LTN 52 - Approaching Modesty

Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: "Approaching Modesty" (LTN 52) Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads My Eternal Vitality (myeternalvitality.com): Opening read for Dr. Powers. The hosts cover hormone testing and HRT for women, which Colette has talked about using and which a host's wife is going through now. They also mention testosterone testing for men, perimenopause, gut health and peptides. A host says he's working on his gut health with Dr. Powers right now. Segment Rundown Open and intro: The hosts introduce themselves, and Tom says Dan has a modesty topic. Dan says he isn't eager to talk about it but knows he needs to. Dan's upbringing: Dan describes a relaxed, no-shame household growing up. He retells the "rat-a-tat" bit with his dad, a Mediocre Time running joke for nearly two decades. He says it faded naturally as he hit puberty. Then vs. now tangent: The hosts riff on how streaking, mooning and similar pranks used to be seen as harmless and can now lead to criminal charges. They agree it reflects society's changing sense of what's acceptable. The knock that started it: Dan's daughter Maisie is 11, just started middle school, and recently performed at a Winter Park high school football game. When Dan knocked on her door, she told him he didn't have to. He told her knocking is about respect, and that made him realize the transition is close. He says there's a double standard between raising a boy and raising a girl. Time for the talk: Colette asks what Maisie knows. She knows about periods, but they haven't talked about sex. Tom jokes that Dan short-circuits at the "M-word," followed by a "little people" M-word bit. Colette says Dan's instincts are right: Maisie's peers are already dealing with this, so she needs to be prepared, with privacy framed as normal, not shameful. Medieval Times tangent: An offhand "medieval times" line turns into a bit about Tom eating turkey legs there for lunch. Dan says his dad hated it because they seated him by the stables, so he was eating chicken next to a horse. Colette has never been, and the hosts pitch taking her and Kentucky Steve on a show outing. Daddy's girl bond: Dan tears up telling how Maisie said she loved their one-on-one time while Andrea was away on business. Colette says a dad's closeness shapes a daughter's self-esteem and even her future partner choices, and compares it to her own bond with her father. Nudity norms by household: Colette was relaxed about nudity with her daughters, though she wasn't that way with her own mom. Tom explains why he no longer lets his sons see him undressed ("dad-dong"). He says his wife stopped too once the boys started commenting. Colette tells her story of her five-year-old saying her bottom "needs some vegetables." The hosts agree same-sex parent and child pairs rarely hit this point the same way. Dan's nerves and Colette's camp story: Dan says this is the one dad topic that has him stumped. Colette tells how she got her first period at summer camp and mentioned it in a letter to her mom. Her dad then greeted her with an awkward "you're a woman now" line, and she was furious. Her advice: plan with Andrea, let Andrea lead if that fits Maisie best, and avoid moments like that. Tom's sons and the talk: Tom says his wife had the talk with their kids even though he told her not to. The hosts tease him for saying kids learn it "from the streets," and joke that he figured out how babies are made very late. Parenting adult kids: Tom asks how to stay helpful to adult kids without smothering them. Colette loves having adult daughters but feels the distance, with one in Hawaii and one in Atlanta. She explains why she won't guilt-trip them about it. She respects that one daughter doesn't want to discuss her love life, and asks "are you open to advice?" before giving it. She ties boundary violations to the current trend of adult children cutting off parents. Dan connects it back to knocking on the door as respect. Colette and her dad: Colette grew up doing her dad's hobbies: model airplanes, car racing, Giants games. Around puberty he told her she didn't have to keep going if she wasn't into it. Recently she told him she didn't want to hear about a stressful family situation, and he took it fine. Tom and Dan say they could never say that to someone. Conflict and The Cost of Quiet: The hosts bring up Colette's recent Fox 35 segment and Jason Sudeikis's comments about not speaking up sooner with Olivia Wilde. Colette explains the premise of her book: problems you avoid compound, so fix them "at the oil change stage." She says the average couple gets to therapy years too late. She distinguishes constructive from destructive conflict and shares research showing strong couples treat conflict as a team (the "couple bubble"). Tom's early marriage fears: Tom says that early on, every fight with Crystal made him assume divorce was coming, and he learned over time that conflict is just part of the process. Colette explains why disconnection causes anxiety. She describes withdrawers and pursuers (she's a pursuer) and how unresolved fights leave resentment behind even after they "evaporate." Practical tips and grievance bit: Colette's tips: stick to the one small issue (the Diet Coke can) rather than attacking character, take a pause, find something to take accountability for, and talk about your own feelings rather than "you this, you that." Tom jokes about his lists of grievances, and the hosts pitch an emotional boot camp for him. He says he prefers the mud-crawling kind. Dan's real-time win: Dan says he wanted Andrea at a recent comedy show but didn't guilt-trip her for staying home tired with Maisie. He admits he almost sent a text and didn't. Tom jokes that he'll do the guilt-tripping for him. Colette praises the self-awareness and compares it to not pressuring her daughter to move home from Hawaii. Plugs, next week tease and sign-off: The hosts plug Colette's book and free resources. Next week's topic is alternative and open relationships, and the hosts riff on "work husband" Tom bringing Dan hair product and a Copper Rocket story before signing off. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned Recently (Andrea's business trip): The week of one-on-one time between Dan and Maisie. Recently: Maisie's dance performance at a Winter Park high school football game. Last week: Colette on Fox 35 talking about conflict resolution research. Recently: The comedy show Dan attended without Andrea. Next week: Alternative and open relationships with Colette. Ongoing: myeternalvitality.com (Dr. Powers: hormones, testosterone, perimenopause, gut health, peptides). Ongoing: Colette's book "The Cost of Quiet," with a free toolkit at thecostofquiet.com and colettejanefehr.com. Ongoing: Colette's "Insights from the Couch." Notable Guests/Callers None: No in-studio guest, callers or voicemails. Chat room: The hosts note female listeners in the chat relating to Colette's camp story. Kentucky Steve: Mentioned only, as a possible Medieval Times companion.