Making Friends

and single ladies welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life. I'm Jesse, that's Wilder. We're here to guide your life. Yes we are, yes we are, yes we are.

Welcome to the New Year. The New Year is here. Welcome. It is...

Too yeah. Let us be the first to welcome you here, probably an entire full-ass week plus since it's... Oh my god, yeah. If I were to get...

I mean if I'm just looking at the schedule, our very consistent schedule, this is probably coming out what? February 22nd or something. I'm gonna put my balls on the line and say January 10th and if not, you won't know because I will cut that part out. Yeah, good.

Smart. You're genius. What do you got any New Year's resolutions? Stop hanging with bozos.

Start hanging with... not McGrath. Nice. New friends.

Oh you're gonna transition right into the... I kind of thought you were teaming me up and not really asking my New Year's resolutions. Well, see, ideally we have sort of a comedy podcast here where one sets the other up for like... Is that what the genre of this is?

Sort of. I mean it's... if not that, then what? You know, if not that, then what?

I can tell you confidently that every time I've ever uploaded this anywhere and it says what genre is this podcast, I've had to stare at it. Yeah, I think that's fair. One long, unpleasant conversation is sort of our genre that we're kind of pioneering. And we're...

yeah, and that's it, right? We're the pioneers. We're the first to do it. That's my New Year's resolutions to be more of a pioneer in things.

I'm just gonna start doing shit. Davey Crockett in it. Yeah, that's... he was British too, so that was perfect.

I remember playing his day, Davey Crockett being pretty cockney. Yeah, the famous British folk hero, Davey Crockett. Check out this fucking ox I got now. I've got two civil bullets.

I'm gonna take one. I'm gonna rip it into your eye. I'm gonna pull it out the other side. I'll pull the tree out of the ground.

Use it like a toothpick, wouldn't I? Oh, it's a giant? Yeah, isn't this it? Dude, when I said my big blue bull...

I didn't hear that part. To go back to your original point, we are talking about making friends. See, that's how you do a comedy podcast. Yeah, that is how you do it.

You mistake... you mistake real pioneer for fictional giant. I got a question. Speaking of comedy podcasts.

What food out of who's neck am I eating? Do you think... Excuse me? What?

Food out of...hums neck. Do you think I'm eating right now? What food out of hums? Are you eating jelly beans out of your own neck?

No, that seems impossible. But I am eating a pess with LeBron on it. Oh, was that a holiday gift? I also think that this pess was made of the same year that all the pess was made when we first had it as children.

Yeah. Because I think I broke a tooth. Yeah, that was a loud crunch that I heard on my end. So that was a...

With pess, there's no way to tell if you're crunching up pess or you're just crunching up those shattered remains of your teeth, huh? Do you think we should do the podcast at any point? Or should I talk about pess for longer? No, I mean, I tried to do...

listen. I cued... this ear... something's off.

I think it's you, but I'll take partial blame here. I tried to cue you up for a bit and then you introduced the episode. Then we did the bit. And then I tried to cue up the episode and you went into a bit about pess.

That's kind of my thing. I'm a shaking bake. I'm the rogue one. I'm a wild card.

You got to keep me around because you don't know what I'm going to do next. Kind of the Paul Bunyan of the duo here. Yeah, I would say so. Paul Bunyan and Davy Crockett back together again.

Oh man. Which one bigger than the last? Although again, all you Paul Bunyan's and Davy Crockett's welcome to another episode of Paul Bunyan and Davy Crockett. Mm-hmm.

We're here to do accents. Alright, the episode is making friends and... Which we've done zero of so far tonight. Correct.

Well, okay. Do you want to tell the people about how we became friends? Because it's pretty stupid. Yeah.

Yeah. I kind of picked them up, if you will. I saw them in an English class. Thought he was cute.

Figured. I'd invite him to a little Tiki party. I was having at my apartment. And I feel like a lot of people didn't come that night.

It did make me look very lame. Well, okay. That's a great. I love to hear that side of it.

Because on the flip, I felt lame. Because I think I got to the party like first. I think we were definitely first like the biggest version in the world. Yeah, big time.

