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Morbid is brought to you by Audible. He lurks in the shadow. He slips into dreams. He casts no reflection. Audible presents Bram Stoker's Dracula, a new full-cast audio thriller starring Jonathan Bailey as Dracula, Ella Purnell as Mina Harker, Maggie Gyllenhaal as Van Helsing, and more. When Mina's fiancé vanishes in Transylvania, she pieces together letters, diary entries, and chilling testimony to hunt the predator stalking those she loves, only to discover Dracula is already hunting her. Joined by the enigmatic Van Helsing, Mina and a fearless band race against time to stop an ancient terror. Her intellect and resolve may hold the key to bringing down the count if he hasn't already found his way inside her mind.
Featuring a haunting original score and spatial Dobie Atmos sound design, Bram Stoker's Dracula invites you to feel the terror of being hunted and the thrill of the hunt. Now on Audible, listen to the darkness. Go to audible.ca slash listen to Dracula. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. You know those super awkward moments that you just wake up in the middle of the night thinking about? Like, for example, when I used to be a server, sometimes I would just walk up to a table and jumble my words so badly that I'd essentially say, and I wake up in the middle of the night and I think about that all the time. I wish I could delete that from my brain. But the good news is, by connecting you to a qualified therapist online, BetterHelp can help you find an experienced professional to talk through the thoughts that are taking up way too much mental real estate.
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It's morbid. We're ourselves again, honey. I don't know why we went there, but it felt right. We tried a transatlantic thing, I think, almost. It's like when we did the Bob-Haired Bandit and I tried so hard to be transatlanticism and I just wasn't. Transatlanticism. You know, death got for cutie. We did a whole thing. Yeah. You know what? There's a, before TikTok goes away, we might as well start with just nonsense. Insert a wah, wah, wah. Before TikTok goes away, there's this comedian on there. Her name is Carissa. And I want to find her real, her full name, Carissa. Her whole act is she's like this.
something darling is her name and she does this like she does crowd work in a transatlantic accent in full like gown and she's just like what's your name darling like it's just like yeah and she does the whole act like that and she's fucking hilarious so So Carissa. Go find her. Go find her and find out where she goes. I'm going to find her on there while we continue because so I can shout her out. I'm not fully convinced that TikTok's going anywhere. I don't think anybody really is. And if it is, I'll be like a little bit sad for probably like two days. And then I'll be like, wow, look at all this stuff I completed in my free time. Yeah, right? It eats up a lot of my time. It's true. So I don't think it's that bad of a thing in that scenario. But I do feel bad for like creators who have made like a living on there. Well, that's the thing. It's been around for how many years? And it's like when you've made a living off of this. It's like your actual job. Yeah. Like our girl Isabel. Oh, our girl Isabel. I don't know what I'm going to do without Isabel. Isabel. Annalie. Annalie. Tyler
I'm going to be so sad when I can't go to Pato. It's Carissa Hendricks, by the way. Carissa Hendricks. Let me see. Go find her. She's so pretty. She just like roasts people, but in like the most classy way. That's my dream job. I love her. We kind of do that, actually. She's really funny, so just go find her anywhere. I don't know. Find that girl. Find that girl, Carissa Hendricks. But yeah, I don't know. We just went with a 20s theme today. Yeah, just kind of, I don't even know whose idea this was. Maybe it was Mikey. Mikey, was this your idea?
Boom, there it is. There it is. Boom, there it is. Speaking of like actual regular episodes, this is an actual episode, but it's listener tales. So we are going to put out Rodney part two, Rodney Alcala part two on Monday. If you're watching this, it's probably like Thursday or like this came out on a Thursday. So we just want to have like a little breather after part one. Quick little palate cleanser. Yeah, we're going to get into some gnarly shit in parts two and three. So this is like your little send off into that, which is nice. Yeah. Yeah. We love it. Yeah. I picked the tales today. They are, there's like sort of a theme.
I guess. I feel like there's a theme, but without a theme. Yeah. I looked for like, I searched the word Gatsby. I searched the creepy doll and speakeasy. I like that. Yeah. All things that, you know, felt like they all make the time. And even if they're not, it makes sense. Yeah. Also, I want to wear these gloves every day. As you should. Also, I had something really cool happen before this and I'm having trouble concentrating and I can't say what it is yet.
It is. It's really cool. We can't say too much because I give things away so easily. Like with my face. I'll say one thing and people are like, I know exactly what you're saying. And I'm like, I was really trying to be undercover there. Trying to be coy. I could never be a narc. Well, I guess maybe I'd be a good narc. You just would be a good undercover.
You couldn't be like an informant. No. Oh my god. I think about that a lot. I think about that a lot. When we do like cases where somebody wears a wire, I'm like, I would never. First of all, like my IBS, I would just shit myself instantly. My IBS could never. My IBS could not handle that. And neither could my delicate psyche. Because we're one step away from a full break. I just laugh.
Anytime I'm feeling any type of way, I start laughing or smiling. So I'd be so shitty. Remember the time that I was, I won't say who it is, but remember the time we had to go to a funeral together and we couldn't stop laughing? Because I just can't handle emotions. No, nothing was funny. It was actually very sad. But we were sat together in a church pew, if you could fucking picture that. And we just couldn't stop laughing. And we couldn't. And my grandpa gave a eulogy and it was so awesome. It's true. It was super awesome. The great guy. Great guy. We were like, oh God, the greatest of guys. You know, I freaking loved that guy. But yeah, I can't. Anytime to process an emotion, I laugh or smile. And I often have to say, I'm not finding this funny.
I am upset. Like I have to tell people like I'm upset, I promise. Yeah, that's your tism too. It is. It's part of that. So I don't, it's just, so this is the only way I know how to process anything. So I'm just going to like maniacally laugh for. Okay. Which is a good thing. Yeah. It makes sense. Do you want to go first? Do you think that will be helpful? Yeah, I'll go first. Okay. That sounds good. Dive in. Because I'm so happy. OG Morbid. She's about to dive in, everybody.
I'm about to dive in. There it is. Oh, that was really good. Alicia? That was good. Is she here? We need like a little like seance table in front of us, which I feel like we're dressed for. Oh yeah, you're actually. I feel like something about the green is giving Barry and Madame Leota. Oh, I love that. Is it Leona or Leota? It's whatever you want it to be.
this is your show it can be what you want and not yours exactly so you can make it whatever you want i wish we took that tagline i know like i wish we thought of it that's a great time like i wish we stole that i wish we could steal it no i love them so should i do the time a ghost shoved peaches up my nose yeah that one's really funny actually just nose i said nose i'm not really sure i didn't even hear that you said you say whatever you want to say i will because it's my show just kidding all right so let's let's get to this all right hi there spooky gals My name is Jessie. Okay, I was making sure I could use it. I can use it. I don't mind if you use it. I appreciate you ladies and whatnot. I would say all the mushy stuff, but I'm not good at that. Neither is this one. Me neither. I'm the mushyest mushyest, so I'll just say you love us. You love us. I love you. In fact, I had to say something really mushy to John the other night. You did? I had like a moment. You know how you get that moment of feeling like... Overwhelmingly appreciative? Yeah, like you're just like, wow, you're so lovely. Yeah. And I get to hang with you forever. Yeah. And so I had all these like weird like emotions about it and he happened to be upstairs doing something. So I texted him and I literally said...
I don't know how to do this in person, so deal with it. And he was like, that first part of the text had me dying. Also, 18 years into marriage, I don't really know how to tell you how much I love you, so deal with it. So deal with it. I'm going to text it to you. But he literally was like, I'm dying. You're unreal. Sorry, I don't know a piece of hair. Just like one piece of hair. Oh, that happens to me a lot. There it is. I got it. So I just didn't want you to yell at me for touching my face. No, don't worry. It's cool. So it says insert bunches of mush here. LOL. Honestly, that's essentially what I did to Johnny. I love that you did. You guys are the best and get what I mean. I do. I love you. I appreciate you. I respect you. I previously sent this tale in, but after rereading it, due to my BFF, Alyssa,
used it, who also loves Morbid, by the way, thank you, Alyssa, told me I severely spelled Ottoman wrong. I mean, that happens. I would have done that too. I don't spell things correct. I realized that in an effort to stay on topic and not get distracted a million times like I tend to do that my tail was actually pretty short and needed more zest. Oh, I love zest. We love zest. We're going for the zest. However, if you want a quick one, then feel free to use the original version. I'm not picky. I want this one. Yeehaw. Let's get into it. I'm from Florida, hence my yeehaw. I was wondering. Yeehaw. Anywho, I'm a full-time dog nanny. That's awesome. Another dream job. That I could handle. Yeah, I could do that. My IBS could definitely take that.
