Leaving Religion and Redefining Purpose with Sharmaine McWhite | The Essence of You Podcast

Sharmaine McWhite joins Steph Lokelani for a raw, funny, and unexpectedly deep conversation that starts with a joke about Social Security numbers and ends up covering nearly everything in between. Sharmaine, a multi-hyphenate creative, real estate agent, and content creator, opens up about growing up in a strict independent Baptist household that took her family from North Carolina to Alaska, where courtship replaced dating, skirts replaced pants, and an evangelist once arranged an introduction to a man she'd never met. She and Steph trade stories about leaving the church they were raised in, the lingering pull to "come back to the family," and what it was like discovering dating, intimacy, and nightlife for the first time in their 30s. The conversation moves through purity culture and the near-total absence of real sex education, the religion's stance on LGBTQ+ people, and the guilty pleasure of watching Xena and Will & Grace in secret. Sharmaine also talks candidly about her adult ADHD diagnosis, the years she spent calling herself lazy and forgetful before she understood why, and how she's built a life around protecting her passions from ever becoming a job. It's a conversation about faith, boundaries, identity, and the lifelong process of figuring out who you are once the labels come off. About Sharmaine McWhite Meet Sharmaine McWhite, a creative at heart who believes life is meant to be lived with both passion and purpose. An artist first, Sharmaine has also explored the worlds of modeling and acting, always looking for new ways to tell stories and express creativity. Professionally, she wears two hats as an Office Manager and Realtor, where she enjoys building relationships, solving problems, and helping others navigate life's biggest milestones. A proud Treasure Valley resident for more than 20 years, she shares life with her partner, their four cats, and their blended family of three incredible kids. She considers herself spiritual rather than religious and values authenticity, personal growth, kindness, and meaningful connections. Whether she's creating art, helping clients, or simply sharing pieces of her journey, Sharmaine hopes to inspire others to embrace every part of who they are. Key Takeaways - Don't turn your passion into your job. Sharmaine keeps her artwork unmonetized on purpose. Once something becomes how you pay the bills, she argues, it stops being a passion. - Purpose doesn't have to be your career. Sharmaine defines her own purpose simply as living a good life and being happy, pushing back on the cultural pressure to find purpose through work. - Leaving a high-control religion doesn't mean losing your family. Both women describe staying close to parents who remain devout, and the ongoing tension of being told to "come back to the family." - Purity culture left both guests without real sex education - Song of Solomon and secretly-watched TV were their main exposure to the subject growing up. - A boundary is your responsibility, not a demand that someone else change. Sharmaine's framework: decide in advance how you'll respond if the behavior continues, and follow through. - An adult ADHD diagnosis reframed years of self-blame. Sharmaine talks about being called lazy and forgetful long before she understood the dopamine and working-memory science behind it. - Change is core to identity. Chapters 0:00 – Cold open: the Social Security number game 3:49 – Welcome to The Essence of You + how they met 5:05 – Defining passion vs. purpose 7:33 – "Don't make your passion your job" — the painting she gave away 10:02 – Content creation as the day job, filmmaking as the passion 12:03 – Leaving religion: from North Carolina to Alaska 14:09 – Strict rules: skirts only, no shoulders, no dating 16:21 – "It was a cult": courtship, control, and the Duggars comparison 17:31 – Homeschooling, undiagnosed ADHD, and being the only sibling to graduate 19:55 – An evangelist arranges an introduction to a stranger 22:18 – Confronting race within the religion 24:20 – The Valentine's gifts that crossed a boundary 26:50 – Making her dad end the relationship for her 27:54 – Moving out and starting over at 26 29:29 – The theological question that cracked her faith 33:12 – Steph's own exit from evangelical Christianity 34:03 – "Come back to the family" - the ongoing pull 36:04 – Losing her virginity at 31 and discovering her 30s 38:56 – "This is none of your business" - confronting her parents 41:27 – What the religion (and her family) believes about LGBTQ+ people 44:57 – Purity culture, no sex ed, and Song of Solomon in secret 48:03 – Xena, Will & Grace, and secretly loving queer media 51:00 – Leaving sales, open relationships, and craving variety 53:01 – Getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult 58:26 – Called "lazy" her whole life 1:03:42 – Closing question 1:08:23 – Outro