And I think the thing that really sealed the deal for us is that we have the same birthday. And we figured that out early early early on. Well, I think we were probably in school. Do you think I was like...

That's right. It was probably like next month is my birthday. Yeah. Like, you know, we're always saying to people.

Yes! S-19 year olds in college trying to make friends are like, Hey, did you know that next month is my birthday? To marry it. Making friends.

Don't start by telling them it's your birthday coming up. Yeah, don't start with... I'll put in quotes. A birthday alert conversation.

Oh my god. Don't talk about your fucking birthday ever when you're trying to make friends. Well, unless they're... Invited.

Well, yes. But some people... And this is we got to figure out categories at some point. But some people, they love the astrology, don't they?

And that is like a big deal. You must do the birthday. So I'm going to say break the ice, right? Yeah.

And I think when and where is a category? Yeah. And for break the ice astrology, I don't know if that's breaking the ice, huh? What is that?

Like the get to know ya? Yeah, I don't really know what you're referring to. Talk about your signs. Well, yeah.

So at a certain point, some people might make friends by having a conversation about astrology. I'm a... My sign is compatible with yours. It feels like a dating thing, but I think it's so commonplace now that...

I don't know. Do you know... Do you know... Do you do?

I... That's... I don't. And I'm no one to make fun of anybody doing anything.

I'm not here to yuck anybody's yum vis-a-vis astrology or otherwise... It is quite a yuck for me. But you can yum it. You can do it.

And that's tight. Here's what throws me off though. If you want to just talk about the signs, what is there? Ten of them or something?

That's tight. Dude, no, there's... Haven't you heard? There's like a mill?

Yes, this is... Yes, now? That's what I'm saying. So fucking many.

Someone's like, oh, you must be my Jupiter singing sign. Yeah, and I can't... That one is tough for me, because I could sort of... But maybe that's the point of this.

If we start having this conversation and I just have to hit the eject button right away, it's like, cool, we're not going to be... I don't know what that means. I guess that is good. You do want to get the hard stances out pretty quickly.

Yeah. Do you trump or do you dump? You know? I break the ice.

Politics is very not quite lit, but it needs to go somewhere. Oh, yeah, I mean, it's very not quite lit. I would say I'm going to put that. And then...

It's not the honeymoon phase. I'm looking... Okay, here's what I'm looking for. As far as a category, and I think everything's going to fall in place.

You know, let's say you meet a friend and you're like, hey, we could be friends. And then you do some stuff. It's not necessarily all the activities you do, but there's the thing before you are actually friends when you're like, on dates, basically. You know exactly what I'm talking about, right?

I'm talking about the friends we made recently. Our building does like events. They've been doing it forever. We have not gone to a single one, because they are fucking lame.

But we decided just to fucking... Who cares? There's a gingerbread house decorating thing. Oh, and also there's supposed to be some good pizza there.

Spoiler alert. The pizza was not there. So they get you. The girl just started talking to us.

She was actually really nice. And then we went over to her place because we all live in the same complex, obviously. And just like had a few drinks on the next day, we all went out to a brewery and that turned into an all day. And they're nice people.

And we hung out just drinking all day. That was a date. It was like, do we like each other? Okay, interesting.

Yes. Okay, so there's a lot there. That's a lot to unpack there. The when and where, I think in your building is very pretty good, because if you don't like this person and it's your neighbor, that's a fucking nightmare.

But if you do like this person, it's like kind of a best case scenario for a friend, right? I don't know if it's best case, because if this becomes a good friend. It's kind of money. I'll be like, I'm just gonna pop over and pop through your window, do some funny sitcom stuff.

I think I agree with that. I think that there's just like sometimes you have a good friend and then something happens and you're not, you don't super want to be like they make a weird comment. You realize they have this weird tendency. You like have a weird God.

I don't even want to. I have a different category. I want to throw it here. But then like even if they're good friends, it's like, maybe I don't want to just see you in the hallway randomly.

Yeah, but I feel like it's casual. If it's a good friend, it's what's up. It's like living on the same floor as somebody in college. It's basically college.