And they said, yes, you could call it a pet sitter, but dog nanny sounds way cooler. I like dog nanny. I agree. Dog nanny. Yeah. A nanny for dogs. Yeah. For context, back in the day, I used to groom dogs full time and give them snazzy haircuts. Shout out to Ash. I know it's not the same, but still, we were both some sort of hairstylists. Also probably better because dogs can't talk. Yeah. And you got to make those dogs look fresh.
Oh, it makes sense. One thing I'm going to miss about TikTok is watching dog grooming videos. Yes. When they make them look like little teddy bears. Little teddy bears. Little teddy bears. And they put the little bows on their hair. Oh, I love it. I love that. Back then, I didn't dog nanny much since I was focused on being a dog barber. But there was a family with two dogs that I have always made time to nanny for. And I have claimed the dogs as my own since then. I would do that too. I visit them three to five times a week. I'd like to think if the doggies were to become parentless for whatever reason that they would come live with me over anyone else in the family. I love how dark that thought is. If their entire family died, I feel like I would get custody of them. I feel like if for some reason their parents just...
weren't here anymore that I would get those dogs. They just like vanished off the entire earth. I love your mind. Yeah, it's good. I've had dogs written to me in people's wills. That's like high praise. That's the highest of praise. Like truly. Are you leaving me your dogs? Damn.
I mean, I trust you with them for sure, but I wouldn't want to disrupt your cats. I know. Because I care about those cats. Yeah, thank you. I care about those dogs. We'll figure it out later. We'll figure it out. Off camera. That's cool. She's not going anywhere. Yeah, you know. Let's hope they stay alive because while I want all the dogs in the world, I already have two amazing fur babies of my own. And if I end up with more, I may need to get a bigger house. Yeah. Well, already, for the first few years, the family mentioned above lived in a beautiful, safe-feeling house. Well, not anymore. Uh-oh. Last year, they moved. The pet parent, as I like to call it, had mentioned that her mother, who previously owned the home, left behind some antique items such as vintage mirrors, figurines, and the scariest dolls you have ever seen. All throughout the-
the house. Plus the house is covered in old-timey wallpaper which isn't super relevant other than the spooky ooky vibes. I love which isn't super relevant but spooky ooky. I love like vintagey wallpaper. Oh me too. There's a wallpaper man at my house right now figuring out how much wallpaper I need to order. Which is really badass. I'm so excited. It makes me want to order so much wallpaper. I love that. Flash forward to the first time I had a slumber party with the dogs there. There was a double closet in the room I was staying in. I was hearing sounds from one side of the closet throughout the night. Kind of like a tapping or soft banging noise. I'm a scaredy cat in general so this was a huge nope for me. I opened that side of the closet only to find creepy dolls and rocking chairs.
Specifically, doll-sized rocking chairs. You said in rocking chairs or and rocking chairs? In rocking chairs. I just pictured like dolls on one side, multiple rocking chairs on the other. And these are dolls in their doll-sized rocking chairs. Just tiny rocking chairs. Ready? I'm going to look at every camera and say no. No, no, no. That's not even my camera, but I'm going to look at it and say no. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Not up in here. No.
It reminds me of Ma. I love that bitch. I love that bitch so much. I do love that bitch. But at home in one of our hallways, Ma had, I'm not shitting your dicks, guys. She had three, like, big, like, three three-story cases of dolls. And let me tell you, when you're, like, sneaking home at night after, like, a little...
The dolls? You sneak home at night fully sober. You walk up the stairs in the daytime at that house fully sober. They're going to eat you. The dolls. They're coming at you. They're staring at you. Oh, and I had to walk past every case to get to my room. I think that's why. So obviously I grew up in that house. Yeah. I grew up with those dolls. Yeah, that's your mom. I am not freaked out by dolls. And I think it's because I spent my entire formative years.
being exposed to those dolls being in my life at all times. I spent a lot of time being exposed to those dolls too and I hate them. I mean, I don't know what it is because I think I'm just so used to them. I was used to her getting dolls for different holidays. I think there's a puppy crying. There is a puppy crying. She wants to say hello. She said, you're talking about dogs and I'm a dog. Hello. That's definitely a blanche. That's definitely a blanche. She said, I like the 1920s. My name's Blanche. Should I wear a dress? But yeah, I'm not freaked out by dolls. Dolls don't freak me out in general. Obviously, a scary doll like a fucking Annabelle or something like that is going to give me the willies. Dolls in general, I'm just kind of like, okay. The word doll is losing all meaning. Doll.
Doll. Now I'm just thinking Roald Dahl. Yeah. But yeah, I don't like dolls. What a journey that went on. That's the inside of my brain for you. Now I'm thinking Roald Dahl. And you know what? James and the Giant Peach. Peaches. Peaches. James and the Giant Peach is Roald Dahl, right? Yeah. Oh, I thought you said James and the Giant Peach is a real doll, right? Because I said, did you see the math going on? Yeah, it's Roald Dahl. Yeah, we're here. No, it is. We're here. We're here with you. We're here. We're getting back into the story. It connects. It connects. With Peaches here. At first, though, again, I misunderstood you. We're not getting back into it. I thought you said Roll Call. Roll Call! Mikey!
Presents. Yes. All right. Here we are. After that, the closet kept opening by itself overnight. I would go to sleep only to wake up with it being open and seeing the creepy dolls staring into my mother freaking soul. My sister, who doesn't believe in ghosts, told me to compliment the dolls and ask them to chill. Which I did. I think she believes in ghosts then. She does because she's like, you better make friends with them. She said, be nice to them so they don't eat your soul. She said, which I did. I told them they were very pretty.
but were freaking me out. Not sure if it helped, though, or if you're supposed to talk to spooky dolls in general. Oops. After this, it went on for days, to the point that I needed my boyfriend, a complete skeptic, to come stay with me out of fear. He didn't believe any of it. The closet had those accordion-type doors that scrunch open. He put an ottoman, or ottoman. I like that. Whatever one. However you spell it. Footrest thingy. I sure don't know how to spell it and still can't figure it out. Alyssa thought I was trying to spell abdomen. Abdomen. That's what I thought when I first read this tale. I think it's O-T-T-O-M-A-N. That's what I thought. Because I think it's ottoman. Or is that like ottoman empire? Who's that? That's like, who the fuck is, who's empire?
It's a time period. Which one? The Ottoman Empire. When was that? I can't tell. I will claim ignorance on that. I don't know what time period it was. There's also a Vampire Weekend song that played at our wedding called Ottoman. I like that song. It was our cake cutting song. It was. Mine was... Oh, go ahead. Sorry. No, you go ahead. Mine was... I feel like we're unhinged today. We are. I am feeling like I am in orbit right now. Technically, I think aren't we all in orbit? We are sober as a judge, as always. And I am in orbit. Yeah. Yeah.
Orbit. Orbeat. I'm in space. Oh, the Otto... Ottoman Empire. Oh, I thought you said... No, no, I did think you said empire. Did you just hear my thought? Yeah, I did actually. It was insane. Oh, the Ottoman Empire was an absolute and constitutional monarchy that ruled over a large area of... Oh, I remember this. It's in like the very low numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The 14th. Well, the 14th century to the early 20th century, though. I don't know a lot about it. I will not claim to. It's also known as the Turkish Empire. I've heard of that. There you go. Okay. You know. All right. So he put an Ottoman.
Not the umpire, but the footrest thingy in front of the closet. So I would feel safe and would know that the closet wouldn't be able to open. Well, there you go. Joke's on him because the next morning the other side of the closet was open. He asked if I had done it. To which I said, no! Uh-uh. No, sir. No, no, boyfriend. No, sir. I told you this place was spooky. It's spooky. My goodness.
Honestly, I'm glad he got spooked out because now he believes me. After that, I hadn't stayed in the house until a month ago. This time I was offered to stay in a different bedroom, to which I gladly accepted. There were no creepy dolls, but a few odd things. There was an exterior house light right outside the window that would turn on and off throughout the night. I figured it was a sensor issue, or at least that's what I tried to convince myself. The bathroom would randomly make weird noises, like weird gurgle noises that sounded like they were coming from the ceiling. That's the ghost of me.
