. Just like chum up to the other halflings out there. This is amazing. You know, people have said that some people mistake me for an halfling because I'm little. I've got nothing against being little. It's a thing that happens to me in my life. Sometimes I think it comes to my advantage. Sometimes, not always. But that's the kind of city we live in, isn't it? You get back into their clothes shop. It's more like a dry cleaner than really a clothes shop. Just dry cleaner isn't a word that exists. Papa Shortfoot's like leaning on one side of the counter, you're leaning on the other. You're having a chat, they bring out like some...
Halfling whiskey. Oh, this is the briefer I was looking for. I noticed you're a bit injured. Show me some of your wounds there. I'll lift up my shirt, reveal my scar. Hang on, isn't he healed completely? No, I've still got colon damage. If you have a lung taken, the healing potion doesn't bring the lung back. And you've got the scars from the surgery, stuff like that. Alas. What's that on your hand, though? What's on my hand again? He stabs you in the hand. For the love of God, fucking hell. Drags your hand towards him. If you fucking double cross us, I'll cut your throat out. Right, yeah. Pulls the dagger out. You didn't have to. You could have just said...
You're a right slut. Now get out. Take two points of damage. I'm down by whiskey before I leave and grab a drumstick. Take a bottle. I do. Win for Greg Fist. That's a fucking... That's an up. This seems like a low point. This is a high point. I want it done in the next three days. I'm easy. Don't even worry about it. I leave with a bottle whiskey and a cut hand. Okay. One final thing. Highs always. Highs.
Nice. Okay, good. I don't know what that's about. The rest of your night is whatever you want to do. Uneventful. I'm trying to think. Maybe I should go to a tavern. All right. You're going to a brothel, mate. A comely wench. Greg Pierce, a slippery heel with a big cock, enjoys the rest of his night. Just imagine Greg Pierce looking at the camera, twinkling his eye, and then it would, like, close in on him. Piss. The next day. Leo. Perry Winkle.
Both of you wake up in the temple to Penia and Gnomes. You're lying on comfortable beds. The softest thing either of you have felt in a long time. So I hate it. You try to get out of bed, but Clara Norman, the highest ranking authority on the divine in Jaron's outpost, is there and she says, please, sit down. Lay down. Make up your mind. Sit up if you wish, but don't get up. Sit up. You can tell that you're in her personal office. It's very nice, it's very clean. It's like someone who's very meticulous about every aspect of their life. She sits down and says, can you tell me what happened last night? No, where's my wife? Your wife is fine.
I want to see her. I'll tell you what you want to know. I want to see her. Very well. Please wait here. Where's Flip? Your girlfriend? Yeah, partner. Partner. She's okay as well? You should have been in Sinai, yeah? She's with her people right now. A lot has happened while you were unconscious. How long have we been unconscious? Maybe 10 hours.
Did you get Papa Shortfoot? No, I didn't. Gregia comes in being wheeled in a wheelchair. She's alive. She's like very groggy. Imagine someone's kind of drugged up. She's wheeled next to you by just an acolyte of Gnomes or Penia. And the chief priest is standing in the doorway and she says, I'll give you a moment to learn then. Leo? I get up and hobble over and... You're taken off to a feasting night. I put my hand on Gregia and I'm glad you're okay. She nods as you leave. What happened to you? What happened to me? Are you okay? You fell, she says, honorable in combat. I lasted not much longer. Papa? He escaped.
The gnome saved me. Flip shamrock, the gnome. I'm not good at gnome names, sorry. She stayed my death long enough to get me here. And you're okay? Can you... Legs? It'll take a long time for it to heal. But you're alive and that's all that matters. And I'm real proud of you. You, like, you killed a lot of people. I did. I've never loved you more in my life. It was a good fight. It was a great fight. That's the most fun we've had without the kids in how long? She suddenly seems concerned. She reaches a hand. Where are the kids? Oh, don't worry, don't worry. Scruck rocking the kids. Buttons and sweat rocks. They're fine. Ian has them.
Ian. A-I-N Ian. A-I-N Ian. No, A-I-N Ian. They're here for you, by the way. Who? The C-team? The C-team? Which, do you mean, uh, do you mean, uh, Colin Goggles Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday? Yes. What about Sailor and Thursday? Are they recovered? Yes, I think they're here as well. They're in beds, though. Seen the commander. Should I have seen the commander? Has something happened to him as well? Do you remember? Eel-like guy came around to our place. We made him breakfast and invited him into our home. Piss, she says, with the same inclination that Lex Luthor might say Superman. Piss. Yes. Uh, anyway, I don't go for the town guard anymore. I was briefly made captain, though.
that's good than bad. Yeah. Anyway, magic. She spits on the floor. I spit on the floor too. Fuck, Orcs are gross. Like, I know we're supposed to, you know, it's the 21st, whatever century. It's the year of our... It's the year of Pania, 1861. The age of reclamation. But that's gross. You're all thinking it. That's my edgy D&D stand-up years. So here's my thing. I know you want to fight, and look, you probably could from that chair, but I'd like you to go to Ian's and stay there.