Yeah, I agree, which is why it's very pretty good. Let me give you a very quite lit when and where. Yeah. Work.

That's basically how I got every friend. Work in school. And I'm doing school here as well. You have to make close friends outside of these things and hold dang life.

It's tough. I think some people make, not me, no, never. All my closest core are from these two things. I got another three, I think.

And I don't know it personally, but people make a lot of very good friends through hobbies, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know a couple people who made friends from like intramural or like, you know, whatever, like kickball teams or whatever.

Yeah, that's hobby. Yeah, that's hobby. And then I know like, you know, when we did comedy, we didn't make friends with any of those creators, but certainly people were. That counts as hobby.

Yeah, I mean, when you're a kid is best, right? That's like college is very quite lit. Yeah, college is very good. I mean, that's cool.

But what do you think about? I think very pretty good. Your partner's friends partner. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah, that's a two. That's a two to me. That is a major two because sometimes it's great.

And then sometimes it's like, Oh, fucking those two. Yeah, I'm just gonna toss in when where who into that? That's the same. Who, why, where, when and how, dude?

That's a fucking six rules of journalism. So I cool, dude. I went to one class of journalism school. Neat fucking sick.

Do you make any friends? No. Yeah, so they're not quite lit. I don't want random happenstance.

I don't know how to say this. Like you bump into someone on the street and become friends with them or like your friends. You make friends on the bus with somebody. Yeah.

Okay, our friend, our closest friend here at Asheville does that constantly. She made some of her best friends at a fucking crawfish boil. What? Like that she goes around making friends with fucking everyone.

Okay, I'm sorry. That's lunatic behavior. You can't have that. That's too many friends from too many places.

I don't like that. Manners imagine putting those people in the same room. Oh, yeah. I hate that.

But hold on. Okay, let's not knock. Like, let's go down this shared experience rabbit hole. Where do we put like a traumatic shared, like a hostage situation?

That's got a minute. And then you're let out and you're like, do you want to get a beer and talk about it? And you're like, isn't it the whole time? Or just like, isn't it so crazy?

We're just in a hostage situation? Yeah, that's a two. Cause it's nice to have someone to talk to about that. Cause like, what are you going to go back and tell your stupid friend?

They're not going to get it. Right, right. But also you had to go through a traumatic experience. So that's no good.

Oh, what do you think about vacation friend? For example, Camp No Counselors or like, you went to a hotel and you made like in Mexico City, I once went and met these people that we ended up hanging out with, like, for the rest of the trip. And I bet we would have stayed in touch had we like lived in the same city. Vacation friend?

Is that what I'm trying to say? It's another, it's like in building to me, but on like a more wild extent. Cause sometimes it's a lot more time. It's more reasonable, I think.

If you spend a weekend with somebody and then decide you want to be friends with them rather than like, I've had a great conversation with you on the fucking bus. Right, right. It's definitely better than on a bus. But here's my issue.

Like, let's say again, I'm always, this is my thing, dog. I'm always so worried that a friend is going to turn rotten, you know? And this is probably why I'm making friends. You never know when they're going to turn and they do.

They do. They do. And so my fear with vacation friend is like, Oh, we're staying in a hotel. We at the hotel bar.

We, we, you know what? It's crazier. Oh, it's crazy that it's easier than ever to know though. Like think about before.

Like, not so stuff when people were a lot more secretly racist than anyone realized. Like, you are kind of living in the golden age of like knowing if someone's crazy pretty quickly. Like you pop on Twitter, you see what they're retweeting. You can probably get sort of a grasp.

Yeah. And that's okay. So I agree. Tools of category because social media is exquisite for this.

Oh, interesting. Like you got a stock. I actually don't think we stopped our new friends on the count of another last name. I'm going to change date to to gathering data.

Cause I really think that's what it is. Right? You spend those first two times. Yeah, right.

You're right. That's exactly what it is. That's like research. You're in the lab.

And I do think social media's got to be a little bit. I'm going to do another thing I hate about making friends. And I don't know where this goes at all. You know when you get their number and I just, I need their last name.

