LTN 47 - Let's Talk About It Now

Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: "Let's Talk About It Now" (LTN 47) Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor segments or ad reads in this episode. Segment Rundown Cold open: rough restart. The hosts explain that last week's show was skipped because Colette had food poisoning. The opening goes sideways fast, and the hosts joke about starting over. Colette says she's fully recovered. Puking vs. bed-wetting. One host brags that he hasn't thrown up in eight years. That leads to ribbing about his past habit of wetting the bed after heavy drinking, which he says happened on multiple mattresses and family camping trips. TikTok vocabulary breakup trend. Colette brings up a viral trend where women quiz their boyfriends on hard words like "pamplemousse" and break up with them if they get it wrong. She calls it performative and mean-spirited, and points out there are many forms of intelligence. The hosts agree it feels like part of an anti-men strain online, while noting that women face real disadvantages. Is the man always dumber? The group talks about the classic TV trope of the dumb husband (Flintstones, Honeymooners, Simpsons). Dan jokes that he's smarter than Andrea, just less organized. The hosts credit their wives' smarts, and Colette notes that her husband Steve is stronger than her in some areas and she is in others. Dan says Tom is good at business math and at knowing what things are worth. Intelligence, success and ego. Tom and Dan say they don't understand men who feel threatened when a partner is smarter or earns more, and they joke about wanting to be "kept little dudes." Colette mentions that Steve was a proud supporter at her book launch. The group talks about how men still face more stigma for earning less, and how women are still judged harshly on looks. Giada and Dancing with the Stars. Colette tells how she and Steve were watching the new season of Dancing with the Stars. Steve said out loud that he'd always found Giada De Laurentiis attractive, then looked up her age and was surprised to find she's three years older than Colette. The hosts react to the blunder. Colette talks about double standards on aging, and about the late-night text she sent Steve afterward that got no reply. The group jokes that husbands can't win and that "everything's a trap." Feeling desired in a relationship. Colette explains why the comment didn't wound her for long: she feels secure that her husband is attracted to her. She says that in her practice, "my partner isn't attracted to me anymore" is a common complaint, and that it can feed everyday conflict. Validating feelings vs. arguing facts. A host admits he tends to dismiss his wife's feelings by stating "the facts" (that he's into her), which doesn't solve anything. After some crude joking, Colette advises validating the feeling first, then asking how you can show it better. Catcalling your own wife. A host shares a new habit: over-the-top catcalls and "damn girl" comments when his wife walks by or is stretching. His wife seems to like it. Colette says spontaneous compliments work as long as there are no strings attached. Tom and compliments. The group teases Tom for rarely giving or accepting compliments. He says compliments make him suspicious of being sold something. They compare this to someone who says "I love you" many times a day. Dan and Colette's friendship. Dan tells Colette how much their friendship means to him after 31 years in a business where close friends are rare, and mentions a heartfelt message he sent her. Colette says it brought her to tears. The group jokes about Tom's much less sentimental responses and a pretend "timeout" for husbands who say the wrong thing. Monday Night Football fight. Dan describes a long bedtime routine before a Rams Monday Night Football game, interrupted when his wife brought up a large, unexplained credit card charge. He shut down and gave her the silent treatment. It turned out to be a legitimate YouTube TV/NFL package purchase on the right card. He calls it a "clash of anxieties": her financial anxiety against his fear of letting her down. Naming the shutdown. Colette suggests naming the urge to shut down out loud and asking to revisit the topic later, or agreeing to push through if it can't wait. She shares a similar moment with Steve, who talked about prices at an expensive sushi dinner. The group agrees that asking "is this a good time?" helps both sides. Late-night bombshells. Tom says Crystal often hits him with stressful news right before sleep, like money running out by November, but he just lets it go and deals with it in the morning. Running out of things to talk about. Tom notes that long-term couples fall back on a few topics (chores, bills, future vacations) and suggests shared hobbies like scuba diving. Colette talks about the dopamine of anticipation. Dan says Maisie's dance schedule means a lot of trip planning that never happens. Colette describes her love of "what if" dreaming and how her more literal husband has learned to play along. Wrap-up: relationships are work. Colette sums up: anxieties clash, timing matters, partners won't always be on the same page but are still on the same team, and how you react often matters more than the issue itself. The show closes with plugs. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned Last week: Show skipped due to Colette's food poisoning. Current season: New season of Dancing with the Stars, featuring Giada De Laurentiis. Monday night: Rams Monday Night Football game at the center of Dan's argument story. This football season: NFL package ad pitching about $30 a month for eight months. Thursday night: Episode air night (Colette jokes about telling Steve not to tune in). November 1: Tom's joke about Crystal saying they'd be out of money by then. Christmas: Joke about giving Steve a Giada cookbook as a stocking stuffer. Next week: Hosts promise to answer listener emails they didn't get to. Ongoing: Colette's book, The Cost of Quiet, available wherever books are sold. Ongoing: Colette's other podcast, Insights from the Couch. Ongoing: Follow Colette on social media at Colette Jane Fehr. Ongoing: Send anonymous listener emails to [email protected]. Notable Guests/Callers None: No in-studio guests, phone-in callers or voicemails this episode. Chat room listeners: Mentioned as relating to the late-night money talk and bedtime-bombshell topics.