Just gurgling up in the ceiling. That was me a second ago. Yeah, did you guys see that? My stomach was like... I don't even know if we'll need to, but we need to see if we can amplify that. Yeah, because I'm hungry. Me too. Maybe just another house issue. The flipping wall made weird banging noises off and on too, but I had to pretend it was all just a coincidence anyways, because duh, it's better to avoid problems. It really is. But then throughout the night and only at nighttime, I would get an aggressive smell of peach in my nose. That's nice. That is really nice. At first, when I was reading it, I thought you were going to say pee.
just yeah pee wouldn't be great like urine urine but peaches peaches I'll do it not like an aroma in the room but like all the way up my nose how rude that is a little bit rude it was as if somebody actually shoved an entire ripe peach up my nostril no thanks ghosty maybe the dogs were farting and whoever in the afterlife felt bad and they were like you shouldn't smell bad because you're so sweet and you take care of these dogs I said here's some peaches take some peaches millions of peaches just for free up in your nose Morbid is brought to you by Audible. He lurks in the shadow. He slips into dreams. He casts no reflection. Audible presents Bram Stoker's Dracula, a new full-cast audio thriller starring Jonathan Bailey as Dracula, Ella Purnell as Mina Harker, Maggie Gyllenhaal as Van Helsing, and more. When Mina's fiancé vanishes in Transylvania, she pieces together letters, diary entries, and chilling testimony to hunt the predator stalking those she loves, only to discover Dracula is already hunting her. Joined by the enigmatic Van Helsing, Mina and a fearless band race against time to stop an ancient terror. Her intellect and resolve may hold the key to bringing down the count if he hasn't already found his way inside her mind.
Featuring a haunting original score and spatial Dobie Atmos sound design, Bram Stoker's Dracula invites you to feel the terror of being hunted and the thrill of the hunt. Now on Audible, listen to the darkness. Go to audible.ca slash listen to Dracula. At MedCan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. A healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. MedCan. Live well for life. Visit MedCan.com slash moments to get started.
I searched for outlets with air fresheners and didn't find anything. It kept occurring the whole stay, only at random creepy times at night. At this point, I decided there was only one logical option. I had to accept that the ghost really wanted me to know that they smelled good, because what else am I going to do? Yeah. I'm stuck here for two weeks. Yeah. I told the ghostie that I was just there to take care of the pups and asked it to chillax a little so that we could be, you know, buddies. Fair. Not sure that helped either, since those occurrences kept happening over the two weeks. It's safe to say that I was a little bit sleep deprived, but peach ghostie never harmed me, so we're on good terms now. Yeah, I would say so. Anyways, I've avoided the creepy dolls at all costs since, like I said, I befriended my peachy ghost friend. Maybe.
I'm spending another week at the house now, so maybe I'll have more ghostly encounters. Keep it weird, but not so weird that ghosts shove very fragrant peaches up your nose. Attaching pictures of cute puppies just for fun below, as well as scary dolls. Also, going to add my personal fur babies because I love them so, so, so much. I could just melt. Thanks for everything. You guys really are the best. So are you. I love you. Those are scary dolls. The dolls. Also, that scary ship Captain Doll is a little much. Oh, your Puppertons. Wait, I need to look at this. Look at them. Oh, one of them is literally smiling. Shut up. I love them. Oh, God, I love Puppertons. Wait, I want to see the cat. What the fuck? I love Puppertons.
Yeah, I don't like the captain. It's like a ship captain statue. I don't know about that. Jessie, I love it. I love you. I love Alyssa. I love Ottomans. I love it all. Look at this. We're in orbit. All right. We're in orbit. She's not okay. I'm not okay. I'm going to read Listenertail. Was my dog possessed? Yes.
Maybe the theme is dogs. The answer is yes. The theme is fur babies. I literally picked this listener tale because you are so gorge and so is your partner and so are your dogs. I showed it to you already. Oh, that picture? Yeah. I was like, wow. And I was like, pick that. And I said, I want to look like you in my next life. It's true. She did. All right. So this listener tale, I think I can say your name. It's Hot Mess Pooches and it says, hey ladies, I fucking love y'all. I fucking love you. This is long as fuck. Some of it's ADHD ramble, but oh well, cool. We just did that for about 42 minutes on tale number one. And you're still here. I did the double space large font put a pho because I'm old and did not wear my glasses while typing this because that would have been a smart thing to do. I've attached a story about the time I think my dog was possessed with a side story
not the Circleville letter writer and how I almost got married in the Rampard Street murder house. My life is fucking weird. Feel free to use my first name. My last name may sound familiar and the first name is Natalie. Natalie. Oh, there it is. I was like, I literally went like this. I was like, do it. I like, what's the, oh, is it Sue Ann? Jo Ann. Jo Ann. That's my favorite one. Jo Ann. Hold on, now I need water. Jo Ann.
I can't do it because I'll start coughing forever. I know it hurts a little bit. All right. My name is Natalie. Feel free to use my name and any other names in my story. Will do, Natalie. Will do, Natalie. I don't remember exactly when I started listening to you because what the fuck is time anymore? But I will say you two have kept me company as I transported rescue dogs all over the country for the last few years. Oh my goodness. Your podcast has helped me keep my eyes peeled as I travel thousands of miles, often only accompanied by dogs. You two have taught me a ton of lessons that have probably saved my ass. Fresh air is for dead people. Hell yeah. And have helped validate my true disdain for humans.
I love that. That's what we're here for. That is what we're here for. I've been meaning to write. People are good at people and you should know that. Yeah. Sometimes they people good. Most of the time they people bad. They people good. They people bad. And that's why we disdain them. Exactly. I like using disdain as a verb. Disdain. I like it. All right. I've been meaning to write for a while, but as the director of a non-profit dog rescue.
Bitch, can you get any cooler? I hope you mentioned what it is because I'll say it. Yeah. Anytime I would sit down and start typing, I would give into exhaustion and find myself falling asleep at my keyboard. I understand that. A recent car accident, I'm sorry, finally forced me to slow down and gave me the time to write. To tell you how long I've been trying to get a listener tilt into you, the case I was going to write to you about originally was actually covered in 2022, episode 328, The Circleville Letter Writer. That was one of my favorite episodes to do. That's a wild one.
That's a really interesting case. This case is what sparked my interest in true crime. Why, you may ask? Why? I looked it up and I think it's Fresh Hour. So Paul Fresh Hour was my uncle. Some of my very first memories include visiting him in prison when I was just a young man. When the Unsolved Mysteries episode about the case came out, my dad sat me down and we watched together. My family didn't talk about the case very often, but none of us believed that my uncle Paul was capable of attempted murder. You remember that? Yeah. He ended up getting put away in prison for like 10 years. Damn, and that's your uncle. And I wasn't so sure about that either. Yeah. He was actually the person. This man would have given you the shirt off his back and was the first to ask how my dogs were at my family gatherings. When he was found unresponsive in his car after the heart attack that eventually took-
his life his trusty toy poodle tommy was by his side oh tommy tommy the toy poodle i want a poodle my dad what that was just like felt like an intrusive thought you were like i want a poodle kind of my dad Oh my God. My dad was one of seven children and my uncle Paul was my favorite after my dad. I truly believe Karen Sue, his ex-wife, set him up. Paul served 10 years in prison to protect his son who was roped into the setup by his mom. Yes, Paul was absolutely the kind of person who would give up his own freedom for those he loved. Unfortunately, Karen Sue passed away last month and has taken her secret to the grave. But that's not what this listener tale is about. So I'm going to give you a short backstory without rambling, but I'm not going to make any promises because ADHD.
I feel that. I grew up going to my dad's house in Columbus, Ohio, and my mom's house just outside of Houston, Texas. For those of you who do not know, New Orleans is a mere five hours from Houston if your mom drives like a bat out of hell. That's crazy. I know. I didn't realize that. Geography. I was going to say gography. Gography. Back in 2002. Back in 2002, I was a pretty angsty teen. Spoiler alert. I am now a full-fledged misanthropic elder golf. Oh. Everything you're saying, I'm just like, yep. Yeah. As soon as I read this, I said, you speak to me in a certain way, but you really speak to Elena. When you just said 2002, you were just an angsty teen. I'm like, yep. Yeah. Same girl. Five.
Yeah, it sounds like a thunderstorm. Yeah, you're 15. You can hear it. Cool. Guys, I'm hungry. She hungry. I'm hungry for your tails. So, misanthropic elder goth and learned that my favorite musician lived close enough to talk my alcoholic mother into weekend trips to the Crescent City. She would drink and gamble while I would roam the streets with friends, hoping to run into the dark lord of industrial music himself. Do you know who that is? The Trent Reznor? Is that? He's Nin, right? Yeah, he's Nin. I just, I don't know. I'm just, the dark lord of industrial music just makes me think of Trent Reznor. Yeah, I can see that. But, well. Am I right? I don't think it ends up saying. Oh.