My, my brother, I got too many fucking Rogers in this phone already. I'm fucking lousy with Rogers and I hate being like, can you, what's your last name? Like that's such a lame, weird, creep thing to ask. But I got to get that last name.

If you text me your name, why do you need the last name? Why do you need the last name? So you get stock? No, well that's like an organized fucking phone.

I can't just have like 25 Joe's. Oh, your Joe? Do you like the other fucking Joe I met? Well, you got to do like Joe.

Do you put notes in your description? Well, I don't use description, but every once in a while, their last name will be like, you know, like this is Mark softball. Cause I met him. Yeah, I do that.

I put a description. I see. I see. No, I put it as their last name.

You're going to get him confused. If you ever meet a Mark softball though. Yeah, that's true. I didn't even consider all the marks up balls out there.

Okay. So I have a category obstacle. And I think not knowing the last name is a three obstacle because that's like so low stakes. You want it, but to me, especially if it's a common one.

Honestly, I'm going to put name in general here because that is a hindrance. I really think it's a hindrance. So name is tricky because you're talking about last name, good on ya boy. I forget a first name.

Like it's nothing. I do that shit like I breathe air. It's so easy for me to just forgive. It's not a surprise.

I don't listen to them. Right. Exactly. I'm thinking about something else.

Why are we so inconsiderate because this happens to me? I'm pretty sure this is quite common. I think hey, hit us up on Twitter for the first time in seven years. If you also don't listen to people's names.

I just can't. I don't know what goes through me. And then because most of the time I think, you know what I'm not going to need this and then I'll talk to someone. I'm like, damn, I wish I knew this person's fucking name.

The first goddamn name. I feel like as soon as I start to realize that I don't know a person's name, they'll say my name like six times and make me look at absolutely shit. They'll call someone over. Hey, this is Jesse.

I just met this dude. He's awesome. You're a teacher. How do you remember any of those motherfuckers names?

Dog. I don't want to even put myself on blast like this, but it takes a long time. I could never. That was never have come.

Honestly sounds like the hardest part of teaching to me. I'll mumble sometimes to hide it. I'll be like, hey, Dylan. Oh, Dylan.

What's up, man? Dylan Hall? Yeah. Or I'll do a lot of like, I'm just called kid.

Yeah, kid. What's up? I mean, if it ain't broke. Just kidding.

I, if you're my student and you're listening, I, I remember your name. Okay, what do you put this for obstacle? Your friends are an obstacle sometimes to making new friends. Oh, yeah.

I can confidently say that my friends are definitely capable of being an obstacle and making new friends. Oh, I think that's kind of a one. That's a tough one. Because it's also like politics.

It's a deal breaker. You're not moving. You're not going to proceed if they don't like your squad. And I have a squad.

Was that a song? You just wrote? Yeah, I started a broken song. Let's go.

Let's go through some, some gathering data. Day of drinking. I think it's a three. You're doing a lot of stuff.

Yeah, I kind of sold it. We got home and we were like, obviously doing our best to think of things we didn't like and couldn't really do it. Yeah, you got to go. You got to check the list.

You got to check it to buy. We ran through that day. Fuck it. Play, play, play.

I had this monitor out. I was drawn on it. I was marking it up. Yeah.

Fucking Madden over here. Mark, yeah. Di-gravin' the plays. So, okay.

But you got a unique glimpse of gathering data that I think is like very rare for a first date with. You got to go to their house. Yeah. That is, it was, it was really, bro.

Also, for me, I haven't lived in that many non-college apartments and I am enthralled with the idea of seeing how other people have laid out their apartment when it looks like mine. Yes. Yes. An absolute fucking thrill ride.

So, gathering data, we walked in. Office was on TV. Bingo. Yeah, that's a common interest situation.

Love it. Yeah. And we just kind of sat and chill. So, did you feel like being in the house?

That was like a good, that feels like three for getting it. Oh my god, it's incredible. But like, not many people are lucky enough to get in their house immediately. It's a che-yeah.

You did get a treasure there. I mean, they probably haven't seen the inside of your house, right? No. No one has.

Fucking Fort Knox over there. Okay. I have a two or one. I think we talked about this before, but bowling, I love it, but like, you're never sitting down at the same time.

