Why Teenagers Lie: What Parents Should Do When Their Teen Won’t Tell the Truth

Ask Rachel anything Why do teenagers lie — and what should you do when you discover your teen hasn't been telling you the truth? Lying can feel like a huge betrayal, particularly when you've worked hard to build an open and trusting relationship with your teenager. But research suggests that lying is particularly common during adolescence, and understanding why teenagers lie can be far more useful than simply trying to catch them doing it. In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, Rachel Richards and psychotherapist Susie Asli explore why teenagers lie, how parents should respond, and how to rebuild trust after a teenager has lied. We look at the different ways teens hide the truth — from outright lies to avoiding a subject or conveniently leaving out important details — and the reasons behind them. Sometimes teenagers lie to avoid punishment. Sometimes they think our rules are unfair. They may be protecting their privacy, trying to gain independence, hiding poor grades or friendships, or covering up anxiety, bullying or social isolation. And sometimes lying is connected to low self-esteem and wanting friends to see them differently. So how should parents respond? We discuss why harsh punishments and excessive monitoring can actually encourage teenagers to become better at hiding things; why trying to “catch them out” can damage your relationship; and how warmth, clear boundaries and reasonable consequences can make honesty more likely. We also explain why one of the most powerful things you can say when your teenager admits something difficult is simply: “Thank you for telling me.” Then we turn to another source of family conflict: birth order and sibling fairness. Why does the oldest child so often complain that the younger sibling “gets away with everything”? Are firstborns really more responsible? Do younger children get more freedom? And should parents even try to treat their children exactly the same? We explore oldest, middle and youngest child dynamics, why siblings are acutely sensitive to perceived unfairness, and why fair parenting doesn't necessarily mean giving every child exactly the same thing. An episode about teenage lying, honesty, trust, sibling rivalry, birth order and fairness — and how understanding what's happening underneath the behaviour can help us stay connected to our teenagers. RESOURCES: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/thinking-about-kids/201703/why-do-teens-lie-part-1 https://www.researchgate.net/publication/280064789_From_junior_to_senior_Pinocchio_A_cross-sectional_lifespan_investigation_of_deception https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/restoring-families/why-do-teenagers-lie/ https://www.jstor.org/stable/353854?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents"Other Teens Drink, but Not My Kid": Does Parental Awareness of Adolescent Alcohol Use Protect Adolescents from Risky Consequences? https://www.parenting-hub.com/parenting/teen/consequences-for-teenagers-lying/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me Instagram Facebook