In the meantime, I'm going to find out, A, what the fuck happened. B, once I know what the fuck happened, I'm then going to go fix it. And if that means that I find Papa Shawfoot and pull his dick out through his mouth and then mount him on our wall, then that's a bonus too. Bring home the trophy. I will. Love you. Cheap leans forward a little bit in a chair, kisses you on the cheek, and then says, fight well or die honourably.
Always. You are in the High Priestess's personal chambers. Here's a window overlooking the city, and from this elevated position, the temple also being on a hill elevated, you've got a very commanding view of the city. You can see smoke columns coming up from various different parts of the city. Looks like the docks are still on fire from last night. That's how the docks are always. Well, the docks are controlled by the orcs, and you can't imagine the orcs have an amazing fire brigade. I now want to be part of the orc fire brigade. Oh my god, an orc fire brigade? They start fires, they don't put them out. Orcs don't understand what a fireman is. Fireman?
Set a guy on fire. Fire man. Fire man. They're like, we've got to put this fire out, so they just burn the building more so that the building will be gone and the fire will leave. It feels like it's like the 1920s, like, fire, like, before the, like, fire department, like, you know, government run. It was all just privatized. That's what that kind of feels like. And they're like, in fights over who's going to stop the fire. A funny story. I think this happened. I forget if it's the Great London Fire or the Great Chicago Fire, but in one of them. Both fires were great, though. Both fires were just amazing. But in one of them, so a standard tactic is you destroy buildings near where an uncontrollable fire is so it can't leap to those buildings.
They tried to do that with explosives, but they did too much explosives and just started other fires. Oh, wow. That would be all fiber. Yeah. So the docks were on fire. What were the docks were on fire? There was a massive riot. That's right. There was a riot. That's why there was fights everywhere. Yeah, a riot sort of rippled out throughout the entire city. Fires were started, people were attacked. Oh, is that the riot that started in the gnomish? Yeah, it was. Funnily enough. What happened then? That was great when we just had literally the blood cult and the gnomes chasing after piss.
You can still hear screaming from the city as well. It sounds like the ride hasn't completely died down. Good. Fuck, that's not good. Finally, the last thing you can see, maybe as you're walking across her personal chambers to get to her desk or whatever, you get a glimpse of it through the window. A gigantic inky black dragon wrapped around the keep.
So that's... Eden. Eden, yeah? Yes. I guess Eden's not hiding anymore. No. He's just out and proud. Burning things down. He's finally out of the keep, you know? The chief priestess, Clara, sits behind her desk and her door opens. You see Father Keaton step in and he closes the door behind him. He just stands calmly at the door. That's my mate Keaton. He nods to you. Could I see a little Tegelai from... Yeah, you could probably catch a glimpse of little Tegelai. How's Tegelai slash my apartment complex? So... I forget the name of the... Bad. I forget the name of the city. It's a city in Italy.
Slaughterhouse-Five partially takes place there. What's the name of the city? I know the book. Imagine, like, a city that has been destroyed by bombs, World War II style. That is Little Tegel Eye. There is not a single standing building in Little Tegel Eye. It's fine. All my things are fine. All my things are going to be fine. No building in Little Tegel Eye is currently erect. It's going to, like, start from scratch. Again. It's fine. Clara sits at her desk. What's up, Clara? Just for you guys to sit in front of her. So, several things have happened since you've been gone, or while you were out. Oh, shit. Yep. The gnomes have reacquired their weapon.
That's good. So if you recall, in the riots back when this all started, they set it up, killed hundreds of people in a matter of seconds, and then dismantled it. They have not dismantled it, and anyone coming near their settlement or their little area is being mown down. There's currently a gnome-man zone all around the gnomish perimeter. A gnome-man zone? Oh! I don't appreciate jokes at a time like this. You're meant to be the stoic. I am, I am. I'm back in the stoic. The sabers, insistent on acquiring that weapon, have set a perimeter on the opposite side on besieging the gnomes. Stupid sabers.
They're dragging forward any devout of their faith. A lot of their lines are made up of just people, but there are their own knights and paladins interspersed among there. I've spoken with their leader, and she has informed me that they do not intend on taking the gnomes alive. Well, aren't they a charming group of people? I mean, there's bigger fish to fry, say, but there's a dragon who just killed a reticle. And the halfling families are in. I have been led to believe that they are in all-out war against each other.
That's good. That's good. Shuffleets will probably die, so that's really good. The Blood Cult has taken the town square and are offering hourly sacrifices to their, for lack of a better word, god. The town guard is in disarray. They're scattered wherever the winds have taken them. Cool, don't care. Orcs.
