Making Uncomfortable Changes

Today is my 32nd post.Thank you for being here.Writing each day has been grounding and clarifying.Being read is tender and reassuring.I’ve done a full month with no attention to performanceJust expressionAnd I haven’t known how to respond to the pledges readers have offeredThank you.Though I appreciate it, I put off thinking about itPartly from fear, partly from shame, partly from hope, partly from avoidanceWhen I started this writingI did so to document a difficult time from within itI did not want to bypass nor prolong the processBut to be in it honestly and tenderlyStill, I assumed something would’ve shifted by nowAt least some minimum wage job would’ve taken meSome scaffolding to start to build our next chapterIndeed, things are largely the samePartly a comfort, partly a cosmic ‘WTF’Changes are right around the corner, thoughMy son goes to school in 10 daysWe just learned our landlords are selling our houseSo we will definitely be moved within 40 days.It will be fascinating to learn where!Stay tuned ;)I have had a hurdle about turning on paidAccepting the help already offeredAnd opening the potential for ongoing supportI even have a hurdle about subscribe buttonsI’m lowering those hurdles todayAnd boy is it uncomfortableThe truth is, i need and want to accept any and all help that’s available to meOne reason I haven’t wanted to turn on paidIs that paid usually offers something extra for subscribersI already show up here every single dayHonestly, who needs more?More feels like too much, and Lord Knows I already feel like a bit too muchAnd not enough at the same timeThis, I know, is not isolated, personal terrainSo as I suss out how my writing might be of value to othersGrounded in integrity, presence and my own processI’ll rely on our relationship to inform me rather than try to guessPlease: I’m open to feedbackPlease: Don’t feel I expect subscribers to move to paidPlease: Know that I appreciate every reader, and every gift, deeplyI have a lot to work through in the coming monthsI am grateful to have a forum in which to do itAs I explore how my resources and worldview apply to this momentI’ve heard that it can be helpful, or interestingAnd I’ve gotten emails and notes expanding my own point of viewWhich i treasure, thank youWe live in a time of unprecedented communicationSo much wisdom at our fingertipsI used to think I had little to add — just reweaving what others already say.But the sheer volume of voices pulling people into outrage has changed my mind.I realize: I have an obligation to communicate my love, trust, and grounded inquiryAll of our voices are neededKindof like Horton Hears a WhoEvery one of us needs to sing the song affirming our presenceAnd so I am so grateful to have a place to sing and be heard, be joinedI am turning on paidI am adding subscribe buttons (terrified, of course, that no one else will use them)And asking those who read and get something out of itTo perhaps share it with a friendI am uncomfortableBut I am also relievedBecause I know that what i’m offering isn’t noiseIt’s a return to center. A modeling, an invitation. permission.And in a world bursting at the seams, that’s an idea worth sharingThank you for being with me as I tryThank you for your attention, your care, and your supportIt means more than I can express with words.P.S. Nothing changes for free readers. I’ll still be writing every day. Paid options are now live for those who feel called to support this work financially, and am open to what you might like that to mean in terms of additional offerings. You can choose a monthly, annual, or founding member tier—whatever feels aligned. Thank you for being here, truly. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com