LOCK, STOCK, AND ONE SMOKING SECRET SPACE LASER

As the Senate trial for "Donnie Two-Scoops'" second impeachment looms around the corner, the House's problem with traitors and conspiracy theorists is causing them to take stock and hope they're not going to be forced to take it in the shorts. Meanwhile, Reddit investors' cries of "Hold the line!" are making 'em sound like a drunk shouting out requests at a Toto concert. Cognitive Dissidents David "Rosie" Rosenberg, Cat Alvarado, "The Black Voice of Reason" Tymon Shipp, and Dr. David Robinson attempt to make some sense of it all in your weekly dose of newsy infotainment! GET DOSED!