Orcs are massing. It looks like they're preparing an attack, perhaps to take another section while there's burns. Okay. As you can quite clearly see, the dragon, Damien Eden, is curled around his own keep. That's the most pressing issue. The gun's powerful, but that's a dragon. Yeah, but it seems like the dragon is kind of just chilling there. He was going to do something. You think he'd have done it by now? Yeah, you say that, but it's going to wait. Yeah, yeah. That's not real cool. And finally, I have a question to ask. Do you know of a safe place where we can store about 100 people? Do we?
You probably might know of maybe one safe place. I know of one safe place. I could reach out to my friend Ian in his big mansion that's fortified because he's paranoid and rich. The Littlefoot Mansion as well is a place to keep people. Yeah, I mean, I know. Yes, but like... It's very difficult in the city right now to be a gnome. Gnomes are being just slaughtered in the streets for no reason by pretty much every faction. I have roughly 100 gnomes hiding below us, but we don't have the room or food or resources to keep them. We need to take them somewhere. I can try and reach out to Littleo. I know he doesn't care for the gnomes, but maybe...
This might be a good way to bridge that. Well, I reckon we offer safe passage to the gnomes in exchange for a conversation with the other gnomes. Erky Timbers, if he's still alive. Yeah. I mean, we could always try and use the sewers. The sewers are controlled by the blood cult right now. Yeah, I'm not going anywhere near that shit. We could try and make a path through the blood cult. With a hundred civilians? Do you have our full assistance? If only one thing. We need peace, and we want the dismantling and destruction of that weapon.
I might be able to get you peace. Honestly, peace is good enough. Yeah. If at least we can get peace, then perhaps we can begin talks about destroying it. Sure, why not? Is there any way to the back end of the gnomes? That area is controlled now by the sabers. I can get you an audience if you want with Paladin Commander Flame. Of the sabers? Is that going to do any good? Yes. I'm not going to that meeting. You can. I don't know what to say to them. No. Hey, have you heard of that piss?
Comic Greg. She gives a pain smile. Public enemy number one. Good. Town guard have been, well, there's a top five wanted list. Right. He's number one. Wow. That's pretty good in the middle of a riot. That's impressive. Considering you're the architect of most of this riot. A citywide civil war. You started this riot. I started the fire. Well, I think our first port of call should be going to maybe Little Tegel Eye. How can we get to Little, I guess, what is the state of the map now?
How can we get to Little Tegel? We can go through the area where the town guard lives because they'll leave us alone. Yeah, town guard area is still largely safe. The blood cult area, if you go through there, I roll percentiles to see if you're grabbed by members of the blood cult and put in line for an hourly sacrifice. The gnomes and pannier area is obviously largely safe, but anything bordering with the gnomes is controlled right now by the sabers. And obviously the other border is the sabers. Yeah. The sabers have also begun a light level of conscription, quotation marks. So if you enter sabers territory, I'm going to roll a percentile to see whether or not you are perhaps conscripted. Oh, one more detail. You can see...
past the keep and the dragon, into the comparatively beautiful, perfect blue water, and the dwarven ships still docked out at sea. So the dwarves are good. Dwarves are still here. Some of their ships look damaged, though. I've got a terrible idea. Yes. We go to Little O, see if we can look after the gnomes, and then we'll be back to gnomes. I can't believe I'm about to say this. Walk through the sabers and see if they'll conscript us to their fight at the wall. I guess it gets you closer to the wall. It does get us closer to the wall. That's not a bad plan. All right, we're going to go see Little O. Father Keaton opens the door for you guys as you leave, and then he says, Would you like me to come with? Yes.
So is Flip Sham, she's with the gnomes, yeah? Because she took you guys back here. And so she was outside of the gnomish section when the barricades began. So she's one of the hundred gnomes that we're smuggling to live with. All right, let's do that. Is Father King's first name Buster? Yes.
Good. That's great to know. It is. Do you want to see? Here. Gnomes and Pena, the first faction up here. Chief Priestess Clara Norman. Father Buster Keaton. Father Buster Keaton. Oh, fuck. That's good. All right. Let's go. Can I have a quick just chat to Flipcham? Yeah, you can speak with her on the way out. She's still in the feasting hall, if you will. Awesome. Have a quick chat with her to see, like, A, how is she? B, thank you so much for saving everybody. And C, Erky Timbers, what's the doomsday clock at? Yeah. She explains to you.
that if you recall she went to meet you a while back and you guys had like a short conversation outside the guard house yep Her original plan there, she wanted you to swear to give the device back to the gnomes, and she had the code to unlock it on her at the time. She just wanted to hear the right thing from you, and then she'd give you the code. I'm so sorry. I just didn't know what was there. She shakes her head. We all have a lot of loyalties and a lot of directions. I now know that gnomes are the right choice, but now... On my way back from you, I was jumped by the Shorefoots. Shorefoots? Just a growl from me. Just no words. They obviously kidnapped me and took the code off me, so that's how they were able to get the thing unlocked. And then she says, Erky is still in there somewhere, a gentle man, but...
