LTN 44 - Mama Coco's Milk Vortex

Love Thy Neighbor — Episode Notes Episode: "Mama Coco's Milk Vortex" Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor or ad-read segments appear in this transcript. Segment Rundown Cold open: age is just a number — Banter kicking off the show about embracing/celebrating age, and the Southern-raised taboo against ever asking a woman's (or grandma's) age. Aging double standard — Men vs. women on how aging is perceived: "silver fox" jokes, wanting a host's wife to grow out sideburns, riffing on cosmetic work and turning into a "lion man." Colette on confronting her own age — Her childhood nickname "Coco"/"Mama Coco"; a moment where her daughter's friend reacted with shock to old photos of her, leading to reflection on vanity and reframing this life stage as empowering rather than a decline. Public scrutiny of women's looks — How actresses and especially female news anchors face harsher criticism than men; a detour praising a former colleague of a host's wife ("Amy Koffel") for her natural beauty and kindness. Lindsay Clancy trial — The Massachusetts case of a mother on trial for killing her children; hosts say it's too disturbing to fully engage with and speculate it reflects severe untreated mental illness (possible postpartum psychosis) rather than a comprehensible motive. Postpartum depression/anxiety discussion — Colette's own postpartum anxiety after her first daughter 25 years ago (largely unacknowledged at the time); a host's wife's postpartum depression after their first child; group discussion of the lack of structured protocols/support for new mothers and the loss of "village" community. Peer-support comparison — Likening the need for new-mom peer support to AA-style group models; the value of connecting with others going through the same experience. "Booby buffet" breastfeeding story — Colette's anxiety-driven story about breastfeeding her daughter Charlotte for only 5 minutes per side, and the Orlando hospital program that weighed the baby before/after feeding to prove she was getting plenty — the origin of the "Milk Vortex" nickname/episode title. Breastfeeding vs. formula pressure — Judgment from lactation advocates (La Leche League) and Colette's choice to combine breastfeeding and formula with her second daughter without shame. Childbirth war stories — Hosts recount witnessing childbirth firsthand, how much more intense/graphic it is than movies portray, with tangents into C-sections, doulas, perineum massage, and placenta capsules. Historical maternal mortality tangent — Comparing childbirth risk historically vs. today, with a pop-culture aside comparing it to Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon birth scenes. Hayden Panettiere memoir — Hope that high-profile cases spark better postpartum care, plus discussion of Panettiere's memoir covering postpartum depression, domestic violence, addiction, and giving up custody of her children. Arnold Schwarzenegger "Broomhilda" debate — Hypothetical/listener-style debate sparked by Schwarzenegger's affair with his housekeeper: is it worse to be cheated on with someone less attractive than yourself, tying in the song "Jolene." Colette on the psychology of affairs — Drawing on her therapy practice with infidelity/betrayal trauma clients, she explains affairs are rarely about looks and usually about proximity/emotional needs, with a personal anecdote about dismissing a coworker as a non-threat to her marriage. Hypothetical infidelity scenarios — Riffing on young men attracted to older women, a personal anecdote about an attractive older nanny, nostalgia for "barely legal"-era pop culture, and debate over which infidelity scenario (same-sex affair, more successful rival, etc.) would hurt each host's ego most. Wrap-up — Closing thoughts on the double standard for men vs. women in scandal, a "Rock"/Moana wig tangent, and sign-off with a call for listener relationship questions and plugs. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned Ongoing: Lindsay Clancy trial, Massachusetts. Recently released: Hayden Panettiere's memoir. Standing: Submit relationship questions to [email protected] (anonymity offered). Plug: Colette Fehr's book, "The Cost of Quiet." Plug: Colette Fehr's other podcast, "Insights from the Couch." Notable Guests/Callers No in-studio guest or phone-in caller this episode. Ryan — listener who proposed "Mama Coco's Milk Vortex" as the episode title via the live chat room. ### Website: https://tomanddan.com/ App: https://tomanddan.com/app Become a BDM: https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch: https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TomandDanLive Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/tomanddanlive Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AMediocreTime Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tomanddanlive/ X: https://x.com/TomAndDanLive TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@tomanddanlive Reddit: https://reddit.com/r/tomanddan ACT RSS: https://feeds.libsyn.com/61976/rss AMT RSS: https://feeds.libsyn.com/18904/rss