Loss Before Grief: Rebuilding After Betrayal with Dr. Kevin Skinner (Rise Season 2, Episode 7)

Loss Before Grief: Rebuilding After Betrayal Take the Grief After Betrayal Scale We often say “grief and loss.” But what if it’s actually loss first — then grief? In this episode, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT explore the profound and often unnamed experience of loss after betrayal — and how grief emerges only after we cognitively realize what has actually been taken from us. Because betrayal is not just trauma. It is the loss of: The reality you thought you were living The identity you believed you held Your sense of stability Your worth Your attachment security The future you imagined At first, there is shock. Survival. Chaos. It may take months — sometimes a year or more — before the mind can say: “This is grief.” That cognitive realization changes everything. Betrayal involves the loss of: The reality you believed you were living The partner you thought you knew Your internal stability Your identity Your sense of worth Only when the loss is named can grief begin to organize. Naming the Pain Without language, pain remains chaotic. MaryAnn references the German word Schmerz — deep emotional and mental anguish — capturing the soul-level rupture many betrayed partners experience. When we can say, “I am grieving,” healing begins. Identity Collapse & Secure Self-Attachment Betrayal often destabilizes self-trust and worth. Healing requires: Re-identifying personal value Validating your emotional experience Rebuilding trust with yourself Securely attaching to yourself Attachment research (Bowlby; Mikulincer & Shaver) supports this internal reorganization as part of recovery. The Power of Trauma Narratives Telling your story helps the brain reorganize trauma. Research by James Pennebaker shows that expressive writing reduces depressive symptoms and improves emotional integration. Each time the story is told: Meaning deepens Emotional intensity shifts Integration strengthens The story changes because healing is occurring. From Grief to Resilience Grief is not a stage to bypass — it is a process to move through. As described in grief research (Worden), healing involves: Acknowledging the loss Feeling the pain Adjusting to a new reality Reinvesting in life with meaning Resilience grows when grief is honored — not rushed. Resources Grief After Betrayal Scale Rise: Online Course  Human Intimacy Conference (Online March 13–14) Feb Promo 30OFF, March 20OFF https://www.humanintimacy.com Selected References Bowlby, Loss: Sadness and Depression Mikulincer & Shaver, Attachment in Adulthood Worden, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy Pennebaker, Opening Up If you are navigating betrayal: You are not weak. You are not overreacting. You are grieving. And grief honored becomes strength reclaimed.