The city immediately owned a piece of my soul. If you have never been to New Orleans, it's not like any other city you will ever visit. I could go on and on about the food, the jazz, the drinks, the art, the history, the best bar down the alleyway you'll miss if you blink, the tarot card readers in Jackson Square, or the speakeasy that the vampire sent you to above the unassuming Bourbon Street Bar. That sounds fucking awesome. Yeah, it does. It's almost like an alternate universe. And if you are sensitive, the energy will keep you coming back. It's like a drug if you're a weirdo who has never felt like you have had a home anywhere else. I love that. Beautifully said, but made me sad. That really is really. But you know what? You got not ones. Now you got not ones. As an adult, I make any excuse to visit and will often wrap up my dog transport trips with a stop in my favorite city to decompress. That is. One of the strangest sights I've ever seen was the French Quarter. Yes. Yeah. One of the strangest sights I've ever seen was the French Quarter, late spring 2020. My boyfriend at the time had never been to New Orleans. And so I thought we would stop on our way back.
to Texas from the Midwest. It was a literal ghost town. Plenty of souls, but very few were living. Ooh, I like that. You're like very poetic. You are very poetic. We were able to walk through the middle of the street with our dogs as I gave him a tour of the corridor, passing by maybe three or four humans along the way. It was surreal, but the energy of the city I love just wasn't there.
A few months later, the city had started to open back up, so we decided to visit again. I wanted to show my now boyfriend the city I have obsessed over since I was a teen. We will call my ex Jeff, mostly because that's his name. And he will probably shit his pants if he hears y'all tell this story. Hell yeah, Jeff. I love, mostly because that's his name. That's a great reason to call him that. It is. It's a perfect reason. We found an amazing deal on a dog-friendly historic hotel right in the French Quarter, so we decided to treat ourselves after another 2,000-mile trip moving dogs to homes and partner rescues Midwest. That's amazing.
I know. I always travel with a few of my own personal dogs because I have separation anxiety. So a long walk around the French Quarter was the first thing we did. This is where I mentioned that I'm also a professional dog trainer and behavior specialist. My dogs have traveled with me all over the country and are used to staying in hotels. After a long walk around the French Quarter, we checked into our hotel, unloaded our bags, and set up dog grates in our room. We made plans to have dinner and join a haunted history walking tour. I want to do that so bad. I want to do that right now. Let's book a trip. Let's go.
Jeff and I, Jeff, his real name, got the dog settled and walked out the hotel room to head to dinner. I always wait outside the hotel room door to listen for my dogs to settle. But this evening, that didn't happen. Atticus. I love that. Atticus. I love that. Wait until you hear the next name. My most behaved deaf boy was scratching at the door and his deaf adopted sister, Dita Von Flees.
Atticus and Dita Von Fleece. Dita Von Fleece is the best dog name in the history of dog names. Hands down. Like, nobody else name your dog again. That beats Kevin. Way better than Kevin. That beats Kevin. Valentina. Kevin. The best. Dita Von Fleece. But Dita Von Fleece was crying in her crate. Oh no. We figured they just hadn't had enough time out after a long trip and decided to take them to dinner and on the walking tour with us. I'm attaching a photo of myself with the three dogs who were with us on the trip. Lilith, Dita, and Atticus. And Lilith. Well, my tattoo's name is Lilith. Shut up.
I love it. Now, an evening of perusing the French Quarter in August may seem like a lot for most dogs, but these are young Dalmatians and they're fucking adorable. Oh my god, they're stupid cute. They were literally bred for running miles upon miles. We had dinner outside next to Jackson Square, which is now full of artists, street performers, and psychics, but was once where the city held their executions. Oh. I scanned the square for my favorite tarot card reader, but I didn't see her. I'd been drawn to her several years prior because of the wolves on her altar cloths. Oh, that's cool.
My readings would often end with a discussion about our dogs. And something she had said has stuck with me. Dogs with, I think it's heterochromia, I think. It's the eye thing. Two different colored eyes. Can see the living and the dead. Oh, I fucking love that. For some reason, it gives me like Game of Thrones, White Walkers vibes. Oh my, like dire wolves. Like, oh, I fucking love that idea. Yeah, specifically, they can see the living with their dark eye and the dead with their light eye, which I think is so fucking cool. I'm obsessed with that idea. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Well, on this trip, we didn't have any dogs with heterochromia, but Dita's eyes are both ice blue. And I wanted to see what she would say about that.
Which, that's probably, like, rare for a Dalmatian. Yeah, I would think so. Usually they have dark eyes, right? I think so. Yeah. We finished our dinner and spent the rest of our evenings on a haunted history tour through the French Quarter. There were locations where the dogs seemed to be bothered by something, and they definitely tried pulling us across the street upon approaching the La Lorne mansion. But otherwise, it was a normal long walk. We went back to the hotel and settled for the night as we were all finally exhausted. Then, at 3 a.m., Jeff woke me up, telling me he thinks Dita's having a seizure.
I come launch myself out of bed and see her crate rocking back and forth. He throws open the door and tries to grab her and she sinks her teeth into his hand before shooting out of her crate and under the bedside table across the room. Holy shit. She was howling like I've never seen a dog howl before. I reached for her and her teeth sank into my hand as she urinated. At this point, I'm sure everyone in the hotel has heard her howls despite trying to calm her. Her ice blue eyes locked in on the window curtains that went from the ceiling to the floor.
She launched herself across the room one more time and attempted to climb up the curtains. She was in such a frenzy, I feared that she would hit the glass with such force that she would yeet herself out the window and down three stories to, I think, Decowder Street? Holy shit. After what seemed like a half hour, Dita finally exhausted herself and retreated back into her crate. Jeff and I thought for sure we would be asked to leave the hotel, but no knock came or call. The next morning when we checked out, no one mentioned a thing. Dita had never had an episode like this before, and four years later, she has not had another one like it, nor have I seen anything like it with any other dog. Was my dog possessed? Could she see the dead? Or is she just a nutty Dalmatian?
I can go with possessed. I think possessed. Especially the fact that they were kind of like acting strange while you were on the walking tour and like out of character. I tried doing research on the hotel we stayed at, but I didn't find anything particularly damning. The whole French Quarter is haunted if you ask me. And if you don't believe in that sort of thing, there are plenty of vampires, witches, and voodoo practitioners who may tickle your fancy there instead. That's so fucking cool. Side note, many years ago I was engaged, like any good golf, I planned to get married in New Orleans. Hell yeah. I found a little museum on Rampart Street where we could have a small ceremony and celebration. My ex-fiance's mom was outraged when she found out that I had put the deposit down on the Rampart Street murder house, the Zach and Addie story. Oh.
My goodness. Yeah. I didn't realize I would have been getting dressed for my wedding in the same space where Zach had dismembered his girlfriend Addie before jumping to his death. I didn't make the connection. Oh my god. I didn't make the connection until after enduring her outrage. Two weeks prior to the wedding on Friday, October 13th, my father had a massive stroke causing us to call off the wedding. Long story short, had I gone through my wedding, I don't think I would be here today.
I have absolute chills. I hadn't read that part earlier. I just read the dog part. Wow. Whoa. Wow. Holy shit. Some kind of an intervention happened. Yeah. I don't know what happened there, but damn. That's crazy. I'm glad that you're here. Yeah. And I'm glad that that didn't happen. Glad that that didn't happen. And I'm sorry that you had to endure what you did. Yeah. Holy shit. I'm adding a better pick of Dedevan fleas and some more of my dogs as well as a pick of the love of my life. Salem.
That's who that is in the picture. Stop. You guys together are absolutely gorgeous. Literally a work of art. I picked the tail because I said, I literally want to look like this woman in my next life. She literally did. Like what? She did. Hand to whoever. Me on her. I'm not a scout, so.
I thought you were talking about like a judge or something. And I was like, I think it's your honor. You're like, excuse me. I was like, did you break? I understand it. You're all excited and stuff. I thought you guys would appreciate that my future husband named himself after a sassy black cat. Not the town or the witch trials. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Anywho, keep it weird. We will. And we know that you will. That's fucking awesome. Even like on an off day. She looks like this. You're absurdly beautiful and just like radiate nice, good energy. You're a work of art. And you and Salem are just like the cutest couple I've ever seen in my life.
