March, March, March

I’ve got to tell you, I really thought I was in the goo stageThings have been so unclear for so longI was certain I was tucked in a chrysalisSoon to emergeI was wrongI didn’t realize it at the timeBut I was still in theMarch, march, marchMunch, munch, munchStageThere’s a moment when a caterpillar can go no furtherIt’s been marching and munching, and it’s juicy and fullBut it can’t take another step.I am well and truly stoppedI think I can move, but when I try: no motionI imagine this is when chrysalis building beginsI long for the comfort of something to dissolve withinAll these years of experienceAll this noticing and tending toI am fuller than I’ve ever beenAnd hiring managers just aren’t interestedOf course they’re not -I need to become gooBetween here and there, i need a structureThat does not feel forthcomingBut I doubt caterpillars actually know what they’re doingAs they shed their skin to form their chrysalisBut I like the idea of shedding my hardnessSo my softness can be primaryAnd all that I’ve ingestedAnd all that I’ve always beenCan become somethingI probably can’t even imagine yetIt was a very disappointing momentTo realize I’m not as far in the process as I’d thoughtI’d been waiting to squeeze out the tiny crackI was ready for the painI knew no one could helpElse my wings would not receive their fluidsI was so readyAnd so my readiness becomes another vectorOf my dissolvingAnd I give myselfOr what I thought myself to beTo the miraculous processI do not understandAnd cannot place myself inHopingMaybe one dayThat which emergesHas wingsAnd can fly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com