My Biggest Fear, My Biggest Guilt: Placing Mum in Care I Fear, Guilt & Caregiving

Kerry Milligan opens up about one of life's most difficult decisions: placing her aging mother Emmie in residential care. After seven and a half years of caring for her mother at home, dementia forced an impossible choice that triggered massive guilt and forced her to confront lifelong patterns of self-sacrifice.Kerry explores the tension between her rational brain, which knew care was necessary, and her emotional brain, which screamed betrayal. Through support from Violet, a carer advocacy organisation, she discovered that asking for help wasn't weakness. It was the only way to truly care for her mother without completely sacrificing herself.Along the way, Kerry shares how this experience connects to her broader journey of standing in her own power. This is a story about learning you cannot pour from an empty cup, that guilt and love can coexist, and sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit you need help. Kerry's journey offers honest wisdom for anyone navigating caregiving, family dynamics, or the weight of trying to do it all alone.About Our GuestKerry Milligan appeared for 10 years on the award-winning TV show Gogglebox alongside her mother Emmie and daughter Isabelle. Together, the three generations wrote a bestselling memoir, "Out of the Box," exploring important issues in women's lives through three distinct generational perspectives. When Emmie was diagnosed with dementia after seven years of living with Kerry, the family navigated the difficult transition to aged care. Emmie passed away in July 2025 at age 96.Read the full show notes on our Substack: https://whatsfear.substack.com/p/s2e200:00 A Life-Changing Moment02:49 Navigating Care Decisions05:35 The Emotional Burden of Guilt07:55 Finding Support and Resources10:29 The Struggle with Guilt and Self-Advocacy12:45 Understanding Aged Care Choices15:14 The Journey of Letting Go17:43 Balancing Care and Self-Care19:53 The Long Goodbye and Grief Process22:16 Navigating Aged Care Decisions25:50 Life After Loss: Finding Joy and Community27:39 Coping with Grief and Seeking Support30:25 The Burden of Caregiving: Women's Experiences34:01 Empowerment Through Education and Independence37:21 Reclaiming Power and Identity41:25 Lessons Learned: Advice for Future Generations42:59 It's A Wrap This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit whatsfear.substack.com