Oh, my God. You guys are just stupid gorgeous. And the dogs. Wait, I gotta show you the picture of Dita. Look at Dita! Oh, Dita. Look at her eyes. She does have beautiful ice blue eyes. They're, like, almost white. They're so blue. They're gorgeous. It's crazy. All right, let's see. Should I do Creepy Doll Listener Tale? Another one? Yeah, that's a good one. So this one's called Creepy Doll Listener's Tale. This one's so good. Hi, weirdos. My name is Angelica. Yes, like the Rugrats, you can use my name. If you decide to pick this tale to read on the podcast, I will simply pass away. RIP. Wow.
That's like a normal thing to say to that, but like, I feel like we did the same inflection too. Get out of my head. Damn. I've been a fan for about a year. And the first episodes I listened to were your Albert Fish ones. What are we to start? Babe, you stuck around after that? Damn. For real. Damn. I almost laughed after that. I tried and they said, you're contracted. They said no. We both said, okay, that was it.
I listened to it at the gym and was cackling at all your jokes so hard that my husband stopped his workout and wanted to know what I was listening to. When I told him this podcast about Albert Fish, he looked horrified. He said, qual? When I reassured him it was funny, not because of what he did, but because of your guys' absolute roast of this man's... We do be good at that. He understood and became interested in the podcast. Side note, I'm not a huge true crime junkie since I already know how horrendous people can be, and it makes me sad. Same. Same. Shout out to my fellow social workers. Oh.
Yeah, you definitely know how horrible people can be. But I did take a serial killers course in Creek Community College and learned a lot about them. It was interesting to say the least. However, I'm more impressed with y'all's interpretations and retellings. I've learned so much that I think I may have to scrub my brain clean and start fresh. But like in a good way because I love you. Yeah, I try to do that a lot too. Yeah, I'll shut the fuck up now. But please know I absolutely adore you both. And thank you for always making me laugh and for keeping it weird. This year has been a rough one and I'm only 25. And what year was this? 25 was one of my worst years. Oh, it's 2024. So yeah, it was a shitty year. Yeah. And I'm only 25. Seriously, if things keep on this trajectory, I'm not sure I'll make it very far. You will. Yeah, this is gonna be a better year.
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Do things typically get better or worse? But for reals, listening to you guys helps distract me from the fuckery that is life. I am currently unemployed. Shout out to having a menti bee. And writing this story has filled me, filled up a lot of my time. And for that, I am grateful for the opportunity. Even if it is not selected. Oh, girl. It's selected. And Elena broke. I literally broke while saying it. She said selected. Sorry for it. Why did I laugh like that? Did you hear that? You reacted to that. Like, am I Deedavon, please? What the fuck?
Mom? Not her. Never mind. Marley and Marley. Marley and Marley. That's a banger. I didn't like the Muppets for a long time. Come at me, bro. Confession time. I know. My mother-in-law was really pissed about it. But we watched the Christmas Carol. I was so against watching it for a long time. It's Drew's favorite movie, so I was like, I have to. It slaps. Michael Caine had no business going as hard as he goes in that movie. He didn't. He is.
He's top notch. Yeah, no, that's a good movie. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. I feel remiss. Yeah, right? As you should. Anyway, though, back to your story. 25 sucked balls. Yeah. 24 and 25 were fucking shit. It's tough. 26 got better because I got engaged. And then 27 and 28 have been fun. So I think the closer that, I think 25 is like a hard point in life because you're like in the middle. And I think friends get weird at that point in time. Yeah, and I think the closer you get to 30. Yeah. But when you get into your 30s, I feel like it starts being awesome. Coasting. Yeah, like I feel like the closer I got to 30.
you figured it out and then i had my my twins at 30 so it was like the beginning of like awesomeness yeah i think yeah i think the the closer you get to like making your own family or like even like you know getting married or anything like that and like choosing your own space yeah it's you get happier to me my 20s are overrated yeah i think they are to me in my opinion maybe your 20s are awesome and like for that i mean good for you i haven't heard anyone ever say that no i've heard everybody be like fuck my 20s i think your 20s are just like a redo of your teens but like with a little more information yeah and then your 30s are like wow we gotta we gotta Reel it in. We got to like overhaul this whole thing. Yeah. So it's going to be good. Yeah. So attached is a double space put-a-foot in Word document in Times New Roman size 14 font documenting the time my dad found old dolls hidden inside of a wall. Damn. As in to the windows, to the walls. I have attached photos as well for viewing pleasure. I'm breaking again. Sorry in advance if they give you the creeps. They seem to have that effect on people. I hope it's not too long and not too boring. Keep it weird. And maybe don't look at these photos after dark. Much love, Angelica. Yeah. No, it brings viewing displeasure, but like in a fun way. Yeah. Also, the name of this list is fucking top notch.
To the walls. To the sweat drip down my dolls. It is to the windows, to the walls, to the sweat drip down my dolls. Love it. You're an icon. A little background may be helpful before we get into the story. My father does home improvement and often has to demo houses. He gets to tear down walls, break shit, and have a good time doing it. That would also be a fun job. I literally paid to do that once. Yeah, it's called a rage room. Hell yeah, and I want to do it again. We should. During this process, sometimes he gets lucky and finds treasures. Let me tell you, rich people love to throw away perfectly good shit all the time. We got a $3,000 new stove for our home because said rich people wanted to throw it in a dumpster. Damn.
Why the fuck are you throwing out a perfectly good fucking stove? Donate that shit. Anyway, my dad has found some great things along the way and usually passes these things to me. He's given me books, CDs, records, antiques, and housewares. On one occasion, he brought home 10 trash bags full of vintage clothing, including one deceased woman's wedding dress and her mother's wedding dress from the 1920s. Huh? That's why I picked this one. Was it mine? It wasn't. I'm not from the 1920s. It's like thrifting, but I don't need to do any work or spend any money.
While my dad has many interesting stories and has one of the most chaotic lives I know, this story is not really about him, although he would love it if it were. He would fill up an entire episode of Listener Tales just telling you about the past few years of his life. But alas, this is a story about the time my dad found a case of dolls inside of a wall. Yeah. My dad was demoing a house somewhere in Baltimore. It had already been vacated. We know nothing of the previous owners. And the new owners had asked my dad to break down a few walls for a new project. Piece of cake. My dad does this all the time. As he's doing his thing, probably while listening to Bruce Springsteen, he could see something hidden hiding inside the wall. My dad has seen a lot of shit in his day, but nothing like this. He starts to rip away the wall and what he found shook him.
It's a handmade case with a plexiglass front with some tiny creepy-ass looking dolls inside. Each doll was zip-tied to a wooden board with holes in it. Why? Of attached photos. Why? She has attached photos. Isn't that the scariest shit you've ever seen? Why are they? They're zip-tied like... By the neck. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that the weirder shit you've ever seen? I don't like it. I don't love it. And they're all different little creepy dolls. Like some of them are baby dolls. Yeah, wait till you find out what they are.
I don't like these at all. Holy shit. He just found that on a wall. Yeah, there's a lot going on there. I mean, they're kind of cute in a creepy way, right? No, wrong. Obviously, when my dad found these little fuckers, he thought, what the fuck? My weird ass daughter will love this shit. That would be Papa's react. He would bring this to you. 100%. I sat in the living room with him as he recounted his tale. He was sure that they were haunted because why else were they buried in someone's wall? I thought they were a little creepy, but overall endearing. And I was more so curious of the origins of the dolls. Me too. I'm curious of the origins. I don't find them endearing though. I also found it interesting. They were zip tied by their necks to the board. Same. To keep them there for viewing or to contain them from committing doll acts of evil. We will never know. I think the latter. Yeah.
They've been zip-tied and secured behind the plexiglass for as long as I've had them. And I would be lying if I said I was not at least a little bit scared of the idea of releasing them from their habitat. And fear that maybe the case has been blessed or whatever. And opening it would unleash some little doll demons, just like in the movies. And I'm not about to be the dumb bitch who dies from her mistake. Good for you, man. See? You're smart. Right? If they do decide to one day become haunted, I like that they'll just be dormant and they'll just become haunted someday. They reserve that right.
Oh, thank you. Y'all will absolutely be the first to know if I am still alive to tell the tale. Hell yeah, brother. Thank you. Hell yeah. That's an honor. That's an honor. It is. I also want to share that we moved recently and the movers refused to move them to our new home. They were a little creeped out by them. That's actually hilarious. I wish I was a fly on the wall for that conversation. Like they just go in the other room. They're like, no, dude, I'm not moving. The other one's like, I'm not touching it either. I'm not doing that. This is kind of part of what you're like. What are we supposed to do? They just go to you. We're supposed to be grown adults. Why are we touching the dolls? I'm not touching the dolls. Like I can hear it in my head. I guess like I can hear it. I liked your bit. I'm going to write a whole script up. Alina's next book is
I came across a group on Facebook that is specifically for dolls and doll collecting. I just want to say that those guys are on it and very good at what they do. As soon as I posted, shout out to that group. Hey group. As a group. As soon as I posted the dolls, people went crazy and I had multiple offers in my inbox. Apparently these things are worth something besides just nightmares. From what I could gather, the dolls inside are considered penny dolls. During World War II, soldiers would buy them for their children and bring them home to the US. They are rare and very sought after by doll lovers and collectors. The dolls likely have real human hair.