He's been betrayed by those he cares about. He loves this city, he does. But this city keeps hurting him. So what you're saying is that there is still some of Erky in Erky? I think so. If you're considering speaking to someone else, I would advise against it. As warlike as Erky has become, I think any gnome who might secede him would probably only be worse. Is there any way that you know of that we can get into the gnome section to have a chat with Erky Timbers? There was the sewers I'd heard, but I think that's inhabited, that's infested with the cult now. If we were maybe to do some sneaky disguise stuff. Will she come with us?
I can come with you if you can get me to the barricades, but I can't guarantee that they won't kill you two. Are there any gnomes out of the hundred gnomes that could help us get in? Oh, the gnomes? The gnomes that we've got that we've rescued. Probably not. Not a lot of them are, like, sewer savvy, as it were. Well, first up, we'll go to the Halfwing, have a chat to Little O, see what we can do, try and smuggle these gnomes. Break. So, now we jump over to Senior Pierce. So, a couple of questions. Yes? Okay, first question. Did I receive an ultimatum from Eton?
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Bombas knows cozy winter footwear inside and out. Inside, warm merino wool, soft sheepskin shoeing. Outside, fluffy sherpa and smooth suede. Inside, layers and layers of luxe cushioning. Outside, sturdy soles and grippy bottoms. Bombas slippers and shoes, a cozy way to stay in or step out. Visit bombas.ca slash music and use code music for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot C-A slash music. One purchased equals one donated, always.
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro. Regarding what will happen if I come back without the weapon. I don't think he said an or else, but there is an assumed or else, I suppose. It's implied. I mean, you're missing your shadow. You don't even know what that does to a man. Yes, but on the other hand, Adam,
I got a lot of souls to trade. Fuck, how weird is it that you... You can trade people's souls to Eton? I mean, absolutely. I'm probably gonna head to the keeper. I mean, fuck. Head to the keeper. Oh my god. Fuck, I hate it when you...
God, what a good resource I accidentally gave you. Don't you also have the ultimatum from the Shorefoots as well? I got ultimatums. Fucking after was. But are there any wanted posters? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You spot them on your way towards the keep. There's posters with your face, a pretty good picture of likeness of you, public enemy number one, big words, and a gold bounty of 100,000 gold coins. Woo! Okay, so can I... For proof of Greg Pierce's death. Can I use one of my smashed or empty health potions to cut my hair? I want to go bald. Sure. To cut your hair? Yeah, shave my hair and my facial hair so that I'm completely bald now.
You do it, but you take two points of damage doing it. That's fair. Yeah, I'll rosy up my cheeks. And can I get my winter blanket and, like, stuff it up my shirt, make myself look a lot fatter? Fuck, yeah, you do a decent job. All right, start walking differently, change your gait. I'll walk differently. The Kaiser Soze walk. Anyway, yeah, it's your poster, public enemy number one, 100,000 gold coins. The next one is a big picture of Papa Swiftfoot of the Shorefoot family. Oh, okay. The patriarch of their family. And it says public enemy number two.
75,000 cold coins. Plus a bunch of other people you assume. Well, like a member of the blood cult who has been identified. Actually, maybe the one that you killed. Oh, she claimed that bounty. How? Just go in and ask for it. Public enemy number three. Public enemy number four is the paladin commander. Okay. And public enemy number five is Erky Timbers. No, Damien Eaton. Damien Eaton? Damien Eaton should be public enemy number four, pushing everyone else down. Yeah, yeah, cool. All right, you get to the gates. Okay. The dragon's killed around the spire, yeah? Yeah. Can I just wave at him? Oi!
Aiden, it's piss. The dragon's gigantic eyes open and it swivels around to look at you. Right, I don't have a weapon, right? Right, and that's my bad, but people in the street are staring. I'll make a trade with you. Yeah, right, because I need me so back. No one's better than a shadow, Aiden. Assault.
I'll trade you me soul for me shadow. How does that sound? That's a good trade. You're all about to fit that. The doors to the keep open. Or to the inner keep area open. Damien Eaton's elite personal security guards are opening them and just a few to come in. Oh my god. You step into the courtyard because the dragon climbs down off the keep and lands before you. The ground shudders, shakes. You're nearly put on your ass by the sheer magnitude of this. Slowly but surely, the dragon shrinks in size until it becomes a completely nude Damien Eaton.
I love that he's just naked all the time. You're right there. Is he packing heat? Like, average. Literally average penis. You're right there, Damien? Whose soul do you have to trade? You don't have your one. That's true. He'll take you with bug eyes. How much do you know about the blood cult they're eating?
