MTM 353 The Selfish Truth About People Pleasing (And How to Stop)

div]:bg-bg-000/50 [&_pre>div]:border-0.5 [&_pre>div]:border-border-400 [&_.ignore-pre-bg>div]:bg-transparent [&_.standard-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pl-2 [&_.standard-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,ul,ol,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pr-8 [&_.progressive-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pl-2 [&_.progressive-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,ul,ol,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pr-8"> _*]:min-w-0 standard-markdown"> Think people pleasing is selfless? Think again. In this raw and unfiltered episode, I'll expose the uncomfortable truth: people pleasing isn't about helping others—it's about YOU. If you've ever said yes when you meant no, overcompensated to avoid someone's discomfort, or gone above and beyond to be seen as "nice," this episode will shake you awake. I share my own journey as a recovering people pleaser—from rubbing Avon lotion on my stepmother's feet at age 9 to building a business around fixing everyone else's problems. I reveal how people pleasing nearly destroyed my health (hello, fibromyalgia) and why your body will eventually reject this behavior. In this episode, you'll discover: 1️⃣ The real reason you say yes when you want to say no (hint: it's not noble) 2️⃣ Why "nice" people are actually liars (and how this damages relationships) 3️⃣ The connection between people pleasing, codependency, and chronic illness 4️⃣ How people pleasing enables others and keeps them from growth 5️⃣ The 24-hour challenge to break the pattern 6️⃣ Why coaches and practitioners MUST address their own people pleasing to truly serve clients This isn't easy to hear, but if you're ready to stop the facade and start living authentically—this episode is your wake-up call. Key Quotes "Nice people are liars. You are lying when you tell me something that's not true to avoid what I might think, say, or feel." "You are doing God's work when you are being yourself—not pretending to be a nice person who is lying to avoid discomfort." "What you control and what controls you will eventually become what you resent." "You cannot have a narcissist in a relationship without the people pleaser. You need each other." Take Action The 24-Hour People Pleasing Detox: For the next 24 hours, commit to: ❌ Not doing anything you don't want to do ✅ Saying "no thank you" without explanation ✅ Being truthful instead of "nice" ✅ Observing your discomfort when someone is disappointed ✅ Standing firm in your decisions For Coaches & Practitioners: Before giving feedback, ask: "Are you open to hearing what I'm observing?" or "I'm curious—would you like to know what I'm witnessing?" Episode Timestamps [00:00] Welcome back + life update from Miami travels [01:00] Why we're tackling people pleasing today [02:00] Kim's origin story: The Avon lotion moment at age 9 [04:00] What IS people pleasing really? Breaking down the behavior [06:00] "Supposed to" according to what rule book? [08:00] The rheumatologist's revelation: Fibromyalgia is self-inflicted [09:00] The uncomfortable truth: Nice people are liars [11:00] The selfish motivation behind people pleasing [13:00] Narcissism vs. people pleasing: Two sides of the same coin [15:00] How people pleasing handicaps others and prevents growth [17:00] Kim's confession: Calling out her own people pleasing in business [21:00] The assessment: Why do you say yes when you want to say no? [23:00] For coaches & practitioners: How to have uncomfortable conversations [26:00] The 24-hour challenge: No people pleasing allowed [27:00] What happens at 45+: When your body can't take it anymore [28:00] Coming soon: Mind Body Energy Practitioner community