No, thank you. I don't want to know where they got the hair and hope to never find out given what was going on in the world during that time. That's exactly what I was thinking. Yeah, no, thank you. You can tell by looking at them that someone took great care to make the dolls as detailed as possible. Maybe the person who, I don't know, hid them in the walls, still very sus, knew they were valuable and wanted to preserve them and keep them away from the sunlight. Or maybe they were fucking terrified of them. Yeah. But if I was so scared of something, I don't think I'd put it in my wall. No. So it can just like breed contempt for me in there? I don't want that. Breed contempt. I don't want that. You are a writer. I do not want that.
Maybe the original owner tried to get rid of them, but each time they threw them away, they reappeared on the person's doorstep, like that creepy Ouija board in that one listener's tale. I hate that. I think that's what happened. So they put them in the wall. I'm not sure what the doll's origin story is, but I think we can all agree that hiding them in your wall is a bit strange. I think it's funny. I think it's kind of funny. I think it's a practical joke. I think they were blessed because they were haunted and probably ruining the original owner's life, and they were told to put it in the wall so that they would never be found. Probably. And disturbed. And now they've been disturbed.
I feel like if you don't want them to be disturbed, you bury them in the backyard. But that's hard because there's a lot of them. It's big. Putting them in a wall is just like... Putting something in a wall is tough, though. You've got to cut the wall. Well, that's the other thing. That's why a practical joke is... That's a pretty intense practice. Oh, I will commit to a practical joke. I mean, same-sies, but how many people will do that? Pull. Let's see. Would you open your wall as a practical joke? I just thought of Jasper on TikTok when she's like, Once buffalo chicken wings, raise your hand. What was the first one? If you want...
Was it mozzarella sticks? I think it was. You want mozzarella sticks? Raise your hand. Buffalo chicken fingers. My dad gave these dolls to me when I was around 18 and I'm 25 now. I live with my husband, cat, and dog Luna. Pictures attached. I heard you guys were into that kind of thing. We love it. We love animals. The dolls hang out in my basement because my husband is thoroughly freaked out by them, despite my attempts to reassure him. I would love to display them somewhere as a conversation piece, but that's unlikely to ever happen. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to make them into a coffee table with the plexiglass being the top of it.
That's a conversation. That is such a good idea. Do it. Tell your husband we sent you. It's two things. It's such a good idea. And it's also something that like a weird couple would propose to do on flea market flip. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Side note. I used to be super afraid of dolls when I was younger. I blame this on my aunt who decided to place her super realistic toddler doll in her hallway with a knife in its hand when I was a child. Yeah, that's her fault. That's her fault. We'll fight her if you want. That's her fault. We can fight her.
Yeah, a real knife from her kitchen. She got a kick out of that. Thankfully, I'm now a huge horror fan and love everything spooky and scary. And funny enough, I fucking love dolls now. The only thing that can truly terrify me are giants. And I am betting and pray whoever will fucking listen to whoever will fucking listen that they are not real. I also don't like giant things. You don't. She doesn't like giants. You don't like giant things. Or giants. Like I don't want like like I mean like, you know, the ogres sort of. Yeah. Yeah. Like the earth giants.
From Frozen? Frozen. That would scare the shit out of me. Yeah, that would be fucked up. I don't like that at all. Well, they could just like squish you. Yeah, I don't like it. I can pretty much handle anything scary, but when it comes to giants, a line is crossed. And if they ever do turn out to be real, I will exit this life before things get too spicy. Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding. I like how new that is. Anyway, I will keep these dolls probably forever. All jokes aside, the history and craftsmanship are incredible. I know I sound like a huge weirdo, but hey, we all have our things. You're not weird. Now that I've given you some spookies, I need to give you some giggles. I also included a photo of my Princess Diana Rip doll that my mother got me for a few years ago. I was convinced for years that I was related to her and that she would rescue me to be a princess with her.
I love that for you. Then I found out that she was very dead and that I was not a princess. Anyways, my husband has convinced me that this is not... It's not Princess Diana. It's Owen Wilson wearing a dress. He's not wrong. You might be right. He might be right. Can I get a... Wow.
In your best Owen Wilson voice. I don't know. Wow. Randomly another night, we were at a hotel and I woke up at 3 a.m. to Owen Wilson on the TV and I was like, what the fuck is this? And then I saw J-Lo and I was like, am I, what, hello? They were in like a weird movie together recently. Really? Yeah, she's like a pop star and she's like dating some, I think she's dating Bad Bunny. I think I saw clips of this and it looked insane. I woke up at 3 a.m. and I was just like.
That's a fever dream. I watched like 15 minutes of it. Oh my god, you showed me little Luna, aka Lunatuna. Lunatuna! I'm obsessed with Lunatuna. Aw, you guys are cute. You guys are adorable. Give me Lunatuna. Yeah. Immediately. Wait, also, you have to put those in your wall when the time is nigh. Lunatuna? No. I'm just kidding.
No. The dolls, yes. But the dolls in your wall. Like if you know you're going to make an exit from the coil. The dolls in your walls. Hit my microphone. Not anytime soon, but like when you know you're going to. When you're like 98. Yeah, like when you feel like you're about to shuffle off this mortal coil, just shove them in your walls. Just do a quick home project. Yeah, just call a quick contractor. But do it early. Just call them up and say.
I got a job for you. I need you to hide these dolls in my walls. I found these dolls in a wall, what my dad did when I was a girl. And... Develop an accent, okay, before you do this. Workshop it, okay? Yeah, you'll get there. You got it. You have time. Okay. Luna Tuna for life. Luna Tuna. Luna Tuna. I don't know why I sang it, but I did. You sing lots of things. I like it. It's true, I do. It's true, I do. It's true. That sounds like a Nana Bob song. The Rewatcher. Go listen to the Rewatcher.
Let me take a sip of my water. I think we could probably finish on this. This one is Listener Tales. Predicting death is my sixth sense. Oh, fuck yeah. Let's go. Yeah. It says, hi, Deb Deb. Oh, you too, Ash and Elena. Oh, hey. I love you, weirdos, and hope you read this on the pod. We will. Well, here we are. It is a terrifying yet interesting experience, and I haven't heard a listener tell like it, so I hope it stands out. To sweeten the deal, there's a picture of a puppy and a baby. You guys know. You guys just know. Included is a 14-point, double-spaced, powerful. And this is actually my second time submitting because I sent it to the wrong email. I really want to Google out that email. I also want to know that. Reading time is approximately 15 minutes and 15 seconds, but not unlike two weirdos I know, I stumble on words a lot. Damn. Yeah.
It do be us. And this is from Millie. Millie! The biggest and most vivacious hello to Ash, Elena, and Deb Deb. My name is... Vivacious. Vivacious. My name is Millie. Use it, bitch. I will. Millie. See attached a photo of moi simply because when I read, I love... I always love a face for context. She's gorgeous. Oh, Millie. So pretty. You... That face card, girl. Fuck it up. Fuck it up. Damn. The mug never declines. Millie.
I know what you're thinking. Are you a 5'11 indigenous woman with a bodacious booty? That's literally what I was thinking. Yes, I am. Thank you for answering that. It's giving everything. It's giving all the things I need. I love it. I'm a relatively new listener. My mouth just made a gross noise. I'm going to say that again. I am a relatively new listener who started her morbid journey in August of 2022. However, I'm quickly catching up to all of the episodes. I started at the most recent and I'm working my way backwards, which is apparently not what the normal is. But you know what it is? It's what we suggest. And we actually suggest that you stop at a certain point and never listen to the early ones. Yes. In fact, we were talking about this the other day. That's actually really funny. Yeah. And we were like, when everyone, somebody says.
they're new to the pod we're like are you starting from the beginning did you like are you still here like go from newest to oldest so you can appreciate us later i still go off on a tangent obviously but the tangents that my ass would go off on it was a different time i think i was like 22 when we started you were young yeah i was so fucking you were young i'm still pretty annoying but i own it i was annoying then too and i'm yeah i'm so annoying let's be annoying together forever forever that was a good one it was We didn't cheers. Never mind. I was going to say, did we make eye contact? No, we did. But we did. Why did I forget instantly? Are you a witch? Are you a witch? Are you a witch? Are you a wizard? Oh, God. Oh, God. We don't go on tangents anymore. We never go on tangents. Everyone's like, this has been six hours long. All right. Back to Millie's Tale. Millie! Millie! We're kind of hungry, I think. We are. I have tacos waiting for me. I have like a slaw that I made. A slaw. A slaw with some rotistic. Ooh.