Quite a lot. Alright, name someone in it. Maroney. Yeah, I got his. Oh, I don't have his, but name another. Name another. Westlow. Yeah, probably. In here. If they've given their soul to the Blood Cult, I've got their soul. They don't do that. They take the souls of others. Well, I've got their souls. Eaton, the point is, I'm chockers with souls. And I'm willing to trade them to you. Maybe all of them, if you want them, for my shadow back. Damien Eaton steps forward such that he can put his hand on your forehead. Oh, it's cold. It's clammy. He puts another one on your chest, closes his eyes, and then he leaps back astonished.
Yes, you do have souls. Souls for days, mate. Souls for days. What do you want for them? Just me shadow, that's it. Oh, and maybe to not have to get the weapon for you. You know, that's a lot of souls, so that seems like a fair trade. He looks you up and down. No, I don't think so. I think I'll take the souls, though. Ah, well, all right, fair enough. Crack on, then. Did you get nothing out of this trade? He slowly considers you. Highs or lows? Potentially. Highs. Damien Eaton says, this might hurt. Right on. He reaches into his chest, and Indiana Jones-style, his hand goes into your chest.
The next five hours, you spend in intense and incredible pain as he slowly, one by one, takes the souls out. How many did you drink again? Oh, thousands. Thousands in. As he takes them out, you're barely conscious enough to notice that he's putting them into, like, a jar. All right. And they just sit in the jar. Cool. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to jump back because that's five hours. Yeah, no, fair enough. Fair enough. As you guys get out of the temple, the dragon...
clambers its way off the keep. What do you think's going on over there? That's ominous. Just grab another dart. Ah, fuck, it's ominous. Guess we've got a new army. Yeah, that's fucking terrifying. Onwards. Maybe we should try and organize maybe more than just the gnomes leaving this city. Echoing throughout the entire city is, it's hard to describe, so I'll just say literally what it is. The souls of a thousand damned people slowly moaning from echoes from the keep. It echoes throughout the entire city. It's quite audible. That's a good sound. Can we even recognize what that moan is? You wouldn't have a clue. That's something not great.
We've head towards Little Tegelite. Little Tegelite. All right. You get to the ruins of Little Tegelite. Go to the ruins of my apartment complex. Distantly, you see and hear a halfling woman holding a very small body, wailing on top of a pile of rubble. I try and comfort her. Is there anyone underneath the rubble? You can start checking. There's people picking it among the wreckage. Every now and then, one of the halflings yells, and a bunch of halflings rush over and try to uncover what always turns out to be just a body. I help them. You do what you need to do. I go back to being an earth-moving guy again. All right. You try to save people, but there's no one to save. These people were covered up last night.
That's depressing. I'm helping them unbury their dead to bury them again. I guess. Every now and then, you can hear the sounds of combat, and you might catch quick snatches of assassins fighting each other, sometimes in the dark, when a group of Shorefoots, Little O's, or, um... Quiet Knives. Quiet Knives meet. Anytime I see a Shorefoot, I want the opportunity to, like, kill them.
The fights are always very brief. Maybe 1v1 sort of things. Maybe once you're able to grab a short foot. No combat required. You just grab his head and crush it. Blood spurts out from in between your fingers. Good. You all see the posters as well. Public enemy number one, Greg Pierce, number two, et cetera, et cetera. So Greg Pierce is worth 1,000, 100,000 gold? Yep. Sorry, Pierce, but it's business now. Let's go to the little O's, the remains of where I would assume they're hanging out.
You check that restaurant. There's just the facade of the restaurant. The back end of the building is crumbled away into nothing. I guess I'm unemployed. There's a couple of people sitting out the front that you recognize from work, like one of the cooks and one of the waiters. They're sitting out the front enjoying having cappuccinos. Chris, Simon, how's things? All right, one of them says.
What do you want? Is Papa Little around or maybe the Little Little? Papa Little is back in his mansion. How's the daughter going? She'll live, but she's lost an arm. How's Papa dealing with that? Not great. He's in a bit of a fury. He's been personally getting involved. He's a fucking machine. You should see him fight. I know. How are the Quiet Knives and the Shorefoots going? Well, if you see any, let us know. We haven't seen any since last night. The only people they send out here right now are assassins to fight each other over this he gestures to rubble. Yeah. Yeah. Who's winning? No one's winning.
What Tegelai remains? Well, the Shorefoots are being picked apart because they're no one's friend right now. Goodwood. But they're getting, well, like an animal backed into the corner. They've stopped caring about who they hit. Last night, they bombed out some places that weren't even related to any of the other families just to hurt the industry around the place. It's like a scorched earth type thing. And like that, in less than an hour, the gloves were off. Anyone was fair game. So the Quiet Knives retaliated by also shacking civilians. Everyone's been attacking civilians. Even us? Yeah.
Not so much attacking civilians, just not caring who we hit. This isn't, but I expected it a bit more from Littleo. It's not Littleo, given the orders. It's people on the street. They're scared.
