Notes From My 20s

I came to London for a specific reason. That reason didn't happen. The people I met here were incredible, and I am so grateful for the endless opportunities to do and become so many different things here. But the original goal isn’t in my hands anymore, and I have to accept that I simply can’t accomplish one of my biggest life goals anymore, at least not in the original way I planned or in the timeframe I was expecting and sitting with everything that comes with that is interesting, to say the least. "Work hard enough and you'll get there" turns out to not always be how it goes. It’s I've come to learn a lot more nuanced. The plan I built around this city is dead, at least for now, and it feels like regression. It feels like I'm walking backwards. This episode is about leaving London,and the job I stayed at for far too long, the relationships I'm grieving, the version of the life I thought I'd have here that I have to let go of. It's about moving back in with family and the friction, the loss of independence, the reminder that time is moving for everyone, not just me. It's about slowing down for the first time in a very long time and having to face things I've been too busy to feel. And underneath all of it, there's real excitement. A new country. A new slate. Ninety days from now, everything could look different, and I don't think I've fully processed how scary but also how exciting that is at the same time.London isn't going anywhere. I can come back. But right now, the thing I need to do is go and figure out who I am somewhere else.

Lately I've been noticing the number of us in our 20s quietly overwhelmed, confused, emotionally exhausted, and still showing up to work, replying to messages, trying to make plans whilst getting over the last situationship and trying to invest whilst paying off debt and sitting in endless meetings, posting on instagram, paying bills, keeping it together. (Or just constantly pretending to)Good news is at least it's not just me and it's definitely not just you.This episode is an introduction to this space and the kinds of conversations we'll be having here.I don't have everything figured out and I'm not going to pretend I do, but there's value in trying to talk about the things most people avoid saying out loud.The pressure to become someone and set your life up. The loneliness coupled with the ambition and the identity crisis and keeping up with the pace of relationships (or lack thereof) and the fear of wasting your life. Wanting more while also feeling guilty for wanting more. And oh god, the decision fatigue. so. many. damn decisions.I want this to be our space to think through those things honestly, clearly, and without pretending we're already on the other side of them.If you've ever felt stuck between who you are and who you think you're supposed to be, welcome. This is for you.