My Least Favorite Entry So Far

I had a rough day today and so, for the first time ever, I asked ChatGPT to write my entryWhat it returned was actually quite goodPiercing, reallyIt wrote about insight as a seductive means of bypassingI couldn’t help but take it personallyI work really hard to feel all the feelingsTo get to know my discomfort, where it lives, how it breathesNot trap it or deny it or stuff it downBut we are multidimensional beingsFull of fields of brilliance and swamps of bewildermentYes, I wear insight like Liberace wore sequinsBut I sit with my challenges like he sat at the pianoWith devotion and practice and dexterityIf I’m bypassing, it is because I’m taking the scenic route through the underworldAnd that is no fun.Today I received a kindly intentioned but brutal critique on everything I’ve published here and elsewhereOn the heels of some other perhaps well-meaning but off-key commentsI’ve got no insight for thatMy imperfections are real and the world hasn’t been shy about keeping them front and centerMy feelings are hurtI think I’ve been pretty clear that in relationship to culture and livelihoodMy spirit is brokenMy efforts are inadequate, my results are nonexistent and there’s no one coming to save meIn this arena,I got nothin’That’s not entirely true. I’ve got 40 people, 30 of whom care enough to read my words every single dayPeople for whom my insights are not band-aids or distractions but prismsThrowing a little color around the roomOccasionally adding to a sense of ease or belongingThank you and you’re welcomeAs I said in my very first post, I have many areas in my life that are thrivingAnd this big swath that is brokenI don’t know how it is going to work out any more than I know how our cultural evolution is going to unfoldBut I can promise I’m not going to publish AI and pretend it’s meEven when it writes something better than I didI’m in this mess, and I’m breathing through itEven smiling some of the timeBecause life is never just one thingAnd that’s as close as I’m going to get to an insight today This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com