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Live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. So work your way backwards and stop at a certain point. However, I'm the farthest. I'm the farthest. In the fjord.
I'm in the fjord. Don't start with the fjord because I'll go on a tangent to Conan. He has a song. However, I'm the farthest thing away from normal, so it's incredibly fitting. I'm an English major, so if there are any grammatical errors, feel free to call my ass out. I'll call the police. Whoa, it escalated. Before we get into the gushing, I want to give a well-deserved shout out to the divine individual who started my unhealthy obsession, your now second biggest fan, Ashley Little. Ashley Little! She's like me, but little. I know you two love the art of making others defecate themselves, so please use her full name because she will take a monstrous giddy dump in her jeans. Ashley Little. Ashley just took a dump. This is her photo.
Oh, Ashley, you're adorable. She's Gludge. She's a big Gludge. Yeah. Okay, gushing time. I absolutely adore you two. And I hate people, so that says a lot. You are my people. And we hate people, too. Yeah.
You've made your way into being a daily part of my life, and when I'm driving to and from work and listen to you on my hour-long commute, it feels like I have the two coolest bitches behind me in the backseat, eh, cheek you, who are constantly almost responsible for my untimely demise as I find myself repeatedly swerving after a laughing fit. Or nor. One time you made me laugh so hard when talking about dick cheese that I snotted all over myself and almost died running off the road trying to find a Kleenex. Don't do that, you two say. But if my end includes snot running down my face and tears in my eyes from hysterical laughter about dick cheese, that sounds like a good way to go. Who are we? Crazy. Who are we? We're just literally so random.
segwaying into the tale with death this is about a few yet far too many times that I have predicted death this is great by the way I'm already sporting doo-doo drawers and I don't even know if you read this on the pod yet so if I hear you reading this then my pants are already off and on fire I love it I live in a very rural town in New Brunswick, Canada. I'm talking I graduated with 12 people rural. Holy shit. I thought other people's schools were small. Damn. However, to begin this story, we set the scene in the big city of Brampton, Ontario. Brampton is about a half hour from Toronto and is way too big for my liking. I graced the lives of my parents by making my glorious entrance into this hellhole we call the world on April 4th, 2000. That's right, Ash. I'm an Aries sun and moon and my rising is Capricorn. I see you, Elena. Oh, hell yeah. Double Aries, you are fiery as fuck. I married an Aries. And Capricorn, even though Capricorn is an earth sign, I feel like they're like pretty, pretty scrappy.
Yeah. You're probably scrappy. Yeah, you're scrappy as fuck. And I love that about you. I get along really well with Aries and Capricorn. Same. Yeah. Mom and dad, John and Elena. Yeah. So make your own most likely accurate assumptions. I did. We did. My parents divorced a few years after my birth just in 2004. But don't be sorry. It was for the best. This is hilarious. My dad found himself in the awkward situation of accidentally falling into women's vahinas. And my mother was tired of his quote unquote slip ups. His quote unquote slip ups.
Fast forward to 2006. That's a great way to describe that. I love that. That's somebody who has healed. Yeah, you feel it. Fast forward to 2006. I'm six years old and my dad's living in Brampton with another woman who I'm glad to say he's no longer with. She was a very angry Italian woman who was a bit hard on the noggin. Or maybe she wasn't angry and she just spoke in a perpetual scream. I'm not really sure. That's a lot. I was playing with Polly Pockets alone in my room. Ash gets it. When I had a feeling, it made me stop and pause with every strand of hair on my little body standing straight in the air as if I were hanging upside down. This feeling and the facial expression I would have worn is comparable.
I don't know why I said it like that. Comparable to someone who horrifically realized that their fart had not in fact been a fart. I can't quite describe the feeling, but it was as if a thousand dementors had entered the room, surrounded me, and then simultaneously began sucking my soul out of my body. They are the worst part of prison, you know. Michael Scott. Did you get that? They are. That's Prison Mike. I don't watch The Office. Don't yell at me. You gotta watch it, man. Maybe. Prison Mike. I didn't have a vision, more like an awareness, that my great-grandfather, who was in perfect health, was going to die. I walked around with this weight for the entire day. A six-year-old? Yeah. That's like one of your babes.
Like, come on. I remember being heartbroken, not only because I had lost someone important to me, my first encounter with death as well, but because I also felt responsible. I knew it was going to happen, but I said nothing because as a child, my thoughts, feelings, and intuitions were typically dismissed. Oh, relatable. That makes me sad for you. I know. The memory stuck with me for a while until it began to fade as the years went on. I had forgotten about the feeling and what it felt like. I resumed my life and paid it no mind until I was 14. I had my laptop going with karaoke songs as I was home alone and aspired to be a famous singer at the time. Hell yeah. Typically speaking though, in order to be famous, you have to be like good at singing, which I was not. Thank you. Do you?
It's subjective. It's 2025 now. Yeah, you don't really have to go much anymore. I think the demon cat from Pet Sematary being shook around and then thrown at a wall. Love that. That's the most accurate description of my singing voice, even to this day. Right in the middle of the ear-piercing belt of the chorus to Rolling in the Deep. It stopped. I stopped. Wait, I took a vocal class once and it was Rolling in the Deep and I thought I slayed that shit. And then I got home and I recorded myself and I never went back to voice acting. Voice lessons again. I love it. I said, teacher Jamie. You said I did not roll in the deep. I'm sorry. I said auto-tune would never help this.
So I stopped. It reminded me of Raven from That's So Raven when she'd get a vision. The same feeling I had ejected from my homunculus. Yeah. Homunculus? Yeah. I'd return with a vengeance. With one major difference. The person it surrounded. This time it was my grandmother on my mom's side. Ruby, who I would later name my daughter after. Ruby. And this is Ruby and she's so fucking cute.
The pigtails? You get the fuck out of here with that kid. I can't. I can't. That's a cute ass kid. I can't. Ruby. I can't. She's so fucking cute. I love her. I know. And look, she's kind of like judging whoever she's looking at. She's like, she's got like that eyebrow action. Her mom is a double Aries. I'm impressed. Well, grandmother Ruby was the, and this reminds me of this lady Judy I used to live with who I fucking loved so much. Grandmother Ruby. Yeah. She was a kind woman who would always be found drinking Diet Pepsi from a vintage floral glass and watching Judge Judy. Get it. Well, she'd have it on the TV, but she'd be talking so much through it that you could not understand what was happening. Love that. And then she'd look at anyone with her and go, what's happening?
I regret not spending much time with her in my teen years, as I was caught up in school, sports, boys, and video games, but unfortunately did not classify seeing my grandparents as fun. So when I had this feeling, I panicked. I wanted to call my mom and tell her, but then how would she see me if Ruby did die? Would she see me as in a different light, a freak, possessed by the devil, damn overly religious white women? I decided to let it go and hope that I wasn't right. But that night at 3 a.m., my grandmother was taken by ambulance and passed in the hospital. I know. I'm sorry. I went home and looked in the mirror like someone in a movie, not even sure of who I was seeing. I screamed, what the fuck? Which was a big deal because I didn't say a single swear word until I was 17. Whoa. And I've progressed so much now that I'm convinced my child will think her name is fuck.
I love how you read that so hard. The feeling of confusion, dread, and fear enveloped my body like a spicy blanket. I like a spicy blanket, personally. I still refuse to share my curse with anyone, and again, it went dormant for years to come. 2018 is when it returned, yet again. My ex-boyfriend. We ended on good terms, don't worry. I love that because we never hear that. I know. Rarely. My ex-boyfriend and I were living in our first apartment. I was in my first year of university, and I was sat at my makeup station one morning, putting on some semblance of a falsified, excited face for the day. Being in university, I needed all the help I could get with the bags under my eyes and permanent look of depression that encapsulated my face. Then, spoiler alert, it hit.