That's the next five hours. How do we get a message about hiding gnomes in the mansion? As you guys are talking, a wagon comes through, pushed not by a halfling, but by an undertaker in a heavy baggy cloak. The card that he's pushing is laden heavy with corpses, not just of halflings, but just people. He's coming through, calling out, Dead! Dead! And some people, who maybe care enough, pile some corpses onto his card.
This probably is not the first person traveling through town that you've seen like this. How far out was the mansion? On foot? You're probably looking at, like, a day trip there and back. And on horse? You cut that down for, like, four hours there and back. I'm going to try and procure a horse. Father Keaton says, I can collect some on our way through. Let's do that. Let's do that. Get the horses and head to the mansion. You head back towards the temple. When you get there, there's no horses hitched out, you know, at the stables or anything like that. But Keaton has a brief conversation with one of the priests there. And he and the priest both summon spirit horses. As in, a horse that is also a ghost. Ghost horse? Oh, I'm too old for this shit.
They look quite like a regular horse, but they've got this wispy, ghosty nature to them. They're fairly solid. Well, not fairly. They are completely solid when you touch them. You mount up with Keaton. If you'd like to let Keaton come along, just in case you don't want him. No, no, we want him. He can heal us. And you ride off towards the little lower state. By the time you get there, I'm going to switch over to Greg Pierce. The pain ends. Keaton looks ecstatic. He puts a hand on each of your shoulders and says, do this for me, procure the weapon, and I will make you a lord beneath me. It's not your king. It's difficult. You understand that, right?
The gnomes have it now. What do you need? If you could find me the location of it, that'd make the whole job a lot easier. Well, the gnomes have it. Yes, it's on their barricade, preventing the savers from getting in. Right. Might be difficult to get into the gnome. Who's in charge of the gnomes? That's Irky Timbers, yeah? Irky Timbers, yes. Any way you could get me an audience with him? I can't get you an audience with him, but I can get you in. He snaps his fingers and a rod appears in his hands. He pushes it into your hands and says, this device, it has five charges in it. It can teleport you. Right. Excellent. Rod is teleporting.
Motherfucker. Just wherever I want? Yes. Within the city. Yeah, well, yeah. Oh, one more thing. Would you like someone to come with? Yeah. He rattles the jar and says, I seem to have a sudden influx of soldiers. So, just to get it straight, does it work like you chuck a soul at a corpse for a fella and they suddenly become that soul?
I'm just wondering if... A soul can possess people, but it is also a ghost that could follow you. It obeys my commands, but I can command it to listen to you for a period. I guess what I'm curious about is, like, could I have that in a jar? Over Damien Eaton's shoulder, you see, from the massive hole that the dwarves blew out the back of his inner wall, you can see wagons laid heavy with corpses being wheeled in. Oh, dear God. Right, on. Just gave Eaton a zombie army, you fucking idiot. Right, so if I had one soul in a jar, and then in the heat of combat, I could throw it at someone and that person would become possessed?
A spirit will follow you and fight for you. Right, but is it visible is my question. It can become invisible. All right, let's do it. A jar may be the size of his fist. He reaches in up to his elbow and pulls out the soul of no one you recognize. It looks like a wretched thing. Its clothes hang loosely off it, but the clothes are all spectral as well. The creature, whoever it was in life, either didn't do well or death has done nothing to improve them. What happens if it gets turned?
If it turns against you, I'd be quite surprised. It obeys me, and so do you. Yeah, right. Yeah, well, of course. Absolutely. That's absolutely the case. Let's give him a name. He wraps an arm around him. You know what, Eaton? You know what? You know what? I work better with me mouth and with me words than in combat. I think a ghost is just going to muddy things up. Don't worry about it. It's not necessary. Do you not like my ghost? Oh, I love him. Fuck. Behind you, you're watching as his elite guard begin to lay out the bodies in rows. I think it's very ingenuitive. It's resourceful, but I just don't think it's for me. I'll get the weapon, warrior. Don't you bloody worry about it, but I just don't think I need a ghost. Please, I insist. All right. Whatever. You convinced me.
So what shall we name him? I'll let you do the honors. I will name you Gary. All right, Gary it is. Gary the ghost. Gary the ghost and Greg Piss. All right, Gary, if you could turn invisible for tomorrow, till I need you, just stay in the shadows, stay away from everything. It turns invisible. Nasty. Isn't it just? Yes. Good luck to you. All right, thanks, man. Eaton returns to his dragon form and starts slowly climbing his way up the castle. I like to imagine he started climbing as a man, just this naked guy. Scaling a wall that slowly turns to a dragon. Yeah, probably, yeah.