Well, that's a date thing. If it's a two of you situation, bowling. Yeah. But even, yeah, it's just tough.

And like, yeah, it's, it's tough. I'm gonna go bowling as a. And I can say I'm just from mini golf. If it has to be a two.

Yeah, kind of games in general can be really tough. Although, I have to tell you though, if I met someone and they're like, do you want to come mini golfing, I would probably be like, no, bro. Like, I don't, let's get to know each other a little before I can come mini golfing with you. That is a, if you don't like the person, what a nightmare environment to be in.

Yeah. So this is another obstacle for me. The, the rejection dude. How do you do it?

If you, if you go on, you're making friend date and then you don't like this person, you just ghost him. You make excuses. I don't feel like I've done it that often. I feel like I just don't try to be friends with someone unless I'm quite sure I'm interested.

Break the ice. I think a good one is like, I feel like being at an event together. You know, like what you just talked about, right? Is also good for gathering data.

How is this person? Oh, yo, this is your music festival. Check out my buddies Tanner and Blanner. Yeah.

Obviously Tanner and Blanner fucking sucked, dude. And you can tell only because of how they're behaving at this music festival. The drawback of that is like, there is like great shame and embarrassment that comes from being, like if I have to be at the music festival Tanner and Banner now my experience, I gather valuable data, but my experience is fucking ruined. So I think event is a two for gathering data.

Yeah, I suppose. So I'm putting trip is what a two or a one. You're going to gather the data. I mean, it's going to be a done deal.

So it's a two because it has great, great potential obvious upside obvious downside. What other ice breakers? I mean, we talked about, uh, horoscopes. What about your nose?

Got your nose a bad one. I would say. It's pretty much like what's that behind your ear? No, any kind of close up magic and that's not calling either of those things that is not right.

Check out my close up magic. I'm performing a new trick called got your nose. Got your nose motherfucker. See, the thought of thinking about this is like, this is obviously significantly better and easier with your partner.

Yes, when you have a winged in drinking, that's a four on four situation. That is not a one on one situation. Yes. So like, what's your ideal gathering data?

I mean, I think that these are all these all like are very good, right? It's like you go drinking with them. You pop on the social media. Social media might be a two actually because it's so easy to just be a liar, I guess on that.

But you guys can fucking tell. I know. I know. It's it does seem.

It's not. It's easy to tell. It used to be even easier. A little bit when people would just like a bunch of shit on Facebook and then you could be like, huh, they, uh, interesting.

They like the US Navy. I don't know about that. I don't think I got nothing against the Navy, but that seems weird. You know where I go to stock?

Go on LinkedIn, dude. LinkedIn. No, better. Yup.

Oh, dirty boy. I like that. Buy in, bro. And with whom?

Yeah. God damn. Good one. You know who be great at this?

That guy from you? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. He's all about making friends.

I can do them. Yes. A big one for me. A three talking shit.

I think gathering data. Talking shit is a big one. Yeah. And that's like, that's a good way to make friends with your partner's friend because they probably want to dunk on your partner and then you can dunk on your partner too.

Right. Right. Right. Right.

Or just friends of friends in in anyway. Talking shit is a great. Yes. I agree with that.

Common enemy, baby. That's why work and school are so good to me because you could just be like, like, if it's your school for me. Like, like if it's your school friend, like, Oh, my God, our history teacher. Yeah, Mr.

McGrath. Barnabeth. I, he sucks. Dude.

He stinks like friggin onions that guy. Yeah. He's one or even better talking shit about the boss. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Jerry dude. Jerry's a day of shit. Friggin eats his boogers that dude.

So talking shit is a big one to me. Um, we need this. This doesn't matter to either of us, but church probably a place to meet a friend. I guess there's a shared interest there.

So that's probably pretty good. I guess. That's fine. Cool.

Sure. Not great for me. Great. Obstacle.

Scheduling, bro. I hate once once we have to like delay twice. It's done. I can't do it.

It's insurmountable. It's like a date. Dude, it's like dating. Yeah, scheduling.

Honestly, even though it seems like it should be a three, I think it's a two. I think that's such a hard one. It's a one. Wow.

