Leslie Miller: Healing Trauma After Narcissistic Abuse

Verbal and psychological abuse can outlast the bruises by years, Leslie Miller says, because trauma is stored in the body rather than filed away as a tidy memory. That is why you can fully understand what happened to you and still feel stuck inside it.Leslie Miller is a psychotherapist and mindful-movement teacher in the Boston area who has spent years with people experiencing relational trauma, many of them tangled in family court. Alongside talk therapy and EMDR, she has come back to her roots in mind-body work: trauma-sensitive yoga, Pilates, and meditation. She and Lisa have overlapped through shared clients over the years, and this is her return to the show.The first half is about your own nervous system. Leslie defines trauma as anything that overwhelms your ability to cope, describes how it can surface as dissociation or even physical illness (she is careful about the research, but points to the overlap professionals are studying between complex PTSD and conditions like fibromyalgia and autoimmune disease), and explains why defensiveness costs you ground in court. Her antidote is grounding, plus the harder discipline of refusing to live in the abuser's reality, and, when the triggers will not budge, EMDR and tapping to process what talk alone cannot.The second half turns outward. When a child comes home from the other parent dysregulated, the move is a calm, chaos-free landing: no questions, no chores, space to fall apart safely, and no schedule to perform for. Leslie reframes boundaries as controlling what you respond to rather than what the ex does, recommends the BIFF approach for communication, and makes the case that turning off the phone, protecting your feed, and doing things you genuinely enjoy are how a depleted nervous system rebuilds. She closes on trauma-informed movement and learning to tolerate good feelings again.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhat trauma actually is, and why understanding it intellectually doesn't set you freeHow trauma lives in the body, and the overlap researchers are exploring between complex PTSD and conditions like fibromyalgiaGrounding techniques you can use anywhere: feet on the floor, scanning the room, naming what you seeWhy opposing counsel's motions and false allegations are designed to push you into an emotional reactionHow EMDR and tapping (bilateral stimulation) reach the triggers talk therapy can'tHow to help your kids decompress after a hard visit: calm, no questions, and room to just beWhy a boundary is about controlling your own response, not making a toxic ex stopWhy real fun and curating your feed are trauma tools, not luxuries⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Meet Leslie Miller, and why trauma work is survival, not luxury 3:00 What trauma actually is, and why talking about it isn't enough 6:00 Trauma in the body: fibromyalgia, autoimmune, and chronic stress 11:00 The pandemic as shared trauma, and losing your sense of time 13:00 Survival mode in a court battle, and monitoring your responses 16:00 Grounding: feet on the floor, and staying in your own truth 20:00 Living in the abuser's head, and the voice that stays after you leave 24:00 Why understanding narcissism isn't freedom, and how EMDR helps 29:00 Helping your kids decompress after a hard visit 33:00 Boundaries, self-care, and putting down the phone 43:00 Movement, restorative practice, and building a window for joyKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.