All right, I guess I just teleport myself into the gnomish section of the city. Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is a thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
out of existence and you wink into existence. It's very disconcerting. It feels like you're dying in one place and being reborn in another. It's a very different type of teleportation if you've ever been teleported before. I was blinking a bit. So I'm going to say maybe you put yourself in the burnt out remains of your book warehouse. Okay. Just because it's a place that you know. Yeah, I recognize it. Radio. Are there any guard around? No, the place is deserted.
All right, well, I'm going to wander the gnomish district until I find somebody that looks like they kind of might have an idea of what's going on, somebody who looks official in some regard. All right, you do a good job of slinking them out. Every now and then, you encounter an armed patrol. The gnomes have become very paranoid and militaristic in this area. Any gnomes that you see are in heavy armor, carrying weapons, marching about. They've got these weird face masks that you've never seen before. Their armor on their body is regular, but they've got these weird elongated... Like a plague mask? Yes, like a plague mask with these big green glowing eyes.
Cool. Spooky, but cool. And yeah, they march around in groups like that. Eventually, you encounter a group of them walking around one gnome who does not have a weapon. He has that armor like the rest of them, but he's not carrying a weapon. Instead, he carries like a clipboard and he has a pen in one hand.
Looks like maybe he's inspecting the walls. Alter self. I can make myself look like a gnome. Yeah, that's how alter self works. Yeah, you can make yourself look like a gnome. If I cast a spell from a distance on them, will they know that it was me? Depends on the spell. Confusion. And I just want to cast it on one of the people patrolling this particular gnome. I actually did not know this, but Confusion is not one person, but within a 15-foot radius. Oh, it's a radius. That means it'd get the guy. You can get all of them. Yeah, but that's including the guy in the middle. Ah, yes. All right, I'll do that. One of them spins around and runs...
headlong into the barrier between the gnomish section and the rest of the city. He slams into it at top speed and topples backwards over. The other two spin around and begin attacking other members of their group. Fantastic. Chaos erupts. I run out from where I'm hiding to the official-looking gnome, and I'm like, putting my best gnomish accent, We gotta get out of here! Everything's going crazy! And then I'd like to link his arm and start moving. He moves with you.
The rest of them just contend with those three. Excellent. You get him perhaps down a back alley. Yeah, down a back alley. I don't know what that was about. Thanks for helping me. You're welcome. That was crazy, wasn't it? It was nuts. Right. I've got a very important message. Oh, wait. No, hang on. Chompers. How am I doing? Did it work? Hard to tell. You can't see his face. Right. I need to see... Whatever. I'll see if it works. I need to see Oki Timbers. Can you bring me to him? I'm with business. Right. Very valuable information for him. Very valuable.
I think that I can get him access to every other faction in this city. Wait a minute, who are you? Try your own person again, I've got four guys. Stop casting a spell and tell me who you are. Guards! Guards! Try again? Yeah, whatever. Guards! Two of the soldiers you saw before round the corner. What's going on here? This guy kidnapped me! Confusion again. Why not? You can't get all of them. You can get the two guards or just the guy in front of you. I run.
You turn around and run away. Do you keep the altar self on? I get rid of altar self. All right. I'm a wanted criminal. I'm Greg Fiss. There's a very large bounty on my head. You're arrested. Yeah, that's fine. I'm not resisting. Oh, I hate this. They don't take you to Irky Timbers. They take you to a makeshift guardhouse that they have constructed full of their own gnomish town guard. They have their own set of five most wanted.
You're their number three. That's garbage. Everyone else is number one. You're number five on their list. Fair. So, yeah, you're taken to a makeshift guardhouse in a jail down below. The jail is gnomish in construction in that one lever up one end of the room, when pulled in one direction, unlocks every cell, and when pulled in the other direction, locks every cell. Classic. Absolutely. That's the way it should be. You're locked away there with a couple drunkard gnomes, some humans, and one person who's wearing absolutely nothing and is chained up to a wall, mummified by chain.
He's got, like, a Hannibal Lecter mask over his face, and he just glares at any gnomes that pass him. This guy actually probably has a personal guard as well, a gnome that just constantly sits on a chair outside his cell reading a magazine. That strange, that is. Am I told what's to happen to me? They just tell you to wait here, but sarcastically, like a guard would, knowing that you're going to be here regardless. Right. They laugh. We're fine.
Leo and Aurora. You arrive out the front of the little estate. The typical fountain out the front with a giant sculpture of a female halfling with giant angel wings extending a horn forward. The water spurting out of the horn greets you. Literally like the statue talks? What up? You know what, yeah. The head of the statue turns around and through some sort of magic the statue announces your presence to the mansion. You have no idea how much that costs. It's spectacular. Leo, Shadow, and Periwinkle O'Rourke.
And guest. And guest. Guest? How does it know your name? You guys walk up the really long driveway. Two halflings in suits with knives at their sides greet you. Boys, how you going? Do I know them personally? Probably not. Boys, we're here to see Papa Littleo. Inside.