Yeah. It's just it will really throw the whole thing off. Like, Hey, we're gonna do something Friday. Sounds good.

Sounds good. Hey, I actually have to cancel. How about Monday? Oh, I'm not around Monday.

Okay, done. That's it. Done. We're done.

We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done.

We're done. We're done. We'll figure out soon later. Yeah, it's that sucks.

For gathering data. A weeknight to me is. Or I guess maybe this is also a when but a weeknight is a one to me. I need to see him.

I do have a good one for weeknight though. Bar trivia. Yeah. Okay.

Hey, you know what? My buddies and I do trivia at Magoogles at on Tuesday nights. When he's going by trivia is. I kind of think that's a good one where I say it.

Yeah. And for gathering data, I think trivia specifically is a three. Oh my God. You're gonna learn a lot about what they know.

Yeah. Well, what they know, but also like how much they care, you know, like I don't want to be like competitiveness is. Yes. How much they can drink actually?

Pup trivia kind of rips. Yeah. It's elite. My only thing is weeknight is tough because.

Like sometimes people got that like they work the whole day. So they're not really themselves. They're kind of out of it. They're not going to super let loose because they got gathering baby.

I know it's true. It's all true. Okay. Where is this happening?

Yeah. Well, we got the big ones, right? It's hard. Making friends when you're an adult is very hard.

Yeah. So when adult is like a two or maybe a one. It's like one. Oh my God.

It's awful. It's couldn't be harder because when you're senior, at least you're in that fucking party house that you live in. Right. Right.

Oh, this is where but I think it's more of an obstacle. I think a new city. Right? Like you and I both have experience.

This like moving to a new city. Yeah. To me, that's a two obstacle because like it does suck. But at the same time, like everything you could really yes and everything.

Yeah. I think it's better than it's easier to make friends in a new city than it probably is in your own because you're out looking for shit to do. Yeah. I mean, the problem with it is that you don't get any of the years.

I mean, depending on like how like I don't know isolated you are in the city. You don't have a lot of ins. I also think that there's like friend dating apps like like a dating app for friendship. Oh, dude, there's no way.

I know. There's no way that people aren't looking for sex on those things. Oh, man. Or like you have to do those things just like.

As a friend and you're a dude, I commend you for that. And I wish that those apps would work that way. But I find it impossible to believe. Yeah.

If you know, actually hit up, hit me up, hit up while they're I would love to know what your experience is. It's a one to me because it seems no way. I also, I don't know. It's obviously been a while since either of us has been on the apps, the actual dating apps.

But every once in a while, you come across a profile that was like, I'm just looking for friendship or companionship and just like, Oh, well, you found the wrong place. So, well, because that was a lie, bro. Getting coffee. Is that a two for gathering data?

I'm going to go one fucking boring. Oh my God. And you'd like coffee. What are you going to learn about someone at a coffee shop?

What kind of coffee do you like? That's it. You won't say a damn word. What about for gathering data?

Doing something? Would you rather do something that both people are sort of new at? Or would you rather do something? So like, let's say like your friend date, you're going to go to Italy, right?

And. Oh, that's no, dude. That sounds overwhelming as hell. Yeah.

Okay. Fair, fair, fair. There's a lot of like, Oh, I don't care. I've bonded over like a love of Italian food or something.

Right. Right. Right. Okay.

But so my question is like, would you rather go to Italy? Because this give me anxiety thinking about going to eat with a person I just met. Oh my Lord. Would you rather go to Italy?

If you neither of you had really been to Italy, right? So you're on the kind of same playing field. Do you want someone to be the expert? Do you want someone to be like, Oh, no, actually, I've been here.

This is the spot. This place has great. It's actually a toss up for me. I don't know.

They both sound not that bad to me. I think for the purposes of gathering data. I kind of want, I kind of want them to be the expert because I think that's going to tell me a lot about who they are. Like, are they going to force their shit on me?

Are they going to do how do they adapt to new incredibly overwhelming situations? Yeah. Yeah. So I kind of want one.

I want one expert. That to me is a two. Right. I got one because we both experienced this roommates, right?