Kate Hawkesby: The message is clear around kids' sport, but is it being listened to?

There’s a lot of sport going on at the moment – school sport I mean - and I’m always amazed at how dedicated and committed parents and volunteer coaches are to these school teams.  Having had kids as players, and later on as coaches, having seen how much work goes into it all, it’s very impressive.   Especially in terrible weather and especially in a cost of living crisis where things like sports gear, shoes and uniforms are not cheap.   Some families are paying a fortune for their kids to do sport – and I’m always amazed at how many prioritise it.   It takes up weekends and evenings too, so it’s very time and finance heavy.   But it’s those sports teams and club games which often spark real enthusiasm for kids, not to mention set them up with a lifetime of friendship or a good foundation for fitness. Both of which are crucial for mental health, so it’s got to be good for them, even if they’re pretty average at it.   I remember when my husband was the girls’ netball manager back in their primary school days, and it was so intense, the planning, the practices, the draws, the matches.   But it bonded a lot of kids together, and it gave them a real sense of achievement whenever they won – which my husband will happily tell you was always - they had an undefeated run while he was in charge, he likes to remind us.   But it was always fun first and foremost.   This week is the big Secondary Schools Winter Tournament Week, so there are kids and parents heading off all over the country to compete.   My daughter’s school, like I suppose many others, sent an email home saying that as a ‘fair play school’, they want to remind participants of their aims.   That it’s enjoyable and rewarding for all involved, that they compete with fairness, respect the rules and abide by them. That they respect the role of officials and abide their rules, that they respect opponents and value the spirit of sportsmanship, and to accept victory or loss with equal dignity.  So that was the message for players - but what was more telling was the message to parents and supporters.   Spectators were asked by the school to ‘focus on effort and performance, not the outcome of the event, to help the child set realistic goals and reduce the emphasis on winning.’   This reduction on the emphasis of winning is increasingly a thing these days. When our kids were little, parents used to shout on the sideline of a cross country race until they were almost hoarse. It was about winning. Gradually over time, it got to be more about participation though.. and everyone getting a prize.   Being first was not so highly prized anymore - just being involved was key. But these days the other creeping social construct is making sure parents don’t get too carried away.   The school’s email went on to say, ‘remember children are involved in organized sport for their enjoyment not yours,’ ‘applaud good play by both teams’.. ‘if you disagree with an official, raise it through the appropriate channels rather than question an official’s judgment in public.’   Now our school’s not unique here, you can see where the vibe for school sport is at these days.  Tone it down, just have fun and compete, nobody get too carried away.   As valiant as it is for schools to promote this kind of thing, you only need to be on any rugby sideline any Saturday morning, to see that despite all that, there’re still bucket loads of kids and parents who are in it to win it - and they’re pretty loud about it too. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.