The feeling. Though this time would be slightly different from the previous two. This time, it wasn't someone that was directly related to me. It was my boyfriend's grandfather. The other difference was how quickly it happened. The other two times were at least a 12-hour span between the feeling and death. This time, I had the feeling, cooked in it for about five minutes, and then my boyfriend called me. My heart fucking sank. He said, Papa didn't wake up from his sleep this morning. I had to force myself to pretend to act shocked, though it was earlier than expected. I still knew it was coming. Is he dead? I asked with a fake surprise. No, I think it's just diabetic coma. He'll probably be fine, he answered.
First of all, who the fuck calls someone and says, so-and-so didn't wake up in their sleep. Just being like casually, they're fine though. He'll probably be fine. Like what? He's probably fine. That's not how you tell someone that. And also like probably just a diabetic coma. It's like, oh, just that little thing. Oh, you know. Yeah. Anyways, I didn't dare tell him what I knew. And I was also hoping that I was going to be wrong this time. His grandfather was a pure and kind soul. He was in his late 80s, still chopping wood, cooking, dancing, and living his life. We'd go over all the time and play skip bow. And he'd get so zoned out, we'd have to yell his name 30 times to snap him out of it. Oh, my turn. He'd show up. Oh my God, I love him. That's so sweet. I drove to the hospital to meet with them. And we went to the room he was in. Once the
the news. He had a brain bleed. He said, more forcefully than I would have liked. That happens a lot. Yeah, it's very clinical. He's being kept alive by the machines, but once we unhook him, I don't expect him to live long after. I felt helpless. So many loved ones I knew would die, and I could do nothing but sit back and wait. That must be so hard. Yeah, that's tough. Nothing I could have done could have prevented these deaths, yet I was burdened with the knowledge of the inevitable. That's exactly what it is. That's a burden. Yeah, it is a burden. These first three death predictions would soon prove themselves to be the easiest that I would have to encounter. I had eventually split for my ex and was living the single life. We were together since I was 14, and I was now 20 and lost. No sense of an identity, an introvert with one friend, and my time was mostly taken up by school and work. I felt confused as to the next steps to take. Then a guy messaged me on Facebook.
To protect his identity, since his name is incredibly unique, we'll call him Fred. Fred. Fred. It reminds me of, hey, it's Fred. Remember that guy? Yeah. Fred started chatting with me and flirting, but in a kind, genuine, and respectful way. I learned he was from India and he was here for school. He was incredibly gifted with humor, intelligence, perseverance, and sheer willpower. He went to the same university as I did and we hit it off right away. However, just as friends as I was not ready for another relationship. We spent time together and I learned how fascinating of a human he was. He was in boarding school in India and was in a gang in his teen years. He survived being stabbed and got out of that place in his life. His family also owned a tiger. A tiger.
His name was Timothy. Like a whole ass tiger. A tiger named Timothy. Yeah. Holy shit. They rescued and rehabilitated him. How much cooler can he get? Not much. He was always very kind and I enjoyed the time we spent together. We were inseparable friends for a few months. When he moved here, he turned his life around, got heavy into the gym, and then excelled even more at academics. He got a moker cycle. He got a moker cycle? He got a moker cycle. I love those. A little bit different than a moker cycle. You ever been on a moker cycle? You know.
Think for a rat of your laugh. It's crazy. He got a motor cycle and would venture around on it all the time. He was also an incredibly talented painter. He cracked jokes that would make me laugh so hard I cried. He said all the strange Indian men that have probably messaged you before and yet I had the charm to get your attention. However, his tale would end like the rest. One day, I was sitting in my room alone, thoughts to myself, when it came. The feeling. The dread. No! I screamed to whatever it was. Not him. It horrified me. I was so scared and helpless. And that's when Fred messaged me and told me he was going cliff jumping with his friend. This will eat me alive forever. But I said, okay, be safe.
I thought once again fate would change. He was going with someone, which meant that he would be safe. I thought I was just in my head about this one. He's 23. There's no way anything could happen to him. You're indestructible when you're 23, right? Wrong.
The next day I woke up and I realized I hadn't heard from him. No text, no call since 3pm the previous day. I called, no answer. I texted. I called again. That's when I messaged the friends that he was with. Can you meet me? She asked. I agreed. And she broke the news. His death was classified as a drowning. She said he hit the water and started flailing. She ran down to the bottom and tried to bring him in, but he was panicking and was bringing her down into the water. She got back up on land and turned to grab him once more, but there was no sight of him. He was gone. My prediction is the force he picked up on his way down threw him deeper into the water than he had the breath for, and he started inhaling before he reached the surface and never made it out. That's brutal. That's awful.
I didn't sleep or eat for weeks, months even. I lost a concerning amount of weight. I could have stopped him, but I didn't believe my gut. I blamed his death on myself ever since. No. It's not your fault. And you don't want to mess with fate, you know? Yeah, and it's hard to believe that you know when these things are happening, so you're probably second-guessing it. Exactly. I would stay up at night crying and apologizing to him, someone with so much light, so much potential and purpose, gone. That is, until I went to a medium, and she assured me that my gift was not just in my head. And even if I begged him not to go, he still would have went. That helped a little bit. Yeah. The last prediction was the strangest and most haunting of them all. Trigger warning for suicide here.
I was at work. I'm a waitress and I work in a small chain restaurant just in Atlantic Canada. The place was dead and I was wandering around searching for things to do when I got the feeling. But it wasn't just a feeling this time. It was a vision too. I got this overwhelming, all-encompassing sense of sorrow, depression, and hopelessness. I was in a first-person perspective and went into my room though, similar to how dreams work. It wasn't actually my room in reality, but in this vision it was mine and I locked the door. I then grabbed gasoline, poured it on myself, and lit myself on fire.
Holy shit. But I wasn't anyone I knew, which was the strangest thing. I had thought it was weird and definitely concerning, but it wasn't anyone I was familiar with. Each one of my previous womp feelings, I knew the person I was referring to. I shook it off. The next day I was on social media and read something on the news. At the exact same time I had a vision, a young guy a few towns over went into his room, locked the door, poured gas on himself, and set himself on fire. He did not survive. I have chills all over my arm.
Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. So until then, death, but I'll be waiting for you. Thank you, ladies, for reading my tale if you did. And if this is on the podcast, I will never shut up about it. I hope you ladies enjoy the rest of your day, week, month, life, year, etc. And I can't wait to continue to keep up with your journeys and see where life takes you. Thanks. Elena, I read your book and I absolutely adored it. Thank you. I took a hiatus from casual reading after life got incredibly busy. This is the best compliment. And your book brought me back to the book where I used to be. Oh, that's literally my favorite compliment ever. So thank you for that. And I cannot wait for the second one. Hell yeah. Ash, that's me. I'm anxiously waiting for the pictures of your and Drew's wedding day. And I'm so happy you have such a beautiful human to love and to love you because you both deserve that and more. Drew is...
Thank you. He's the most beautiful human I know. He's so lovely. It's ridiculous. I don't know how I got him. We love a Drew here. I love him so much. I just want to punch him. With love. Right in the kisser. Until then, keep it weird. But maybe not this weird. Millie. But here's a picture of my dog, Stanley, because why not? Stanley! He's just like, oh my god, I'm obsessed with Stanley. I love him so much. He's doing like the Meg Thee Stallion. Yeah. Good job. I'm so proud of you. Look at me, I'm learning things. Oh my goodness, guys. Millie, that was a fucking harrowing tale. Haunting. Like harrowing. But you wrote it so well that it was, I just, it was fascinating. These were so good. They were so good. I have tacos.
I have slaw. And chicken. And chicken. Chicken. This was amazing. This was so much fun. I feel like this is the most fun I've had. Yeah, this was a lot of fun. Yeah, I think we're getting more comfortable being on camera. Definitely. I'm not going to do it that much more. No. We're going to keep it like this. Yeah. I said, don't get your hopes up. Don't get your hopes up. Don't. We'll do listener takes. Yeah, for sure. We'll do listener takes. We'll do it. We'll do it. And until then, we hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it. Whee!
but not so weird that you predict death definitely keep it I mean keep it that weird it's kind of interesting definitely keep it so weird that you cut a hole in your wall and you had some creepy ass dolls in there I have to open the rest because I don't have a memory due to 15 years of my life oh keep it so weird that as a ghost you shove peaches up people's noses don't keep it so weird that your dog gets possessed but that wasn't your fault obviously keep it so weird that you run a non-profit for dogs though that's fucking absolutely incredible and I think I got all of them yeah just keep it weird keep it the weirdest so weird see you next Monday you buttheads At MedCan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. A healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. MedCan. Live well for life. Visit MedCan.com slash moments to get started. The odds of encountering a tornado in Canada are 1 in 412,371.
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