We tether up our ghost horses. They don't need to be tethered. Five black carriages with the horses still hitched to them are... So the driveway ends in one of those, you know, the horseshoe shape. They're kind of like wrapped around that. You pass by them to get up into the mansion. You're layered up, you know, two flights of stairs to the third floor and the door to Little-O's personal office opens up. Little-O's behind his desk. He looks tired. Afternoon, Papa Little-O. It's a pleasure to see you. I heard Rosita got injured. Better as this option needs.
You, the priest, I could bear you. Keaton says, no need, no need. I don't think anyone here wants me privy to this conversation. I'll go see to your daughter. He leaves. He knows his place. He's a good man. He's a good man. He's better than all of us. So, Papa, the gnomes now have the weapon, but the gnomes are being, the citizens, they're being slaughtered on the streets. I'm aware of what's happening in the streets. Father Keaton's hiding a hundred gnomes and we want to know if we can hide them here.
I don't have to deploy in the sea. I know you do not care for the gnomes. I'm not a fan, no. But they have the weapon, and this might go a very long way in at least bringing back peace. No more innocent halflings have to die. All right. I do this for you at the cost of a favor. He holds up a heavily ringed finger and says, I keep this weapon for now, and later I cash it in.
Yes, perhaps it's something a bit in the gray area, but I hear you like to live in the gray area. I knew about you before you set foot in my office. I have a friend in the town guard, and I know you're the type of man who maybe doesn't follow the rules, but you get things done. I like that. Leo, you worked for me for years. You know your place. You're not a family's place. You're a good grease boy. You're a good boy. You're both good boys. I do this for you, and you promise me you stay safe. I go in to kiss his rings. He holds out his hand.
I kiss the ring. You're not in the family. Good. I just like salute, I guess. Cool. We'll send a message back to the church. Tell them to send the gnomes to here. Do you have something we can help transport the gnomes? The quiet knives are the ones who know the sewers the best, but little those know how to get their feet dirty, if you know what I mean. We can organize something ourselves. You don't need to worry. Good. Done. I'm done. And on that note, how are the quiet knives in your foot? Bleeding us dry. We're not doing well. Is there any...
Do we know everything that maybe we can be of use? I don't know. You wouldn't happen to have an army somewhere up your sleeves you haven't told me about? I wish. He gives a pained smile. Just look in my sleeves. Just bees. Just bees. Perhaps you could talk to some of your town guard friends. They've been leaning pretty heavily on all the halfling families. I know none of us like it, but if they could let up on us a little bit, I'd appreciate it. That's probably fair. I think I'd probably owe the commander a bit of a visit. Leo, I'm coming back into town to organize this thing for you. I want you to come with me. And you want to go see the guard, Captain? I'll go see the guard. I'll take you there as well. Thank you.
I'd send you with my son, Little Little. He'll keep you safe. If a showfoot attacks you, those big strong arms, they won't do anything. They are slippery. Showfoots have no respect. They kill a man without even telling him they're coming. True, true, true. All right. He gets up from behind the desk. You notice now that he was wearing black leathers and dagger bandoliers the entire time? Oh, yeah. I love fucking epic little though. He's amazing. Let's go. As you're going, he just grabs some of his muscle by the shirt front and says, Come on, we're going. We got the business to take care of.
Just taking care of business, play over this clip. No one he grabs asks questions. People just go, as he's going as well, he grabs, he has a butler. He tells the butler, get for me someone who knows the sewers. I need a man who knows the sewers. The butler nods and such a person greets you at the carriages. You all pile up into the black carriages and you're off.
Welcome back to Fresh Matters, where we discuss matters of freshness. I'm the grossier here with Kat from Metro. Kat, your produce is impeccable. We have high standards. Meat is custom cut on site to my very delight. Yep, it's important that we... And the baked goods? More like baked grates. Fresh in store every day. So at Metro you would say fresh. Matters? It does! Find fresh meals and deals at Metro!
Bombas knows cozy winter footwear inside and out. Inside, warm merino wool, soft sheepskin shoeing. Outside, fluffy sherpa and smooth suede. Inside, layers and layers of luxe cushioning. Outside, sturdy soles and grippy bottoms. Bombas slippers and shoes, a cozy way to stay in or step out. Visit bombas.ca slash music and use code music for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot C-A slash music. One purchased equals one donated, always.
Welcome back to Fresh Matters, where we discuss matters of freshness. I'm the grossier here with Kat from Metro. Kat, your produce is impeccable. We have high standards. Meat is custom cut on site to my very delight. Yep, it's important that we... And the baked goods? More like baked grates. Fresh in store every day. So at Metro you would say fresh. Matters? It does! Find fresh meals and deals at Metro!
Hey Ontario, come on down to BetMGM Casino and check out our newest exclusive, The Price is Right Fortune Pick. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show. Only at BetMGM. Access to The Price is Right Fortune Pick is only available at BetMGM Casino. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario.