Moving Out of the Big City

I came to London for a specific reason. That reason didn't happen. The people I met here were incredible, and I am so grateful for the endless opportunities to do and become so many different things here. But the original goal isn’t in my hands anymore, and I have to accept that I simply can’t accomplish one of my biggest life goals anymore, at least not in the original way I planned or in the timeframe I was expecting and sitting with everything that comes with that is interesting, to say the least. "Work hard enough and you'll get there" turns out to not always be how it goes. It’s I've come to learn a lot more nuanced. The plan I built around this city is dead, at least for now, and it feels like regression. It feels like I'm walking backwards. This episode is about leaving London,and the job I stayed at for far too long, the relationships I'm grieving, the version of the life I thought I'd have here that I have to let go of. It's about moving back in with family and the friction, the loss of independence, the reminder that time is moving for everyone, not just me. It's about slowing down for the first time in a very long time and having to face things I've been too busy to feel. And underneath all of it, there's real excitement. A new country. A new slate. Ninety days from now, everything could look different, and I don't think I've fully processed how scary but also how exciting that is at the same time.London isn't going anywhere. I can come back. But right now, the thing I need to do is go and figure out who I am somewhere else.