let's talk about love

In the last two months, I have been swept off my feet in the worst ways imaginable. Random losses, crises out of my control, stressful family dynamics, all with work’s daily grind in the background. I have been writing, thankfully, just nothing notable enough to share at the moment — a partial lie. I’ve written a few pieces I’m giddy to share in due time once I’ve given them due diligence. Despite life life-ing, I’ve found myself thinking about love again. If you’ve been a long-time subscriber or you enjoy archive digging like me, then you know I had an era on here where I wrote almost exclusively about love and connection. It hasn’t been as much of a focus this year since it hadn’t been as heavy a presence until recently. Naturally, I gravitated toward romance movies. I feel it’s a very cliché period to be going through as a young woman in my 20s. I spent last week watching movie after movie centered around love in some capacity, which has been clarifying for me in a way other media hasn’t been recently. I’ve always preferred television with its slow character development and rhythmic arcs. However, I needed the ebbs and flows of emotions that movies jam into 90 to 180 minutes. What genre was better at that than romance movies? Arguably, the selections I chose ended up being all very tonally different but overall similar in feeling. All of these movies held a magic to them, love becoming an inexplicable force that defies logic and reason. Love pushes us into ourselves and out of ourselves. Love bringing together families, tearing them apart, mending them together again. Love as a healing force to ground you when life becomes hard. The following are all the movies I watched that warmed me mind, body, and soul. Maybe they will warm you too. * When Harry Met Sally (1989) * This became one of my favorite movies a couple of Christmases ago. I decided to rewatch it after a particularly rough day. It opened the romance movie portal and ushered in a series of bangers I found myself watching afterward. I love how much this movie is about love and timing. It fascinates me how much love or the kismet moment we associate with finding love is just about timing. There’s no lesson to be learned, only a willingness to be patient and open once you’re ready to be. I suspect this will be foreshadowing, but that’s a story for another day. * Missippi Masala (1991) * I first saw this in my last year of college in a film studies class, so I thought I might like it more if I watched it for fun. It’s gorgeous in more ways than I remembered, and I do love how it explores how real political events affect the fate of one family in a way that most people wouldn’t overthink at all. It reminded me in some ways of my own family. It made me reflect on the ways I’ve been shaped that I’ll never know entirely, because they were before I was even aware of life. The chemistry Denzel and Mira have on screen is to be studied. It looks and feels like summer, or at least how summer should feel. * My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) * A lighter selection in my spree that dialed down the intensity but kept the passion high. It always fascinates me how much immigrant stories parallel each other. I understand why my family had it in our DVD collection and why I never saw it growing up, either. * He’s Just Not That Into You (2009) * To bring myself back to earth, I thought this one would ground my romance movie spree with a reality check. To a degree, it does, but in the end, even they couldn’t resist the sweeping feeling of romance on the big screen. I didn’t expect it to stick with me long after watching it, but I do find myself returning to its grand twist of a conclusion towards the end of the movie. How realistic can you be when it comes to love at the end of the day? * A Nice Indian Boy (2024) * As I chronicle this watch party adventure, I’m realizing the gentle flow the universe took me on here. This movie addresses the realism you have to consider when it comes to love and marriage, especially. There are many American movies about pleasing the family to have a wedding. My Big Fat Greek Wedding addresses this issue comically. A Nice Indian Boy takes this issue very seriously because it’s not just about the family approving. It’s about tradition, respect, and knowing the weight of what it means to join ennergies with someone by marrying them. It did help me clarify why I felt so strangely about marriage (which I didn’t realize until seeing Materialists). I have little interest in building a life with somebody, but honoring a deep connection that drives you to want to bind together under the eyes of the powers that be? I could never be resistant to such an alchemical decision. * Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995) * After A Nice Indian Boy, I needed to see the movie that had mattered to our main couple so dearly that it made them believe in love. I get it. It’s a romantic movie in every sense of the word: the saturated hues, the lush scenery, the beautiful clothes, the songs, and the chemistry between our leads. On paper, it’s a very silly story. The best love stories usually are. The commitment to having their love exist honorably got me. To be so committed to not being ashamed of your love that you're willing to potentially lose it? Being so sure of your love that you know the risk will be worth it? I’m left to hold the feeling gently and see where it takes me. I’d love to leave with a conclusion, likely all the essay training from years of schooling. But there is none. I have been note-taking my life for months, hoping to find grand answers on how to be, and I have none still. So instead, I leave you a series of movies I’d encourage you to watch and let yourself get lost in feeling as you do. See where the feeling takes you. And then the next and the next. Alive & Fragile is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit catharaxia.substack.com/subscribe